I have a 17 week old female Havanese puppy. She actually has been better about not biting the corners of the couches, the mats, carpets, etc. I credit that with using a bitter tasting spray on those objects so she lost interest in them. She did this before but at an increased rate lately been biting at our pants/heels/ankles, particularly when excited. Havanese were not bred to herd cattle so I assume this is a way she is trying to play with us. We try to redirect her to toys or chews. We always have plenty of toys for her to chew on scattered throughout the house, including bully sticks and teething toys. She also likes to nip at hands, particularly when playful and excited. When she bites hard, I say no and ignore her for 20-30 seconds. I've also been freezing peanut butter in kongs for her to work on.
So we are doing what we can. I'm sure we could be better with this. I was wondering if other people's puppies naturally grew out of nipping/biting/ chewing things up. Also if the puppies were less likely to pick and chew things outside such as leaves and sticks as they got older. I've read the teething stage ends between like 6 to 8 months old.

First shot at a recap so let’s see how we do!
Race Info
What – IM 70.3: Chattanooga
Where – Chattanooga, TN USA
When - Sunday, May 21st, 2023
Overall Goals
- PR - Yes (previous PR was a 5:30:12 at Ohio 70.3 in 2022)
- Sub 5:00 - Heck no
- Not blow up on run - Sorta?
TL;DR and Results
This was my 3rd 70.3 and my first with my coach who has been training me since the start of the fall 2022
Swim – 35:07
T1 – 5:03
Bike – 2:49:55
T2 – 3:13
Run – 1:51:57
Total time – 5:25:14
58th in AG (M27), 579 overall
Background
Was a college soccer player (GK) and after college had a foray into BJJ and MMA with a couple fights. Realized that was dumb for longevity and switched to triathlon
Training
Swimming
2-3 sessions a week of 2.4K to 3.6K yards per session. Some workouts are speed focused, some are technique focused, so on and so forth. I have seen a good improvement on CSS these last few month from 1:40 to 1:33. I did swim team as a kid so I have been trying to recapture some of that swim experience. I also felt some recent breakthrough with decreasing my stroke rate and using fewer more powerful strokes. Have been very happy with my improvement these last months. I still remain a terrible to nonexistent kicker
Goal split - 35 Minutes
Biking
typically rides a week. Longer weekend ride and 2 during the week (on zwift trainer) with focus on cadence or power or VO2. I have a big problem with low cadence, recently been trying to get up into the 80s for when I am normally riding. However when I start putting power down I start reverting to the low 70s cadence of riding. As far as FTP I had worked my FTP up to 257 leading up to the start of the season. However I have felt pretty weak these last 2 month leading up to this actual race. It has been harder for me to put the power down. However on the outdoor longer rides I have felt very strong and very comfortable riding for longer periods. Outdoors I ride without power so will probably need to make that investment soon.
Goal Split - 2:30:00
Running
Running has steadily improved with increased mileage and more speedwork. Recent 5K test had improved me to 6:33 for my fastest 5K. Additionally in the most recent half marathon race I had I finished 1:30:12 with a 6:57 avg. biggest issues I have been dealing with are some pain in my left Achilles at the very start of runs that typically disappears after a mile or 2. Typically 3-4 runs a week (1 tempo short, longer run on the weekend, Z2 10k).
Goal Split - 1:40:00
Race Morning
Woke up at 4 AM to get the body rolling. Had my usual prerace breakfast of 2 English muffins with peanut butter and honey as well as a power armour with caffeine and a cup of coffee. Transition setup right at 4:40 to give me plenty of time for the most important part of the morning, THE BM. Went back to my hotel and was able to get showered and dressed up for the race. Headed over to the busses for drop-off to the swim and get to the swim start 20-30 mins before the race start
Swim – seeded myself in the 30-35 minute group and set off! for those that fear swimming Chatty is a great race. It is a with the current swim so it felt like we were flying down the river. Dealt with a slight leak in my left goggle the entire swim which was pretty annoying but it was far from terrible. Also I forgot that in Chatty the swim is actually 1.4 miles instead of 1.2, so as I swam over 2100 yards I was thinking WTF why are we still swimming? This was the first time I seeded myself in the 30-35 min so I did deal with less of the slower swimmers who seed incorrectly. However I did still find quite a few in front of me who should not have been where they were. Mini Rant here, but seriously people why are you doing this? IDK this is just a huge pet peeve of mine when I have to swim all the way around a person (small problems I know...) rant over. But got through it without any real major contact with anyone
35:07 @ 1:23/100 yards - 7:48 PR!
T1 – Never had a wetsuit stripper before! that was fun. But this transition is long as crap. My watch clocked my total transition distance as almost half a mile which was crazy to me. Also I was a little slow getting my socks on today which was unusual. all and all a odd transition where I just felt slow and unfocused on what I was doing.
5:03
Bike – Set off on what had previously been my nemesis for my first 70.3 but felt like I would have an area of great improvement for today! with my goal of 2:30 I knew my goal average speed was around 22MPH, and for the first bit we were well on track! If I look at my average speed through the first 26 miles I was averaging 21.6 MPH. And this is a course with rolling hills most of the way. Goals of the bike were to try and really spin to get through the hill and not stuck grinding it out as this would destroy my legs. Also wanted to keep on my nutrition as I felt this really caused me to blow up on my runs in Galveston and Ohio. Fueling per hour was 1 x 55g carb Gatorade mix bottle and a maurten gel to get to 80 g carb per hours. Would then rinse down the body and sip water through the aid stations. after I burned through my 2 bottles I sipped on the Gatorade endurance bottle taken from the aide stations. In total took 160 g carb + some of the Gatorade endurance for nutrition. So all was going ok until after the "big" climb halfway. Not sure if it was fueling or the headwind that started. But my average speed just tanked. I felt like I had no power. When I tried to flex and stretch my legs I could just feel the damage in them. Not good. Then with the slower speed my mental game fell apart. mile 40-50 I was in a really bad mental spot and had decided at several points to just quit when I got back into transition as there was no way in hell I would break 5 hours. I felt like a failure and a loser. why had I been training 9-12 hours every week to just suck? Talk about a tale of 2 half's. Managed to get back to transition. Mini rant #2 - draft packs... screw you. A literal peloton of 8-10 people 2 abreast 5 deep flew by me at mile 45 and let me tell you I was big mad. Rant over. Also saw a guy lose control at 30 MPH and hit the deck pretty hard, hope he's ok. That was a nice bike to wreck on :( Also another guy almost started peeing on me (I was behind him) near the end and definitely did not use enough water to wash himself down after LOL.
2:49:55 - 20.07 MPH - 11ish minutes slower than PR :(
T2 – Made it into T2 and said alright lets just run the first 5k and see how we are doing then we can DNF if you really are that miserable. So got everything racked and ditched the 10 maurtens I had somehow acquired on the bike. but threw on my trusty Saucony Endorphin Pro 2s and set off
3:13
Run – That first hill out of transition took my already bad mental state and threw it into the fire. So I have never come closer to quitting than that moment. I did not somehow. And then the run flattened out. So after 1.5 miles I actually started to feel good mentally and that's when I knew I was going to finish. I also saw how my pace was going and I knew I would at least PR on the day if I just held the pacing I was doing. after the 1st aid station I decided I wouldn't push too hard on the run and simply walk through the aid stations. avg pace as 7:40-8:00 while running then would walk through the aid stations. in the aid stations I would douse with water and take Gatorade in. Also was putting ice in the suit. I think in total I had 2-3 gels throughout the run? and I stopped at every single aide station for drink and splashing myself with water. Besides the aid stations the only section I had to walk was an incredibly steep little hill right before the first bridge crossing to the other side of the river. That hill is a real ball buster. In terms of improvements I think if I really want to chop some time I have some free time if I don't walk through aid stations. I need to get better at doing that on the run to enable me to get that free time. Also I really didn't push at all my heartrate was pretty much in high Z2 for me the whole run. Also I was dealing with side stitches off and on the whole run so not sure how I can prevent that in the future but if I could eliminate that I would be a much happier camper. Also lap 2 on the run was SO CROWDED mind you there were 3k athletes but man that was a busy run course for the second lap. Saw the shoot and had the tear well up a little. Got over the line and had a quick little 30 second sob so that was that.
1:51:57 - 8:31 AVG - 11 min PR
Final Thoughts
Chatty has me feeling some really mixed emotions. I really was sure I was in for massive PR., chopping 30 minutes off my last PR. Instead I got a measly 5. Maybe I am being to hard on myself or am being greedy with the amount of time I feel I should be dropping? However when I think about it practically it is a much harder course with 2.3K feet in climbing over the bike and 600 or so feet in climbing on the run. So to PR on a harder course is good right? Just a confusing weekend for me about how to feel about it. I think nutrition is still and issue as I am left thinking why did I feel so weak on the bike? I have read some literature that 90-100g carb may be even better now so I think I will implement this into training. Also could I have been tougher and gone harder on that run? If you saw me out there I was in an blue and orange suit with a white helmet riding and old black and blue trek equinox 7 or black running hat. Next race is in July with the Happy Valley 70.3 so I have even more climbing to look forward to there. Will I be able to further PR? Let me know what y'all think of this write up or your thoughts on all this!

Hey, I give my dog stuffed bones with peanut butter. They arent really cheap to buy, so it’s abit saddening when he isnt really interested in it anymore after the first couple of days. Turns out, its because the peanut butter in it has dried out and he can’t smell it anymore. Is there a way to store it once i take it away from him to keep it from being stale?

A selection of items “on special” this week in Coles and Woolworths that may be of interest to some keto followers. Most are processed so not really suitable for “clean keto”. Victorian data, some may not be available interstate. Alcohol (except no carb beer) excluded. Drink prices exclude recycling deposits. If you are doing an online order, also look at the stores' ONLINE ONLY specials as I don't always include all of these, many are multibuys.
‘Locked prices’ might now be considered specials as unlocked prices have increased, but same every week til July so not included as ‘specials’.

COLES

Well Naturally chocolate has moved to the Confectionery aisle. Website still stuffed so may have missed items of interest. Please add in comments if you find anything. Does anyone here work for Coles?

• Aeroplane - Jelly Lite $1.95
• Bread/Wraps - Herman Brot 600g $6
• Bread/Wraps - Simson's Pantry Low Carb Keto 5 pack 200g 2 for $10, Low Carb High Protein 5 pack 225g 2 for $9
• Butter - Devondale 250g $4.50, Lurpak 250g $5.30, Coles 500g $6.90
• Butter - Maharaja Choice Ghee 300g $5
• Cheese - Always cheddar cheese block or slices on special
• Cheese - Babybel Mini Cheese 200g $9., Laughing Cow Cheese 128g $4, Bega Cheese Stringers Original 8 Pack 160g $5
• Cheese - Perfect Italiano Melting mozzarella/mexican 450g $7, Perfect Italiano Parmesan 125g $3.50
• Cheese - Tasmanian Heritage Camembert 250g $10
• Chocolate - Lindt 2 for $8.50
• Confectionery - Eclipse Mints 40g $2.80 artificial sweeteners, Double D Smart 50g $2.20, Jols $1.50 maltitol
• Cream - Ayams coconut 270ml $2.30, Valcom 400ml $2
• Cream - Meander Valley 200ml $3.80
• Dips - Always something on special - all brands have high and low carbs
• Dips - Black swan Classic Dip 200g 2 for $6.50,
• Drinks - Coca Cola 24x375ml $20,
• Drinks - Kirks $1.40, 10 cans $6.95
• Drinks - Lipton's iced tea 2 for $6.50 peach or lemon no sugar
• Drinks - Ocean Spray 5% Juice low sugar 1.5 Litre $4.85
• Drinks - Pepsi Max or Solo 1.25L $1.70,
• Drinks - Schweppes 1.1L $1.50 zero of no sweetener,
• Drinks, energy - Red bull 8x250ml $9.50 half price,
• Drinks, kombucha -- Remedy 4x250ml $6.50, Nexba 1L $4.95, Nexba 4 pack $6.90
• Drinks, no sweetener - Bubly 8 cans $7.50, Schweppes 10 cans $7.50, Dash 4 pack $6.30
• Fish - Fresh Tasmanian Salmon Portions Skin On $29kg
• Fish - John west Tuna Tempters 95g $1.35, Wild Scottish Mackeral 125g $3
• Fish - Sole Mare Portuguese Style Sardines In EV Olive Oil 120g $2.40
• Fish - Thawed blue grenadier $12kg
• Ice cream - Denada tubs and sticks 2 for $20 ONLINE ONLY
• Mayonnaise - Kewpie 300g $4.30 in Asian area, S&W whole egg 440g $6.30
• Meat - Australian Lamb Half Leg Roast bone in $12kg, Boneless shoulder $18kg, Bone in $13kg
• Meat - Australian Pork Belly Roast Boneless $16kg, Pork ribs $16kg, Boneless pork shoulder $9kg
• Meat - Beef Corned Silverside $11kg
• Meat - Chicken drumsticks $4kg, Whole chicken $4.50kg,
• Meat - Don kabana $3.30 from deli
• Meat - Free Range Rspca Approved Chicken Breast Fillets Large Pack $13kg
• Meat - Graze Grass Fed oyster blade $22.50kg
• Meat - Hans Twiggy Sticks $23.50kg from deli
• Meat - Pork mince 500g 2 fr $10
• Meat - Primo Middle Bacon 750g $11pk, Streaky Bacon $17kg from deli, Shortcut from deli $16kg
• Meat - Rocco's Smokey Bacon & Cheese Sausages 450g $7
• Milk - Rokeby Farms Fit Milk $2
• Milk - Suncoast Gold Macadamia UHT 1L $3 note contains vanilla but not on label
• Milk, almond - Vitasoy fridge $3, Inside Out fridge $3 (Woollies cheaper)
• Nuts - Coles natural macadamias 400g $15, Market Land smoked almonds 500g $8
• Oil, EV olive - Cobram Estate Aust 750ml $10.80, Coles 3L can $28, La Espanola 1L Organic $13, La Espanola mild 1L $9.50
• Peanut butter - Sanitarium 375g $3.50
• Pickles - Fehlbergs Burger Pickles 490g $4
• Protein bars/cookies - BSC 60g $3.15 maltitol
• Protein powder - Coles Perform 35g 2 for $4
• Sauce, pasta - Val Verde passata 700ml $2.50 , Mutti varieties 40g $4
• Sauce - Valcom Curry Paste 210g-240g $3.40, Massaman 08.8/100g, Thai Green 05.3, Thai Panaeng 03.8, Ayams 185g $3.20, Mai Ploy green 50g $1
• Snacks - Don Donski pork crackle 50g $2.50, Master 50g $2
• Snacks, sweet - Atkins 20 pack cherry coconut in big size area $20 maybe less. (maltitol_
• Spice - Mingle better gravy 120g $4.40 higher carbs
• Stock/Bone broth - Campbells Real UHT 1L $2.25, half price
• Sweetener - Natvia Gold 250g $6.80 E&S
• Syrup - Natvia maple syrup 250ml $5.50
• Tea - Dilmah Inspiration spiced rooibos 20 pack $3
• Yoghurt, flavoured - Chobani Greek no sugar 2 for $4, Danono Yo pro Perfor 20g protein 175g $1.85 half price
• Yoghurt, flavoured - Chobani Fit 15g protein 170g $2.15
• Yoghurt, plain - Chobani Greek Yogurt 907g whole milk $6.30

WOOLWORTHS

30% off PranaOn, Keep It Cleaner & Bodiez# #Excludes Bounce Multi Packs, Keep It Cleaner Bars

• Aeroplane - Jelly Lite $2 look for watermelon, blueberry, grape
• Avalanche - Hot chocolate 10 pack $4.40 higher carbs
• Beer - Steersman Blonde Low Carb Bottles 6x330ml 2 for $22 ??? carbs, Better Beer zero carbs 6 pack $18
• Bread/Wraps - Simson's Pantry High Protein Low Carb Wraps 5 Pack $4.40
• Butter - Devondale 250g $4.20
• Butter - Mainland organic NZ 250g $4.50
• Cheese - Always cheddar cheese block or slices on special
• Cheese - Bega Cream 225g block $3,
• Cheese - Castello varieties 150g $6.50, Tasmanian Heritage 125g $5.65
• Cheese - King Island 200g $7.50
• Cheese - King Island Brie or Camembert 175-200g $9.50
• Cheese - Melbourne Cheese co marinated fetta varieties 250g $7.50, Castello Greek 450g $5.50
• Cheese - Perfect Italiano 450g melting mozzarella, mexican $7
• Cheese - Picon corners cream 120g $2.50, Babybel 100g $5
• Chocolate - Lindt Excellence $3.30
• Chocolate - Well Naturally 90g bars or coated almonds $3.50
• Crackers - Olina simply seed 80g $3.50
• Cream - Bulla Double 200g $4
• Dips - Always something on special - all brands have high and low carbs
• Dips - Yumi's $3.50, Chris heritage %7.50
• Drinks - Bickfords diet cordial 750ml $4 try Tropical good sweeteners
• Drinks - Coca Cola, Sprite Fanta diet 1.25L $1.70, 30 cans $24.95
• Drinks - Cottees Diet cordial 1l $2.95 half price
• Drinks - Ocean Spray 5% Juice low sugar 1.5 Litre $4.90
• Drinks - Pepsi Max, Pepsi, Solo Zero, or Raspberry Zero 12 x 450ml bottles $10
• Drinks - Pepsi, Solo Zero, Sunkist Zero 24 x 375ml $19, 12x450ml bottles $10
• Drinks - Schweppes 1.1L $1.50 zero or Unsweetened
• Drinks, energy - Monster Energy 4 x 500ml $6.92, NEW C4 473ml $3.80, Gatorade or G active 600ml $2.30
• Drinks, kombucha – Lo Bros 4 pack $6, Remedy prebiotic 4 pack $6,
• Drinks, no sweetener - Mt Franklin 1.25l $1.35, Strangelove 4 pack $7.20
• Fish - Brunswick sardines 106g $2, Kippers $1.65
• Fish - Just Caught Frozen Atlantic salmon no skin $29kg
• Fish - Paramount wild Alaskan pink salmon 415g $7.50
• Fish - Sirena tuna 95g $2.30 try Aldi slices in O oil
• Ice blocks - Twisted Raw C coconut Lychee 4 pack $5.50
• Mayonnaise - Hellmans Real 400g $6
• Meat - Beef Mince 500g $7
• Meat - Bertocchi Gold varieties Bacon 400g $8 (thin & crispy middle is my fave) Shortcut from deli $15kg, Streaky from deli $18kg
• Meat - Chicken maryland $7kg, Free Range drumsticks $6kg, Drumsticks large pack $4kg, loose $4.50kg
• Meat - Don Sliced Meats 160-200g $3.20, Primo varieties 2 for $6.30
• Meat - Lamb midloin chops $23kg
• Meat - Luv a duck legs 500g $10
• Meat - Macro Free Range Australian Fresh Whole Plain Chicken $4.50kg
• Meat - Primo Kransky Double Smoked or Cheese – From the Deli $10.80kg half price
• Meat - Woolworths COOK precooked Slow Cooked Chicken Breast in Creamy Mushroom Sauce 700g $12 6.3g/serve
• Meat - Woolworths COOK precooked Shanghai Style Pork Belly 600g $12 separate sauce reduce carbs by ditching most of the sauce
• Meat - Woolworths COOK precooked Slow Cooked Pork Knuckle $10kg
• Meat - Woolworths COOK Slow Cooked Beef Brisket in a BBQ Sauce 700g $15.50 ditch most of the sauce
• Meat - Woolworths Cook Slow Cooked Butterflied Beef 700g $15
• Milk, almond - Almond Breeze UHT $2, Australia's Own UHT $1.85, Almo fridge $5.50, Inside Out fridge $2.25 stock up half price long dates, Sanitarium fridge $3.30
• Milk, coconut - Australia’s Own UHT $1.90
• Oil - Coco Earth liquid coconut oil 500ml $11
• Oil - The Grove EV avocado 250ml $8.50
• Oil, EV olive - Monini 750ml $13. Moro 500ml $7.80, Red Island Aust 1L $16
• Peanut butter - Mayvers 375g 2 for $9, Pics $5 (online only), Bega Simply Nuts $4.40, Noya almond butters $7.20, Skippy no added sugar 450g $2.75 USA jhalf price
• Pickles -
• Protein bars/cookies - BSC, Noway, Bounce Load up 30% off, QUEST PB cups $2.40 half price, Quest cookies $2.40 ONLINE ONLY
• Protein drinks - Bodiez Protein Water Powder 290g $24.50, Premixes cans and bottles 30% off
• Protein powder - Keep it cleaner protein 375g $23.10
• Sauce - MasterFoods Reduced sugarTomato or Barbecue Sauce 475-500ml (some maltitol) $1.90 half price
• Sauce - Pataks curry pastes 283g $4 check carbs
• Sauce, pasta - Leggos Providore Tomato & Chilli 400g $5 lowest carb not hot
• Sauve, hot - Franks red hot buffalo 148g $3.50, Byron Bay varieties 150ml $4.20, Bull's-eye Chilli Louisiana Style Chipotle Cajun Spices 135ml $4, Frank's Redhot Original Thick 368ml $5, Nandos peri peri 250g $6
• Snacks - D'orsogna Tasty Sticks 400g $9.75, From deli $25kg dearer
• Snacks - Normandie Pate Chicken & Black Peppercorns 150g $4.60
• Snacks - O olive oil roasted seaweed 4 pack $2.75
• Snacks, sweet - Aussie Bodies 4 pack $8, Atkins 5 pack $7.50 (maltitol)
• Soup - Hart & Soul konjac noodles pho100g mug size $1.50
• Spices - Mingle Seasoning 35-50g $2.47 half price
• Stock/Bone broth - Maggie Beer 500ml stock $4, Campbells bone 500ml, $7, Hart & Soul bone 350g $3.50
• Sweetener - Natvia E&S 350g $7.50, Whole Earth E&MF 200g $7.10, Truvia E&S 360g $8
• Syrup - Lakanto monkfruit golden malt, or vanilla bakers syrup 300ml $7
• Syrup - Natvia Choc Topping No Added Sugar 250ml $2.85 half price
• Tahini - Mayvers gulled 385g $5.20
• Yoghurt, flavoured - Chobani Fit 15g protein $2.15
• Yoghurt, flavoured - Chobani no sugar 680g $5.40
• Yoghurt, plain - Chobani Greek Natural Whole Milk 907g $6.30

my mom gets groceries through walmart delivery because we both hate going inside the store and it’s much easier on us. whenever they are out of something they always wait until an awful time (usually like 12 am) to notify my mom who is completely asleep by then that the groceries have been swapped. so many times have my orders been screwed over and my safe foods have been messed with because someone bought natural peanut butter instead of skippy which is way different in texture or when they forgot half of the things i wanted and i ended up barely able to eat. their delivery service is so annoying

My friend has a few ticks on his back. And I have no idea how to remove them. He suggested burning them and suffocating them with peanut butter or Vaseline.
My other friend tried pulling one out himself. And it’s head (separated from body) is hella stuck. Like they’re using a lot of force with their fingers. And it’s like stuck stuck.
Also I know he can get Lyme disease from it. Anything I should look out for? I have kept the body of the one removed. And plan to keep the rest once removed. I’ve dated it and time stamped it with a label of general location. As well as pictured before removal with them still in. Just in case.
Thanks for any help. Hope you’re doing okay.

I made my favorite meal for dinner two days ago, as a lil treat for myself. I love this meal so much that I plan to get a tattoo dedicated to it, and all my friends not only know about it, but how to make it, because of how often I talk about my love for it. It was the first meal my husband cooked for me in the early days of our love. I've modified it to perfection over the years and it means a lot to me.
After I finished cooking and preparing my bowl, I made sure to package the leftovers to have extra enjoyment over the next few days.
Then I forgot to put them in the fridge, leaving them on the counter throughout the night and the next morning, completely ruining them. I found them the following afternoon while filling up my dogs' water bowl and was just 🥺 for several minutes.
Flaired as funny story because it's actually a little funny, but it wasn't in the moment lol.

My 2 year old female Charlie has allergies, which I knew would be a thing when I got a frenchie but at this point I’m mystified. I just want her to be comfortable and maybe spend more than 10 minutes outside without a reaction!
Issue - she continues to rub at her eyes and itch her ears a lot. Also a butt scratcher but no gland issues. She has these reverse sneezing/hiccup episodes once a week or so that are sometimes (every other month)so severe she begins licking everything, regurgitates, vomits everything up etc to the point she needs a cerenia injection and subcu fluids. Lasts 24-48 hours. I can tell when it’s coming on bc her breathing gets “ratteley”(?) (not in her lungs but more nose/throat) and her farts get crazy.
Testing - We’ve had the hair test to check food and serum test to check environmental. Food wise she’s not allergic to much, slight irritation to chicken, bananas, etc. Environmentally she’s HIGHLY allergic to cats (never around them) and storage mites (food now lives in the freezer) otherwise most pollens and trees are mid to low range.
Meds - She takes half a Claritin every morning and gets Cytopoint every month. She gets a full wipe down every AM and PM to remove dirt/allergens. I can sometimes stop the “reaction” if I get it early enough with Benadryl.
Food - she gets NOTHING but Royal Canine French Bulldog and a little peanut butter or a blueberry here and there. We’ve tried whole food diets but always end up with one of those vomiting/ regurgitating cycles. We did the HP diet which she was GREAT on then tried some Honest Kitchen and Instinct products with same negative results.
No stenotic snares. No mega e. No elongated soft palette. Had a hiatal hernia that was repaired at 10 months old.
She’s been to a bunch of vets that usually say “wow that’s odd” when we show a video and just give the normal course of actions with meds and fluids. No one has ever been like “wow yeah I’ve seen that before here’s what that is and what we can do about it”.

• 1 cup all-purpose flour (add more if needed)
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon cornstarch
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened
• 1 cup (add more if needed) brown sugar, packed (sugar and maple syrup is a fine substitute)
• 1/2 cup creamy natural peanut butter
• 1 egg
• 1/2 cup mashed banana (about 1 medium banana)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• (optional: cane sugar, for sprinkling)
  
• Add flour, salt, cinnamon, baking powder, and sugar into a bowl and mix thoroughly
  
• whip butter until fluffy before adding sugar. Mix roughly 1 minute or until combined before adding in banana, vanilla extract, egg, and peanut butter
  
• cook on 350°F for 8-10 minutes
  

Preface: While this guide will not include EVERY facet of leveling, it will give a deep dive into unique items for leveling. While some of these may be known, there are others that I hope will change how you level new characters. The focus is on gear sub level 20 that can be used all the way until act 10 or at least until you can get a better replacement unique throughout the leveling process.
Hello, my name is PeanutButterZebraHacker, or Peanut for short, and I love Path of Exile. I find myself playing this game whenever I have free time and with nearly 19k hours in the game, it's something I have loads of experience with. I am making this guide because I always hear about people HATING the leveling experience and for me... well I tend to enjoy it; however, this is because the way I level lets me pick nearly any build I want, something people often feel they cannot do when they make a new character.
This post will be VERY long, I understand that many may not read it, and that my formatting and order for this may need work if I want something more formal; though, for now I will just post how I see fit!
Leveling in PoE is often considered a chore that pigeon holes you into playing the same exact build (Hollow Palm normally, my aim is to change that). This guide will demonstrate every good leveling unique in the game and show how an individual can leverage these unique items to play almost any build they desire.
The bottom of this write-up will have a PoB with my favorite uniques to mess around with and a sample setup to see what you can do with the right gear!
​
Unique Items per slot: My favorite item per slot is in Bold.
Helmets: This slot is flexible for survival, damage, or speed!

1. Honourhome: This is by far the BEST leveling helmet in the entire game. While +2 may seem like a minor bonus, the fact that it can get TWO +2 implicit corruptions and then also have a level 2 empower socketed allows any skill with the right corruptions to have +9 to gem levels! The mana cost reduction is an additional bonus that shouldn't be forgotten either! It is INSANE when used alone or moreso when combined with the rest of the items on this list.
2. Thrillsteel: While I only consider this to be a glorified MTX, there is some merit with running this helmet on builds that cannot take advantage of Honourhome. The Onslaught is nice to have while leveling but because they removed its effect from in-town use, it is just that bit worse off.
3. Goldrim: The CLASSIC leveling helmet. This thing is cheap solid leveling helmet that can easily cap resistances through the acts.
4. Fairgraves Tricorne: This helmet is old but potentially usable. The "can be touched by tormented spirits" mod provides 50% increased attack, cast, and movement speed as well as 50% increased damage; however, you hardily encounter spirits in acts and will likely be overall less strong than the above.
5. Crown of Thorns: Really only viable with Ghostwrithe and Energy Blade, otherwise just a solid tanky option when you have nothing else.
6. Asenath's Mark: While I wouldn't suggest this for a spell casting build as long as Honourhome exists, especially because you give up the potential for two axioms for a bow, this can be solid for auxiliary damage in a bow build or extra curses/utility while leveling with a bow!

Note: The corruptions for helmets are avaliable on all helmets, not just honourhome. If there is a helmet you want to use, always be sure to price it out with the corruptions you want! A +2 Aoe/+2 Aura helmet is still really good for leveling with haste for the extra movement speed!
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Body Armour: These options each have benefits that can be compared when choosing your build.

1. Thousand Ribbons: While everyone knows tabula as "the leveling unique", it should always be remembered that Thousand Ribbons exists. ESPECIALLY when corrupted with up to 50% increased damage, Thousand Ribbons provides large flat damage bonus, resistances, and other modifiers that are VERY helpful for leveling. If used with a +4 helmet or Honourhome, the number of sockets doesn't even matter because you will be using the helmet for your links. This thing is INSANE.
2. Tabula Rasa: The most well known leveling unique in the game, Tabula is a great "generic" item that provides extra damage or utility through extra links. It is advised to get an increased damage corruption for this body armour, though it is important to remember that mana cost may be an issue with 6L skills while leveling.
3. Ghostwrithe: This is a great item for builds transitioning into CI at some point or builds that want to use Energy Blade to level, otherwise, it is just a solid chest when you have nothing else.
4. Foxshade: This body armour can provide some solid stats and movement speed while leveling if you can stay at full life! Get yourself a % damage corruption and you have yourself another way to hurt and run!

Note: There are quite a few good corruptions for body armours, +! socketed being one often overlooked at low levels; however, it is often just best to take the increased damage corruption for that small boost while leveling.
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Gloves: These options all provide an offensive bonus that will help speed up leveling!

1. Lochtonial Caress: These are a SIGNATURE for leveling form level 1 in any build, try getting a max rolled cast or attack speed for your build and they could last you to act 10 Kitava alone. There are other options to upgrade into after these gloves; however, these are the premium gloves to use when you first start out.
2. Hrimsorrow: These gloves are perfect for any player that wants to use a physical attack that then gets converted into cold. Otherwise they are just a lump of stats.
3. Sadima's Touch: The flat damage provided can be largely helpful early game and quant could always be fun to have but I would rate these poorly compared to other options.
4. Doedre's Tenure: The ULTIMATE spell leveling gloves. Fear not the reduced cast speed; by time you can use these, you can also toss on a pair with cast speed corruption to negate the downside. These gloves provide SO much extra damage while leveling a spell build and should ALWAYS be used on any build that wants to level with spells. Buy these with cast speed corruption and youll be blasting!
5. Flesh and Spirit: The rampage CAN be nice; though, it isn't often you are stopping to clear entire screens that these will see much use beyond Lightning arrow or other solid clearing skills that would allow you to actually get stacks easily.
6. Facebreakers: With the existence of Hollow Palm, these gloves have fallen behind. They CAN still be used but the other options are much better.
7. Ondar's Clasp: These gloves are hard to take advantage of until you can use arrogance to reserve some of your life, otherwise, I wouldn't suggest using them.

Note: The curses or speed corruptions can REALLY round out a pair of leveling gloves and should not be forgotten about if you can get a pair with it!
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Boots: The options below are chosen to assist with the speed through the acts!

1. Seven-League Step: These are generally a bit pricey, especially early, but they are easily the BEST leveling boots in the game. When corrupted with increased movement speed, they turn you into a speeding bullet, but even without they are VERY strong.
2. Abberaths Hooves: A solid leveling alternative that gives good damage and a fun mechanic to mess with to kill monsters. The ignite prolif can add to the fun on ignite builds as well!
3. Wanderlust: The most budget option, these boots give freeze immunity which is awesome and solid movement speed to run through the acts!
4. Nomic's Storm: A cheap alternative to Seven-Leagues, these boots can provide a great movement speed buff with some stats; though, it is important to remember you will take a big first hit while wearing these!
5. Stormcharger: With a good roll on the movement speed, you can get yourself a really fast pair of boots that also scale shock very well for that extra damage!

Note: Always remember to look for cheap pairs with movement speed corruptions! These can really make leveling feel that much better!
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Shields: Overlooked for higher damage option, shields are great for tankiness in the early levels.

1. Lycosidae: This shield is great for builds that use attacks but is often looked over because accuracy isn't much of an issue early. Using counter-attacks with this shield can be fun though!
2. Crest of Perandus: The life given by this shield can really pump up your early game tankiness and the extra stats are nice too. This shield is a comfy "I don't want to die" alternative.
3. Kaltenhalt: This shield is GREAT for any build that wants to level with a strong physical skill. The gained as can feel great for early game chills/freezes for additional "defense" as well.
4. Springleaf: Really only used for EARLY EARLY RF leveling, this shield is solid for adding some additonal regen to a build that doesn't die quick but doesn't heal quick either!

Note: Shields are often weak for leveling but it is important to realize they do exist! While it may be better to run a stronger weapon for damage, a shield can make leveling a bit more comfy and open doors for other options.
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Jewellery: Jewellery has a large list of strong usable items. While there are technically some unique items that can have their level requirement removed via corruption, I will only list the unique items that I find to be genuinely beneficial to use.
Amulets: There is a large list of usable amulets, just remember to pick the one that best fits your build!

1. Sidhebreath: This amulet is very niche for minion builds and pretty much requires you run added cold with the minions to counter lack of other damage they can no longer deal. If you REALLY want to run this, you're going to notice a drop in damage as your minion gems level up.
2. Blood of Corruption: Really strong for early game levels but falls behind the Karui setup for benefits. Usable but not strong.
3. (Replica) Karui Ward: The BEST leveling amulet in the game. This amulet should be purchased with a movement speed corruption if possible to help BLAST through the game. The speed provided by this slot alone is huge and with the right annoint can turn you into a speed demon!
4. Tear of Purity: The extra resistances and ailment immunity provided by and early game Purity of Elements can feel great while leveling but otherwise isn't that strong.
5. Xoph's Heart: Now usable at level 5, this amulet and the ash covering ability really add some nice early game damage for leveling if you are using a fire build.
6. (Replica) Atziri's Foible: If built around, these amulets are easily some of the coolest. The bonuses they provide given the right build are astounding, otherwise its just a filler amulet.
7. Astramentis: INSANE for leveling because it cuts back your need for stats, Astramentis is always great to have around and can make for some easy gearing without worrying about stats.

Note: Make sure to annoint your amulet! While I always check for a movement speed corruption, the extra tainted oil can make the cost too high so going with an uncorrupted amulet might be the play!
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Rings: The ring slot options are somehow large and small all at the same time.

1. Blackheart: The extra chaos damage added can really boost the early game clear, though the flee can be VERY annoying for melee builds.
2. Doedre's Damning: While additonal curse may seem strong, the lack of curses early makes this ring really just a ball of resistances.
3. Perandus Signet: My favorite ring to use as it gets me closer to using my full set at level 16, otherwise I run a few other options once I get there.
4. Berek's Rings: These rings are all solid for leveling assuming your build uses their bonuses correctly, read each of them to see what you might want to use!
5. Call of the Brotherhood: Great for those early game lightning builds (Spark is a favorite for me). Being able to do cold damage is huge for early game and can feel awesome for defense as well!
6. Le Heup of All: This ring is a generalist ring that fills the gap you may need for certain stats or resistances. It is always nice to keep a few on hand and use them when you are lacking somewhere!
7. Mark of Submission: This ring feels REALLY good early game to get extra damage from a curse and if it can be used, should be used! A early curse on hit can add a LOAD of extra damage, much more than most other rings this early into PoE.
8. Praxis: The reduced mana cost from this ring is a godsend and when used as a pair, your skill will often cost ZERO mana! Just remember, if you use inspiration, you want at least 1 cost for the mana!
9. Pyre: This ring is CRAZY for ignite builds and can even enable some cold ignite builds early game (just slao some elemental catalysts on it!) The bonus from destroying corpses is also very nice and can cutback on some on death stress effects that occur during the acts!
10. (Replica) Tasalio's Sign: This ring is GREAT for any build that can apply a chill! The huge added flat can really boost up your leveling speed while slowing down your enemies!

Note: Rings are pretty flexible and it is best to use a pair that best fits your build, though it doesn't hurt to run Perandus Signets until you can toss on two Le Heups!
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Belt: Belts are a pretty large slot for unique items but like many other slots, there is generally one that is best. (Yes, MB is obviously the best belt BUT this writeup is moreso about uniques that people may not always think about and also ones below level 20, give or take a few items. Anyone WITH MB know they're going to use it and anyone without is either going to buy one or can't afford it)

1. Darkness Enthroned: This belt is the BEST if you are willing to hunt down good abyss jewels. The fact that you can gain loads of life, movement speed if you haven't been hit recently, and other benefits, really makes this belt take the number 1 spot for early into late leveling stages.
2. String of Servitude: This belt can have some solid mods; however, it's often lacking in areas that could make it feel good and unless you're going Hollow Palm, the belt is on the sidelines.
3. Meginord's Girdle: The added flat physical damage can be great for Pillar or Facebreaker builds; otherwise, this is just a filler belt with some stats.
4. Perandus Blazon: This belt is GREAT for the extra attributes and some quantity, though these stats are either made up elsewhere or generally useless for the acts!
5. Belt of the Deceiver: This belt can provide some additional damage to attack builds through intimidate as well as some resistances and life, it is still often better to run a Darkness Enthroned to make up for those potential missing stats.
6. Bated Breath: If you are looking to focus on an ES build or Energy Blade, this belt is just about the best you can go with until later in the game.
7. (Replica) Prismweave: This belt is INSANELY strong for the added flat it can provide to both attacks and spells and makes for a REALLY good leveling belt if you opt out of the huge added flat from a +9 Honourhome.

Note: While belts are often flexible, it is generally understood to just run with a Darkness Enthroned and search for level 1 jewels that fit your build. Remember that each abyss jewel has different rolls. (Ghastly: Minions, Searching: Bows/wands, Murderous: Melee/Attacks, Hypnotic: Spells)
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Weapons: Weapons will be classified by their type, though some types may be more popular than others. When it comes to leveling with attacks, its often you will upgrade your weapon with something throughout the acts. Spells don't need much of an upgrade with some of the options below. I will not be listing weapon classes that have mediocre uniques, if a class isn't listed a cheap rare is best (Ex. Daggers have poor options and should instead be a rare if you want to use them.)
Axe: This weapon type is often overlooked for leveling but can be beneficial given some extra "tech".

1. Screaming Eagle: The movement speed provided makes this axe worth dual-wielding in your offhand to swap to for extra speed!
2. Limbsplit: While the culling strike isn't neccessary for early-game, having a way to cull early on weapon swap can cut some seconds off of killing some tanky rares! (I am looking at you spinning birdcage skeletons with extra life!)

Notes: Axes are often just kept on weapon swap for their bonus, if you want to use an axe for damage, an axe purchased from a vendor, qualitied, and essenced often do far more damage.
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Bows: Bows are something I really enjoy leveling with and the options are quite large, below are the some solid choices if you don't want to craft a rare every 5-10 levels!

1. Silverbranch: This bow is a generic leveling bow that when found early can really assist with early game bow clear.
2. Widowhail: With the right quiver, this bow is INSANE! It does require further planning but given the right setup, this bow can be used from level 1 to level 100, even being something to build around! If you want to go with stat stacking, remember that 249% is only 2x effect while 250% is 3x effect, so buy a max roll!
3. Quillrain: The classic leveling bow that can be used from 5 to 100, the speed and mana gained on hit make this bow feel nice and comfy for leveling, though the damage reduction is a bit noticable.
4. Storm Cloud: This bow does so much for an early game build and should not be forgotten. While the attack speed is much lower than Quill Rain, it does feel very nice to use with LA and other bow skills early.

Note: Bows can be bought with corruptions but it is often easier to just buy high rolls, but never overlook a high roll AND corruption that still retains the low level requirement.
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Quivers: Using the right quiver can really change the bow leveling experience, though a crafted rare often does the trick too!

1. Hyrri's Bite: Insane for leveling, this quiver is VERY good with the extra stats it provides, it will really change how your gems level early game!

Note: Quivers are often better if just cheaply essence crafted, otherwise, Hyrri's Bite is the strong go-to quiver.
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Maces: While the choices are small, it is fun to run a mace with slams early!

1. Gorebreaker: The damage done by this mace early game is enough to kill most rares in a hit or two; however, it falls off quickly given the slow attack speed.

Note: There are technically more options in the 20s range; though, they are often overshadowed in damage from a crafted rare.
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Sceptres: This is where the fun weapons begin!

1. Axiom Perpetuum: This is by far the BEST spell caster leveling unique in the entire game. When combined with other unique items in this list (often the ones I bold), the damage provided is MASSIVE. This is brought up even HIGHER with a cast speed corruption. This sceptre is the BEST spell caster leveling weapon in the entire game and should ALWAYS be kept in pairs of two with cast speed corruptions. The Crit and Cast speed alone turn a boring spell into a KILLING machine.
2. Brutus Lead Sprinkler: I know this is level 28 but it holds a strong place in my heart. This is one of my favorite items in PoE (I WISH I could get one with a great crucible tree for standard but I don't have the desire to make one right now, maybe later, I REALLY want one!) It is VERY fun to level with for Str stacking and should be remembered if you are looking to try a stat stacking build early.

Note: There really isn't a better caster weapon than Axiom for leveling and really limits the unique items worth using for said builds.
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Staves: An uncommon leveling piece, staves can see some use but are often outclassed by Axiom or other items:

1. Fencoil: Great for early damage until you get two axioms but not needed when you can use +1 All X Spell gem magic wands instead.
2. Replica Bloodthorn: The increased fire damage can feel great for early game Rolling Magma until Axioms; however, it is useless afterwards.
3. Pillar of the Caged God: This is often used at much higher levels after stats are scaled better but can be used early if you can find some good added flat physical damage and strength while leveling.

Note: It is generally much better to use +1 wands but staves can still make for an easy to store unique weapon to hold until you can use Axioms.
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Swords: The choice of swords for leveling is pretty open with one clear winner; though, it is often better to use a crafted rare if you want to level with them.

1. Oni-Goroshi: This sword has so much lore behind it and is very strong to level with. While farming it may not be fun and making sure you get enough ignite chance to trigger the proc may not be fun, it can scale all the way to level 100 if built around and is very solid for leveling with melee weapons.
2. Redbeak: This is often dropped for a rare the moment you can hit a Thrusting sword with an essence or two, this sword is still strong for early levels if given the chance!
3. The Princess: I really enjoy dual wielding this sword with another copy when using a physical build, it is still often better to use Axiom or a crafted rare.
4. Shiversting: When it comes to two hander swords, Shiversting takes the cake for early game damage. Sady it is still outclassed by a crafted rare if you have the essences, otherwise, it can clear early levels easily until you can upgrade.

Note: Like other melee weapons, swords are often better crafted ever 5-10 levels, unless you use Oni.
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Claws: Claws really only have one option for leveling and it always requires Elemental hit to work.
(Replica) Last Resort: This claw is VERY good when leveling with elemental hit once you can get to low life; however, it is otherwise useless.
Note: If you want claws, use a rare, its really that simple.
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Wands: While outclassed by Axiom, wands can be used early for an extra damage boots until you can use those sceptres.

1. Lifesprig: A solid wand to use until you can use Axioms, the life it heals is nice for early sustain.
2. Abberaths Horn: This wand is useable if you cannot get +1 wands early, is should be dropped as soon as possible. While ignite isn't insanely strong early, the reduced ignite duration can be noticed when it comes to additional damage from fire builds.
3. Ashcaller: This wand is really strong with SRS from the covered in ash debuff, it is otherwise not that usable.
4. Poet's Pen: This wand, while not as popular, is a cult classic for leveling. Throw on two with your favorite spells (and make sure to use clarity to counter to trigger costs!) and you can BLAZE through the game using frenzy as your trigger. Poet's Pen builds do require some planning but can be VERY fun for early game.

Note: It is often better to use a magic +1 to all X spell set for leveling. Aside from Poet's Pen, the benefit of using the above wands is worse than a simple +1 wand.
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Jewels: The number of leveling jewels has dropped drastically after the jewel change but here is a short list of some!

1. One with Nothing: Your typical "leveling" jewel. This build has been tried and true for years and is always something to look into if you want the generic Hollow Palm leveling experience.
2. Thread of Hope: A late game found jewel that can be used in early leveling to get some extra passives early in the game (Think about getting two extra projectiles for a bow build early instead of pathing all the way to those nodes).
3. Watcher's Eye: Another late game found jewel that can add some convivence to an early leveling experience but needs to be built around.
4. Sublime Vision: The final of my suggest jewels, using the haste version of this can add some extra speed to an otherwise speedy leveling experience!

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When deciding your build, the most important part is deciding the "prime unique" to build around, when it comes to spells, make sure you can buy the perfect +4 Honourhome helmet and then go from there, a perfect Honourhome is the difference between 6k DPS at level 16 and 800 dps. Build around this helmet and you'll LOVE the spell caster leveling experience, I PROMISE!
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Build Template(s): I will add more templates if this thread gets some views but otherwise here is my generic "Spark leveling template" that I used. The damage is VERY high for a level 16 and I have personally leveled a character all the way to act 10 with this gear setup without using a SINGLE passive point. (Though I did need to swap in Astramentis and swap rings to make up for lost resistances and stats to level up skill gems.) None of these builds have passive points in, just gear.
Spark: https://pobb.in/7ikhk0q3MVNU
Lightning Arrow: https://pobb.in/hDzo2YyYcOp-
Generic Spell Level 2 Build: https://pobb.in/prpMjcZLrdLG
Freezing Pulse: https://pobb.in/yQc_4q20wMQQ
Ignite Ice Shot with Pyre: https://pobb.in/aqUBF7Vk-OKk
Molten Strike (Cheaply crafted swords): https://pobb.in/B45bzsd9DWF5
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If you have any questions feel free to ask! I can also make a video guide that is a bit more fleshed out so let me know if you like it!

I use a table knife to stir in the separated oil in my slightly warmed peanut butter but the bottom quarter is usually less creamy than the top 75 percent regardless of how much I stir. Is there a better, more efficient stir stick?

Hi Everyone -
I am an experienced Keto-er and I'm returning to the way of eating after several years away.
I am about to enter an extremely busy summer season at work, so I am wanting to do two meals a day and I want to eat the same thing every day (personal preference).
I am struggling to get my macros right in my meal planning for this go round and was wondering if anyone had some food / menu planning suggestions.
I'm doing a 40% deficit and here are my calculations:
Protein - 60g
Carbs - 34g
Fat - 142g
Kcal - 1651
Where I am getting hung up in my meal planning is reaching the 1651 kcals without totally going over the protein goal.
The foods I like most: chicken thighs & legs w/skin, ground beef, steak, antipasto-like salad, eggs, cheese, pepperoni, salami, ham, butter, broccoli, cauliflower, salad greens, tomatoes, nuts, olive oil, italian dressing, and stone berries like blueberries/strawberries when in season.
What I was thinking was an omelette for breakfast with ham/cheese/spinach cooked in butter and coffee w/heavy cream. Small stone fruit cup. Then salad, meat, veg for dinner. But I can't get the math to work across two meals. I'm always 200-300 calories short and then over on protein. I'm clear I can just add fats for calories, but I don't really want just empty fat cals to meet the kcal number. Are there any fatty snacks that won't overdo the protein?
Any suggestions for how to better portion/structure the two meals to meet the protein & kcal goal?

Left: white bread w/butter. Chicken thigh, purple sweet potato, madras lentils, garlic bok choy.
Right: oatmeal, mango, papaya, peanut butter, cottage cheese, chia seeds, jello, sunflower pumpkin seeds w cranberry.
Altogether: 1600 cal.
6' 210lb male in deficit towards 195.

Are you guys making smoothies? What's your go-to recipes? I just recently discovered that its cheaper for me to buy the premier protein powder than to buy it premade so I've been going smoothie crazy.
In the morning I'll do a cup of cold coffee, a serving of protein powder, chia seeds, and peanut butter.
Last weekend I made one that was so drool worthy, it was: a cup of spinach, a quarter of an avocado, chia seeds, one cup of Califia Farms Toasted Coconut Almond Milk, a few raspberries, and a serving of protein.

Hey!
Does anyone have any suggestions on the best Peanut butter ice cream I could get in grocery stores? I’ve found a lot of chocolate peanut butter but I’m looking for more just peanut butter.
So far the best I’ve found was the Chapman’s peanut butter crunch froyo but I’m looking for a more peanut buttery option if possible. For reference I live in the downtown core, thanks!

I became the stepfather to two amazing school age girls just over a year ago. Wife and I decided that I should become a SAHP because she makes significantly more than I did and our previous childcare was no longer available unexpectedly.
Firstly, this was a dream come true for me. My father was in the military and so almost never home. I've always wanted to be a father and be involved in my kids' lives in ways my father couldn't. It has been the most wonderful, confusing, chaotic, and beautiful time of my life!
However... Even after over a year as SAHP, I still feel like I don't really "get it." My wife is awesome but had a rough few years before we met where she was a single mother and had to do everything herself. I thought she would be happy for me to step up and start taking care of all the household chores and daily errands and whatnot. I'm starting to wonder if there's such a thing as single parent PTSD...
In practice, I constantly feel like a man who only understands Mandarin in a German DMV. It feels like everything I do is wrong most days with little-to-no way of me anticipating it. As wonderful as she is, my wife has a hard time not being in control. When I go grocery shopping I'm ALWAYS getting the wrong brand. "Why did you get name brand peanut butter? That's such as rip off!" "Eww, are these buns the store brand?" "I can't believe you spent $X on these juice packs, you should have waited until they were on sale." Let me clarify, she genuinely is trying to help me learn the ropes of being the SAHP, I think. She's not belittling me or being mean. However, it's like this every. time. She genuinely doesn't seem to understand that food prices have been skyrocketing and I'm doing my best with couponing and loyalty cards.
She also doesn't like the way I clean and organize things. She doesn't like the SHE cleans and organizes things either though. Our home is constantly filled with half-finished tasks and piles of junk that she's "going to get to this weekend" and she doesn't want me to do it. I lived a very simple lifestyle before marriage, subsisting almost entirely off of frozen pizza or pasta with veggies. I did my laundry twice a week and I deep cleaned my apartment as needed (almost definitely not often enough). I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing or how to do it in my new life and, while I wouldn't trade it for the world, I feel awful adding to my wife's anxiety levels by either constantly running to her for approval OR by going on my own judgement and then being wrong.
I'm often left sitting on the couch twiddling my thumbs because the laundry is done, the dishes are clean, the beds are made and dinner is decided but... I can't do any dusting or vacuuming because of the piles of stuff all over the house. I can't put the stuff away because I don't know what's a donate pile, a trash pile, or a pile to be organized. I don't know where things in the keep piles are supposed to go and I have the constant fear of doing it WRONG thus adding more stress onto my already anxious wife. Then she comes out of the office and will make some joke about me not working too hard...
I guess I don't really know what I'm asking for here. I genuinely love my life and my family. I love taking the girls to school and helping them with homework and teaching them about life. I love my wife and the dumb jokes we share and cuddling on the couch after bedtime. I DON'T love not knowing what I'm doing or how to actually contribute to my family's well-being. I want to help my wife see that I'm her partner and that I'm here to support her and make her life better.
I feel like I haven't painted my wife in the best light here, but please understand this is a small snapshot of things that bother me, not the 90%+ of time where things are good. She is a wonderful mother and a caring partner that just had a rough start to parenthood and doesn't know how to ask for help, I think.