[–]
To me. You seem so much bigger than me I like that. You make me safe, feel safe. I would be happy to live in your shadow. I know I shine too bright for that. Do you like that? I don't care to be seen. Lights, camera, wait! Point that camera somewhere else. Anywhere else. Not on me please. What would happen if I grow too big? Will you want me to go back to being small? I did that before. I made myself so small I almost disappeared. So he could be big. I can't do that again. I won't do that again. I almost died doing that. To me, you will always be bigger than the biggest star in the sky. Why? Because you have to be big to hold all of the love I have for you. A big place for me to fill up. After I fill me up. Everything you do will make me proud of you. I would always feel privileged to be next to you. I am always your biggest fan. I'm your number one fan, lol. I won't break your legs. I will break someone else's legs for hurting you though. You don't think I can but, I can. Do you have any idea how amazing you are to me? To this world? How is it possible you don't see? Your encyclopedic knowledge is very impressive to me. And others for sure. You haven't even scratched the surface of what you can do. Not even a little. I just want a front row seat to watch you catapult so far up. And up.. The sky is the limit. We already reached beyond the no limit limit. Are you nervous to see me? I'll tell you what I will do. In my mind I feel like I will run up to you, with the excitement of a nine year old school girl at a Justin Bieber concert. Touch you to make sure you're real. And kiss you to death. And squeel like a little bitch. That sounds so cringy, I know. Maybe I'll play it a little more cool. I have a reputation to protect you know? I love you infinitely, to infinity Together, but seperate. I would be very happy and excited to see you. I will be accepting of all of your parts. I will work to become more patient. I'm not patient. I'm out of patience to see you. Now not seeing you just fucking sucks. Big-time. It does fuck with my head that you could see me but you're not. Not gonna lie. Those videos that pop up trying to talk sense into girls that hold out hope for guys that ghost them. Yeah they really fuck with me. Especially when it's a dude saying, "If a guy wants you, nothing is going to stop him from being with you. He will make the time if he wants you. If he's not with you, move on." Only you can answer that. And you are with silence. I wish you would tell me to go if that's what you want. I need it to be from you. Otherwise I will lie to myself and say it isn't true. But fuck I miss you. I wish I knew. I do know what the problem is. And I don't blame you for that. It's very valid. But I would never stop you from doing anything you want in this life. Especially big things. I'm not that selfish. I still want you to have everything even if I'm not the one who can give it to you. Sigh. I am safe for you. I promise you with the strongest promise I could ever make. I don't break my promises. Why? I don't make promises I can't keep. I make shit happen. I just do

Work and worker have gradually taken on the onus of negativity. Working is not really a virtue anymore. It also sounds too much like a low level person in a business. They need a new name for it.
Instead of being called to be a temple worker, people will now be called to a temple mission. This goes along with their efforts to rope in the 50+ year olds to go on missions. The mini missions of four to eight hours a week could easily go to calling people to be temple workers.
It is becoming hard to call people to be temple workers. The demand for temple workers is sky rocketing with the over proliferation of temples, especially in Utah. Outside of Utah, most temples are suffering from a temple worker shortage.
People have a harder time turning down a mission than they do to having a calling to the temple. Many people will be called to go on temple missions as a result of the new emphasis on missions for those over fifty.
They already have temple missions for retired people who work at the temple everyday and those will continue. This will be separate from that, but use the same name. You have been called to go on a temple mission. I volunteer to go on a temple mission. At first, they will get extra people to go to the temple. The reduced need for workers because for the recent changes in the temple ceremony will mean they might be able to meet their needs for temple workers this way.
Temple missions will also change the way going to the temple works. A current problem in many temples is that there are too few people in a session. One of the new positions in a temple mission will be those who sit in the audience. They will call people to go through the sessions or at least have that be one of the stations you can be at as a temple worker. Now, there will be enough people for each session. This will be a boon to the smaller temples that are only open a couple of days a week. They can now make sure the temples are operating more efficiently.
Those who just attend the temple will now be ministering at the temple instead of going to the temple. It will sound more holy and amazing.
Going to the temple will still be emphasized for all those with temple recommends. There is a lot of evidence that they are trying to get everyone in the temple as soon as they are out of high school.
The pre mission age will be called to mini missions to the temple before they go on a mission. They will go as people in the audience. This will help them adjust to the idea of going on a mission. It could start as early as 18 while they are still in high school. It would transition them into the idea of missions early. It would transition them to understanding that they will be on multiple missions their whole life.
For the returned missionaries, it will make sense to call them to temple missions. So many flounder (go inactive) when they return from a mission. When they get home, they will be called on mini missions to the temple to remind them of what they need to be doing. Four hours a week in the temple to become closer to Christ.
They might think that is a way to stop the hemorrhaging of returned missionaries leaving the church. They need a calling, no a continuing mission. And they will extend the new mission as soon as they get home. They will eventually say that it will be expected upon their return before they even go on a mission. You will go on a temple mission as soon as you return home. They might even say that to all those who are returning home early.
Today, it is amazing that they would dare tell the fifty year olds that they need to do missions. In fifty years, most members will have gone on several missions by fifty, mostly mini missions like temple missions. It will be a different church fifty years from now.
It sounds like they are going to try to get all the retired to go on at least two missions after they retire. A temple mission at fifty is a good way to introduce them to the concept of multiple missions after retirement.
As they roll out this new initiative, tithing will increase as they call those who normally would be overlooked for something like this. It is a way to increase the number of people who are paying tithing.
It might be a way to increase the burnout rate. To be in the church, you have to be all the way in.

Generally I would write down in my journal how I’m feeling about these situation but I guess it’s good to put it out there - even if no one does end up reading.
I feel very out of control with my friendships. All of my connections seem distant, and hard to reach. Going to hang out with them is quite frankly a nightmare to set up, generally plans are cancelled (not blaming them, they often have better things to do or understandable reasons).
In all honesty I feel these friendships are not permanent, and are actually receding right now. Even the people I considered family are drifting away. This isn’t their fault of course, I’m not particularly interesting (I’m working on that) and taking into account their lives I’m not worth it really.
I feel super out of control, the more I try and talk and engage with friends the more they drift away. Again, not their fault it really is a me problem.
I’m wondering if I should drop these friends to get a sense of control back into my life

Okay, y'all, this is not meant to be an accusation or callout or anything (I seriously love Em and Christine so much), but any time someone claims a tangential relationship to a crime my interest gets piqued and I go into sleuth mode. I love sleuthing and honestly went into it trying to figure out what she taught, since there was no mention of her being a teacher after a quick Google search. But, it sometimes rubs me the wrong way when people use crime connections as a sort of morbid clout-chasing opportunity. To be clear, I don't think Em was doing that here, but I think there's a tendency toward it in general and it does a disservice to the people actually connected to and affected by the crime, and I think as hosts of a podcast like this it's important to be careful about how you discuss things.
I'm just... not convinced Janet actually worked at Em's school, at least in the capacity indicated. Em mentioned they were in 2nd grade while they were there, which I estimated to be between 1999-2001 roughly, and I was able to find out that Raven was an assistant soccer coach there for the varsity boys team in 2001, but I also found an announcement from Dec 2001 that he was starting a new job with an IT company after working for HP sales (VA territory) previously. If that's the case, being a soccer coach was a part-time, after-school thing, and Em's comments about him looking for her during lunch breaks don't track. Janet didn't even finish her undergrad degree (in social sciences) until December of 2000, so I also don't think being a Spanish teacher as Em first stated makes sense either. Also to note, by her death in 2005, she was working as a bookkeeper, which is also not necessarily a social science field so education doesn't always mean real work experience! Em backtracked a few times from calling her a teacher to then being a substitute and then to being maybe an after-school aide, and I guess an after-school aide would make the most sense, but I just feel like speculation like that is distracting at best.
I get that it was a long time ago, but it can be very dangerous to pepper in hearsay and anecdotal evidence into cases like this without any concrete info. Em said that her friends would talk about teachers hiding her and finding bruises etc. on her, but I can't find anything anywhere that indicates he was suspected previously of DV or bruising her. Christine never mentioned that in her reporting either. I understand that some details don't get logged, but I would have expected that if coworkers were noticing bruises, her family must have too, and someone would have said something during all this about his abusive history. I'm wondering if there were some mixed stories going on with him working there after school and then maybe some other stuff going on with other people that got lost in the story in the past 20 years. I'm not trying to say her childhood friends and their mom were wrong, but I am just curious about how the timeline and facts make sense with what was stated. I just think we all need to be careful about sharing stories and details about crimes we're vaguely connected to and making sure we speak with precision so as not to spread misinformation. Nothing negative was said about Janet in any capacity, and that isn't the concern, it can just turn into a giant game of telephone which helps no one. I don't really know what point I'm trying to make here (and I could also be TOTALLY wrong - most of the info I found was from nearly 20 years ago), I just want people to be careful about how they spread information and wish Em would have handled it a little differently. If they had just said "I think her husband was a soccer coach at my school and she worked there too in some capacity, but I don't remember any details so why don't you tell the story from the beginning" would have worked a little better. 😅
Feel free to call me out if I'm off base with this! I mean no hate, just a gentle comment and warning about the importance of correctness when it comes to these kinds of stories.

So... my mom is about to retire in a couple of months (school teacher), and unfortunately she hasn't planned well for it. A lot of external circumstances contributed to this, and she basically has nothing saved other than a few thousand in an emergency fund.
Being a school teacher in Texas, she has been contributing to a pension for the last 38 years. Now she needs to decide whether she wants to take a standard annuity or a PLSO (partial lump sum option). I'm trying to help her with this and weigh out the pros/cons of each.
Option 1: Standard annuity- $5,651.87
Option 2: Beneficiary gets half the annuity for life- $5,025.64 (half of this to beneficiary)
Option 3: Partial Lump Sum ( $67,822.44 12 months, $135,644.88 24 months, $203,467.32 36 months)
Reduced Annuity ( $5,140.38 12 months, $4,628.88 24 months, $4,116.82 36 months)
No cost of living adjustments.
38 years is a long time to work in a system and contribute to a pension, and I would hate if something happened to her and all that money is just gone. This is why I want her to consider the largest PLSO. She is onboard with the idea of leaving a little nest egg behind. However, she has a very low risk tolerance/comfort level with investing.
We met with her financial advisor through her school that works for Voya (she also has her 403b with them), and he proposed that my mom rollover the 36-month PLSO into a fixed annuity (3% return). The principal amount she would have able invest would be ~$250,000 (PLSO, sick days, and money she already has in the 403b). I am onboard with the fixed annuity, but I've heard you should be leery of insurance companies and them pushing their products. I've also read not so great things on here about Voya. However, I want my mom to have a “safe and secure income floor” for her entire retirement, and this seems like it could be a good option to hedge against market volatility.
Annuity details: Voya Fixed Plus Account II (4568)
Another option thrown out by the financial advisor was to allocate a portion of funds into a balanced fund to expose some of that money to higher gains. He recommended T. Rowe Price Capital Appreciation.
I am ultimately trying to determine whether a PLSO is suitable for my mom's particular situation, and if the 3% annuity makes sense. Do you agree with moving a portion of the funds to a balanced fund? Is this a joke/rip-off? Should she take the $250,000 and invest it some other way? Maybe she should just say screw it and take the standard annuity and not deal with any of this? Interested to hear y'alls thoughts.

My TSH was first abnormal in 2020, but close enough to the normal range that my former primary just wanted to keep an eye on my bloodwork and this was right before Covid started in my area. The last 3 years I have only had annual bloodwork done and it’s all stayed in a normal range ever since 2020. However I have had increasingly suspicious symptoms and thought it was hypothyroidism until I did more research on Hashimoto’s.
Symptoms: -Dry skin (prior to 3-4 years ago I had oily skin and it’s been significantly worse this year) - muscle & join pain/stiffness -fatigue (I used to drink 2-4 energy drinks a day, now I’m prescribed ADD medication so I only have 1 large coffee a day and still fatigued) -irregular menstrual cycle (only for the past 9-10 months) -weight gain despite health conscious diet -brain fog -severe vitamin D and Iron deficiency -poor temperature regulation..always cold -low resting heart rate -high platelet count
Hypothyroidism runs in my family, and also I work a very physical job. I have a shoulder injury and a hip injury I’m currently managing, as well as the stress of going through a divorce where my ex was extremely abusive and I’m working through PTSD. It’s hard to know what symptoms might overlap…I told my current primary I wanted referrals to see if I might have hypothyroidism or Hashimoto’s and I am awaiting an ultrasound of my thyroid later this week and a follow up with my endocrinologist.
I had bloodwork done with my primary on 1/20/23 with a 2.09 TSH and my T4 was 1.1. I had bloodwork done for my endocrinologist on 3/17/23 and my T4 stayed the same but my TSH jumped to 5.27.
I had started a weekly mega dose Vitamin D prescription after my bloodwork from January as well as iron supplements and I’m still exhausted all the time despite high dose ADD medication, caffeine, proper sleep and nutrition. My endocrinologist was skeptical when I first went so I’m anxious he will be dismissive when I follow up, and I took initiative to book a new appointment with another endocrinologist as a second opinion for after my follow up so I can cancel if it’s not needed or get a second opinion if I feel the first endocrinologist is dismissive again. All my internet research showed me that sure my symptoms could absolutely be overlapping with the vitamin D and iron deficiencies but those deficiencies along with the high platelet count results from my hematologist indicate there is a likelihood of an autoimmune condition and Hashimoto’s fits the bill.
Wondering what my fellow redditors think? Any suggestions or tips for my ultrasound and follow up appointments would be greatly appreciated! My endocrinologist rubbed me the wrong way a little so I want to be sure to advocate for myself properly. TIA!

I am working on this small essay on Wila Cather's, Paul's Case. I am having trouble with the tense(s) I am working with and keep getting myself in trouble. I do not want to go completely into the past tense, as I am analyzing the work of the author in a timeless state, but I do want to want to ask the question "could Paul have embraced..." and still return to the present tense analyzing the work in general. Because Paul has died, it would be weird to say "can Paul embrace the boorishness...".
The text:
Cather immediately encapsulates the tragic collision of Paul’s actions and behaviours, and his elder's reactions to them: a collision that works to pry Paul away from his beloathed situation toward an uncertain, ill-supported future. Is Paul to blame for his fate, and to what degree? Could Paul have embraced the boorishness of Cordelliea street, and found solace in the examples of his peers and mentors? Likely there was no hope and Paul’s fate is entirely his own creation, sealed by the repulsion of his peers and ending in his last, and most single-minded abhorrence of the natural way of the world.
I hope that makes sense.
For bonus points, let me know if I used that colon properly :)

She/her 16 years old Aro/Ace Lives at camp year round
Abilities: Calming presence- people magically feel more calm/comfortable around Asta. She can concentrate to put a specific target at ease and make them trust her as if they are good friends (does not work if combat has already started)
Rising spirits- Asta can concentrate to fill nearby allies with a feeling of kinship and motivation to cleanse any anti morale effects such as a fear ability.
Insightful- Asta has an innate sense of people’s demeanor and personality. Aphrodite meant for this to be used in matchmaking but Asta uses it to determine the thoughts and intention of an opponent to defend herself in a fight.
Weapon: a celestial bronze stiletto dagger she usually takes from the camp armory.
Backstory: Asta grew up in Boston Massachusetts and lived a relatively normal life until monsters finally noticed her at the age of 13. Asta was able to mostly avoid the attention of monsters considering it took her a long time to be able to see through the mist. Aphrodite warned Asta’s mortal mother (somewhat vaguely) of the dangers Asta would most likely find herself in and was very protective. One day Asta snuck out of her home to explore the city when Asta was found by an aura that saved her from angry pigeons made of razor sharp bronze. Asta was able to contact her mother but has still not seen her since coming to camp. She is aro/ace and trying to figure out how that works as a child of Aphrodite.
Appearance: Asta has pale skin, hazel eyes, dirty blonde wavy hair, and 9/10 times will be wearing a puffy blue hoodie no matter the weather.
Asta can be seen hanging around camp reading and either enjoying the constant sun or hiding away in her cabin using up the data on her phone and cursing the lack of Wi-Fi at camp. She will occasionally try to climb something and has been found high in trees, on top of the Aphrodite cabin, and half way up the big house before she was warned the trouble that could get her into.
Feel free to interact with Asta at any point (but like literally you can just make stuff up for how they ended up meeting I’m so bored please)

I get really frustrated and angry when I'm learning something and I'm not understanding why something is the way it is. No one can give me a good answer.
I am learning French currently and it makes no sense to me the way the language works. It's very discouraging. This sentence translates to this, okay, but WHY?! For example Dans means In. Why does it mean something else over here. How am I supposed to construct a sentence if the same word means multiple things.
Does anyone else experience this frustration while learning?

I get really frustrated and angry when I'm learning something and I'm not understanding why something is the way it is. No one can give me a good answer.
I am learning French currently and it makes no sense to me the way the language works. It's very discouraging. This sentence translates to this, okay, but WHY?! For example Dans means In. Why does it mean something else over here. How am I supposed to construct a sentence if the same word means multiple things.
Does anyone else experience this frustration while learning?

My partner and I (I'm 41, he's 47) spent our 20s and into our 30s -- and into his 40s -- as freelancers and working paycheck to paycheck. We now finally make a living wage between the two of us. While I don't think we'll ever catch up to people who had ample funds to sock away in their early 20s, we would also like to be financially responsible and maybe not starve in our 80s.
Relevant facts:
- We live in a HCOL city and aren't going to change that. We bought a condo last year and have a mortgage with a low rate we're unlikely to be able to refinance anytime soon. Our all-in monthly housing cost is $3000.
- We have a 5-year-old who goes to public school. We are pretty frugal where kid stuff is concerned, though it is a HCOL city so stuff like activities, birthday parties, summer camp, etc. can add up. But we try to keep it reasonable. We are not sure of our kid's college prospects at this point.
- I make $120K gross in a corporate job. We have a 401K program with a 4% match. I contribute 4%, which I've been doing for the past 5 years (across some raises and changes to how much my company matches). This is pretty close to the max I can imagine making across my career, with the exception of COL/inflation raises.
- Partner makes $50K gross working for a nonprofit. His work has some kind of pension plan (CalPERS) I don't entirely understand, in lieu of a 401K. I'm not sure what amount he's contributing to that plan, and he's only been in this job for 6 months so hasn't saved much yet in any event. Partner also has a freelance side gig that pays about $1000/month but is piecework related and isn't a reliable $12K a year; it's also 1099 income that doesn't have payroll taxes deducted.
- We do not have any debt beyond a new car loan for $25K. We cannot and do not want to sell our brand new car we just bought 2 months ago. That purchase was the last major purchase we are anticipating making for a couple of years at least.
- Our savings have been depleted over the last year or so between condo and car purchases (moving costs, down payment on a car, etc).
- Our monthly bills are about $750/month including utilities, cell phones, and some more fun things like streaming services, YMCA membership, etc. We spend about $1500/month on food, both groceries and restaurants. We could probably economize in this area.
- We are not doing super great at watching our spending for other things and definitely have some lifestyle bloat (I like nice clothes and travel; partner is into geek culture and frequently buys stuff like Disney pins, bits of kit for his computer setup, etc; kid is at the age where he suddenly knows what Nikes are). That said we very much live within our means.
So my question is twofold. 1: What's the smartest way to use the excess money we have (whether it's just what's left after we continue our lifestyle as it currently is, or whether we economize a bit) to catch up on our retirement savings? 2: How do we find a balance between enjoying the life we have now and being frugal? Now that we can suddenly afford things after decades of freelancing, it can be hard to have a sense of what is reasonable and what is wasteful.

Rapid Neuro Fascial Reset (Rapid NFR) worked wonders for me and fixed my PF practically instantly. I would like to share my experience in this community.
I was diagnosed with PF on my right foot in May of 2022. I had already gone to a physio and a chiro and got my insoles as well. I guess they helped marginally, but not really.
On a trip to Jasper National Park (Alberta) in August, I randomly went to see a massage therapist at the hotel we were staying at. I told her about my PF to which she asked if I was OK with her trying a new technique. At that point, I had already given up all hope, so figured why the heck not. She warned me that it was going to be a painful treatment. I told her to go ahead.
Holy cow! That treatment was painful as f***! I was almost in tears by the end - and I have a very high threshold for pain! I suppose the idea behind Rapid NFR is to stimulate the central nervous system, so the pain really is part of the treatment - can't do without it. At the end, the massage therapist said something along the lines of it is fixed or will be fixed by the next day. And I just rolled my eyes and thought "Yeah right!".
But it only took me a few hours to realize that the pain - all of it - was just gone - no matter what actions I did with my feet or legs! I am not making this up. I spoke to the massage therapist again. She just laughed and added that I would need 2-3 more sessions like this in the coming weeks and months to truly fix it once and for all.
Over the next few weeks, I hiked, ran, did a lot of squats, bare-foot jumping jacks, etc. - all good! I was feeling so good that I just decided that my PF was fixed and didn't bother to setup remaining sessions with a physio in Toronto (where I live). And much like the massage therapist had predicted, in about 3-4 weeks time, the pain returned. I duly went to see a physio in GTA who was RFNR certified. He did the same procedure - though not as painful - two more times over a month.
This was back in OctobeNovember 2022. I have not had any pain since then. I had been dreading a flare-up for the past several months, but this has not happened at all. I am still doing strengthening exercises for my feet and calf muscles. But I did get immediate relief from the second and third Rapid NFR sessions as well.
So, this is how I got my PF fixed - after I had completely given up any hope of fixing it. I see there are people in far more desperate situations here in this sub, so figured I would share this if it helps anyone else. You can find a Rapid NFR certified physio/massage therapist near where you live here. Note that this technique is very very new and was developed in Alberta, Canada. So it is a lot more widely available here in Canada than in the US. You can find more info on their website rapidnfr.com
Sorry for the long write-up but I wanted to give a sense of what this includes. I will happily answer any questions you guys may have.

We (25F and 28F) were very close friends for the past 8 years. She recently got out of a 10 year abusive relationship where the ex gave her no attention, used her, betrayed her and constantly broke up with her but she kept taking him back.
Soon after breakup, she got with new bf. Got in domestic partnership after 6 months and he took her health insurance. They went on a trip overseas mid October to November and met his extended family. Before she left, she was texting me saying we should hang out when she comes back. I never met her bf before but she’s told me things that makes him seem jealous, angry and possessive but also love bombing.
Tried texting her in November and no reply. iMessages went from blue to green. Tried again each week, no reply. Tried calling, found out phone is disconnected.
Emailed her few days ago to ask if she’s dead or alive. She said she’s back from her trip but implementing a new lifestyle, changed her number and decided she won’t talk to anyone from her past life including me and to not take it personally because I was a great friend who was always there for her. Email was strange as she talked very formal, differently than how she usually does, calling me my real name instead of nickname which she usually uses.
I told her I’ll respect her boundaries but want a quick video chat to make sure she’s alive and not dead. No reply. I’ve told my bf, therapist, and some close friends and they think it’s very suspicious. They think her bf could be controlling her and abusing her, making her cut off everyone in her life so she has no social support. Or worse, she could be dead and he could be pretending to be her on email. I was one of her biggest forms of social support and she’d call me about all her problems and we didn’t have any fight, so it doesn’t make any sense.
I don’t know what to do. We don’t have mutual friends. She lives in a different city. I don’t know if I should call her work (she’s a nurse at a hospital) to see if she’s still working there recently or go to her parents’ house and see if they’ve heard from her. She lives with her parents but don’t know if she’s moved in with bf since. I just want to make sure she’s alive and not in danger.
What do you think?
TLDR: Close friend (28F) cut off everyone in her life and changed her number after going on an overseas trip with new bf who is jealous and possessive. She won’t talk to anyone and I don’t know if she’s alive or dead. Do you think she is being controlled by her bf? What should I do?

hello :)
getting straight to the point, i'd like to find "my person". i'm a go with the flow kind of person, and i don't like it when things are forced. i'd like to start off as friends and take it from there. i ask that you're close to my age, so in between 28-37. ideally i'd like to meet someone in the eastern time zone, but it's not a deal breaker. my goal in the end is to eventually meet up. i prefer to exchange pictures in the beginning. it's nice to match the user with a face, haha.
a little about myself:i'm 30, korean, libra, intj. i used to work as a chef and now i'm a manager at a bakery. i'd describe myself as quiet, extroverted introvert, artistic, independent and easygoing. once i get comfortable then my sassy and sarcastic nature starts to show. i love to laugh, and i gravitate towards people that have a (dark) sense of humor and doesn't take things too seriously. i'm a curious person, and i really enjoy getting to know somebody - their favorites, hobbies, dislikes, goals, pet peeves.
physically, i'm 5'4, chest length blonde balayage hair, dark brown eyes, average body. i like to think my legs are my best feature. i'd describe my fashion as sexy overall, both casually and dressed up. i like to take care and pamper myself.
my current favorite things are: gaming (i play on PC only atm), lifting/kickboxing, all things horror. i have other hobbies that i dabble in time to time, and other activities that i'd like to get into, but i won't bore you with that yet :).
if any of this has interested you yet, send a chat! i also prefer chat over DMs, it's easier for me. tell me either your ideal date or perfect day! hope to hear from you soon :).

This is a collection of short stories that have something to do with current events. Enjoy.
2023-03-20

The Uneven Divide - Part 3

(Part 1 and 2 in first post of Collection)
“I see a city on a disk. Though all the powers of the world would like to watch it fall, it won’t. I look at it floating above it all. Above There’s political turmoil. Beyond the grip of local markets, this city spins around the globe. You make your business everyone’s, and in turn, everyone profits from your presence.”
I see a land so cold,” I continued. “That it smokes as if it’s on fire. Like the Mother Sphere pulls you up, the frost brings your people together. This inseparable unity warms each building by your people’s sheer attraction for the Lands of Over-There. What us foreigners see as a frigid barren disk of ill fortuity, where people live barred up inside out of necessity, it’s instead a fortress from anything cold, which hosts every fervent hearted opportunity.”
The lock beeped. The door crept open. She kicked her feet off. A skinny man with both our ages walked in. He was wearing a three-piece suit. This wasn’t uncommon, as each layer made the heating bill less hard to look at. His name and the chain on his matte black visitor’s badge were contrasted with gold.
They spoke in their language.
He said something like hi, how are you, what are you doing here?
She answered something along the lines of hi, I’m doing great, in a meeting, you?
He went on saying precisely “I’m doing twice well”—which is an interesting expression meaning; I was already doing well, but from the moment you asked about me, I started doing twice as well—then I think he said he was also here for a meeting, and “who is he?”
She told him my name, then his name to me. Whom I will refer to as Gotnaym of Over-There.
He greeted me, I presented myself with a customary nod. Which could’ve been considered curt in our culture.
Then it got too wordy for me to understand. They switched languages as he walked over to extend his hand.
Mid-shake, he said in perfect speech, “She tells me your consultancy in There is no circus. I might have some questions later, my son is investing abroad.”
Then he laughed. I tried my hardest to make my confusion pass off as surprise, all while making sure not to loosen my grip nor lose the tempo of the motion, as I smiled in what I hoped to have looked like an agreeing pose.
“He’s not interested in any clown ventures I hope, Mr. Gotnaym,” I said. “I’d be out of my league if he were.”
“That’s exactly why I’d hire you,” he explained. “Thankfully, we’re a line of miners, Mr. Consultant. Hard-working people, who bring along like-minded experts. There are no full-time artists on these disks, I’m afraid.”
I was ready to let go but he wasn’t as willing.
“It’s always a fine moment to meet someone glad to buy into their family,” I concluded. “But I might not be the right hire for advice on how you ought to spend your own money. I don’t know if she's told you my line of work?”
This made him laugh some more. He was still shaking my hand.
“She has, yes!” He looked at her after placing his free hand on my shoulder side. She was completely motionless. “Funny man,” he said in his mother tongue.
“Don’t let me interrupt you, Mr. Consultant. Please continue while we wait,” he said, finally releasing his grip to grab a seat by the backrest.
“While we wait?” I asked him.
“I just is inform,” she said. “Next meeting is push to soon. Temporary lockdown here. Please continuing, Mr. Consultant. You no leaving now.”
“Emergency?” I read in their eyes the impending dread they covered up with an interest in listening only, so they wouldn’t have to think.
“Gladly,” I said. “I guess I’ll find out soon. Thank you for giving me this time out of your day.” She had some relief mixed in with her emotions. The rest of her micro-expressions were of a combination I’ve never noticed twice. It was too particular to recreate in writing or in a film.
“Mr. Consultant talking how city infrastructure be one with immigration,” she explained. “I asking what he see in city.”
“Where was I?” I asked me.
“You were reporting how the cold brings us people together,” he told me.
Wondering if their door wasn’t soundproofed had flooded my head with blood, which drew along this fresh thought frenzy and the terrible idea that anyone could’ve heard us earlier.
“Right,” I said to start hushing my blushing. “The problem. Your city is nothing more than a cold flatland sprinkled with tall boxes where folks come and freeze to death. That’s what they see from below, down in There. When I booked my ticket, my friends argued about who would get what if I didn’t make it back.”
The suitedman sat down.
“To outsiders, to the frigid ones, these lands get people to ratify off on an early will. I mean—I signed a waiver just for the elevator ride… Too many who travel to your disks don’t come back home. Most get working visas. The deal is: you spend four months a year here, and that pays for six of vacation. The smart ones, like I’m sure your son is, do five years to invest in There’s Venus coin traps. Then they sit back and never visit again. They risk their days for the money. Not for your city, not for the people here. They say they come to live out the rest of their lives at the mines. Then if they’re lucky enough not to get shipped home as a popsicle, they go to their folk waving their phat wads of cash in the hands with the least fingers lost to the frostbite.”
“I asked the locals last night. Why would you sell everything for this? Leave your families, abandon your lifestyles—What pulled you in? They all gave me the same answer. The same one I have. The first time I came here, it only took me two days. Two days to fall in love.”
“You maybe fall in loving after no long enough, Mr. Consultant,” she said.
“Are you telling me you don’t feel the same?”
“I think,” Gotnaym interjected. Then he paused. Sort of like cutting someone off on the freeway only to slow down right after.
“I think what my colleague is trying to express here … is that all of this sounds a bit too poetic.”
He looked at her to see if she’d agree. Which, she did.
“I also think we’re both happy you really are loving the experience here, Mr. Consultant. But it takes more than feelings to move to a place like this. The ones who do immigrate are steadily emigrating in larger numbers. The workforce won’t meet the upcoming demand. We start terraforming the east perimeter straight after the election next quarter. That’s a projected two years to find enough workers, build and house multiple villages. Provided the right candidate wins.”
At that moment, I was glad to have mistakenly not skipped our philosophy professor’s class on The Ethics of Language. I got my dates mixed up and thought it was a mandatory attendance lab. She explained how Over-There’s main export was subject to ethical scrutiny. They extracted such a lucrative resource, that they could afford to import all else. From food to people. Two entirely different things, that they’d fail to source locally in any useful quantity. Therein laid the dilemma. Their dialect had evolved so as to not differentiate between workers or wheat in regard to imports. As for commodities in business, they began treating both as such on paper. Written words have real-world applications. That same export was also what their disk was made of. One giant mother-cluster of concentrated minerals.
“How long is a mine active on these disks?” I asked.
“About a half lifetime depending on the weather. You’re looking at the investment of the century, my Frozen-Nozen. Literally.”
This suddenly explained why I so easily passed off as a consultant. At least, that’s what I was thinking then. They were probably ready to pay everyone and their kids to get as many opinions on this as possible. I can’t believe I used to give mine out for free.
“Frozen-Nozen?” I asked.
“It’s a term for those who aren’t afraid of a bit of outdoor labour,” he said.
“I see. Couldn’t you just advertise that fact in There?” I pitched.
“I don’t get it.” He mimed a billboard with his hands. “Come up to Over-There, and freeze your nose off for a living wage.”
“That’s not what I meant, but really, why not? People are nomadic opportunists. They’ll move and let the frost nip at their nose if you promise them a round fiddy years of job stability. If they become permanent residents.”
“No one plans on spending fiddy years in a work village, Mr. Consultant. They’re built as temporary housing. They share a shower per unit.”
“Isn’t that an issue? People need a good quality of entertainment to stay someplace so dull when they can glance at other options. They’ll want something they can’t get anywhere else. Couple that with the appeal of privacy. Your child population levels are dropping? Intimacy widely increases from zero to one shower per household. I’d start hiring full-time artists to get some inspiration flowing. Let couples make their own entertainment. Get some comfier architecture. They'll make babies. Or get your engineers to make leisure versions of your military rovers. With enough room for two. Watch them hit wild speeds in the east bumpy lands around their camps.”
“How much would that cost?” He asked. To my relief, he then immediately reconsidered. “No, these plans are staying under permafrost. We want to attract workers, not activists.”
I must’ve looked confused.
“Much leaving people, because activist come Over-There and saying mine is kill nature. Much tourism satire is Come visit before disk is all holes,” she quoted.
“If it’s really destroying the ecosystems then I’m afraid there isn’t much—”
“What ecosystem?” He interrupted. “Nothing but people live here, Mr. Consultant. And we only cover 15% of our whole island. Most of us are all in this city. The claims are false.”
“Then why do enough of both your people and mine believe these activists?” I insisted. “Who I’ve never heard of, so they must all be online. Is complaining just something to do? How does that affect where people live?”
“Emotion of being … more purposeful than normal people,” she said. “Important maybe to many action people. But also, wireless community There having very addictivity.”
“Adictivity?” I asked. “I mean—or, what do you mean by addiction?”
She explained how our wireless communications in There were designed to get individuals to react before thinking.
Anyone reading this today won’t understand the complexity of the issue, so I’ll try to translate the way people like your great-great-grandparents used to communicate. I suggest you ask them about it if they’ve opted for resurrection therapy.
We had these sorts of primitive portable screens that were usually carried around in pockets. Pockets were these holes in our clothes that would hold stuff. When we mostly owned material items, we needed a method of having those things at our disposition. And because we only have two biological hands, most would prefer to walk about with lighter objects in all kinds of pouches. From books to babies, bags of fabrics were significant to us.
The most important pouch was the pocket. That’s the place where people put stuff they wanted to hold closest to their person. That’s because not having them nearby caused an immediate sense of emergency. Their money, their analog keys, their smokables (non digital drug consumable), the time of one day divided into 86,400 different times… Most would also keep their touch screens in their pockets.
We’d communicate through a revolutionary medium termed, “social media.” If you’re not familiar with the term, it’s because presently, that’s our only form of expression left. So we just call it talking.
Fun fact: in 1402, both words were banned if put together. For all generations coming after the criminalization of social media, to try and curb the addiction, so we could gain control over the technocratic overlords of the virtual space. Clearly, that didn’t work, but I won’t bore you with the details in this format for much longer.
To quickly finish this history lesson then, we nicknamed those screens “phones.” They were these physical things that you’d feel right on your skin. And you had to push around to type words or record either your organic image or sounds, or disproportionately more often, those of a cat. A real cat. They aren’t a digital invention! Then you’d post those representations in places called “the Internet.” The Internet would be referred to as the world today.
Humans had to mind-travel via their phones to access the world before. And they’d navigate through it by utilizing their biological hands like a bunch of Neanderthals. On Social Media in the Internet realm, other people would have to move their fingers around their screen to come look at what you posted. Can you imagine? It’s like if today, someone had to do something to hear you.
They would then react to what they saw. Kind of how people used to communicate what they thought through their body language. The only difference was that in the Old World, a public would react to a speaker on stage, and everyone went on their way afterwards. No longer under the influential energy of a cheering or booing crowd, they could think about the message. On the Internet, it would stay up, and we could keep reacting to it. Even years after something was said. The public reaction would get louder and louder and it was like it never stopped to calm down and reflect. Excitement is not a friend of thought.
As people posted more and more, they did less and less of anything else. The goal of the communication was only to react. Always as fast as possible. People started doing activities only so they could post. They lost the enjoyment of doing for the sake of doing. Everything became a reason to get a reaction out of others. Everyone became amateur stage performers. Professionals had to be trained in that regard. They had to learn how to handle themselves when their work would become a series of reactions to trigger a chain of reactions. The users of primitive Social Media never stood a chance.
It’s what she explained during our impromptu board meeting that afternoon. It’s what changed the way I saw the world as well. I watched as her theory turned out to be sufficiently accurate, and I caught myself wondering for a moment if she hadn’t had something to do with the unravelling of the events.
If you’re Neanderthal enough to remember the sound of genuine vocal chords, I invite you to imagine how she expressed it all to me in her riveting broken accent. It’s why I wrote it how she said it.
The year is 1282 again. It’s cold, the exit doors are locked down, I have an actual phone in my physical pocket…
She asked me to see mine. A ritual at the time. So I showed her. She didn’t look impressed, so I asked her to show me hers. It was nice. Real nice. So nice in fact, that I started feeling a bit shy and ended up subtly putting mine away as she explained.
“People addicted to making posting. More posting, more liking, more emotion of purposeful existing. But so many content, so much other people also looking for … valid of purposeful life, because now, day no with phone is like food no with taste. Is boring. Why eat? Why do anything? But problem happen when truth is people wanting. Because goal of social media is react, react, react. Chain reaction like nuclear. Have be fast. Social media not receive, think, maybe react if wise. Social media no survive this way, very boring if not in-person meeting for exchange serious ideas. No win Internet point for taking time, finding truth, telling people wrong too. No good feeling also, if thinking, no posting, no outside influence saying yes you living and you be valid person. So no react, no valid existence.”
She paused. We both glanced at one another to confirm what we had already decided. Neither of us were going to interrupt her train of ideas. I was impressed. Not by what she was saying, though. It wasn’t anything we didn’t know. It was more that she could almost speak our language when she carried herself in her flow.
“People define value by number of attention they getting. They getting attention by posting posting posting, reacting reacting reacting, and no thinking thinking then maybe posting after long. Thinking bad for business if business is price of reacting. Business need people pushing button not after long. Social media Model is job of push button. Worker build city, push button too you thinking. But building infrastructure, opportunity, thinking involved more than even writer, Mr. Consultant. Bad thinking kill in building city.”
It took me a second to break character. Then I remembered who I really was. Eventually I realized she had just insulted me. I gave a warm chuckle. This disrupted Gotnaym’s attention. She went on.
“Influencer is job of push button to getting more people pushing button before thinking. Influencer is good if follower push button with no thinking. Even in war business, reacting not always best strategy. Pushing … gun button?”
“Trigger,” he helped.
“Pushing trigger no thinking is not same like pushing trigger because quick thinking. Influencer like is … study with school only to becoming teacher after. But only attaining knowledge in reacting more. Not attaining quick thinking. Not same. This worrying functionary like Mr. Fore Gotnaym, because how control crowd online that only goal is react react react, no thinking? On Internet, better no thinking. More reacting, more people see their reacting first and reacting to it so more people also get reacting, more people only agree for attention, and more message get famous. More message famous, no worry if true, more people believe. More people believe, less people believe when truth happen. Look at phone, Mr. Consultant.”
I took it out of my pocket.
“Make posting,” she said. “I showing you.”
The suitedman visibly refrained himself from stopping me. I was two days behind on checking in with my Internet experiment, so I did what she asked. When I connected to Social Media, my feed was filled with alerts on posts. Something about disinformation and people fighting over the truth of the universe and if it was really the end for us. The media application wasn’t this agitated two days ago. Warnings on misinformation were mostly centred around past events, never regarding upcoming ones from what I had seen before.
“Is this why we’re in a lockdown?” I asked.
“Yes…” she reacted.
“So why does it say that it’s all a fabrication?”
The room fell dead quiet. Her bottom lip quivered and she turned around to burst in muffled sobs. She just broke down. It was surreal. The man stood up to whisper something. She nodded with her head down, so he walked towards me. Then past me and to the windows, making sure I followed him by spinning in my chair. My back ended up facing her.
“Under different circumstances, you wouldn’t be locked down with us, Mr. Tourist,” he said.
Uh-oh, I thought. This culture seemed to have developed a taste for cleverly employing names.
“But there’s no use in locking you up for espionage either, it looks like your people are willing to let you rot anyway.”
“What’s going on?” I asked. She sniffled and told us I could turn around now.
“Don’t worry kid. You’re either the best spy I’ve met and you can die with dignity, or you’re the worst ever, and you’re worth more to us as living propaganda if we make it out of this,” he said, patting my shoulder as he walked by.
“I didn’t get your answer,” I mumbled as I turned around. Then I understood that he was trying to make her laugh.
“Either you’re the best,” he repeated. “Because I haven’t heard even a single high-school rumour about you. Or you’re the worst, because you were really a shit consultant just then.”
She drew in a chopped breath, which she released in a soft chuckle of relief. I thought maybe this was a prank. But then why was she crying?
I asked her what was going on. She nodded at him and he told me he wasn’t joking. They really considered that I was a spy from There. This theory didn’t hold any water in the end. The umbrella company under which the most popular international platforms operated, had somehow been convinced to place a warning on the forecast of a natural disaster headed for the disks. The corporation happened to have all their servers in There’s jurisdiction. All the privately owned media companies followed suit just to try and survive.
Gotnaym explained how anyone with any scientific authority who had attempted to voice their doubts had immediately been shadowbanned. They injected their profiles with a fake number of views and likes, and used bots to make it look like there were people engaging with their content. As far as the whole globe was convinced, as far as the citizens of Over-There were concerned, this admonition had been discredited a month before the announcement of the disaster. The United OV Body sent out an emergency text message, an even more primitive form of communication, confirming the threat to their civilians, but it was in vain. The videos debunking the warning had timestamps dating too far back. And the Internet had already decided that it was all a hoax. Eighteen world leading scientists, all saying it was propaganda. The people in this city didn’t believe they were about to die.
How could I have missed this? Especially if I had checked everything everywhere online before buying my ticket?
Like a kid again, it slipped out.
“Why?”
He rubbed his thumb and two fingers together. Money.
“Environmental warfare is not a crime, Mr. Tourist. And you seem to be collateral damage to them.”
They showed me a video of myself reassuring the world that I was okay, and that no one on this disk believed any of the disinformation propagated by the unhinged astronomers. That Over-There’s authorities were perfectly aware that it was all a hoax. It was dated two hours before I set foot on the disk. On the plus side, I never did get over a hundred million views before. To most of the world, I was a hero, here to bring down the anti-science disinformation machine. They were looking at an AI-generated video of me. They even got my voice right. My family had liked my video. My dad had sent me a message saying he was proud.
I looked up and plunged my eyes in her frightened face. It stripped me forever of any good feelings. In one hour, I felt the lifelong dissatisfaction of a hard drug addict. That day, I lost my faith in reality. To this day, I cannot enjoy anything. Not after what happened. I feel too guilty.
“Shouldn’t technological warfare be a crime, though?” I said.
“You could call a stick with a pointy rock on its end a technological advancement.”
It was becoming trickier to think straight. How can you? When you’re about to take a final blow, and there’s nowhere to run, no strength to block. It was like getting pre-concussed.
“How long until it happens?”
“It might not. We’re waiting on people to show up here and determine if it can be avoided. So try to think of something else in the meantime,” he said.
We said nothing.
“There is one thing neither of you can avoid, though… So you might as well make your peace with it now,” he added.
“What it is?” She asked.
“Mr. Tourist is about to meet your father.” He said. Then he looked at me. “Or is it Mr. Consultant to him?”

We (25F and 28F) were very close friends for the past 8 years. She recently got out of a 10 year abusive relationship where the ex gave her no attention, used her, betrayed her and constantly broke up with her but she kept taking him back.
Soon after breakup, she got with new bf. Got in domestic partnership after 6 months and he took her health insurance. They went on a trip overseas mid October to November and met his extended family. Before she left, she was texting me saying we should hang out when she comes back. I never met her bf before but she’s told me things that makes him seem jealous, angry and possessive but also love bombing.
Tried texting her in November and no reply. iMessages went from blue to green. Tried again each week, no reply. Tried calling, found out phone is disconnected.
Emailed her few days ago to ask if she’s dead or alive. She said she’s back from her trip but implementing a new lifestyle, changed her number and decided she won’t talk to anyone from her past life including me and to not take it personally because I was a great friend who was always there for her. Email was strange as she talked very formal, differently than how she usually does, calling me my real name instead of nickname which she usually uses.
I told her I’ll respect her boundaries but want a quick video chat to make sure she’s alive and not dead. No reply. I’ve told my bf, therapist, and some close friends and they think it’s very suspicious. They think her bf could be controlling her and abusing her, making her cut off everyone in her life so she has no social support. Or worse, she could be dead and he could be pretending to be her on email. I was one of her biggest forms of social support and she’d call me about all her problems and we didn’t have any fight, so it doesn’t make any sense.
I don’t know what to do. We don’t have mutual friends. She lives in a different city. I don’t know if I should call her work (she’s a nurse at a hospital) to see if she’s still working there recently or go to her parents’ house and see if they’ve heard from her. She lives with her parents but don’t know if she’s moved in with bf since. I just want to make sure she’s alive and not in danger.
What do you think?
TLDR: Close friend (28F) cut off everyone in her life and changed her number after going on an overseas trip with new bf who is jealous and possessive. She won’t talk to anyone and I don’t know if she’s alive or dead. Do you think she is being controlled by her bf? What should I do?

I finished watching both animes, the OVAs, and the movie a few times now, and after reading through a lot Reddit/Quora/Stack Exchange posts, I still have some thoughts and questions I want to address. I've read the VNs shed more light on everything so I'll check those out once I have time.
​
First DMail and Alpha/Beta Divergence
In S;G episode 1, sending the first DMail causes the worldline to shift from a beta worldline to an alpha one, but I still have some confusion about that. For the DMail to cause the shift, my understanding is that there must have been at least one iteration at the very beginning where Kurisu dies for real (not killed by future Okabe), Okabe somehow gets alerted to this (no future Okabe scream to catch his attention), so following sequence of event unfolds:

1. Lecture on time travel happens, Kurisu meets up with her dad and dies for real (presumably killed by her dad)
2. Okabe somehow stumbles upon Kurisu's body, goes outside and sends DMail to the past (b/c Daru was messing with the phone microwave)
3. SERN saves the DMail in their database but don't necessarily check it and/or connect it to Okabe having a working time device right away. At this point, Kurisu's dad is on his way to Russia with Kurisu's paper on time travel
4. Daru attends a talk on time travel (this is very important b/c it's the reason Suzu wants to go to 2010, so she can meet her dad)
5. Some time passes and SERN does connect the DMail to Okabe's lab, raids it, steals the phone microwave, and uses it to develop the first time machine before Russia does (b/c SERN is the closest to having cracked time travel with the jellyman experiments), and takes over the world
6. In the future, Daru develops an imperfect time machine (since SERN has full control over what's required to build a fully functional one). Daru is killed. Suzu is raised by her mom, has never met her dad but learns about him and Okabe. Suzu's mom is also killed, and Suzu joins the resistance at some point.
7. Suzu is given the mission to travel to 1975 to acquire an IBN 5100 and make sure Okabe acquires it in 2010 so Daru can use it to decrypt the SERN database that stores the first DMail, and erase it so that SERN never takes the phone microwave.
8. Suzu travels to 2010 b/c she knows her father attends a talk on time travel and wants to meet him. Due to the time machine being imperfect, her coordinates are off, and she crashes into the roof, thereby causing Kurisu's father's lecture on time travel to get cancelled. Kurisu is alive, and her paper on time travel is never stolen by her father.
9. Suzu also doesn't meet her dad just because by traveling to the past, she's already shifted to a worldline where her Okabe prevents Daru from attending. Presumably she couldn't have predicted this outcome b/c of worldine shifts in general being unpredictable due to the Butterfly Effect.
10. From this point on, in each subsequent worldline/iteration in the Alpha attractor field, Suzu always travels and crashes in 2010, Kurisu always survives and helps the FG lab build a time machine, Mayuri always dies (b/c the universe is cruel), and the future always leads to a SERN dystopia. S;G events unfold.

If this is correct, this implies that one of the major divergence factors is the first DMail and not necessarily Kurisu's death and her time travel paper. SERN can still develop a time machine using just Okabe/Daru's phone microwave. It's just that the very first iteration of the alpha worldline (at least from the perspective of the anime) will eventually lead to subsequent alpha worldlines in which Kurisu is still alive and is the one that develops the time machine instead. We know that Kurisu isn't strictly needed to develop a working time machine b/c Daru is able to do it, albeit with Maho's help, in the beta worldline. Thus, it's not unreasonable to think Daru + Okabe + SERN's research is enough for SERN to create a time machine first even if the Russians have Kurisu's time travel paper.
However, I feel like this is probably incorrect, and this may be one of those cases where Suzuha just always travels to the past, and there's no initial origin point where Kurisu dies, and her father steals her time travel paper. It just never happens the moment the first DMail is sent no matter how many iterations back you try to look.
​
Kurisu's Importance in the Beta Worldline Attractor Field
One thing that gets emphasized is how Kurisu needs to survive to prevent WW3 in the beta worldline, but I don't think that's true, if my reasoning for the previous section is correct. The conditions that lead to WW3 are the following:

1. Kurisu's time travel theory is exposed to the public in some way (be it her father stealing it, someone using Amadeus to recreate it, or something else). This causes a global arms race to create a time machine which escalates into WW3.
2. Okabe never sends the first DMail so SERN never acquires the phone microwave device from the FG lab.

Whether Kurisu lives or dies is irrelevant. In fact, the only real difference between the S;G and beta worldlines besides Kurisu's survival is the survival of the time travel theory which leads to the time machine arms race. If the paper is destroyed, even if Kurisu is dead, the world would effectively be in a pseudo S;G worldline where SERN isn't guaranteed to control the world and WW3 isn't guaranteed to happen. It could even be argued that Kurisu's survival actually increases the chances of WW3 b/c she has the ability to recreate the time travel theory. The reason saving Kurisu is so important is b/c it's Okabe's ideal worldline where both Mayuri and Kurisu are alive, not necessarily b/c it's the ONLY way to prevent a guaranteed dystopian future.
​
Time Travel Mechanics and Reading Steiner
At this point, it's common knowledge that there's only one universe, and there can only be one active worldline. This means there's no multiverse or meeting multiple future/past selves and grandfather paradox shenanigans. My understanding is that every time any time travel happens, be it through sending DMails, sending data, physical time travel or whatever, it causes a worldline change. Sometimes the change is so negligible (e.g. Okabe telling Daru about Faris's strategy in the Rai-Net tournament) that it's effectively the same worldline in every other way, and it doesn't trigger Reading Steiner which means Reading Steiner doesn't trigger in every worldline shift, only ones that are big enough that overwriting the new Okabe's memories would trigger it. Logically, this means there are worldline shifts that even Okabe won't detect, but for all intents and purposes, they're insignificant b/c the Okabe getting overwritten had the exact same (or close enough) memories as the Okabe doing the overwriting, and the worldlines are effectively the same.
But what about traveling to the future? Or when there are multiple instances of the same character from the future/past traveling to the same time. I think traveling to the future must be functionally the same as traveling to the past in causing worldline shifts. We know that worldline shifts must occur each time someone travels to the past so this means two instances of the same character traveling to the same time will never meet each other (e.g. no 3 Okabes on July 28th in 2010). Consider the scenario where Person A has time machine FG203 in the year 2036. Person A uses FG203 to go to 1975. Person A then uses FG203 to go back to 2036, exactly 1 minute before Person A leaves initially leaves for 1975. At this point, if traveling to the future doesn't cause a worldline shift, time paradoxes become possible. Therefore, any kind of time travel, to the past or the future, must cause a worldline shift. This is why Suzu and Daru are both concerned about Suzu time traveling to a point in time she's already time traveled to (e.g. Suzu and Mayuri traveling to 2010 for Operation Arclight). It could cause a significant enough worldline shift that introduces new variables and Butterfly Effects that make the Steins;Gate worldline unattainable. The reason I emphasize significant is b/c, as we've already conjectured, any kind of time travel causes a worldline shift, but not all worldline shifts are big enough to trigger Reading Steiner. You can still shift to a worldline that's only slightly different enough to be effectively the same.
​
Timing of Reading Steiner From Okabe's Perspective
We know that Okabe was ill as a kid which is heavily implied to be due to Reading Steiner activating from a worldline shift, possibly due to Suzuha traveling to 1999 to prevent Y2K. Reading Steiner also activates the moment Okabe sends the first DMail, as opposed to happening on the date it gets sent to in the past. This implies that it must always happen from the perspective of the Okabe from just before the worldline shifts. However, how exactly does the universe determine when exactly the worldline shifts from Okabe's perspective? Here's a thought experiment to illustrate what I mean:

1. The S;G worldline's future is somehow actually worse than both the Alpha and Beta worldlines. Okabe calls Suzu out of retirement for one last job jump. Suzu's mission is to go back to 1999 and prevent Okabe from developing his mad scientist persona, thereby preventing the events in S;G from happening.
2. Suzu travels from 2036 in the previous worldline (in which Okabe is still alive) to 1999 in a new worldline (in which Okabe is also alive). When does Reading Steiner activate from the perspective of Okabe? Does it happen in 2036 or 1999? Or does it happen in both? If it happens in both, would Okabe in 1999 only receive the memories of Okabe up until 1999 from the previous worldline? And, then separately, in 2036, assuming Okabe is also still alive, he would receive the full memories of the previous worldline, right?

In the anime, this is much easier to follow and reconcile b/c we only follow the perspective of one Okabe at a time b/c either there's only one Okabe at that time or the Okabe in any other times that are relevant for the worldline shift are dead (e.g. 2025 in beta worldline).
​
S;G 0 Ending Timeline
Here's my understanding of the timeline.

1. S;G 0 Okabe successfully thwarts the rooftop helicopter attacks, allowing Operation Arclight to be carried out.
2. Suzu and Mayuri travel back to 2010 for Operation Arclight, only stay for the minute that other Suzu and Okabe are still in the past to avoid time paradox that would cause a worldline shift, run out of fuel and get stranded in 18000 BC.
3. At this point, even if Mayuri slaps some sense into Okabe after his initial failure to save Kurisu, it doesn't do anything b/c we still don't have the plan for Operation Skuld figured out yet, or do we? I lean towards not yet b/c then the ending in 2025 doesn't make sense to me.
4. Timeline proceeds as normal, leading to beta worldline where WW3 happens, but this time, having been reinvigorated by Mayuri's plea, Okabe spends the next 15 years figuring out all the details for Operation Skuld, realizing that you can "deceive" fate by faking Kurisu's death.
5. The recording we see at the end of episode 23 followed by Okabe undergoing Operation Altair to rescue Suzu and Mayuri in 18000 BC is all actually the previous worldline just before episode 24 in the original S;G anime.
6. Unclear where Suzu and Mayuri go to after this. Okabe 0 presumably stays behind to not risk overwriting present Okabe (or any point up until his death in 2025), though I don't know if the overwriting is that risky so much as just traveling to the future itself being risky since it can cause a significant worldline change. I touch on this more further below.
7. More time passes, as Suzu has to grow up to become future soldier in 2036 (unless we can use Suzu that time traveled back from 18000 BC?) and carry out her missions to acquire an IBN 5100, use it to prevent Y2K in 1999 per the original John Titor timeline at the start of S;G episode 1, and convince Okabe to save Kurisu.
8. This time, it's the final iteration which leads directly to episode 24 in the original S;G anime and everything needed to achieve the S;G worldline is present.

With that said, since we've established that traveling to the past definitely causes a worldline shift, and traveling to the future likely causes a worldline shift to avoid time paradoxes, doesn't this mean that Operation Arclight is somewhat risky? There's no guarantee the worldline shift caused by Suzu and Mayuri traveling back to the future won't change things enough to make the S;G worldline unattainable. Basically any more worldline shifts after Suzu goes back from 2036 to 2010 for the final iteration is risky b/c of the unpredictability of worldline shifts and Butterfly Effects. Or maybe, the power of love and friendship is enough to overcome this? Personally, I fully respect Okabe's decision to save future soldier and best girl.

We (25F and 28F) were very close friends for the past 8 years. She recently got out of a 10 year abusive relationship where the ex gave her no attention, used her, betrayed her and constantly broke up with her but she kept taking him back.
Soon after breakup, she got with new bf. Got in domestic partnership after 6 months and he took her health insurance. They went on a trip overseas mid October to November and met his extended family. Before she left, she was texting me saying we should hang out when she comes back. I never met her bf before but she’s told me things that makes him seem jealous, angry and possessive but also love bombing.
Tried texting her in November and no reply. iMessages went from blue to green. Tried again each week, no reply. Tried calling, found out phone is disconnected.
Emailed her few days ago to ask if she’s dead or alive. She said she’s back from her trip but implementing a new lifestyle, changed her number and decided she won’t talk to anyone from her past life including me and to not take it personally because I was a great friend who was always there for her. Email was strange as she talked very formal, differently than how she usually does, calling me my real name instead of nickname which she usually uses.
I told her I’ll respect her boundaries but want a quick video chat to make sure she’s alive and not dead. No reply. I’ve told my bf, therapist, and some close friends and they think it’s very suspicious. They think her bf could be controlling her and abusing her, making her cut off everyone in her life so she has no social support. Or worse, she could be dead and he could be pretending to be her on email. I was one of her biggest forms of social support and she’d call me about all her problems and we didn’t have any fight, so it doesn’t make any sense.
I don’t know what to do. We don’t have mutual friends. She lives in a different city. I don’t know if I should call her work (she’s a nurse at a hospital) to see if she’s still working there recently or go to her parents’ house and see if they’ve heard from her. She lives with her parents but don’t know if she’s moved in with bf since. I just want to make sure she’s alive and not in danger.
What do you think?

(spoiler of the novel obviously)
In TFC, we have the opportunity to read Henry's suicide note. The last instruction he gives to his sister is to burn down the house after a while, and kill Charlie (Charlie-bot I specify just in case). Even if this last instruction is not said explicitly, I do not see any other possible interpretation in the sense of the letter:
" Keep all the closets shut. Let them be tombs for my denial and my grievance.(...) Then, someday, after many decades have passed and no one remembers, fill it with every kind of flammable thing and burn it to the ground, standing close guard to put a bullet into anything that emerges from the rubble, no matter what, or who, it looks like. "
The fact that Henry wants to kill his daughter is perfectly logical since, as he precisely states in the same letter, he does not particularly appreciate Charlie in herself (on the contrary) but only the image that she sends back (the memory of his biological daughter). And even though Henry seems to think that William is dead, he also knows that William is out to find Henry's creations to make them his own, it's not foolish of him to kill Charlie, just in case William is still alive. And anyway Henry having already buried the Twisted for a probably similar purpose, it is assumed that he wants to destroy all his inventions to make sure they are never used again. Besides, Henry at least mentions agony by name, it's possible that Henry understood that agony is dangerous and wants to get rid of it.
In the novels, Charlie is still alive (nice deduction on my part, I know). This is most likely due to Jenny not being able to take down her niece. She approaches a cold but protective demeanor towards Charlie and even though as Charlie says, she has never expressed much affection towards her, she still cares for her niece and admits that she loves her during his death.
Now my question is, why didn't Henry take care of killing his daughter himself.
I know, said like that it's creepy and it seems obvious, but let's remember that in his suicide note, Henry admits that seeing his daughter no longer does anything to him and only brings him pain. And it's not like Henry's plan calls for directly murdering Charlie, rather the letter seems to insinuate that the point is just to put her in a closet and leave, so nothing hugely traumatic to do (the part "traumatic" is rather to set the house on fire, a task he leaves to his sister). And even if it was, Henry apologizes for having been a burden to his sister, why leave her a task as painful as killing a child?
Especially since the other two models of Charlie (Ella and more than likely Charlie v3 although I admit that it is never said explicitly in the trilogy) are already placed in their respective closets by Henry and that he did not have any qualms about doing so.
And then, as already said, killing Charlie is not a prerequisite for anything. Henry deliberately wishes her dead probably because it's less risky. Henry makes sure the Twisted and Charlie-bot 4 are locked up and can't escape until the house burns down, why not do the same with Charlie v2 if Henry really wants her dead? I know he could have just left the charge to his sister, but he takes care of all his creations personally leaving Jen out of it all. Why go to so much trouble and not take care of his most dangerous creation?
Obviously I can be satisfied with the solution which I think will be answered in the majority, that it was psychologically too complicated for Henry and that locking up a doll with his daughter's skin would be too difficult for him (even if it did not didn't cause any problems with the other two, they weren't conscious so I guess it's less painful?), but if you have other ideas I'm all ears.
Just in case, I also remind you that:
1) Henry speaks here of his daughter, more precisely of Charlie v1-v2 (and probably v3), he does not speak of the last phase of Charlie since he mentions her in the second paragraph of the letter and that in any way, he makes it clear to keep ALL the closets shut.
" Keep all the closets shut (...) My only lasting instruction for you concerns the fourth closet. It is not enough to keep it shut, you must keep that one sealed and buried. "
2) I'm well aware that Henry's specific instruction is to "keep all the closets shut" and Charlie v2 technically isn't currently in a closet. But I would REALLY be surprised if Henry didn't mention her here. Not only does he ask his sister to seal ALL the closet, but also his request would make no sense if Charlie v2 is not included. After all, the main danger comes from her, she's the one with the agony-filled rag doll, it would be stupid not to include her in the plan. And then in any case Jenny does not follow the instruction since she brings Charlie to Henry's house to change bodies.
3) Yes Henry speaks of his daughter and not of the Twisted. Not only are the Twisted not in closets, but the staging supports that. When Charlie and John read the letter, Charlie quickly loses interest as John stresses the importance of what Henry says and reminds that there was Ella in a closet and there must have been something in the closets.
" “What did he mean about the closets?” John said. “I don’t know,” Charlie said drily. “Think,” John protested. “It has to mean something.” “I don’t know.” Charlie repeated. “You were there; they were always empty. Except the one with Ella.” “You don’t know that,” John said softly. “There was one that was locked,” he continued, almost to himself. "
Their respective behavior only makes sense if we are talking about the Charlie-bots. Charlie acts disinterested for obvious reasons (Henry seems to have created her by making sure she doesn't notice the anomalies around her) and John worries and gives Ella interest, which he does throughout the chapter, because he already has serious doubts about the identity of Charlie and Ella and is probably wondering if he has really just read a letter where the suicidal father of his crush announces that she's a robot and he tried to burn her when she was 7 (we all sympathize with John). And anyway, if Henry makes it clear to his sister not to hesitate to kill what's still alive no matter WHO it looks like, it seems to indicate that he's explicitly talking about Charlie v1 or Charlie v2 (someone that would make Jen doubt pull the trigger at least, and there isn't much in the house that fits that description apart from them). And then the construction of the scene serves to lead to the revelation of the twist (by John) before Elizabeth comes to interfere.
I spent far too much time questioning myself about a scriptwriting facility…

When I started DJing 25 years ago I had agents/management that got all my gigs for me and handled my promotion, it was great, I played out lots and the money was a significant part of my income. Then the combo of anti-rave legislation pushing dance music into bars/clubs on top of the post-9/11 economic downturn caused DJ pay in my area to drop dramatically, and the management went away because there wasn't enough meat on the bone. I was able to ride on that foundation for a while, but over time I moved around and got demoted back to bedroom DJ despite getting better and better in both my technical skill and track selection.
So now here I am trying to learn DSLR photography so I can take promo photos of myself, I've spent the last several years learning IllustratoPhotoshop/Lightroom/InDesign to create an EPK and other promo materials, taking business/accounting/marketing classes at the local CC to know how to handle the back end, I paid $20k on sound engineering school, I taught myself web design for this purpose though it is VERY hard to keep up with the tech and at some point my domain got hijacked, so I need to figure out how to have a website again, I've been trying to make sense out of streaming video so i can start doin Twitch streams and other online content, I'm in therapy trying to learn how how to talk to people and be more likeable/less awkward, I am grasping at straws doing every little thing that I can. But as I finally get more and more promo stuff under control, I'm realizing I don't know what to do with any of these promo materials now that social media is all but dead. You can't hand anyone a pdf or mp3, no one listens to CDs, and I'm realizing I still don't know how to use any of this stuff I've been spending years learning how to create to actually get even just unpaid bookings for exposure and finding out what tracks get the best reactions. I'm spending so much time on promo I barely get to work on actual music anymore and its a drag, I never wanted to be a photographegraphic/web designer, I'm not left with any free time to work on my own original music which is a priority. I've been grinding away at this for decades but I only get to play in front of people maybe once or twice a year anymore and I'm starting to wonder if all of this was a complete waste and if I should cut my losses ASAP (because walking away from lifelong dreams/effort is totally that easy....).
So how do I use all of this to be my own booking management? How am I supposed to promote myself in 2023? Ultimately I would like to do this not only for myself, but potentially for other DJs and musicians as well as I think this is an important missing piece to the promo puzzle for lots of others too. I'm not trying to get rich or famous, I just want to make a little extra money toward my survival sharing my music collection, and hopefully make some friends from it too. I didn't go to because I decided early on to devote my life to this, so I don't have any other job skills to fall back on.
Difficulty: On top of crippling shyness and social anxiety related to mild autism, I'm not from here so I don't know anyone, and I'm too poor to live even remotely close to any nightlife (I have to drive an hour+).
Or better yet, how do I find someone else to be my agent/management again even though I have no local following? I did it once, and with no actual DJing experience.
I'm overwhelmed and confused and probably sound like an idiot, but I don't have anywhere else to turn with this king of thing, I'll take any advice I can get even if that advice is simply "fuck off, loser." Thank you very much.

J, She asked me, “why do you stay?” “What do you want from this relationship?” “What’s the point?”
I don’t even know anymore. I’m at a loss for words.
We’ve both turned into gross bastardizations of ourselves, so toxic. I know half of it is my fault. I can own up to it and fix it if you tell me how.
Why don’t you take ME with YOU? Don’t YOU want ME? I know you like to make characters for your stories, but rest assured when I said someone else’s name I wasn’t talking about you.
I just wanted to be treated like a person. Empathy. Understanding. Working WITH me.
You found it flattering when I compared you to my mother. I told you our history so many times. my other girl listens and pays better attention. I’ve known her for less time.
If only you knew that you reminded me of my mother because you don’t listen, you think I’m lesser than you, expect me to solve all your problems, and you hurt me. (I don’t hold hate for her- that’s just the reality of the nature of our relationship)
You never listened. You never cared. You let me know that I was “so fucked up.” You let your silence speak because you knew it would be the safest way to hurt me and not have me fight back.
I’m so tired of fighting.
We didn’t make those notes together. Your hands clicking on your keys.
I wish it was beyond the fact that you’re a nice piece of eye candy, that I still want you, and I thought your friendly exterior was true and indicated good intention.
(Seriously. You look like you lost some weight. You look like a heroin chic model. You’re gorgeous but I really hope you’re eating enough and being healthy. Not just starving yourself.) (I really had to take a double take when you stood up, my eyes went right to your bubble butt and it was like everything was in slow motion. Even to my most attractive interaction, this has never happened to me. I felt like my eyes were gonna pop out of my head with my heart pounding like a cartoon. I’ve seen porn and good asses and drawings. But you’re so much better, even better than something artificial designed solely to be sexy. The way the light shined off that thing. AWOOGA!) (I kept looking at how uneven your mask was because it was bothering me. I feel like a dick now, I should have told you. It’s kind of like having something stuck in your teeth right? Or maybe it’s just because you want me to look into your eyes.)
You give me no benefit other than making me aware of my body’s changes. I can’t take heartbreak and major life changes now.
I’ve had vivid dreams before but my senses are usually nulled to some extent. I saw you, you kissed me aggressively. The first time I’ve felt something that felt so real. The first time I tasted something in a dream. I remember my first thought was, “you had coffee didn’t you?” I don’t know for long I can live on memories, desires, things we both want and can’t do.
I’m in a new state with nobody I know and feel so alone. You are my only constant. Even though I’m just a sex object to you at best.
Break my boundaries and get off on the fact that you can hurt me however you want. Why can’t I break away?
I only don’t leave you because I know I’ll find something worse. And I can’t risk that, I don’t want to lose myself again. And always be blamed because I’m not normal. I know I’m not perfect, hell, I’m terrible sometimes. But I wish you helped me through that. You didn’t ridicule me and boast about how you’re so much better.
You remind me of my first relationship. I didn’t love him. I was wild about him though, I didn’t want to let go.
You show me you want me. If it was a good gift, I would have given it to you. What kind of crazy person gives another a garbage bin? Either you think I’m crazy, or just insanely petty. How we’ve known each other for so long, and you still don’t know me. Fuck, come get me. Let’s release this tension.
All of you makes me feel so damn unpretty.
I’m lost. I’ll see you in another life, brother.
-C