I(26f) realized something the other day, I’m a very lonely person. But I think it’s my own fault.
I grew up in a very intense religious household in a culture I’m realizing was harmful and misogynistic in a way that stunted my development as a person (ex. I was told at age 11 it was a sin to get my ears pierced because “my body belonged to my husband” and I couldn’t make any changes to it without asking for his permission which was difficult, again, because had not met him yet at 11 years old).
I was luckily able to get away and gain more independence in college. I kept my personal faith, but was able to divorce myself of the culture. I discovered I loved research and writing and wanted a career in public policy. I became active in local politics. I found a ministry that I loved—serving adults with intellectual disabilities, building relationships with them, and including them in all levels of participation & leadership in the church. I came to terms with my bisexuality and had my first girlfriend, as well as my first relationship with a man where we weren’t “waiting for marriage”. I went to therapy. I got into law school. I moved across the state and began living my dream. Now I’m studying for the bar and about to start my first “real” job as a staff attorney for a disability advocacy group pushing for better policy outcomes in our state.
All of that is great, and I’m proud of myself. I love who I am and what I do. I know what I believe and why I believe it. But it can be a weird time.
I’m not out to my family back home. I’m not sure how they would react, but my friends who came out when we were growing up had a bad time. Like a cut off from family, kicked out of the house, hit & abused at home bad time. My family is so important to me, and they are kind and compassionate people. They’re generally more accepting than others, but they’ve surprised me before. I just don’t know.
I’m too religious for my political friends, sometimes I try to downplay it at work because it can make me sound naive or not intellectual enough. I even had a coworker admit to being nervous to talk about her wife around me because she knew I volunteered in ministry.
I do still volunteer with a branch of the disability ministry I worked with in college. I mentor 2 young women in their 20s and I occasionally lead a bible study and speak at events. The church I work for knows I’m bisexual, the church doesn’t endorse LGBTQ involvement in ministry but they’re fond of me and they recognize how important this is to me. We have a deal that as long as I stay “closeted” to this group/in this setting I can continue to lead. I know that sounds crazy but this is the deep south and parents would pull their children out of the group if they knew who was teaching. No other disability ministry around has this kind of community support and this much funding. And besides this one caveat, leadership trusts me enough to let me organize new programs and change what disability ministry could actually be. I’ve been too busy to date much anyway and this feels worth it to me. At least for now.
I’m out to my work friends and people from law school but not to most of my friends I do ministry with. I want to date someone who shares my faith, because stubbornly through all this bullshit I still love Jesus, but if it’s a girl my life is going to get really complicated and that’s an astronomical amount of pressure to put on a new relationship so it’s hard to even go on a first date. If it’s a guy I meet through church, he’s probably not going to be cool with the fact that I’m queer. But my faith is something that is so central to my life I can’t imagine ending up with someone who doesn’t get that.
I feel like I can never fully relax. I am constantly censoring myself only to hear from others that I come off as “stiff and awkward”. At this point my life is full of so many secrets and weird omissions I feel guilty even thinking about it. People who consider me a close friend don’t even truly know me. It’s not like I haven’t tried to be honest before, but it always leads to hurt and rejection and pain. It has literally never once gone well.
I just feel like a fake. And I’m so stressed but I feel like I don’t have anyone I can actually go to for advice because I’m the only one who sees the whole picture. It’s lonely and I think I’m genuinely ready to make a change but I’m overwhelmed and I have no idea where to start.
I am open to any and all wisdom—especially from someone who’s navigated this before. I know it can’t just be me. Let me hear it, thanks. 🤍

My pi is cracking down on us working from home. They informed me this morning that I'm expected to be at work from 9-5. Typically when I have work I can do at home (which is 2-3 days of the week), I work from 10-8 and do a bit of work on weekends.
I have nothing against a 40 hour work week (clearly since I do more than that at home) but this argument got me thinking. If I work 40 hours a week then, even without subtracting my tuition, I'm making less than minimum wage. Now I have to battle traffic and awful bus schedules to get to campus as well. And this is after moving out of my parents house in a low col area during my masters and into a city with an extremely high cost of living specifically for my phd
I'm passionate about this project and I want to keep working on it but the high cost of living and incredibly awful wage is just beating me down. It hasn't even been a full year and I just feel so combative about coming in. It felt like the flexibility was the only thing that made me not care as much.
Obviously I don't want to fight my pi on this because it's not worth it when I have a big scholarship application coming soon but every bone in my body just wants to find someone I can demand a living wage from and yell at them.

Hope everyone had a great holiday weekend!
I actually wrote up a post right after the 4th palace. Then I played a bit and they dropped so much more info that I had to toss it. Tomorrow is the trip to Hawaii so I thought this was a good point to stop and make another round of predictions.
The 4th palace is my favorite so far. There was so much symbolism to look into and I really liked the whole cursed gem bit. The end boss was a little annoying.
Things are really picking up pace. I had so many questions that were answered like 20 min later. They're really starting reveal some important details.
This is what I have as of now. In addition to my way off predictions there are also a few bits of info I'm that I'm not sure how they fit yet and some general impressions. I tried to keep it short (I failed).
Please no spoilers for any of the Persona games. This is my first and I plan on picking up 3/4.
After Palace 1 predictions : https://www.reddit.com/Persona5/comments/13odesi/first_time_playing_going_in_blind_my_horribly/
After Palace 2 prediction : https://www.reddit.com/Persona5/comments/13q3q9j/first_time_playing_going_in_blind_just_beat_the/
After Palace 3 predictions: https://www.reddit.com/Persona5/comments/13sl0vp/first_time_playing_going_in_blind_just_beat_the/
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Futaba/Alibaba and somehow Morgana

• The squid girl from the movie finally gets a name.
• Futaba's mom is the curry lady (Wakaba)!
• the phone call Sojiro had about a printer not being the right one makes soooo much sense now. I knew he was taking care of someone but I thought it was an old lady. Honestly thought there were going for a cheap laugh were she kept on printing out pictures of snowball or something.
• translated some of the binary on the walls of her palace into ASCII looking for a secret message but they were just the same odd symbols that were on the doors and such.

---tinfoil hat time---

• Futaba picked Alibaba as her hacker alias. before we get to see the whole Egypt / pyramid theme of her palace it seemed like a really odd choice.
• It could be just a cool name that the writers picked but "Chekhov's gun" states that every element introduced in a story should be necessary to the plot. If the gun isn't going to be fired then the audience doesn't need to see it being loaded - or something like that.
• It got me thinking and for sure I remembered the name Alibaba but had forgotten the details of the story. I did a quick search and was able to find the story pretty easily.
• Short version : Alibaba was a dude who stole a bunch of riches from some thieves. Alibaba is living the good life when the thieves track him down and make plans to kill him. The plans are stopped by Alibaba's slave who kills the thieves.
• Alibaba's slave was named .... wait for it .... Morgiana! Mind effing blown! That's way too similar to Morgana not to be important.
• Morgiana was female. Early in the game Ann ask Morgana if it's a boy or a girl. It says of course it's a boy, but it also says that it is human.Morgana might be the Male version of Morgiana but this throws it's gender into question too. It's not like anyone had checked between it's legs as far as I can tell. (also where does it do it's business I haven't seen a litter box).
• Add to this the "birth" flashback that Morgana had
• Morgana is an unwilling servant (aka a slave) to the big bad which is trapped in the deepest part of mementos
• The big bad was able to squeeze through the crack in his prison just enough to deposit a small amount of it's power in the metaverse this power took the form of Morgana.
• The Morgana in the dream had yellow eyes. still going with yellow eyes = metaverse native.
• He was programmed to want to find the deepest part of Mementos at all cost so he could free the big bad.
• His attraction to human desires was not intentional. He got sidetracked from his mission and got caught by Kamoshida.
• Meeting joker was a stroke of luck.
• He keeps telling us that he's using us for his own goals and that he just needs pawns.
• We're made to think that this is just a defensive move to avoid talking about his real feelings but I see a perfect opportunity for a "I told you I was just using you all" scene after the big bad flips some switch later on.
• Most of Morgana's battle functions are getting replaced by other members. Makoto and Futba are both doing the combat calls now. Morgana will leave the party soon.
• Something will happen to Morgana that will flip his switch while the PT are in Hawaii
• Morgiana killed the thieves.... The big bad will take control of Morgana at one point and we will have to fight shadow Morgana or something to get the cat back.
• Was almost thinking Morgana could be the one who betrays us but no one can understand him and even Akechi would have trouble selling the whole "my informant is a cat" thing to Sae.

Kasumi

• A big problem with Kasumi is we know shes going to be a badass by the time the casino heist comes around but right now she's the complete opposite of the person who saves Joker. This isn't like Makoto who is a bad ass and was just holding back. Kasumi is 100% a wet noodle right now.
• Add to that the my weak self relied on you so much line and there is little doubt she has a split personality disorder of some sort.
• They also dropped a major clue for Kasumi after the 3rd palace. She had a sister who died.
• My fist thought was she never had a sister and just had two distinct personalities that were separate but equal to each other. Each would take control at different points and her mind created a fake sister to explain any inconsistencies with her memories. At some point one of her personalities (the sister) was repressed.
• The problem with this is her interactions with joker she doesn't seem like a totally different person just more sure of herself. like her week self is the Kasumi we know now and her complete self is the one we fight with.
• She could have really had a sister and the trauma of the loss sent her into a downward spiral of depression. So *someone* did something to her to repress the negative emotions.
• Her gymnastic slump is important. what ever was done to her was the cause of her slump. Shes missing something of herself which is why she says that her body doesn't move the way she wants it to.
• Current theory is some part of her is locked away. It's not separate, but a piece of the whole person that we fight along side with at the casino. At some point between now and then her two halves will join.
• This brings up the question of what's up with her dad? Unless your some sort bad person wouldn't you notice such a drastic change in your kid?
• Either dad works for the government and was ok experimenting on Kasumi or he somehow thinks whatever was done to her was for the best . Like her current state is better than what was before so this is the cure.
• explains why she transferred schools. He dad claims to work at a TV station (could be a cover). It's not like he would have to move for a new job. If she had a major personality change then her old classmates and teachers would notice. this would cause Kasumi to question her reality which could cause it to fail. moving to a new school removes this issue.
• This would have to go above standard therapy. Either hypnosis or cognitive psience.
• something is going to happen to her dad. we got the glasses shopping scene to show us how close they are. This will be her motivation for going into the metaverse.
• when her persona awakens the mental barrier will be taken down.
• She only has a 5 star confidant rank. It's not like Maruki who still has his card symbol but won't advance till the story does.
• The other 5 starts will be with her "other" personality. After whatever was done to her is undone she's going to be a mess and will turn to Joker.
• something will happen to her while we are in Hawaii. Only reason for her to let us know she was leaving the country of a bit. she might not actually be leaving the country and just be having more mental work done on her.

Maruki

• He want's to legit help people.
• Thinks that traditional therapy is not effective enough. Want to develop a medicine or medical procedure to actually fix people's negative emotions.
• with the introduction of cognative psience we now know the method that he's going to use to attempt this. (could be he already did a test run or two).
• Although his intentions are good things are going to wrong very very wrong.
• After the 2nd exams he talks to joker about not meeting peoples expectations. This comes right after some girls were gossiping about Kasumi in the halls.
• Total misdirection. Since the phantom thieves are making all sorts of waves, the Agency is putting pressure on him to complete his research. This will lead to mistakes being made.
• Eventually his logic will change to "It's better to feel nothing than to feel pain" - this will be his I still think I'm a good guy logic.
• Unless he is also a persona user then were going to visit his palace.
• The first time Joker goes to see Maruki he runs into Kasumi and she tells Joker that she has been seeing Maruki for some time.
• Add to that the line Sae's Boss says on 6/23 "This incident happened at the school you're supposed to be presiding over..." and we have a clear connection from Sae's Boss to the principle at Joker's school.
• He also seemed to be bothered that the Kamoshisa change of heart happened at Shujin like he was aware that something special was going on there.
• This set off all the alarms. The new girl who happens to be a badass persona user transfers to the school and a month later her doctor gets assigned to the very same school. He was hired by the principal who just happens to work for Sae's boss. Sae's boss knows of the metaverse and so does Maruki.
• Maruki was assigned to Kasumi's school to keep tabs on her and make sure whatever he did to her stuck. The Kamoshida incident was just the excuse they needed to bring him in.
• He either developed cognitive psience on his own or was giving Wakaba's research by the Agency.

Akechi

• he has to be the one who betrays the group.
• Keeps putting idea's in Sae's head
• At some point Sae will catch on that Akechi is messing with her.
• working with Shido but not for him. Has his own goals or works for the big bad.
• says he has to catch the PT "for the sake of my justice" combine that with the arcade scene where he ask joker what kind of justice he believes in and Akechi is def bad. He's not after "justice" but "my justice" which sounds a lot like revenge. Has something to do with his father. If the PT crew keep operating they're going to ruin his chance for revenge.
• He will frame the PT by sending a fake calling card and then killing that persons shadow.

Twins / Butterfly Lady

• The number of new confidants that unlock after the 3rd palace was a bit overwhelming but It did give me plenty of chances to watch the new confidant unlock scenes. It got me thinking about what it actually says. Just picked the fortune confidant for this but any would have worked.
• I am thou, thou art I - we are one and the same
• thou hast acquired a new vow. - you just unlocked a new confidant. to quote Jose "Good Job!"
• It shall become the wings of rebellion that breaketh thy chains of captivity. - butterflies have wings also still talking about Joker "thy chains of captivity". We are like a caterpillar and when we obtain out true power we will become a butterfly (not literally). the chains could be a the cocoon that the butterfly breaks out of.
• With the birth of the Fortune Persona I have obtained the winds of blessing that - creatures with wings (like a butterfly) ride the wind. Is now referring to herself in this line "I have obtained..."
• shall lead to freedom and new power..." - It's over 9000!
• The butterfly lady is our persona or at the very least out power levels are connected.
• Part of the butterfly lady's power is sealed in joker. Was not intentional but will be the key to rejoining the twins.
• When there is a fusion alarm the twins do this adorable back stretch where one kicks her legs. They then do this weird like side stretch that looks like the fusion dance from Dragon Ball Z.

Igor

• Not working for the thing that made Morgana.
• Morgana had no knowledge of the skill cards and his mind exploded when joker captured the pixie.
• Even though he's not bad he's still not good.
• Has some cosmic role to fill. His job is to prepare for the final battle. He doesn't care who wins just as long as the fight occurs.
• Gave Akechi the metaverse nav but Akechi betrayed him and went rogue which is why he went looking for a new recruit. He took on the twins after so the same mistakes wouldn't be make with joker.
• Says joker will fight someone with powers very similar to his (jokers) own. Akechi has the wildcard too?

Sojiro

• For the record Joker defended him and never once thought he was abusing Futaba.
• Met Wakaba when he worked for the government.
• Feels guilty that he didn't do anything when she said she was going to die. Was he in a position to do so? What did he do for the government?
• After Wakaba was killed he suspected his own government were behind it and left in disgust.
• Sojiro is just awesome. He would take a bullet for any of Joker's friends and die happy knowing he saved someones life.
• He will be the getaway driver after the PT crew breaks joker out. He's the only person we know with a car.

Sae's Boss / Shido

• They refer to it as the metaverse and not the cognitive world. could be the writers just didn't want to add a new term without context or they gained they're knowledge of the metaverse from an "other worldly" being.

​
Limo Girl.

• Is in the opening movie both the heist scene and the smash the city part. Will be joining up.
• Ran in to her in the hall at the star of the game she was labeled as a senior
• Riding in a limo. daddy is loaded.
• At the park cleanup she asked Mishima for the bottle cap so they can be used for medicine. She is seen watering flowers at the school also. What we should take away from this is she's a really good person. We need to know see that she's super duper good because her dad is bad like really bad.
• daddy's money is dirty money and she knows it or at least suspects.
• We will change daddy's heart and make him admit his evil ways.
• Her dad is the Shido.
• We don't know when she's going to join up or if the casino heist is her first. Stealing her dad's heart will prob be her first mission so the fact that shes on the comm at the start of the game isn't too much of a problem with her dad being Shido.

Opening Casino Heist

• on 7/29 Morgana says "But it's true that an observant criminal could have a true to reality city in their Palace."
• The opening casino heist wasn't in the real world but was Shido's palace. His palace just included a 1:1 of the city in it. He also says in the scene at the start of the game where joker has a flashback that he owns the cops. Would make sense that the shadows in his cognition would take the form of the police and security guards. The 2nd palace had two types of shadows (male and female) and the 3rd/4th had people/dogs. Multiple types of shadows is not unheard of
• Also looks like we did manage to steal his treasure but not sure if they were able to get it out.
• We don't actually see joker get taken in by the cops. It's possible that the traitor grabbed us after the shadow cops took us down and turned us in to the real world cops. Doesn't mean the world's can't be merging but my reasoning for it is off.
• One thing that bothers me is when they ask if everyone remembers where they have to meet up. Why was joker separate from the rest of the PT? The PT all leave the metaverse together so far. Could just mean where they're going to meet up near the exit (if there is an exit with the palace being the whole city). Hoping for more clues to clarify this.

Mashima

• not going to betray us. he almost fell to the dark side and I haven't seen the conclusion of his story but seems like he's going to an issue.

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Best Girl current rankings - Nothing is set yet no decisions have been made just the current rankings.

• Makoto - the scene where the lights go out and she grabs jokers leg just made her more endearing. Her driving skills saved the crew after Palace 4. Could beat Kamoshisa in 1v1 volley ball.
• Futba - who doesn't like a quirky redhead. Her being Boss's adopted daughter could be a good thing as he seems to like Joker at this point in the story so he wouldn't have to give him the whole "let me show you my gun collection" talk. Although I'm thinking shes more like the quirky best friend type then best girl material (so sorry Fatuba Fans plesedonthateme)
• Dr.Death - shes a doctor who really cares about her work. Cares more about helping the little girl then getting the credit for it. She basicly broke down when she thought the girl was dead. Also SP Adhesives are amazing.
• Kasami - 100% little sister vibe while Futaba has potential to move up in rank Kasami is stuck in the sister zone. Who knows maybe her "sister" is more interesting.
• Fortune teller- Still a nice person despite the way she was treated. A but gullible though. I could see her sending all of Joker's savings to a Nigerian prince.
• Chess Girl (I know it's not chess) - mid tier maybe she well get more interesting.
• Ann - Not even in the running really because She's going to end up with Ryuji. If Ryuji wasn't around I would say shes not the bightest bulb in the pack. shes not dumb and seems to at least have passed her exams but we have honor student Makoto and super genius Futaba to compare her to. She is empathetic and has a high emotional intelligence. No way shes going to make it as an Actress with her (lack of) skills I cringe every time she tries. She would make a great councilor though with how she relates to people and to seems to be able to get along with everyone. She could also make it in professional sports with how high she was able to throw Mona after the 4th palace.
• Kawakami - Yes she's ranked lower than someone who is not even in the running. First off she lied about her sister WTF! She just seems like a mess. Her clothes don't fit and her hair is never brushed. She is stuck in "the help" tier. Keep her around for laundry and coffee.

Best Bro current rankings.

• Ryuji - dude is our bro 100% He's the bad influence with a heart of gold and will stick with Joker to the end. He's the Ron Weasley to Joker's Harry Potter. He would be the most fun to go drinking with.
• Yusuke - you will only ever be his 2nd best friend. His true loyalty lies with art. If Joker was hanging off the side of a cliff and Yusuke had to make the decision to save Joker or paint the perfect sunset it would be a real nail biter to see what he decides.
• Mishima- Once he gets over himself he's going to be fine. He's like a more wimpy less fun Ryuji.
• Akechi - he's too full of himself. He always like "ugh I'm just sooooo popular I can't do the little people things like you do" Hanging out with him you would only ever be "Akechi's friend". His sweater vest is dumb.

Best Kitty current rankings.

• Snowball - he didn't deserve to go out like that.
• Morgana - is a spy and slave of the big bad. Also needs stop hitting on Ryuji's girl.

I got two maine coon kittens at 8 weeks old... they are the love of my life. 💓 I work from home and its just the three of us living together. It was the happiest little trio. We treated each other with respect and kindness and the two cats would follow me absolutely everywhere and sleep in my bed. We had a routine and my whole day revolved around them. Grooming, playing, food, ect. 2 weeks ago I noticed one of them acting very depressed... I took her to the vet who said she had a tummy bug and gave her some antibiotics. Around 5 days later I couldn't take it any longer as she was getting worse, not better. I took her back to the vet and asked for a full blood test. She came back to say that my girl had tested positive for felv and that her red blood cell count was severely low. I almost fainted with shock as I had both cats vaccinated against it as babies and they are strictly indoor cats. The vet mentioned i should bring her brother - my soul cat and love of my life - in straight away to be tested. I felt my world close in on me. I brought him in and low and behold he was positive too. They kept my girl in the vets for 2 days getting treatment but unfortunately she didn't improve. I took her home to have one last day as a family of 3. The cats were so happy to see each other and although my girl was very weak, she still walked up to her brother and gave him a strong head bump. It was so sweet. They were so bonded. As she lay on the ground during the day, her brother my orange boy - lay about 1 metre away staring at her with a facial expression ive never seen before - it looked like pure heartbreak. She kept deteriorating throughout the day and by evening time I called the vet and asked him to come to the house to put her to sleep as she was barely responsive. When the vet came in it was like she knew what was happening and she panicked and suddenly came back to life. It made me feel like I was making the wrong decision and that she was fine and everything was happening so fast. She looked at me with huge frightened eyes and when he injected her, the light left her eyes and I held her in my arms. Watching her die has been the most traumatic experience of my life. Since she's been gone her brother has been searching for her and meowing so sadly. I never got the chance to show him her body as he is shy of strangers and was hiding. My soul cat is also anemic - his red blood cell count is 10% below normal and they will keep deteriorating and there's nothing i can do to save him. I feel like I'm falling apart at the seams and that nobody understands what I'm feeling. I feel so alone. I can't think of anything else and I feel those around me growing weary of me already and they don't want to hear about it. Since the euthanisation I keep having flashbacks of her face... I can't stop thinking about her, I loved her so much. I can't eat.. I can't sleep.. I didn't know that her red blood cells were low or that she had the virus. So a week prior to finding out, I forced her to have a bath as she was starting to neglect her grooming at that stage and was getting smelly around her fluffy bum. She fought so hard in the bath and she was so scared. She must have had such little energy yet she fought to escape the bath and I held her there. After that day was when she really went downhill. I regret making her have that bath so much. Thanks for reading 😔

Autism runs in my family. I don’t know if that helps or is relevant. I have always struggled and felt different. My parents told me I was always an “anxious” child, but looking back half of the anxiety can be summed up to sensory overstimulation. I remember being terrified of running water, flying insects, barking dogs, fire sirens, thunder storms, loud tv’s, and more. My parents had to put a noise cancelling headset on me for parades, the Fourth of July, and any large gathering really.
When I was 12, my mom took me to a doctor because she thought something was off. I was diagnosed with adhd and was given a prescription that did nothing for me. I was on that medication for 6 years. My teachers frequently told my parents that I was smart, but I wasn’t engaged like the other kids.
I didn’t talk to my peers at all (besides 2 best friends) my entire time in highschool. Everytime I tried talking to a peer they would mimic my hand gestures, body language, and tone of voice. I talk like Daria. I’m very monotone and sarcastic. My meaning gets misconstrued a lot and I always felt like I was talking a different language. No one ever understood my intended meaning… so I stopped talking.
I went to college, made a couple of friends, passed all my classes, and now I work full time. On the outside everything looks great… but I still feel like I’m drowning.
I can’t get a doctor to take me seriously. Please tell me I’m not alone. I know self diagnosing is wrong, but… I can’t help but feel like this might be what’s happening to me.

As a person who has lived with their parents up until college, you can say I was spoiled. I was an only child, so I was always a priority. I was in private school my entire life, so I was protected by everything. My mother was a nurse and my father was a surgeon. Anyways, let’s talk about the nightmares.
They first started when I first moved into my dorm. The dorm is really old. 234 years old to be exact. It’s really creepy. People who have lived in the dorms gave me a set of rules to follow;

1. Do NOT look the girl into the eye in the event of a nightmare.
2. If you do look her in the eye, repeat the words ‘I deeply and sincerely apologize and regret my actions’ the girl should start to calm down.
3. If the girl does not calm down, you have failed, and will not wake up.
4. If the girl offers tea, repeat ‘My mother doesn’t allow me to have tea. I do not disobey my mother.’
5. After 8:23 pm, you must get in your bed. All lights will go out for exactly 7 seconds. If you see eyes in the darkness, immediately shut your eyes.
6. Last and final rule, do NOT shove things under your bed. He doesn’t like his home crowded.

After receiving these rules, I got goosebumps. Whose He? What eyes? What girl? I tried watching a movie to calm myself down. I was getting tired so I checked the time. 8:23. Less than 1 minute to get into bed. I turn the TV off, rush to my bed and get under the covers. The lights shut off. 1, 2, 3, I counted. 4 seconds later, it was done. I saw no eyes, so that part was definitely relieving. I try to go to sleep, but I can’t. I have so many questions. Most importantly, Why do we need rules? I shut my eyes and a few moments later, Im sleep. In my dream, there is one table. It’s glowing. Everything else is dark. 2 chairs appear. They are also glowing. A girl appears on one chair. Shes maybe 5 or 6 but her eyes are glowing. I realized the rules. Oh no. She starts crying loudly. I almost start crying. ‘I deeply and sincerely apologize and regret my actions.’ The crying stops abruptly. ‘Would you like tea?’ ‘My mother doesn’t allow me to have tea. I do not disobey my mother.’ ‘Aw, okay. she said. I wake up, sweating.
Lights are off, but I didn’t turn them off. I start sweating even more. I calm myself down. The nightmares counting for the next week. I ask my dorm neighbor about these nightmares and he says these nightmares last 10 days, meaning I have 3 days left. He said if they counting after 10 days, slip a note under your bed with it saying, “Nightmares will not stop. I seek help.’ with a pen. Almost immediately He should slip it back with an answer. If He doesn’t, He cannot help you. 3 nights later, I’m overwhelmed with joy that the nightmares are finally over. I get into bed, excited to have my first normal dream in a while. I go to sleep but, the table is still there? The chairs appear, and so does the girl. I look in her eyes because I was not expecting her. She starts crying. ‘I deeply and sincerely apologize and regret my actions’ ‘Would you like some tea?’ ‘My mother doesn’t allow me to have tea. I do not disobey my mother.’ ‘THATS NOT TRUE!’ she says. ‘What?!’ I wake up. Sweating. I grab my notebook, write ‘Nightmares will not stop. I seek help.’ He didnt send it back. I’m scared. Next day, like everyday, 8:24, lights go off. This time though, I see eyes. I guess I didnt close my eyes fast enough, because after the lights are turned on, the eyes are closer. They come into my body, taking control. “I” start screaming. I can see everything happening, but it’s not like I have control. The paramedics come. ‘There’s no hope, she looked into the eyes.’ ‘Unfortunate’ one paramedic said. They take me into a room full of other people. The same thing happened to them. I’m still in here. Help.

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Good Afternoon,
I am new to reddit and also a new to writing with intention of other people reading it. I would like to share some of my short stories and am open to constructive input. Please do not be negative or judgemental. I write because I enjoy it and I interested if anyone else does. The intention of these stories is to be include in a sort of memoi cookbook
thank you
Sugar High
They say that once you quit drinking your body craves sugar, I know this is very true. Before I went to rehab I really did not like sweets very much, except ice cream I always loved ice cream. Recovering addicts rely on sugar like Milli Vanilli relies on vocal tracks. Every “meal” provided the minimal amount of nutrients a person needs to stay alive. Up to this point in my life I was naively unaware of the many food types that come in powder form. There was a week that we had salt, it was amazing! For every meal there was a buffet of day old pastries laid out on each table. If you saw something you liked while waiting in line you had better grab it. Rehab cafeterias have some of the same rules as high school- it definitely matters where you sit, and a fight erupting over a cupcake was not unheard of. These self anointed kings of the streets, tough guys turn into little bitches, over the last Unicorn sprinkle cupcake at snack time. The only thing different between a group of 70 grown men and a group of 70 teenage girls, is the amount of body hair, and the maturity levels are identical.
For the better part of a year and half just being awake was enough of a reason to be drinking. There was always a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I wouldn't have enough booze, so I carried my own everywhere I went. The thought process that decided the size of bottle I would bring depended on whether this would be my only source of booze or it was a companion bottle to accompany the cocktails I was having publicly. I would hate for people to think I was drunk and order a Vodka martini with a Jack Daniel’s chaser, I am a lady so I did my shot in the powder room. Grocery shopping was a half Pint, even though I was also buying two 1.75mL bottles for the next couple days but I couldn't wait till I got home. Work was usually a pint and half, a pint from the strip club liquor store and a couple of shots at the bar across the street when that was gone. The word addiction never crossed my mind; I was a fabulously highly functional alcoholic.
When I admitted to myself and a room full of strangers the extent and severity of my addiction, I could finally see myself, in the faces of my peers in that room and what I saw was terrifying. For the first time in my life I did not like myself, definitely did not love myself. Up to this point in my life I had an unwavering belief that I was amazing at everything I did. I knew that I succeeded because I was so confident and I was so confident because I succeeded. I felt like I had just been punched in the gut, and I lost my entire self worth in that one minute. Alcohol had taken away from me the very essence of who I am. Those early days were hard. I had to rediscover myself, I am still discovering myself. I did find my confidence again.
Geno I got sober together and it has been so great, there was a part of both of us that had been lying dormant for a little while and when it came out it came out in force. In the first month of sobriety we got to see our new niece Raelynn for the first time, around four months we had started a cookie business, restructured our lives, and by month six we had started making our 2 year plan to grow our cookie business into a national brand, and I started writing a book, yes this one.
Geno has always been the baker in the family. I started dabbling in baking right after I got out of rehab, I could not believe how much extra time I had now that I was not drinking. Geno had made an Oreo Cheesecake and it looked like so much fun. A few days passed and I wanted to make a cheesecake, so I started with a simple cheesecake, a few days later there was an apple crisp, then a couple dozen mini cheesecakes, 1-2-3-4 cake with buttercream frosting, not as easy as the name may suggest, then a couple dozen chocolate chip cookies, most of these recipes were straight forward and required no creativity and I was starting to get bored… Ooh something shiny… then Mini Lava Brownies with Chocolate Ganache Drizzle happened. *mic drop* You are welcome!
(LAVA BROWNIES WITH GANACHE DRIZZLE)

Sunset Sandwiches:

The year prior to checking myself into rehab was one self- created dumpster fire after another. One does not usually end up in rehab after a wonderfully stable year. I spent most the year running away from the people who loved me most, especially my husband, Geno. Geno and I have been through some tough times in our relationship but this year was especially awful. I believe Queen Elizebeth II called it an “Annus Horribilis”, very fitting since this was the year Windsor caught fire and I spent the entire year trying to burn my life to the ground. I was in such a dark place and didn't even realize it, it was very scary and lonely inside myself and my outward side was the complete opposite. This duality in my life caused me to create a villain and sadly that villain was Geno. At one point in May I attempted suicide and almost succeded, Geno found me on the couch and called an ambulance, I woke up 2 day later in a mental hospital on suicide watch. The scariest part about that was I had no recollection of wanting to hurt myself or even thinking it through, all I remember is seeing darkness. I came home after seven days and I really thought I would slow down on the drinking and maybe I did for a little while but not long enough to remember. I remember thinking that I was loved becaused all my friends and family were so devastated at the thought of losing me, that feeling was lost again to the booze soon after.
That summer was a rollercoaster of huge fights, extended time away from each other, terrible things were said, and in October it all reached a climax and I threatened to leave Geno and went to stay with my cousin Mandi in Wisconsin with the rest of my family. My aunt Kristy and Grandma were exactly what I knew deep down they would be, honest as fuck! My grandma told me that I was “difficult, had lived a very charmed life and I should suck it up, go home and be happy with my husband”. My Aunt Kristy was brutally honest. She sat me down and asked me “What was going on?” when I started to tell her in my sugar coated everything will be fine, she called bullshit on me. She called out my drinking and told me I didnt even “resemble her nephew.” She also told me it was time to get my shit together. Kristy fought a long hard battle with addiction and has been happily sober for many years now. She said “Honey, I missed a lot of years of my life due to addiction.” She has now forced me to feel real emotions and I am open-mouth sobbing, she goes on, “You are going to lose them too or worse you will lose everything.”
It was the first time I was forced to see myself and the disaster I had become. A week later I flew home and checked myself into rehab. It was difficult to remember how to be happy with Geno, I had to retrain myself to love him the way he deserved to be loved and to see how much he loves me. In those first weeks we spent all day everyday together, it was amazing, for the first time in a long time we were not yelling and screaming at each other. One beautiful day we decided to go to the beach for a sunset picnic, it was the first time we had gone to see the sunset since we had quit drinking. The sunset was the most beautiful orange and glorious sunset, I was finally seeing my Geno, and he was all the light I needed. That sunset I fell madly in love with my husband again, oh and we had some sandwiches!

I like this game but the game for me is about 40% liking it to 60% frustrated hatred for it because there's several things that can make the game slightly less frustrating that will help make this game succeed long run.
The game functions more like overwatch and fortnite than a fighting game which I kinda guessed it would seeing the trailers for it a long time ago where they were mostly shooting at eachother and that's exactly what it was. That isn't a big issue but there's several things I've noticed that either makes the game annoying to play, could be better, or characters could use adjustments to make the game really shine more but ill number each suggestion or problem the game has.
1- Please increase health- i feel most of the issues could probably be forgiven or ignored if the health increased to at least 600 instead of 300. You can also get more of an engagement with fighting with more health as well but even with guard points and health it still feels like you won't survive most encounters very long without needing to retreat everytime you get hit a minimum of 2 to 3 times and with teams of 3 you'll easily get hit 2 to 3 times till you need to retreat and recover guard points and health. If majority feels health and guard points are fine then I'll get into the other stuff then. (Alternative option: lower everyone's damage or specific characters damage by maybe 25%)
2-working in random teams for beta- i think the developers should have included teams of 2s or just free for all because new players are obviously trying to play but its like league of legends or overwatch, when you have a bad team, you'll know it...and that may put some people off the game. If you have mics you would have a huge advantage but playing with randoms and hoping you have a good team is like winning the lottery. I think it would have been better to give the option for people to play as an individual than work in teams because working in teams can be extra frustrating in my opinion, especially if everyone is still learning how to play the game.
3-Fat Guy Jump- every character should at least be able to jump over a brick wall without needing to climb over it. The jump for most characters in this game is so small i know grandmothers that can jump higher than they do...
4-No Momentum jumping forward- running and jumping should have more momentum jumping forward so you can easily avoid getting shot more or to jump across large gaps. If you play with the character Tsu (frog girl) she jumps very high but it doesn't make sense why when she jumps while running she doesn't really go that far because there's no momentum when running and jumping. If you play the character with the jets on his legs, Tenya Ida, he can do a dash jump where the 2nd jump will push you with more momentum, every character should jump like that when running and jumping.
5-Dodging and running-please make it to where you can dodge while running because everytime you dodge you have to press the sprint button again. That wouldn't be an issue normally but the problem is that if you get shot, you stop sprinting (which is good because you can chase down your enemies) but then you have to dodge incase they may have follow up shots and then you have to press the sprint again and hope they don't shoot at you long enough to get further away, which they usually will keep shooting till they empty the clip and go on cooldown pretty much. Its a small adjustment but I think it would be very effective in helping characters who can't escape easily without getting shot.
6-Execution uninterrupted- I don't know if its related to specific characters or the level of their abilities but either way can you guys please make it to where shooting someone during an execution stops them completely. The amount of annoyance i got trying to save an ally because he's too far away so I shoot the enemy to stop him from executing my guy only to just watch him eat the shot and execute my teammate is beyond annoying.
7-Make carry teammate ability instant- so this is basically a shooting game and the problem with carrying a teammate ability is that its very slow to pick up the teammate off the ground. You're better off waiting to let the player die and hopefully rezzing them later than to actually go out in the middle of 3 opponents beating them up and trying to swoop them away from dieing. Tsu is the only character with the ability that is useful in saving your teammates in a game like this. All characters with carry ability should either do what Tsu does, or have the pick up be instant at the very least.
8-From the floor to the door- if you didn't know this there is a point in the animation of the character being knocked to the ground where you can still shoot them and they CANNOT recover off the ground until you stop shooting them. This makes it to where if you have full guard points and full health, just 1 knocked down onto the floor can be an instant death depending on which character does it and if your teammates join in as well. I don't know if that was intended to happen or not but I don't think its something that should stay and if you have a team with mics you can absolutely abuse this to win almost any matches you'll play.
9-more revive cards in boxes- when the ring gets shorter or in a location where there's only gold and regular boxes there's no opportunity to try to rez your teammates because you aren't going to get rez cards unless you kill people and hope they have some. So far I've only seen rez cards from civilians, the big loot box, or from killing enemies. There should be more opportunities to get rez cards so people have incentives to stick around if they die rather than just give up and go to the next game by the time the ring gets away from zones with higher chance of finding rez cards.
10-changing abilities in the future- in the future please think about making to where characters can choose certain types of abilities they want to use in the game because currently some characters function like rock papers scissors, for example if you play Tenya Ida and fight Dabi 1v1, you're going to lose because Dabi can just use his fire mine explosion and stay on top of it, making it to where if you hit him, you'll get hit too, or he can just dodge and let you take all the damage. Tenya has no projectile attack so he has no choice but to attack with his body and and get up close, making it to where Dabi can own you. Now you're probably thinking "well thats why teamwork is important" it is, but you won't have your teammates in all of your matches and thats kind of the point.
11-Connecting- you already know how slow this is...just moving from tab to tab is a pain. I can't tell if some people don't ready up because they not ready yet or if they are stuck connecting trying to get back to the screen to ready up if they were on another part of the tabs like trying to change their costumes or something. Please make that smoother in the future if possible.
-Now we get into some characters abilities-
12-Cementoss- is the most underpowered character I've ever seen. He has 1 attack (R2), the L1 button is just dumb (yes I know you can stack it on your pillar, still dumb) his only main way of attacking is either combo or throwing pillars, even then you could annoy your teammates because if they're trying to shoot enemies and you keep make pillars or building walls it makes it hard for them to attack the enemies. He's definitely good at blocking enemy attacks and shots but thats about it from what I've seen and played so far.
(I was going to say some characters are overpowered but there's not many you can't deal with by just shooting them from a distance honestly)
That's about all I could think of at the moment. The game is fun once you stick to a specific character, learn their strengths and weaknesses, and understand the game functions more like a shooter than brawler so hit and run tactics are key to survival. The game obviously has lots of potential but the game just needs a little more tweaks to make everything smooth and chaoticly fun.
I'm not sure if the players of this game prefer the fast kill shooter style play of the game like overwatch but it feels like if you could only play genji, reinhardt, Sombra, junkrat, and Widow. Or if the players want more opportunities and prefer the fights to last longer to where you can have a fun back and forth engagement with enemies without needing to run and heal every few hits. Depending on that answer for the audience the game will mainly need to make adjustments to damages, health or both.

Hello again!
Payment via PayPal G&S. Shipping starts at $4.50 for a small item depending on zip and increases with weight (USPS). Shipping from the East Coast. $10 min before shipping preferred. All item conditions are noted and pictured best as I can. Most are brand new.
Please don't ghost. It's okay if you change your mind. NIL based on timestamps. Note that I have some of these items listed on other platforms as well and will adjust the availability accordingly.
I'm very careful to keep my makeup clean and protected, keeping original packaging where I can. Smoke- and pet-free home. Always masking. See this wonderful feedback from previous buyer 1, 2 and 3 as references 😊
  Please comment below before sending a Reddit chat since I can't see those on mobile.  
Swaplist:
New only: Dior beige mitzah, Rose Montaigne or Pink Corolle mono eyeshadows. Trestique Summer Glow & Go set from Boxy. Try me on Sephora Lipstories balms (I already have shades 07 and 08 and a couple others), must be sealed.
 
Eyes
Mascara - $10 $9 for all  

• Dior Diorshow Volume Mascara, 1.5ml travel size, BNIB - $5
• MAC Stack Superstack Micro Brush mascara mini, BN - $4
• Tarte Lights Camera Lashes mascara deluxe size, BN, 1 available - $3

Eyeshadow  

• Tarte Chrome Paint Shadow Pot in Martini (bronzed olive), BNIB - $13
• NYX Jumbo Eye Pencil in Iced Mocha, swatched - $2
• Colourpop Colour Stix eyeshadow stick in Devotion, swatched & sharpened - $3
• Colourpop Colour Stix eyeshadow stick in Hyde, swatched - $3
• Nudestix Magnetic Eye Color in Smoke, FS, BN/sealed - $13
• Revlon So Fierce! Prismatic Shadow Palette, Slight Flex, swatched/light use - $4
• Sephora Collection colorful metal effect eyeshadow in 07 Volcano Land (metallic brown), arrived broken, pushed back into the pan - $1 or free with purchase $10+
• Sephora Collection colorful shimmer eyeshadow in 254 Diving In (blue), very delicately swatched - $3
• Elf Bite Size Mini eyeshadow palette in Rose Water, light usage - $1
• Elf Bite Size Mini eyeshadow palette in Mint to Be, light usage - $1
• Elf No Budge Eyeshadow Stick in Champagne Crystal, used & sharpened 1x - $1
• ArtDeco eyeshadow refill, 218 - soft brown mauve, swatched - FWP
• Phase Zero shimmer eyeshadow in Nude Newbie, usage shown - FWP

 
Face

• bareMinerals Original loose powder foundation SPF 15 in Golden Fair 04, full size, ~80% remaining - $13
• Colourpop Flexitarian Super Shock Cheek highlighter, gentle use shown - $5
• Charlotte Tilbury Beautiful Skin Radiant Concealer sampler card - FWP

 
Lips - New

• Bobbi Brown Crushed Lip Color in Ruby, travel size, BNIB - $8
• Bobbi Brown Luxe Lip Color in Parisian red, travel size, BN - $8
• Hourglass Confession Lipstick in "At Dusk" from the Limited Edition Sculpture Collection. Comes with the Limited Edition refillable holder and At Dusk refill (both never used). Holder fits any Confession lipstick refill (see below for more shades I have for sale). BN - $28
• Clinique Pop Plush Creamy Lip Gloss in 01 Black Honey, BNIB - $16
• Pat McGrath Labs Lust Lip Gloss in Flesh 6, travel size, BN - $5
• Revlon Super Lustrous Glass Shine Lipstick, Cherries in the Snow 004, BN/sealed (discontinued shade) - $10
• Catrice Plumping Lip Liner in 080 Press the Hot Button, BN - $1
• L'Oreal Infallible 8hr Pro Gloss, full size, shade Suede (peachy-pink gold duochrome), full size, BN - $4
• L'Oreal Infallible 8hr Pro Gloss, full size, shade Blush (pink shimmer), full size, BN - $4

 
Lips - Swatched or Gentle Use

• Hourglass Confession lipstick in "I Can't Wait" (refill only, will ship with no cap), swatched - $16
• Hourglass Confession lipstick in "If I Could" (refill only, will ship with no cap), used 1x - $12
• Hourglass Confession lipstick in "When I'm With You" (refill only, will ship with no cap), used 1x - $12
• Or take all 3 Hourglass refills for $35
• Bobbi Brown Crushed Lip Color in Ruby, travel size, gentle use - $4
• NYX Limited Edition Avatar Luminescent Lip Gloss, shade 01 Shimmering Waters, swatched - $5
• Too Faced Sex on the Peach mini lipstick, light usage shown - $1
• BareMinerals BarePro longwear lipstick deluxe mini, Petal, usage shown - FWP
• Tarte travel size busy gal gloss in Run This Town (watermelon with gold shimmer), swatched - $2
• Lipstick Queen Sinner lipstick in Peachy Nude Sinner, FS, very light usage shown - $10
• Urban Decay Vice Lipstick, Limited Edition Born to Run, Shade 66 (Rich Mauve-Nude), Comfort Matte finish, usage shown - $4
• Becca Ultimate Lipstick Love in Maroon, FS, very light usage shown - $5
• Catrice Loves PETA Limited Edition Demi Matt lipstick (similar to MAC powder kiss formula) in C01 Spread Empathy, gentle usage shown- $2
• Catrice Demi Matt Lipstick in 040 Exotic Nude, very light usage shown - $2

 
Brushes

• Real Techniques Brush Crush Vol 2 Limited Edition 301 Foundation Brush in Galaxy; new, washed in unscented cleanser - $15 + free Sigma brush cleanser sample
• Luxie 231 Small Tapered Blender eyeshadow brush, washed once in unscented cleanser - $4
• Ebelin "Sommerblütentraum" Limited Edition dried flower clear handle eye blending brush, BN - $4
• Wet n Wild Pro Line Tapered Highlighting Brush P75, BN - $2
• Wet n Wild Pro Line Fluffly Blending Brush P20, BN - $2
• Wet n Wild Pro Line Dome Pencil Eye Brush, used once, washed in unscented cleanser - $1

 
Skincare

• Peach & Lily Power Calm Hydrating Gel Cleanser travel size 1oz, BN/sealed - $6
• COSRX Acne Hero: Intensive 4-step kit for extra oily skin, BN, exp 2025-01/26. Ships without box to save on postage. Includes: AC Collection Calming Foam Cleanse, 20ml; Calming Liquid Intensive, 30ml; Lightweight Soothing Moisturizer, 20ml; Ultimate Spot Cream, 5g - $16 - willing to split for $4/each
• Farmacy Honey Potion Plus Ceramide Hydration Mask mini, 9g, BN - $5
• Farmacy Green Clean Makeup Removing Cleansing Balm mini, 20 mL, BN - $5
• Sunday Riley Good Genes Lactic Acid Treatment, 5mL, BN - $4
• MAC Hyper Real Serumizer, 4mL, BN - $4
• Estée Lauder Advanced Night Repair Serum Synchronized Multi-Recovery Complex II, 7ml, BNIB - $10 (one remaining)
• Proactiv Deep Cleansing Face Wash, 2 oz, swatched - $3
• Awake Balance Shot antioxidant concentrate mini, BN - $1
• Tarte Sugar Rush Don't Hate Hydrate oil-free moisturizer, 5mL - $1
• Essence Coffee To Glow undereye treatment with caffeine, new - $2
• Garnier SkinActive micellar water (Waterproof makeup version) 1oz, BN - FWP

 
Fragrance & Body

• Gucci Flora Gorgeous Gardenia EdP sample - FWP $15+
• Sanex Dermo Invisible Deodorant, 50mL, BN (EU item) - $4.25 each (3 listed, 6 total available)

 

G’day ya’ll
Just about to make my first VR headset purchase and I’m super excited to experience what all the fuss is about.
I’ve tried it out at a few arcades here and there and let me tell you it really is a mind blowing experience.
There are a few things that have been on my mind that I couldn’t find a straight answer on so I thought “hey, why not ask the pros?”.
Games How are the games installed? The first game and the main reason I want to purchase the Quest 2 is mainly for Skyrim VR. I feel that the answer is quite obvious, as in they are installed to the PC (rather than headset), but I don’t know anyone with personal experience in this matter that I could ask.
Headset Size There are two options - 128GB and 256GB. How are you faring with space on your headset? Is 128GB enough or would the more sensible option be to purchase the 256GB as to future proof myself should games increase in size in the future? I’ve been reading that Medal of Honor is quite a large game compared to the rest, which is why I’m doubting the 128GB at the moment. Might be worth investing on the 256GB.
What do you think?

Nettie Peterson has known me at my best and at my worst, and after everything that's happened lately, I think I can finally say the same. I'm admittedly not very good at comforting her, though. I haven't had much practice, is all. Historically speaking, she's always been the one to take care of me. My introduction to earth was a confusing, horrifying time for me, and she had dealt with all of it. She'd handled every panic attack, brought me back from every low. When I woke up one night to a drilling pain in my stomach and blood soaking my panties, she managed to keep me calm while explaining that this would now happen every month.
What I'm saying is that the woman is insanely skilled.
Me, not so much. After we had gotten out of the cave, I tried to provide emotional support by petting her hair and talking soothingly. Seeing as I was also distressed, she was doing the same to me, so we were basically sitting on the beach holding each other. To the outside observer, we must have looked rather strange. I was relieved to finally get back to her house. We sat down in front of the TV and ate cupcakes. We have a special system for eating cupcakes. I peel off the frosting and give her rest. It's messy and I have to keep hand wipes nearby everytime, but it's how we do it. We both eat cupcakes whole when we're by ourselves, so it doesn't make much sense either, but when we share, it's always like this.
Once I was sure she was alright, I left her to go off to bed while I made my way back to the hotel, bracing myself for what I expected to be an extremely uncomfortable conversation.
The lobby was dim and quiet. The large, bright ceiling lights had been turned off with only a couple floor lamps illuminating the hall. I walked past the unmanned reception desk and up the stairs, then rapped my knuckles against the door to Frankie's room. After a couple seconds, he opened up. Upon meeting my gaze, he let out a soft gasp, but it wasn't followed by a smile this time. He made way for me to step inside, wordlessly, and I entered without breaking the silence. I sat down on the sofa where he joined me after placing a glass of coconut water in front of me.
For a beat, we both stared at the drink. I didn't take it.
"What you did felt really off earlier," I began. "You were trying to embarrass Nettie. If you were testing your boundaries, if you were trying to see how I'd react, you got your answer. Don't ever make me choose between you two. You'll lose."
"Yes," he said quietly.
"If you don't get along with Nettie, that's one thing. You don't need to. But she was needling you and you made a real effort to be cruel." I paused. "You act so strange sometimes. All bossy and cagey."
"Yes," he repeated, briefly falling silent as he worked away on his gum in slow, contemplative motions. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I did it. I wanted to unsettle her. It's not that I don't like her, she's fine, but at that moment, I simply loathed her. I couldn't tell you why. But I wish I'd kept quiet. I feel gross for spouting off like that."
"Then… why?"
"I don't know! There's this weird feeling, it comes over me and makes me remember stuff that's in the past… Then I get caught up and confused. I run my mouth, but I don't want to make you upset. I swear I won't do it again. I'll rein myself in."
"Will you? This doesn't seem right." I took a deep breath. "Frankie, I have no idea what you are. Even though you know everything about me."
"Not everything," he argued. "You never said a thing about what life was like where you're from. Or who you were before. Yes, that's not what this is about, but I'm just speaking technically."
"You shouldn't have to rely on technicalities to make a point."
"No. Look, I keep wondering what I'm even doing here. I like you a lot. But I haven't thought this through and by now, I'm scared to."
"Stop talking in riddles," I implored him.
He huffed out a chuckle. "I'd have to stop thinking in them first." Before he could add anything else, his phone started vibrating on the TV table. "Oh, dammit," he muttered. Shooting me an uncertain gaze, he reached out for it, his hand hovering above the screen. "Can I?"
"Sure." I let go of a long breath, snatched up the glass and leaned back in my seat as Frankie answered the call. I pick up on a woman's voice talking on the other end.
He kept glancing over at me almost sheepishly as he mumbled words of affirmation into the phone. "Yes… Yeah, I remember… Well, it's not a good time, but I'll do it. Bye." Dropping the device into his lap, he gave me a twist of the mouth. "That was Mae-Lynn. She works at—"
"The diner with you," I cut him off. "I do take note of the other staff there, for your information." I took a sip of my water. "Occasionally."
"I promised to do some shopping for her. She's come down with the flu. Store's closing soon, though, so I'll have to go now."
"Well, that's convenient."
"I was going to ask you to come along."
I agreed. Having lost track of the conversation, the drive was a grim, quiet affair. Frankie took us to one of the more expensive stores in the area, saying that he wanted to treat Mae-Lynn.
"Take a cart," I ordered, and once he had acquired one, I had him hold it still while I climbed inside. He regarded me with a bemused expression but refrained from commenting as he began to roll me down the aisles.
Grocery shopping at night is something else. Eighties music was playing over the radio at a low volume, but the otherwise quiet space made it sound decidedly louder. There was almost the hint of an echo. Safe for two of three singular, tired-looking individuals, Frankie and I were the only people in the store. I had nestled against the back of the cart, my head tipped back to watch Fran's face from below as his eyes roamed the shelves. Occasionally, he'd stop to check the list Mae-Lynn had texted him on his phone.
"If you want anything, speak up," he told me.
"I'm out of cereal," I said, just as we passed the respective aisle. He turned the cart back around, let me pick out a carton of cornflakes and took up walking again. After five minutes of stoically regarding him from my mobile vantage point, I piped up again. "Go back. Wrong ones."
"Well, which ones do you want? I'll get them, it's faster than pushing this thing around."
I shook my head. "No, no, I have to look at them. Go back."
He shook his head to himself but obediently maneuvered the cart back to the shelf with the breakfast items. I took my time picking out a different box, then settled back down.
"Happy?" Fran asked.
"Delighted."
After fifteen minutes, we were getting close to finishing Mae-Lynn's list. Frankie was starting to move towards the cash register, only for me to tug on his arm. "Turn back," I told him, holding up the box. "I don't want them after all. I need different ones."
He stifled a groan. "Sure, Sunshine." I let him roll me all the way back to the cereal aisle where I studied the colorful boxes intensely. "Nevermind," I said, turning back to him. "Let's go."
He started making his way over to the register again when I cleared my throat. "Actually, I think I might have another look."
"Are you kidding me?" he squeaked, only for me to hold his gaze with a smile. "You are," he choked out. "I oughta send you rolling right into that stack of cans."
"You wouldn't dare."
"Is that a challenge?" He glanced about himself, finding that we were alone. Then, he pushed the cart, and it swerved, sliding across the shiny floor. The thrill of the launch washed over me and I started laughing. He lunged for it, grabbing it just in time to prevent the collision.
"Do it again!" I demanded.
He indulged me, sending me swerving and spinning a couple more times. Eventually, he took a running start and pushed me down a long, empty aisle at a breakneck speed. The giggles died in my throat when, seemingly out of thin air, someone appeared at the end of the aisle. My jaw dropped and I reflexively gripped the sides of the cart to protect myself from the impending crash, but the person simply reached out and caught the cart by its edges. Within the blink of an eye, they had managed to steady it. My vehicle had come to a standstill. It all happened incredibly fast, and for a moment, I found myself unable to react. One of the other person's hands had come to rest over mine in the process. Still at a loss for words, I raised my head to meet their gaze.
Those eyes.
My heart, already thundering in my chest, dropped entirely into my stomach. There were pupils filling the void in that formerly uninterrupted pale vastness this time, but I recognized them either way. Seeing them sit in an actual face instead of behind a nondescript black mask was strange, but there was not a doubt in my mind. It was them.
The cultist had jarringly pleasant features that struck me as neither overtly feminine nor masculine. Their tawny skin had an almost bronze sheen to it and short locks of platinum blond hair stuck to their smooth forehead, slick with the same sweat that formed stains beneath the armpits of their light gray t-shirt.
It was like time stood still. The interaction could not have been longer than two seconds in total, but it felt like a full hour. From me staring at our linked hands, to locking eyes with them, to the cold, raw realization, it seemed to me as though forty minutes or more had gone by, followed by another twenty when I watched the crude smile forming on their lips. Their fingers clamped down on my own, and before I knew it, it had happened.
The lights in the store had changed color, taking on a dimmer, sickly green tint. The shelves around us had emptied and the gentle, melodic hum of the radio had been replaced by a deep, droning buzz of static. I was still sitting in the shopping cart, and the cultist was still leaning over me, but their expression had morphed into one of shocked disbelief. Seeing fear on the face of the person who'd stabbed me might have been a great satisfaction to me in any other situation, but right then and there, I was equally as terrified.
I had switched dimensions and was now alone with my attempted murderer.
The thought took a while to sink in, but the clearer it became, the more I felt the need to scream. And yet, not a sound left my lips. My own saliva had turned sour, filling my mouth with an acidic taste. Dread pooled in the pit of my stomach like icy, chilled water and tears were stringing the corners of my eyes. I blinked them away in a hurry, redirecting my gaze at the cultist. They were staring past me in a daze, taking in our changed surroundings before fixing me with a sharp glare.
"Seriously?"
"What?" The word somehow slipped past the lump in my throat.
The cultist made a sweeping gesture at our surroundings. "Where are we? What the hell is this? You don't even have your dimension hopping under control? Not gonna lie, I had higher expectations of you."
"What?" I repeated eloquently.
"You just switched dimensions on my ass. And seeing as you literally crashed into me, I don't think you planned on doing that."
"I didn't," I confirmed.
"That's what I'm talking about."
"You know about dimensions?"
The cultist palmed their face, emitting a deep, low groan. "Clearly."
I scrambled back in the cart, trying to bring some distance between the two of us. I bared my teeth at them, both rows elongating and curving outward. At least I was getting the hang of my physical transformation. "If you come any closer, I'll rip your hand off," I hissed, spittle flying out between my fangs.
"I believe you," they replied, narrowing their eyes at me. "I'm not gonna hurt you."
"That's hard for me to believe."
"Yes, sure. I did and I would again, but not here. Not now. You understand?" they asked pointedly, their voice cutting like a razor blade.
"I'm not sure I do."
"Well, without you, I won't get out of here, and I've stuff to do on the other side." They stepped behind the cart and grabbed onto the handle.
I hastily twisted around to face them. "You know about the finer details of dimension hopping but you can't do it yourself?"
They let out a soft sigh as they began pushing the cart, with me inside, down the empty aisle. "I managed to do it once. Just once. Never again. It's not a great surprise to me that you should be able to switch to the other sides, but I'd thought you'd be able to control it. I think I have your number. I'm pretty sure I know what you are, and we have more in common than you could have probably guessed. That boy you were with on the other hand… I won't lie, he freaks me out. He's got the strangest face and he didn't react to my eyes at all."
"What are you?" I queried, quick to steer him away from the topic of Frankie Preston even though I didn't really expect an honest answer. "How'd you do that the other night? Your… your eye thing?"
"That unsettled you, didn't it? It's not anything I do per se." They shrugged leisurely. "I could just as well ask you where you're hiding your tentacles."
"So you're not human. I didn't think you were," I stated. "What's your business with the Collective? What are you after? Are any of you normal people?"
"As far as I know, I'm the only one who's not." They steered the cart around the corner with a swift, forcible yank and I bumped painfully against the side of the cart. Stifling a yelp, I kept my face straight, looking over the shelves as we passed them. I noticed that some of them weren't entirely empty—there were a couple jars, cans and bags of various goods standing scattered throughout. They looked almost lonely. The cultist, registering my wandering gaze, stopped and grabbed a random plastic jar that looked like it could be containing peanut butter or something of the sort. The label was faded and partially peeled off. They inspected it from all sides before thrusting it into my hands. "Here, open it," they commanded.
"I certainly won't," I replied, a mix of rage and apprehension bubbling in my chest.
"Aren't you curious?"
"No. But if you are, go on and open it yourself."
They grunted, grabbing the jar and unscrewing the red lid. They dropped it to the floor where it bounced off once and rolled away into the darkness. Peering in, their expression remained unchanged. "Nothing. Look." They held it out to me and sure enough, it was empty. I let them hand it to me, intrigue winning me over as I started examining the small container. It was completely unremarkable. I reached two of my fingers inside only for the digits to suddenly be stricken with a searing pain. It flashed through my bones like lightning and I cried out, withdrawing my hand. Suddenly, the floor seemed to quiver. The lights in the store flickered, seeming startlingly bright for a split second only to turn dimly green once more. The cultist let out an involuntary shriek, staggering back before managing to steady themself as everything went back to its former solid state.
"What the fuck was that?" they wheezed.
"An earthquake?" I suggested, not quite knowing what else to say. My pulse was thrumming in my ears, hard enough to split my head in half. It took me a minute to regain a relative state of calm.
"An earthquake? In another dimension? You're messing with me."
"I don't know! Maybe it was… maybe I was nearly jumping back, I have no idea." I shook my head, ignoring the throbbing pain shooting through my temples. "I don't have it all figured out yet, but it's an emotional response. Whenever my flight instinct gets triggered, these dimension switches happen. It was the jar. The jar is painful inside."
"What do you mean?" they asked, eagerly reaching for the jar and sticking their pinky finger into it. They pulled it back out with a howl, letting the jar drop to the floor. "What the hell is up with this place?"
"How would I know?" I argued hotly.
"Yeah, well. Anyways." All of a sudden, their hand was in my hair, tugging on my braid. They yanked my head to the side, and before I could break out my tentacles or try to snap my jaws at them, I could feel their hot breath on my nape. A scream died in my throat, equal parts painful and shocked. My eyes burned, my vision swimming when the cultist dragged their teeth across my skin, leaving a trail of warm saliva. And then, fast and without mercy, they bit down.
The lights turned bright white. The static buzzing that had been hanging in the stale air changed to the familiar eighties music tunes. Squinting into the sudden brightness, the colors of the countless types of packaged products filling the shelves almost seemed to be screaming at me.
We were back.
The cultist disentangled themself, quickly stepping away from me. I looked up, still dazed, to see why. Frankie Preston had come up behind us, snatching the cart away from the other person and pulling it out of their reach. I immediately scrambled up to wrap my arms around him. "That's them," I breathed. "From the Collective."
"I know," he said tonelessly. His eyes, trained on the blonde, spelled murder. "You should get out of here," he added, addressing them. "The shelves here are rickety, they might fall on you."
The cultist's expression was a frozen mix of suppressed uncertainty and confusion. Still, they held the server's gaze. "You should maybe not… do anything stupid," they uttered, their voice almost equally as flat as his.
"I'm all about stupid."
"Then I guess I ought to leave. See you guys soon. It was a pleasure." They threw us a smile that was faker than Frankie's when he waited tables before marching off, leaving the two of us alone in the aisle.
"Are you alright?" Fran asked, running a hand over my mussed braid. "What happened? I'm so… one minute you were here and the next…"
"We switched dimensions."
"I pieced that together. You weren't gone for long… just a couple minutes." He nervously twisted his wet bubble gum around the tip of his finger, drawing nervous strings.
"Were you worried?"
"Out of my mind," he said in a low voice, not meeting my gaze. "I mean, I knew you'd be okay on your own, I wasn't saying that—"
"I wasn't. I'm not," I interrupted him. "I got out alright, sure I did, but I'm not okay right now." I swallowed. My throat was bone dry. "I need to call Mary Markov. She should hear about this."
Frankie nodded along. "Do you want me to do it for you? I'm certain I can give her an accurate description."
I declined and sat back in the cart. Per my request, Fran brought me home after we'd paid for everything. I needed some time alone to relax and pretend everything was normal. I cleaned my room and then looked through job listings, which I admittedly haven't done in a little while. When I couldn't find any other way to procrastinate, I made the call to Mary Markov, which went about as well as could be expected. She wants to see me tomorrow, though. I wish she'd told me about what. For a newsreader, she's really not very forward with her information.
X
1
2: deadbeat roommate
3: creepy crush
4: relocation
5: beach concert
6: First date
7: Temp work
8: roommate talk
9: a dismal worldview
10: warehouse
11: staircase
12: explanation
13: hurt
14: hospital
15: ocean
16: diner
17: government work
18: something in the caves

Thanks for taking the time to read this first! We do have some restrictions in place to slow down the Do I have kidney disease? spam, so some Redditors may not be able to post their questions right away. We still want to provide some guidance and resources to at least peruse in the meantime. Also, don’t forget about the search bar, you may find what you need! Though your questions may be answered by a medical professional, no one here is your doctor. The advice here is largely based on our own experiences and knowledge. If think you might have kidney disease, or are trying to help somebody with symptoms, please start here. These are the questions we seem to hear a lot on this subreddit. If you have a question that isn't covered here, by all means please post in the subreddit. We have many here who have a wide range of experiences from Alport Syndrome to Polycystic Kidney Disease, from Stage 1 to Stage 5, from transplant to kidney failure to transplant again, and can probably at least point you in the right direction.
Additionally, please take a moment to familiarize yourself with the rules. The vast majority of people in this subreddit have kidney disease and are dealing with their various diagnoses. Keep that in mind before clicking post on your image showing a full panel of in-range lab results, etc.

FAQs

Can kidney disease be cured?

• Chronic kidney disease (CKD) cannot be cured, but early diagnosis and treatment can help manage symptoms and slow the worsening of the disease.

What can I do?

• You can slow down kidney damage by keeping your blood pressure, blood sugar, sodium, protein, phosphorus, and potassium levels under control. A lot of people claim to have success by transitioning to a plant based diet. If you smoke, it’s important to quit. It’s also important to get regular exercise and maintain a healthy weight.

How is kidney disease diagnosed?

• A blood test measures how well your kidneys are filtering your blood and is used to calculate your estimated glomerular filtration rate (eGFR).
• A urine test shows if your kidneys are leaking protein (albumin) into your urine, which may mean kidney damage, and is used to calculate your urine albumin to creatinine ratio (uACR).
• Ultrasound, MRI or CT scans can be used what the kidneys look like and check whether there are any blockages.
• A kidney biopsy removes a small sample of kidney tissue and the cells are examined for signs of damage.
• It gets a lot more specific, this is just the ELI5 overview for an FAQ.

What are the stages of kidney disease?

• Stage 1 – a normal eGFR above 90ml/min, but other tests have detected signs of kidney damage
• Stage 2 – a slightly reduced eGFR of 60 to 89ml/min, with other signs of kidney damage
• Stage 3 - (a) an eGFR of 45 to 59ml/min (b) an eGFR of 30 to 44ml/min
• Stage 4 – an eGFR of 15 to 29ml/min
• Stage 5 – an eGFR below 15ml/min

I have bubbles or foam in my urine, do I have kidney disease?

• If your urine looks foamy, it could be due to urine velocity stirring up the water, chemicals in the water, or health conditions affecting the bladder or kidneys.

Will posting picture of my urine help determine if I have kidney disease?

• No.

There are a lot of restrictions with kidney disease, what exactly can I eat?

• It’s pretty straight forward to look up renal diet basics to get an idea of what foods need to be avoided or limited. It is always recommended to get a referral for a renal dietician to assist with designing meal plans that take into account your specific dietary needs, whether it’s protein reduction or potassium reduction. You can take most meals and modify the ingredients to meet your dietary needs.

All my labs are in range but my back hurts, do I have kidney disease?

• We don’t know and any answer would be speculative. You should see your doctor if you are concerned about body pains. Many people here have stated they didn’t experience physical pain due to kidney disease. It's more likely that your discomfort is due to muscle spasm or strain or a spine-related problem.

HD vs PD

Resources

National Kidney Foundation
National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases
The New England Journal of Medicine - Chronic Kidney Disease
Mayo Clinic - Chronic Kidney Disease Clinical Trials
American Journal of Kidney Diseases
National Library of Medicine - Pub Med

Hey all, just created a reddit account because I've been reading posts about some of you who have had great success quitting caffeine, it's been helpful over the last 13 days since I did the same - so thank you all for sharing your experiences.
I decided to quit after finding out that in some cases, caffeine can cause low HRV, a metric I track on a Garmin watch. I recently found out mine is very low when my wife got the same watch and we compared - hers is waaay higher (and she does not drink any caffeine).
Once I started looking in to caffeine more, reading threads here, and then reading Stephen Cherniske's book "Caffeine Blues", I realized that many of the problems I've been experiencing over the last 2-3 years or more could very well be impacted by my caffeine intake, which has been high especially since the pandemic started and I began working remotely full time.
I drank caffeine to wake up, to relax, for a mid morning boost, mid day boost, honestly any time I felt like I needed an excuse to step away from the computer, or needed to buckle down... and then even in the late afternoon/evening sometimes if I was going out.
Last summer, I almost quit my job because anxiety, depression, and general extreme fatigue had gotten so bad that I could barely do anything. As a generally high performer, this was unacceptable to me and caused more stress to be doing a job poorly (in my opinion) than to have no job at all. I was convinced to stay. At the time, I had no idea what the issue was, so I thought maybe it was the job (still could be an issue), or the company (who knows). I decided to find a new role.
The new role was awesome for the honeymoon period of a few weeks while excitement about an awesome opportunity, and the reduced pressure of being a newbie was available. Very quickly however, I crashed hard, worse than at my previous company. I was exhausted all the time, depressed, didn't want to do anything even outside of work. I ended up leaving that company as well.
I've been doing odd jobs to make ends meet, but generally working significantly less, and focusing on figuring out what the issue is through multiple doctors appointments, nutritionist, etc. In addition to intense fatigue, depression, anxiety, poor sleep, lack of motivation, I also experienced eczema flare ups on my face, digestion issues, and new food sensitivities.
I've come to the conclusion, so far, that all of my issues could be explained by the interaction of a high intensity, high pressure job, way too much caffeine (mostly coffee), and the accumulation of stress over many years. Honestly I hope this is the issue, even if it takes time to recover, at least I'll know what it is.
13 days in - interestingly, even with pretty intense withdrawal, the eczema improved drastically within the first few days of quitting coffee. It's still there a little, but seems to be improving with rest and the farther I get from the mug. Digestion is also improving - not perfect, but improving. Sleep is getting better too.
Anyway, if you've gotten this far, sorry for all the words, and thanks for reading!

This is my Full Body Workout Day 1 Full Body Workout A Incline Dumbbell Press Banded sissy pull-ups Plance Push ups Rear cable delta fly Dips Incline prone y raises
Hip Hinges/Lower Body Kettlebell Goblet Sumo Squat Barbarian Split Squat Hip Thrust Glute Ham Raises Leg Machine Side Lunges
ABS Reverse Crunches Bird Dog Twists
Day 2 Full Body Workout B Dumbbell Bench Press Banded Pull-Ups Machine Dips Tricep Kickbacks Seated Cable Flys Reverse pec machine
Lower Body Trapbar Romanian Deadlift Curtsey backwards Lunges Dumbbell lateral raise legs Nordic Curls Leg extensions machine Kettlebell swings
ABS Reverse Crunches Bicycle Crunches Bird Dog Russian twist
What do you guys think?