Gender neutral parent names

I volunteer to sit on a board. It’s my first time in this kind of role. Every board member has a coverage area. Mine are Finance and IT. Well, I found out that our chair had given the IT part of my role to another board member (new) without telling me. I found out by reading documentation. So the website etc still references me as the person covering these areas but I had no idea I was not. There was no communication what’s so ever.
When I asked the chair about it their response was “Hi (my name), (insert sob story that basically says: - “F off I’m busy dealing with real shit”). Your focus will be Finance. I had the 2 linked before but we have capacity to have 2 distinct areas. Hope that answers your query. Have a great afternoon”.
OK? At a prior board meeting this chair who I’ve had no issues with before tried to make me the butt of the joke for asking a question near the end of a meeting. Kept going on about time management. I was so embarrassed. Their term is coming to an end soon but I feel like they’ve set a nasty tone and will likely “brief” the next chair about me. I have no idea what I’ve done but they seem to be a bit off with me.
Should I step down? I’ve only been in this role for 9 months and it’s supposed to be a 4 year term.
I just don’t feel comfortable with their response. I’ve been very proactive in my role. I genuinely care about the cause. Our chair asked if I wanted to fund a board day with breakfast. So I did. On the day, staff only thanked the chair because they had no idea I had funded it lol. Keep in mind I basically paid for everything and the food and money spent didn’t match up but whatever.
My mistakes to date are missing one training session due to looking after a sick elderly parent and speaking to staff about their concerns (I didn’t know we wasn’t allowed to do this as my training hadn’t kicked in. We can speak to staff but not so intimately). I’ve since had training but they insisted on having another phone call to ensure I understood my role (basically ensuring I stayed in my lane). Mind you when this incident happened all I did was listen to the staff then ask the chair after what I do with this much information/ their concern as it didn’t feel like my place to solve but here we are.
Feels like BS.

First
Capes and Conundrums
Santiago raises an eyebrow as he finds Albin whaling on holographic opponents. The safeties in the room ensured that even though the kid wasn’t doing that well, he was still not getting hurt. He has one real piece of advice. “Follow through.”
“What?” Albin asks. He had sent he room to send out endless waves off literally faceless opponents at him so he could feel like something other than weak. But he... he’s not very good. He may have gave off a good fight when he could rely almost entirely on his Yauya Cloaking abilities. But he’s not even trying to fade out of sight now and is just flailing around.
“If you want your opponent to feel it then don’t swing like you just want to hit them, swing like you want to crash through it. Don’t aim to hit the opponent. Aim to cave them in.” Santiago says and Albin tries before shaking his hand.
“It’s not doing much better.”
“That’s because you’re just using your arm. Turn in with the punch, put your whole body behind it and it’ll be felt.” Santiago says throwing a punch as an example.
The next shot rocks back the faceless opponent and sends it staggering rather than just having the head snap back and return like a mocking speedbag.
“See? Follow through and full body. Thankfully you’ve already got a good idea how to make a proper fist. Thumb on the outside.” Santiago says punching one of the targets so hard it crashed into another three hard enough to take them all out. “So, wanna talk?”
“Every time I talk with someone about my problems the more of a problem it becomes!” Albin replies as he slams a hard fist into the gut of another opponent and it starts to fade away. There are only about two more opponents left in this wave and Santiago’s smash to the top of one’s head has enough force to crush a man’s spine, let alone the somewhat weaker hologram.
Meanwhile Albin has grabbed the last hologram by the shoulders and was slamming his knee into it’s crotch over and over again. He pants and stands up before pulling Axiom into himself to rejuvenate. Santiago doesn’t try to engage in conversation again. According to Doctor Malaise, who has a connection to his earpiece, the kid needs to reach out first and is more likely to do so to a positive male role model. Something he fits in as as a strong independent man who also has strong family values and frankly nothing but positive interactions with the young man.
Three waves pass with Albin getting faster and stronger with each push as he figures out more from fighting with Santiago there to provide an example. He goes from flailing to respectable crosses and hooks with the occasional jab mixed in as well. A bit of example from Santiago and he starts taking up a boxing stance and things just start falling into place.
At the end of the fourth wave Santiago sees his exhaustion and pauses the simulation to allow Albin a break. The boy collapses to the ground panting and trying to regulate his body temperature a bit better. A bit of a task considering his lack of sweat glands.
“Feel a bit better.” Santiago asks.
“Feel like I’m boiling myself alive.” Albin says as his tongue lolls out a bit.
“In a god way or a bad way?”
“How can it feel good to be boiled alive!?” Albin demands.
“Bad way then. Got it.” Santiago says. “Just take it easy and let the heat die down then.”
“Already happening.” Albin says as he sighs in relief. The Axiom flow around him is mildly interesting, but of no real concern. The older an Axiom born person is the faster these automatic Axiom adjustments happen. A sort of instinctual experience and efficiency.
“Nice, very nice.” Santiago says as he helps Albin up who’s sniffing the air.
“What... are you stinking?”
“No, I’ve been throwing my punches far harder than I need to. So it’s a slight workout for me. A bit better than shadowboxing to be honest.”
“Shadowboxing?” Albin asks and Santiago steps back to give him an example.
“You work on your speed and form like this! You use a bag to push your force and toughen up your hands too!” Santiago explains and Albin chuckles.
“That’s a bit different from how Bane fights.” He teases and Santiago pauses mid box before chuckling.
“True enough, there are many unarmed fighting styles. Bane is a poor example of one, relying more on brute strength and endurance than skill. But he’s a Luchadore. A grappler. I’ve been trained in the Lucha style and I prefer it. So I’m the default option for playing a bad Lucha and...” Santiago explains before finishing off by blowing a raspberry in annoyance and Albin chuckles at that.
“Don’t like doing a bad job?”
“I defy you to find me one man, no, one person that likes doing a bad job of things!”
“Plenty of people do things halfway!” Albin dismisses.
“Yes, but they’re succeeding in that they want to avoid work and be lazy. Name one person who wants to work and is satisfied doing it badly.” Santiago rephrases his challenge.
“My parents did a bad job with me and...”
“They’re absolutely miserable about it and hate themselves for it.” Santiago interrupts that train of thought even before Doctor Malaise can tell him to. He doesn’t care if he’s lying or not. He hates that very mindset.
“What?” Albin asks.
“Keep going, you’re right, please keep going.” Malaise tells him through his earpiece.
“Do you think your parents like that they’ve hurt you? They may have made mistakes, but they never wanted you hurt.” Santiago says before shrugging. “They coddled and smothered you. Not good. But they never laid an angry hand on you and... have they ever even shouted at you?”
“No, not really...”
“Then it could have been worse.”
“But... I mean...”
“Look, I’m not either of your parents. But you’re going to be caught up in endless what could have beens or what ifs if you don’t speak with them. I understand the hesitation. But well... I am personally an Undaunted. I see something hard to do as something that’s worth doing all the more.”
“Because it’s hard?”
“Because by doing hard things, you become a stronger person. You become better, not because you do something easy, but because you do something hard. It’s easy to sleep, to eat, to not care. But it’s hard to work, to push past your hunger and harder still to care. But no one celebrates the best napper. The biggest eater... maybe, but the most uncaring person? What do they have?”
“Well I assume big eaters have big bodyparts.” Albin says with a bit of a grin. He clearly understands what Santiago is saying but is arguing for the sake of it.
“And if they keep small and thin? Are they just a big eater then?”
“Alright alright fine! I get it! I get it...” Albin says before trailing off. After a few moments he gives Santiago a sideways look. “So... how much of that was Doctor Malaise’s coaching.”
“The extent of it has been keep going, keep going. Please keep going.” Santiago says as he plucks out the ear piece and pockets it. “There, see? It’s gone.”
“Alright. I just... I know I hired her but at the same time it! I mean... Argh!” Albin exclaims miming strangling something as he utterly fails to find the words and just groans in disgust, annoyance and frustration.
“I know.”
“How?”
“I was a teenager once too you know! You’re feeling everything! The world is shifting around you! You’re finally aware enough to see the things you never saw before or always ignored but you don’t have the experience or knowledge to deal with them! You feel like you can take on an army! But the stupid randomness of life is tripping you up every step of the way! You’re unstoppable! But you’re helpless! You’re immortal! But you can’t DO anything! I know! I really, really know.”
“You do?”
“Yes! I thought I was going right to the top of the heap in Lucha when I was in highschool! I got to the semi-finals on a technicality and was tossed around like a joke! I thought nothing could stop me! Then The Gecko treated me like a complete chump!”
“You were?”
“I was! But do you want to know what I did?”
“What?”
“I spoke with The Gecko afterwards. I talked to him, I learned how he beat me. I learned what my weaknesses were. I learned and then I practised anew. I grew to become better. The problem you’re having with your family... it can be somewhat the same. Right now, there’s been a defeat. Metaphorically, both you and your family have lost the fight. So if you’re to learn from this and grow to be even better fighters, you need to talk to learn about your weaknesses, which you have indeed started to do, and then you need to train to be better. To be stronger.”
“... It’s completely insane that that actually made sense.” Albin says after a bit and Santiago laughs.
“True enough! But sometimes the most mangled metaphors are the most effective!” He says. “Now! Want to face a wave or two with nothing but grappling? Learn to control your opponent and you can control a fight.”
“I’d like that. I think I would. It feels good to break things.”
“It’s called Catharsis. You’re venting all your grief and rage and frustration when you’re hurting things. The mind lives in the body, so a lot of problems can be strangely solved by just going out and doing something.” Santiago says before shrugging. “It’s just one of the odd things of life.”
“Yeah, that’s weird.” Albin concedes.
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Doctor Malaise resists the urge to sigh. After Santiago had pulled off a minor miracle in further calming and getting Albin more agreeable she had arranged a meeting between Albin and his parents Thalison and Azisa. Which in brooding teenage fashion had quickly shut down as Albin decided to sulk anew and glare over his shoulder as he turned mostly away.
She ensures that the urge to try and shake the silly boy is well and truly suppressed before she opens her mouth. “Now, this meeting has been agreed to as the unfortunate death of Beaky has revealed quite a few issues and miscommunications in this family that need to be if not sorted out, then at least discussed. Albin, would you like to speak first?”
“Oh? Am I allowed to talk? Am I not too frail for that!?” Albin demands.
“We just wanted to...” Thalison begins but Azisa speaks over him.
“Son you don’t understand...” She begins to say before a piercing whistle from Doctor Malaise grabs everyone’s attention. She then slightly coughs to both clear her throat and establish an appropriate level of sound for the conversation.
“Let’s not start with casting blame or insults. That only leads to such things being returned or defensive attitudes. Instead perhaps you two could explain to Albin why you thought it was a good idea to hide the fact he had Gurana’s Syndrome from him.”
“If I may?” Thalison asks. There’s no answer. “It’s from my family line so it’s best if I answer.”
“By all means. Please.” Doctor Malaise says and she notes happily to herself that Albin has turned a little more towards his parents instead of away.
“It was by my recommendation that we don’t tell you about your Gurana’s Syndrome or treat it as odd, because to me? To my family? It is normal. Once a generation, someone has it. Every twenty years there is Gurana’s Syndrome in the family. Sometimes it’s as little as a ten year gap. And sometimes, though never more than once every hundred or so years, we have two at once.” Thalison explains. “And normally, what we’ve done with you Albin, works perfectly! My cousin Garona had it in my generation. She’s a master bladesmith now and makes a very comfortable living producing custom weapons for hunters and warriors of all stripes. Before her, it was your grandfather. The man is a historian. Before him it was a great great aunt! She’s an expert huntress specializing in traps and animal calls to do all the work for her.”
“Then what went wrong with me?” Albin demands fully facing his father and while not hiding away, he is confrontational about it.
“Pure bad luck. That’s all. What I did for you, worked for my cousin. Worked for my father, your grandfather. Worked for my Great Aunt, your Great Great Aunt. You are the first in many generations to actually have a negative side effect of Gurana’s Syndrome. I wanted this to go so very differently. I figured you’d go hunting with your sisters in a huff, then after that you and me would drag them to the fertile plains over this world and you’d have a wonderful time playing with Beaky and getting your sisters to as well. But it all fell apart.” Thalison explains before taking a deep breath and swallowing a bit to rewet his throat.
“Where did it go wrong? I don’t know! Was it your sisters pushing too hard or being too inattentive? Was it Beaky choosing to be difficult at the exact wrong moment? My choice of destination? You choosing the exact wrong time to dig in your heels? I don’t know! Maybe all of them, maybe none of them! But it was not deliberate. I don’t want to hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you. If I can get nothing else across to you today, then understand this, I’m on your side. I want the best for you. I’m your father and I love you. I want you to have a wonderful life and I’m sorry about what happened to Beaky. I really am. I know he meant a lot to you.”
Albin tries to answer but nothing comes out. He tries again and there’s a slight hitch in his breathing. But still no words. He pushes and tries to force it and he breaks out in a few sobs. Thalison is beside him and pulling him into a hug that Albin does nothing to get away from even as he starts breaking down. Before he can even start to weep Azisa is there and embracing them both.
Doctor Malaise smiles at this. It’s a start.
​
First Last

The old place was half falling down when they took it over, but a little work and effort and...
"Well, now it's only one-quarter falling down," Rob would often say.
At first it was all men in the house, except Rob and Aaron's sister Julia and the uncertainty that was the honourable O.T. Payte. Later on one of Aaron and Julia's regular models, Helen, showed great aptitude and interest in watercolours, and she fully joined them. Some supposed she was Aaron's mistress, but of course he was too taken up with his sculptor friend out in Kent.
Helen was, in turn, too taken up with Julia.
Then Rob, in a bluster of feeling — and a panic over what his parents would say — married Rosie Cohen, his own favoured model, after it became apparent he ought to in the name of "decency." Some of the other artists in the house laughed, wondering over what decency really was, and carried on, unmarried, with their own models and mistresses. Still, before that winter was out, there were a few more quiet weddings.
Rob was always the tastemaker of the group.
People drifted in and out of the rambling old place. Legally, Rob and Aaron were recorded as the owners, and that their sister Julia lived there with them was understood. Well, not so much understood as understood. And if three young people living in a large house left them by an uncle should wish to frequently have guests, whether for an hour or a few days, that was understood too.
What the neighbours would not have understood, if they had deigned to pay attention, was that a load of artists — painters and writers and assorted other creative sorts — had moved in and colonised one corner of the quiet, genteel-yet-rundown square.
Had the neighbours realised this, certainly they would have revolted, or at least raised a minor fuss.
There were rules to staying in the house. Rules of order, behaviour, respect. Of course, said rules were very soft, very fluid, and kept changing to accommodate new arrivals and new situations.

• No models staying overnight

— That rule did not make it one day.

• No children

— That half-heartedly lasted until Rob and Rosie's son Joshua was born, but had already been shattered a half-dozen times due to women showing up demanding support for offspring that belonged to one resident or another.

• No excessive noise after midnight

— That one was struck down in committee sometime in the second month when no one could decide how much noise was "excessive."
A handful of other rules came and went in the first year, and others would crop up now and again, but they were so ephemeral, so constantly shifting and changing, that in the end all that mattered was keeping the door to your room closed when you wanted privacy. Even that was not guaranteed, but others did appreciate when you at least made the effort.

Yesterday at 9pm I(19) decided to sneak out of the house, pick up my cousin and go for a cruise.
I love driving at night, it's like therapy for me. I'm an only child and my parents see me as their reason to live. Going out at night isn't really allowed to me, even tho I am (or was at least) a good driver. Bad lighting, bad roads etc etc you name it.
Everything went fine, I dropped my cousin off back at his house and headed back home.
My cousin's house road is sorta named "Road of death" due to its many turns and people always tailgating and overtaking.
It's 2am, I was going relatively slow, downhill, when I was turning and suddenly lost control of my 9month old car. There was water on that turn and I couldn't keep it on the road. I don't know what I hit but airbags popped and the car was like chewing gum. I came out of the car, not a single scratch, just a tad bit bruised. I have no clue how I made it out alive.
That phone call that I made to my parents telling them that I'm 30mins away, on an empty road, at 2am, behind their back, crashed my soul.
Mentally, they're not doing well at all. They're devastated, blaming themselves yet happy to see me in one piece. I saw my dad cry for the very first time, because of me...
I wish I never snuck out. I wish I stayed home.

Obligatory "names have been changed" notice.
I've known Stacy for about a year and a half, now. I had always thought she was very cute, but I had never really thought a relationship was possible because I basically felt like she was "out of my league" until a friend told me he thought that she was into me, because when he met Stacy, she more or less only talked about me. Now, since then I've learned that she feels like she isn't good at making conversation, and usually only talks about things that she has in common with other people, and in the case of this friend, I suppose it was the fact that they both knew me.
Stacy has, for most of the time I've known her, been in a third-wheel situation with a coworker, Dave, who's been stringing her along for that whole time while he's got a girlfriend. He buys her gifts, and he's one of her best friends, and when they had worked together previously, she had a crush on him, and he on her, but neither of them were aware. When she went back to work there, he initiated a romance, despite having a girlfriend, and even though she made it clear that she didn't want to be the other woman, and that he needed to decide to either be with his girlfriend or break off what they were doing, he never did either and continued to flirt with her, kiss her from time to time, and so on. During this time, though I was in love with her then, I never told her how I felt, because I didn't want to complicate her life further. At one point, Eric (35M) who goes to the same bars as us started flirting with her, and Stacy wasn't sure about whether to date him or not.
One day, while Stacy was at my house with a few other friends, we ended up talking on my front stoop, and she said that she wasn't sure if she was right for Eric, or even for me, because of her current relationship status. She also told me that she worried that Eric was too much older than her, and I can't remember if it was in that conversation, or at a later time, but she also mentioned that her mother had cautioned her against dating him for the same reason.
I told her that I understood that the age thing could be a worry, because of the fact that you may not have as much in common and could be in different places in your life, but I also said that, if she wasn't sure, she should at least give Eric a chance and see how it felt. She also expressed a concern that dating him could be a "rebound" and that she didn't want to do that to him or to herself. I told her that I understood that, as well, but that I felt that, if he (knowing her situation) was willing to take that risk, that she shouldn't try to make her decision based on what would be best for him, but only on what would be best for herself, and that eventually she would have to move on if Dave was just going to continue to leave her in the dark.
It took Stacy a while, and several more conversations with myself and others, to finally try allowing Eric to take him on a few dates. I was supportive of this, because, despite my own deep feelings for her, the main thing I want is for Stacy to be happy, and if that's with someone else, then so be it. Ultimately, it didn't work out, and she eventually made it clear that they would be better off as just friends.
About a month or two ago, Dave's girlfriend came to an event at their shared work, and spent the entire time staring her down and making sure that they couldn't talk to one another. I happened to have decided to also go to that event, just to say hi, and when I came in she basically flung herself into my arms and told me that she was done with Dave. I asked her if she wanted me to come get her after work so that we could talk about it, and she did. She gave him a note telling him she was done with the situation (again, gf wouldn't let them talk), and then after work I took her to my house and talked to her for hours about the situation and how she felt. All I did was listen and sympathize, made sure she knew that I was there for her as a friend, and eventually took her home, and she took the next day off because she was too upset to go into work. I talked to her and saw her in person a few times before she went back in to work the next week, and during all this time, Dave never reached out.
During the period where she was either contemplating dating Eric or afterwards, we ended up alone at my house after a night at the bar where we were supposed to hang out with her best friend (Jenny), as well. When we were sitting on the couch, getting ready for bed (she always slept in the guest bed), she blurted out "worst case scenario, I can sleep in the guest bed, but if you don't mind I'd like to cuddle." I immediately accepted the offer of cuddles, and had the happiest night I can remember in who knows how long just snuggling with her while she slept. I'm not even sure I got any sleep at all, I was so happy.
The next time she stayed over, she did not want to cuddle, and I was heartbroken, but we were not alone that night, as Jenny was also staying the night. Another night, when we were alone, she agreed to cuddle again. Then one night, all three of us slept in the same bed, though I was more hands-off than usual, because I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable (also given that I had about a week of FWB with Jenny before I thought that there might be interest from Stacy, which Stacy had shown great interest in at the time it happened). I've since assumed that she will never cuddle if other people are there, but she has on another occasion when we were alone together.
She is very affectionate with me, much more than with any of our other friends, and we regularly tell each other "I love you". She's also said a number of things that make me feel as though she is at least considering me as maybe more than friends. Finally, about two weeks after the Dave break-up (or whatever you want to call it), I was talking to her and, after she mentioned maybe looking for other people to date, I asked her how she felt about me as maybe more than friends. She said she didn't know for sure. I assured her that, if she said "no" that I would understand and focus just on being her friend. She did not say no. She also asked how long I'd felt that way, and I told her it had been a long time, to which she replied "awww, thank you"
Everywhere we go, people always assume we're together, though we always tell them we are not. This weekend was her golden birthday (the birthday where your age and the day of your birthdate match), and she invited friends to come spend time with her on the day itself, while one of her friends who is also a friend of her brother's and myself were invited to come for the whole weekend. I spent the whole weekend there with her, a good deal of it one-on-one time, and one of her mother's friends asked her mother if we were a couple. When telling me this story, Stacy said that her mom said she didn't think so, but she would be the last one to know, and maybe Stacy had "finally made a decision" which sounds to me like she's talked to her mom about dating me. I got along great with her family over the weekend, so that, too, feels like a good thing.
Every time I get a hint that she might be interested, I get flooded with feeling, and I try to spend more time with her and make sure to appear interested, and whenever I do, I can't help but feel like she pulls back a little. Every time I tell myself it seems like we're just going to be friends, she immediately does or says something that indicates interest (including offering to cuddle, inviting me to spend alone time with her in her parent's hot tub, etc.).
Above all, I want her to be happy, and to be comfortable around me, because I love her as much as anyone I can think of as an individual and a friend. However, I'm also deeply in love with her, and I want to pursue that unless she tells me she just wants to be friends, in which case I'll be quietly heartbroken, but I will honor that and focus on just being her friend. From past experiences, I feel as though I tend to overwhelm potential partners with my feelings and my desire to be around them, so I've been trying very hard not to try and talk to her and be around her 24/7. I also am very aware that she is not out of the woods yet regarding her feelings for coworker Dave, and they do work together a few days a week, and so I want to give her time to finalize her feelings for him and get a bit of closure. Despite saying that she's over it, it's clear she still wishes that he'd just break up with his girlfriend and she'd be right there. She's told me she wasn't sure whether or not she wanted to date me, but didn't give me an outright no when I offered her the chance, and so I guess all I can do is give her time to sort through her feelings.
All that is background to my current question: Until she decides, how do I balance giving her space and keeping it clear that I'm still interested?
TL:DR: I'm interested in my friend, she's made a number of blatant and not-so-blatant indications that she is at least somewhat interested in me. When I asked if she was interested, she said she wasn't sure, when I told her that, if the answer is "no" that I would 100% accept that and focus on being her friend she did not say no. Until she decides, how do I balance giving her space and keeping it clear that I'm still interested?

I got a speeding ticket for $150 for driving 36mph in a school zone (25mph) by a speed camera. I am in Georgia in Chatham county. The speed camera got me on May 9th so before school was done on the 23rd. The camera caught me at 7:40:52 am on my way to school (college). I don't remember seeing flashing lights for a school zone sign, also on the side street that take to turn on the street that has the camera it has the school zone starting at 7:45 am which is a little over 4 minutes away than what the camera has me at. There is no actual school zone signs on the part of the street I am on after I make my turn. Also on the street that is the school zone, they have no signs posting the time, only one at the beginning of the street with a flashing light. The only time it's posted is on adjacent streets and that time is marked 5 minutes after I was stamped. Also the car is not in my name, under my parents. Is this worth fighting? Or should I pay the fine.

So for those unfamiliar or less familiar, the following link does a decent job of explaining covert sa / covert incest (goes by a couple of different names). Essentially though - it's inappropriate relationship (s) between a parent /caregiver and child but without the overt aspect of touching. There may be sexual undertones, the parent using the child for emotional support, as a surrogate partner. Family enmeshment. The psychological impact is /can be devastating like other forms of abuse.
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/emotional-incest
I'm curious if this is something that is reported and whether anything could be done by it. It's a solely he-said she-said. Minimizing, denial, brushing it off, and gas lighting are easy to use against victims because of its covert not overt nature.
The child might report something like -, "My father comments on my jeans and says how they make my butt look nice." "I sleep in the same bed with my mother every night. I don't really want to but it makes her happy". "When my mom and I go out to dinner, she treats me extra special. But she talks to me about her marriage problems/sex life /money etc". issues/ etc.". "My father has always obsessed over my weight. He tells me no one will want to be with me if I don't work harder to look good".
The child might describe it as "gross", "icky", "unconformable". But there's no physical evidence to report. The evidence is strong for how damaging it can be. in a perfect world perhaps a family like this would have intervention about what appropriate relationships are and intervention for the parents to get their issues resolved. It often happens when the caregiver isn't getting their own emotional needs meet so they turn to the child. The caregiver may not realize the full depth of the harm they are doing.
Anyway, wondering if anyone has experience with this? Could anything be done? Does it not "qualify" as something to be reported? I'm not asking in regard to a specific person or case. But I am a mandatory reporter, have never had to thankfully, but I know how you recognize this and I know how awful it feels from growing up.

Background
Denise Porch and her husband of one year, Rodney, lived in Charlotte, North Carolina, having recently moved there from the nearby town of Denton. The 21-year-old was the apartment manager for Yorktown Apartments off Tyvola Road, where she and her husband also resided. Theirs was regarded as a loving marriage between two childhood sweethearts. At the time of her disappearance, she and her husband were eagerly awaiting an upcoming concert for the soft rock group Seals & Croft.
Disappearance
On July 31, 1975, Rodney returned home from work at 8 p.m. He found a note from Denise taped to the front door, which said she had slipped out to show apartments to a prospective renter and expected to arrive back before 3 p.m.
There were a number of red flags: the television had been left on, and her Chevy Camaro was still in the driveway. She hadn’t taken her pocketbook with her. Neighbors had reported seeing Denise talking to a man outside that afternoon, but none of this eyewitness information ever lead to any leads.
Denise was declared legally dead in 1982.
Larry Gene Bell
At the time of her disappearance, an unassuming electrician named Larry Gene Bell lived about 300 yards away from Yorktown Apartments.
Bell, originally from Alabama, had spent his adult years shuffling back and forth between the Charlotte and Columbia, South Carolina areas, holding a series of unremarkable jobs. Eventually settling in Lexington County, South Carolina, the seemingly normal former Marine would go on to commit two shocking murders.
Shari Faye Smith, 17, was abducted outside her home on May 31, 1985. After a series of mocking phone calls to her family, Bell had forced Shari to write a “Last Will and Testament” to her parents before ultimately killing her.
Only two weeks later, Debra May Helmick, 9, had been found murdered following a continued dialogue between Bell and the Smith family—it is widely believed that Shari Smith’s older sister, Dawn, was the initial object of his infatuation, and Debra’s murder was nothing more than boiled-over frustration taken out on yet another young blonde.
Advancements in handwriting forensics ultimately led to Bell’s capture. Following a trial largely characterized by his numerous unhinged outbursts, Bell was eventually sentenced to death. He died via electric chair on October 4, 1996.
Bell’s Possible Involvement in Denise’s Disappearance
Aside from the fact that he was living nearby at the time of her disappearance, authorities have other reasons—albeit, coincidental—to believe he could have been involved.
For one, Denise was a young woman with blonde hair in her early twenties; the same profile another object of his murderous lust, Dawn Smith. It is known that Bell liked to target specific blondes but would settle on killing another one if the opportunity arose.
There are also shades of similar MO’s involved in Shari’s capture and murder and Denise’s disappearance. Shari’s kidnapping took place in broad daylight, right at the end of her own family’s driveway. The unidentified suspect in Denise’s disappearance met with her outside in the middle of the day, which would seem equally brazen given that she was well-known in that area due to her status as apartment manager.
Without a body or a game-changing new lead, solving this nearly 50-year mystery doesn’t seem very possible. But the close proximity of an infamous predator to the scene of the disappearance, combined with the victim’s profile, may provide us with some clues.
Links
The Disappearance of Denise Porch
Charley Project
Charlotte Observer Article, 2012
Missing Persons Wiki: Denise Porch
Forensic Files Episode “Last Will”

Anyone else here have a majority of their trauma not caused by other people?
Asking because, while I know trauma is trauma, I don't have a common experience that I see others here having (such as abusive parents or caretakers) which I am very grateful for, but rather I have had other sources of trauma in my life - mainly from Gender Dysphoria which I have experienced to be traumatic in and of itself (literally feels like you have the opposite sex characteristics than who you really are which is distressing and dissociating and made me always feel unsafe and digusted in my body), OCD (which is another source of trauma for me, and also possibly a result of the Gender Dysphoria trauma), and another primary source for me - physical injuries which have resulted in chronic pain, another reason for me to feel anxious, dissociated, and hypervigilant.
I do have some external sources of trauma, such as sexual abuse etc, but a lot of my trauma is, like I said, not external in terms of it's origin.
The reason I'm asking is because I think I've noticed, having compared my symptoms to others here and considering the sources of trauma, that because most of my trauma doesn't involve another person, but rather the wounds have been inflicted by none other than my brain and sometimes I have a difficult time separating that from myself, that I am extremely hard on myself and have little to no faith in myself. I fear myself. I do have hypervigilance but it's almost always the thought that I've done something wrong or I'm going to do something to ruin things. Like everything I do is wrong. My hyperviglance isn't so much worries that something outside of me is going to go wrong (which is its own beast), but rather that I ruin and will ruin things. Sadly, it keeps getting reinforced because of my trauma responses of hyperviglance and avoidance. This, I think, causes an added level of shame and self hatred because, though I know its not true, it almost seems like I'm the abuser. It's really hard to have compassion for myself when I don't have another person to blame, as bad as that may sound.
My point here is not to compare trauma, just to note and observe this particular manifesting of it and to see if anyone else can relate in the sense that their trauma isn't necessarily brought on by another person.
TLDR: I didn't have an abusive childhood, (although I did have traumatizing experiences within my family and outside of my family), but rather often times felt and still feel like I'm the main source of my trauma due to a lot of my trauma not being externally caused, or more accurately like my body and brain were and are the abuser. Anyone else relate?

I (32F) have been dating Jeff (34M) for almost 1.5 years. We get along great, and see each other a few times a week. He has one friend group that he primarily hangs out with. It consists of 4 people other than Jeff. 3 guys in their early 30's, and Tate (25F) (Tate is not her real name, but she does have a gender neutral name with the same vibe as Tate).
I never had any problem with his friends. He has always been very open about what they do and who he's with. But, with that being said, I do feel like he mislead me about his friendship with Tate.
They have been friends for 4 years. Jeff and the other guys in their group helped her leave a toxic relationship she was in with an acquaintance of theirs about 2 years ago. They took her in, and dropped her ex. She is good friends with all the guys, she hangs out with them all individually, they'll go on trips together, etc. Jeff says that no one in the group has ever tried to make a move on her, and vice versa. Tate and Jeff have always been especially close. Jeff describes their relationship as "big brothe little sister" and I have heard Tate say the same.
When Jeff and I first started dating, before I met his friends, we would text back and forth pretty frequently. I would ask him what he was up to or whatever and he would say stuff like
"Grabbing a beer with Tate and Leo." or, "Tate is coming over to help me with computer stuff" or, "driving Tate to the airport", etc. He never once told me Tate was a girl, so imagine my surprise when I met her. While I trust Jeff, I don't trust Tate. I have seen how she acts with her boy toy of the week or random guys at the bar and other occasions, and I don't like it. My negative feelings towards her were solidified when I showed up unannounced once to Jeffs, and they were all smoking weed together. (I'm against drugs). I'm always decent to her when I'm around them, but I would prefer Jeff to not hang around her.
Recently, Tate has been messaging me asking me to hangout 1 on 1. She had an extra ticket to a concert, and invited me. She was in my area and had some free time, so she called and invited me to dinner. I have declined each invitation unless Jeff is going to be there too. I just don't see the point in her and I hanging out unless my boyfriend is there as well. Well, Tate told Jeff she invited me to some stuff and when he found out I kept declining, he asked me why. I told him the same reason I stated above, and he got upset and said I should make an effort like Tate is. Apparently, a lot of Tate's friends are seasonal workers (big thing here in florida) and have left for the next few months. (not my problem.)
​
TLDR: Declined invites to hangout with BF's friend, and BF thinks I should give her a chance.

Stand name: Rooster Motley
Namesake: Rooster Motley [Slovakian Kohútik Jarabý]
User: Lonny Langdon
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Appearance
Rooster Motley is automatic artificial stand with humanoid chest with ribcage pattern, 2 7-jointed hands that can fold like folding ruler, 4 small spikes from bottom of chest, each hanging random board game accessories, and fishing reel inside chest. Head has oblong with 4 chameleon like eyes.
Stand is automatic and does not reflect damage to its user.
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Abilities
Fair game: Rooster Molley activates, once any type of game, on which user and enemy agreed on starts. Stand automatically creates punishing system that physically injure losing player, while resembling action done in the game. If game contain idea of death [Chess, PC games, Hangedman,...] then loser gets killed by stand.
- If user or enemy decides to surreder, stand deactivates itself and undo damage done to winner. Wounds of the one who surrenders stay unchanged.
-If someone wins, then winner wounds get healed and loser wounds stay unchanged. [Or get killed]
[Example: If user and enemy agreed on hangedman game 2 wins from 3, then Rooster Motley will act in way, where losing target gets more choked like being hanged, more sticks hangedman figure has. Once someone gets 2 wins, choking will lead to death for loser]
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Stats
Power: A
Speed: D
Durability: A
Precision: D
Range: D
Potential: ∞ [Stand potential of creating punishmets for games]
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User is English 9 year old boy from lower class. His parents had no much time to raise him properly because of work and so Lonny spent most of his time outside in streets. Thanks to his stand he was able to benefit from playing different games in which he was good at. Like this, he's trying to help his family to live better.
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If i won, i would like to see next theme to be related to Glass

I found out today that someone I went to school with has died, probably of an overdose. I haven't seen this woman for over 10 years, the last time I saw her was at her sisters funeral. I feel so sad. These women never stood a chance, generational abuse and trauma have killed both my friend and her sister.
My friend was physically abused by her mother. The mother was a single parent raising 2 girls. I witnessed the mother punching my friend several times. We all knew about it, but didn't do anything. My friend said she didn't want anyone to know because she was scared she would be taken away. The mother was a drug user. As teenagers, me and this friend got weekend jobs together. My friend was a hard worker, with a wicked sense of humour. We would get paid on a Thursday and go shopping, but sometimes the mother would take my friends money for drugs. As we grew up and left school we lost touch. Then a few years later, my friends younger sister died under mysterious circumstances. The mother was the only one there at the time, but nothing was made out of it. My friend was distraught, and I went to the funeral to support her. At the funeral, my friends absent dad was there, handcuffed to a police officer, he was on day release. After this, my friend turned to drugs. I heard a while later she was working as a sex worker. She has a child.
I found out today that she is dead. Her mother has put on Facebook that it's an overdose. The mother is ranting on Facebook about how the police are to blame. I googled her name and my friend has 33 convictions, and has been taking advantage of vulnerable people (cuckooing).
The mother is herself a victim of huge trauma, after she witnessed her father murder her mother.
It's so horrific to think that all this sadness and grief has happened to these brilliant young women. I can't stop thinking about a conversation we had, at maybe 12 or 13, where I was saying we should tell the school about how her mother hurts her, and she was so against it. I wonder if I had told anyone, would they be alive? How do you live with the fact that you've made the wrong choice as a child? And would if have changed anything? Clearly, there are many many more victims now. The mugshots online of my friend and tbe news articles paint a clear picture that she was a monster, i cant see that though, only see the abused child who was trying to protect her younger sister.

Okay - so I have a question and I'm wondering if anyone can explain this to me.
I've seen it repeated several times that BK didn't have Facebook/Instagram because there haven't been any search warrants for his account. However, one Meta search warrant appears to be broad and three names are redacted from it:
https://coi.isc.idaho.gov/docs/case/CR29-22-2805/030723%20Order%20to%20Seal%20%20Redact%20-%20Meta%20Platforms%20Inc%204.pdf
Here it is typed out:

Lawrence Mowery, having given me proof, upon oath, this day showing probable cause establishing grounds for issuing search warrant and there is probable cause to believe that the property referred to and sought in or upon said premises consists of information related to the crime(s) of homicide on the Facebook account(s) from August 1, 2022, to November 19, 2022:

1. Madison “Maddie” Mogen with the following IDENTIFIERS
   
2. REDACTED with the following IDENTIFIERS
   
3. REDACTED with the following lDENTIFIERS
   
4. REDACTED with the following IDENTIFIERS
   
5. Kaylee Goncalves with the following IDENTIFIERS
   
6. Ethan Chapin with the following IDENTIFIERS
   
7. Xana Kemodle with the following the IDENTIFIERS
   

All contact and personal identifying information, including for Madison ‘‘Maddie” Mogen with the following IDENTIFIERS Maddie's Name Here; REDACTED NAME 1 with the following IDENTIFIERS REDACTED NAME 1; REDACTED NAME 2 with the following IDENTIFIERS REDACTED NAME 2; REDACTED NAME 3 with the following IDENTIFIERS REDACTED NAME 3; Kaylee Goncalves with the following IDENTIFIERS Kaylee's name here; Ethan Chapin with the following IDENTIFIERS Ethan's Name here; Xana Kernodle with the following the IDENTIFIERS Xana's name here to include full name, user identification number, birth date, gender, contact e-mail addresses, physical address (including city, state, and zip code), telephone numbers, screen names, websites, and other personal identifiers;

Is it possible that BK could have been one of those three redacted names?
I know that BK's name isn't redacted on some of the other warrants, but this one was issued prior to his arrest. I haven't sorted through all of the warrants, because there are so many, but the ones I have checked that aren't redacted appear to have been issued after his arrest.

My partner (38M) and I (35F) have been together about a year and a half. About 2 years prior to meeting him I had started therapy to deal with all my childhood crap and the reason we are together is definitely in part because I was significantly more healed from attachment trauma I had been carrying.
Both of us come from “emotionally stunted” families, his more so than mine. His parents are lovely but no one hugs each other, there is no emotional expression at all. During my time in therapy I did a ton of work to open up emotionally and learn how to name & express feelings, but I still need practice with genuine emotional connection, and it’s something I want.
The thing is, the more I ask for his help & participation in ways to connect more deeply, the more he backs away. Recently I recognized how absolutely overwhelming I’ve been and I’m trying to take a step back, but I don’t know how to ask for this in a way he will understand and feel comfortable with.
I know this is very very common in heterosexual relationships - the woman is asking for more and the man gets overwhelmed and backs away.
So, I’ve come here to ask:
What can I do to help him feel more comfortable and excited to learn & grow together, instead of overwhelming him?

So I recently came out to my wife and she has been extremely supportive. She has even started looking up gender neutral names for parents and asking me what I would like to be called. After a bit of processing she did say that she had some reservations about what things might look like in the future. She couldn’t put it to words, and I know that she is supportive of me, I am just worried about what some of the future issues may be as I don’t want to do anything to alienate her or my family.
How did you all navigate coming out to your partner? How did you do what was best for you while balancing what is best for your family? Any good ways to be respectful of boundaries while you went through or are going through this?

Hello everyone. I recently platinummed the PSVITA version of Sly Cooper 4: Thieves in Time as my 28th platinum. It only took me 10 years, 4 weeks, 22 hours to do it. Did you know this game hides its true ending behind the platinum?
Anyway, I'd like to talk about the experience.
Sly 4 was a bit confusing and inconsistent to platinum. I get the feeling the game wants you to platinum it given how on every loading screen it shows you how much you've completed the trophies and collectibles for the game. And that there no missable trophies. But there are some decisions that don't help with that.
So I'd say there are around 3 groups of Trophies in this game.
The first group are the mandatory story trophies. Not much to say about these. There's nothing missable here and the names are quite cool. I do like looking at the percent completion to see how many players completed the PS VITA version of the game. Did you know that around 73% of players booted this game up and completed the prologue? And only around 25% of players even beat the game. The biggest drop happened around the start of Episode 2 since the completion dropped from around 60%to 48% for some reason.
The second group are the trophies for the collectibles and arcades. I'll talk about these later.
The third and final group of trophies are for miscellaneous challenges. I'll start with these first and highlight some of the notable ones that I missed on my first playthrough.
"Crazed Climber - Scale the dragon lair in under 90 seconds". This was one I missed during my original playthrough of the game. This requires you to climb a giant tower filled with traps in the mission "Mechanical Menace". And this one was really fun even though it took me like 3 attempts. Sly 4's movement and platforming is quite fun so having a mini speedrun challenge using Sir Galleth's moveset was a treat. The one criticism I have here is that the game drops a checkpoint as soon as you get to the top. If you haven't gotten the trophy by then and need to retry, you need to quit to the main menu/hideout and reselect the mission, skip through all the cutscenes and get back there which gets annoying. At least the tower is near the start of the mission.
"Ancient Warfare 3 - Crackshot 10 enemies within 65 seconds. Sly's ancestor, Tennessee "Kid" Cooper" has an ability similar to "Dead Eye" from Red Dead Redemption where he can slow down time, mark enemies and objects and then instantly shoot them dead called "Crackshot". I never got this trophy when I first played the game because there wasn't much opportunity to. There aren't large groups of enemies wandering around that you can casually get 10+ of them line up for you to shoot them. Plus, I was already good at shooting them normally. I tried running around in the open world trying to lure enemies but found it wasn't working. There's a mission in the game called "Blind Date" that throws lots of rabbit enemies that chuck TNT at you that worked better for me.
"Hubba Hubba - Don't miss a beat in the Carmelita dance game." This trophy is, without a doubt, the main reason to platinum this game on VITA instead of the PS3. So nobody can see you play this dumb minigame and call you a Furry. This trophy requires you to complete the minigame where Carmilita needs to disguise herself as a belly dancer and dance to distract guards while the Cooper gang try and open a door. You just need to hit the button prompts perfectly. So you can ignore the times the minigame asks you to shake the VITA from side to side like a champagne bottle to make Carmilita shake her ass (seriously, why does this game sexualize Carmilita so much? None of the past Sly games did it).
"Get To the Chopper - Don't take any damage during Up In Smoke." This one was actually fun. In the mission "Up in Smoke", you have to control an RC Helicopter and drop bombs on turrents while drones and mines chase you down. It was fun dodging and weaving through them. There are 3 phases to this mission and you have a checkpoint in between every phase. So if you mess up, you can just restart the checkpoint to the last phase. You don't need to avoid taking damage the whole way through which is nice.
"Unexpected Package - Place 60 bombs in enemy pockets with Bentley." When I first saw this trophy, I groaned. This would be a massive grind. And I had actually made it harder on myself. You see, normally, when you sneak up behind an enemy as Bentley and hold triangle, Bentley will try to put a bomb in the enemy's pocket. Larger enemies won't notice this but smaller enemies will. But the main issue is that I had previously unlocked the Heat Seeking upgrade for Bentley. Meaning sometimes, the bombs would "miss" and stick to an enemy guard's arms or legs instead. So it was annoying going around the hub world and planting bombs on guards.....until I remembered that I had purchased the upgrade for sleep bombs. My plan now was just to find a lone guard on a rooftop, try and place one sleep bomb into his back pocket and detonate it. He'd then fall asleep. Then I'd go to his sleeping body and try placing 5 sleeping bombs in his pocket and back away (the max you can place at any one time). When he wakes him, I'd detonate all 5 which set him to sleep and then repeat. Even if I'd "miss" a few bombs that would stick to their legs instead, I generally 3 or 4 bombs work perfectly. So it didn't take long to get all 60.
"Apollo Wins - Have the perfect workout during the Training Montage." During the mission "Getting Stronger", you have to do a training montage with Bob where you alternate through 6 minigames as you complete them with the minigames getting harder as you complete them. The trophy requires you to complete 10 randomly selected minigames without making a single mistake. If you mess up, you can restart the checkpoint to the beginning of the montage and have to play through a new set of 10 randomly selected minigames. The Minigames are "Slippery Slope" where you balance an egg on a beam using motion controls while penguins jump around on the floating iceberg you are standing on. "Penguin Popper" where Penguins are diving in front of you and you have to play baseball using them. "Sumo Slap" where you have to perform QTEs to push a giant penguin out of a Sumo Ring. "Duck and Cover" where penguins get launched at you from 4 different directions and you have to move the left stick to dodge them. "Super Sling" which requires you to use a catapult to launch a penguin at a flying pterodactyl. And "Whack a chump" which is Whack a Mole but with penguins. Some of which are fake and you should avoid.
Penguin Popper was easy. Once you get the timing down it's easy to get into a rhythm and hit the penguins since they don't vary when they dive. Whenever this popped into the rotation, I considered it a freebie. Sumo Slap was extremly easy. The button mashing was extremely generous. This was another freebie. Duck and Cover requires a bit more focus because of the timing and inconsistent patterns. It's not too challenging. Interestingly, I noticed that the VITA's speakers would reflect if the penguin was coming from the right or left but not above or below you. I guess headphones would make this easier but I had no need for it. I was generally glad when this popped up in the rotation. Whack a Chump was a bit harder than Penguin Popper because there is no set pattern and the additional challenge of not hitting the fake penguins. But it wasn't too bad. I was glad when this popped up in the rotation.
Super Sling and Slippery Slope were the 2 I dreaded and the ones I messed up the most on. Super Sling doesn't give you much indication of where your sling will go. The Pterodactyls have varied speeds so you can't rely on pattern recolonization and reactions. And there's time pressure as taking too long counts as a miss. And it kept popping up in the rotations for some reason!
Slippery Slope was stressful because of the motion controls and how wild later versions of it were.
"The Cooper Open - Have a 20 hit rally with Bentley in each hideout." There are 6 hideouts in the game. In each hideout there is a table tennis table where you as Sly can play a round of table tennis with Bentley. I question the inclusion of it but I suppose it can be a nice distraction. This trophy requires you get a sequences where both you and Bentley hit the ball back and forth 10 times each (or 20 times overall) without missing. And repeat for each of the 6 tables. I found Bentley kept messing up so I had to intentionally hold back and avoid making good shots and try and hit the ball towards him. The main issue is the fact you have to repeat it 6 times. I feel it would be better off just once and as nothing is really added by doing it 6 times. If anything, it's more annoying given the long load times to switch hideouts and Bentley's random AI.
"Hassan Would Be Proud - Pickpocket a full collection of every item in the game." Each of the 6 or so locations have around 3-4 items that can be pickpocketted from guards. The main issue with this trophy is that it doesn't keep track of which items you have already pickpocketed in any way. The game already tracks how many treasures and masks you've found per general area but not pickpocketted items.
I only got this trophy by planning on systematically going through every location in the game and pickpocketting every enemy item and noting down which ones I found.....only to get it in the first level when I used Murray's shake move on some rat enemies. Enemies that you never encounter or have a reason or opportunity to naturally pickpocket. I guess 2013 me had already gotten 99% of these items previously.
"Navigate Like Drake - Take a look at every map in every episode". I found this trophy really annoying. The way it works is that every location in the game, including linear interiors that are exclusive to missions and even the hideouts, have a map you can look at by pressing SELECT. The game doesn't keep track of which locations you've seen the map of. So I had to systamatically play the game from the first mission and press SELECT whenever I entered a new interior. Then quit out and play the next mission and repeat. It popped for me in Episode 4 so somehow, 2013 me had looked at all the maps in Episode 5 without realizing it.
I don't like this trophy. It doesn't really add anything. The player would already be looking at the maps in the hub worlds where they would be at their most useful since those are open world sections. They have no real reason to use the map in linear interiors. And even less useful in hideouts as these aren't even explorable. They are basically just menus that happen to have a 3D background. I'd be more forgiving of this trophy if the map showed collectibles at least. That way, players have more of a reason to use this feature.
Shout out to the Lazy Trunk Spa & Lounge. A secret area in the game that contains a mask collectible and counts for the trophy with a unique map. No mission ever goes here. So even if you were to play diligently and open the map for every area you encounter, you'd still miss this. I only knew this existed because the trophy guide I looked at told me about it so I decided to tag this area while doing the "Get to the Chopper" trophy.
"Hero Tech - Battle with a secret weapon" Once you collect 50 Sly masks. You unlock Ratchet's wrench from Ratchet and Clank. This weapon even turns the coins you collect into bolts. Collecting 60 Masks unlocks Cole's Amp from inFAMOUS. This can electrocute the enemies you hit. I chose to use Cole's Amp to get the trophy as a tribute to inFAMOUS. Killed by Ghost of Tsumia 😭. May it rest in peace. Gone too soon.
That covers all the miscellaneous trophies. Now for the collectibles and arcades.
Sly 4 has a bunch of different collectibles scattered in each of its 6 episodes.
Bottles: Each hub world contains 30 bottles. Collecting all of them gives you access to unlock a safe hidden somewhere in the hub world. Unlocking that safe rewards you a special treasure. Bottles make a "clinking" sound when you're near them so if you're having a hard time finding them, try going into the game's settings and turning down the music and voice sounds. If you find the safe in Episode 3, the special treasure it gives you will highlight bottles and safes in every other episode on your map which is quite nice. I wish the game did this more often. If it hides collectibles from the player, at least give the player an endgame ability to highlight them. It makes it more feasible and fun to complete these tasks instead of combing every last inch (or looking up a guide).
Treasures: Each hub world has around 11 treasures scattered all around. The gimmick here is that in order to collect them, you first need to find where they are in the hub world. Then once you pick them, you need to race back to your hideout under a certain time limit and without taking any damage. If you mess up, you need to repeat the process. The treasures generally require you to have all of Sly's costumes. And a couple require you to be playing as Sir Galleth because England has increased gravity for some reason. Some of these treasures are really well hidden. Requiring you to go to these holes in the middle of nowhere which then require you to switch between some of Sly's costumes. Like, if you open the map when picking some of these up, you'll find Sly is located beyond the borders of the area.
I found it way more fun to race back to the hideout than actually finding them. It was tedious to find many of them because of how well hidden they are. There is no tool or item in the game that can help mark them on your map. Well, I say that. Supposedly, if you have both the PS3 and VITA versions of the game and play them at the same time, you can use the VITA like a scannebinoculars to locate these treasures. And then use the Cross Save feature to nab them in both versions. I only have the VITA version so no luck for me. Again, I'd argue it would be better if there was an endgame upgrade or tool you could get that would mark the treasures like how the game does it for bottles. There isn't even a "clinking sound" or any help for these.
Anyway, collecting all the treasures for an episode unlocks the arcade machine minigame for that episode.
Also sidenote, but this game has the worst map screen that still somehow can be useful. The map gives a top down view of the area but with a blue filter. This makes it harder and more annoying to navigate and use landmarks for reference. Especially on the VITA with its smaller screen. There are also no icons on the map (aside from bottles, safes and objectives) or the ability to make your own markers. The VITA version makes it worse as you can't even use the buttons to navigate the map. You have to use the touchscreen even though that's not how it is in the PS3 version. But you can still use it to know where you are and where collectibles can be from guides. It's technically readable and useful but just barely. I've never seen a map in a game so perfectly walk the line between useful and annoying.
The next collectible are Sly Masks. There are 60 total and around 11 per Episode. Collecting them unlocks skins and some goodies. But the catch with them is that they can be anywhere. There can be a couple in the hub world. But also couple during select missions and even some in the arcade minigames. There's no way to know where any of them are. They generally tend to be really well hidden even if you are trying to scour every area.
Again, I wish there was a way to highlight them. The game's long load times make it a chore to switch episodes or missions so it's tedious to try searching for them manually.
Now it's time to talk about the arcades. Sly 4 has 3 arcade minigames that are used in both the main missions and have a harder version in the arcades in hideouts. The arcade versions of these minigames are harder, go on for much longer and can have secret paths that lead to portals that reward you with points and some of them even have Sly masks. You need to beat the high scores to get the trophies
The first minigame is "Alter Ego". This has you play this 2D auto scrolling twin stick shooter minigame where you must avoid enemies and collect these "ionic bits". Collecting 5 yellow bits levels you up so your weapons get more powerful. At level 10 you have shoot crazy fast, can launch missiles and have floating drones that can damage enemies around you. But whenever you take damage, you drop an entire level. And you get left behind as the level autoscrolls, you respawn at level 0. You can also collect blue bits which can give you a grenade explosion around you.
Personally, I don't really like this minigame. It's fine when playing casually as a change of pace but grinding the high score isn't great. Since it is an autoscroller it is entirely possible you don't have enough points to match the high score and you won't know until its too late, wasting your time. I also found the hitboxes a bit too small. Making items more annoying to pickup.
The key to success is finding the right balance between collecting yellow bits as they give points and level you up (and how high your level is acts as a multiplier for your score) and killing enemies since they give more points. As well as avoiding taking damage and maintaining level 10 as much as possible and knowing where the secret paths are so you can get more points as well as level up if you have messed up.
The second minigame is "System Cracker". Here, you guide a little space ship looking thing through 2D levels in top down twin stick shooting sections. This isn't an autoscroller. You need to explore levels looking for keys and shooting enemies. There are 3 ships you can switch between by going onto specific coloured pads and each ship has its pros and cons. The green ship you start with does decent damage and has decent health and can carry keys. So it's a jack of all trades master of none kinda ship. The pink ship literally resembles a tank. It fires slower and at a shorter range but does more damage and has more health. It's also necessary for destroying pink crystals to progress. The blue ship has floatier handling and faster speeds. Its shots also bounce off walls and it can draw a line which can activate switches and damage enemies. It is weaker than the green ship though.
I actually really enjoyed this minigame and was happy whenever it comes up. It even feels the most fleshed out of the 3. Like, I feel it could even be released as a small standalone game with some tweaking and expansion. I'd probably play a mobile version of this in my free time.
I like how varied the levels can be. You can have a lot of different threats and mini-puzzles and even scenarios where you have to keep switching between ships on the fly to damage enemies. Like, there's this one enemy that's made up of orange, blue and pink hexagons that require you to switch between all 3 ships and use their abilities to damage it. It's quite fun. Damage one ship takes is "saved" on that ship. So if you take 50% damage with the green ship and switch to the pink one, the pink one will have 100% health. But whenever you switch back to the green one, you will be back at 50% health. So mistakes have consequences requiring you to make decisions accounting for them without being too overbearing.
Beating the high scores for the associated arcades is very easy. For one, there is no time limit or pressure so you’re free to take your time and play carefully. On top of that, the mode is very generous with points. Whereas Alter Ego only gives you points for killing enemies and picking up bits (and you need to get and maintain a multiplier for decent times), System Cracker gives you points even for shooting obstacles and barricades in your way. In Alter Ego, I was scraping for points until the very end. In System Cracker, I had more than enough points by the halfway mark.
I suppose the game could have balanced this by increasing the points threshold and rewarding extra points for taking less time to complete sections but I’m not complaining.
The third and worst minigame is “Spark Chaser”. Here you must guide a little electric ball across these maze like areas with gaps that end your attempt if you fall down them and these pinball like bounce pads that bounce you really far. There’s also a time pressure. You have around 20 seconds to get as far as possible with more time added as you pick up these purple clock icons.
The biggest issue is that it’s entirely controlled by motion controls. And this makes me experience worse on VITA. Seriously, I very nearly quit playing. This post was almost titled “I gave up trying to Platinum Sly 4”.
With the PS3 version, at least titling the remote doesn’t also affect your view of the screen. You can look at the game and play it the same as you normally would. But in the VITA version, the “neutral” position where no input is registered by the system is placing the VITA flat with its screen facing up. The standard “screen facing you” position registers as down.
The end result is a frustrating experience. This minigame requires really fine precision given how easy it is to fall off and the time pressure requires you both be fast and more precise to collect time pickups. On top of that, your view is constantly being messed with due to how much you need to tilt the system from odd angles. Especially how tilting “up” really makes it hard to see. Oh, and the dialogue from Bentley as you bounce gets really annoying and repetitive.
It’s barely tolerable in regular missions since those don’t require as much precision or speed. And even then, the usage there in 2013 was suspect to begin with. I only completed this because there’s a cheese where if you can get enough time early on, you can then keep bouncing on certain pads which give around 20 points per bounce. When I played “normally”, I’d get around 300 points with the high score being 1000 points. Using the cheese, I averaged around 990 points and managed to get lucky to win with 1010 points.
Tangent Time:
I’ve said it before. Motion controls work best when they complement existing controls in an optional way or in more restrained ways. I love it when games have gyro aiming since that can help compensate when aiming with sticks with small fine corrections. It works here because the sticks do most of the work and the gyro sensors work where they are best suited.
Or in many mobile racing games, steering is often done by tilting your phone. I enjoy this because there is only one axis you need to tilt your phone, the screen often rotates in conjunction so your view is preserved and it’s more intuitive to feel the “range” of rotation and how it corresponds to steering.
Hell, even ignoring these approaches, motion can still be used in worthwhile ways. Such as by mapping an extra action that is infrequent if all other buttons are occupied. The Mario games on Wii map a “spin” when you jump and shake the remotes giving Mario a bit of grace allowing him to make slightly further jumps or correct a bad jump. Call of Duty MW1 on Wii allowed you to assign certain commands to custom motions of the controller and nunchuck. So you could map stuff like jumping, moving and shooting to buttons but map reloading to smacking the nunchuck to the Wii Mote or plunge the Wii Mote forward to do a melee attack or tilting the Wii Mote to bring out a grenade or alt fire.
Even Resistance 1: Fall of Man had a neat idea. You could quickly tilt the controller left to bring up the Scoreboard screen without needing to take your thumbs off the sticks or stop moving. The Soulsbourne games allow you to quickly do emotes without needing a menu by holding the interact button and quickly tilting the controller in certain directions.
I bring all this up to highlight how Sly 4’s use of motion controls are a failure on every level. They’re mostly used in place of minigames as the sole method of control. So all the issues of motion controls (such as the lack of broad control and feedback) are front and centre. The only place where the motion controls are understandable is when firing arrows as you can then control the arrow after it’s fired using both the sticks and gyro aiming. But even then, the lack of any ability to tune the gyro sensitivity or even invert the controls hampers any use it could have had.
I don’t mind the idea of Sly 4 having decent motion controls. There are places where I can see it being beneficial. In addition to shooting and guiding arrows, I can see it being useful when you have to use the binoculars. Especially as Bentley as you need to shoot darts precisely.
Or, here’s a gimmicky one: you can bind certain costumes or tools to also be selected by quickly tilting the system. Even though using the D-pad for a quick select would be faster, it would still be a better use of motion controls for Sly 4 than most of what’s currently there.
End Tangent.
Back to getting all the trophies, the final arcade machine, unlocked only when you’ve gotten all the treasures in every other episode, is very easy. It has “3 rooms”, one featuring every minigame thus far. But the high score requirements are really low and rooms aren’t as tough as prior versions. You can easily get the high score in the first area which is the Alter Ego one. Even if you miss it there, the second area is Spark Runner but you can keep reloading the checkpoint to preserve your score. So you can get some time clocks, reload a checkpoint when you’re close to running out of time or about to fall off and repeat until you get the high score.
You do need to get past the Spark Runner section to the 3rd and final section that uses System Cracker's gameplay in order to get a hidden Sly Mask, but it's far easier than the dedicated Spark Runner arcade minigame as the section is shorter, is more generous with Time Pickups, has easier level design and lets you reload a checkpoint if you're about to fail which doesn't end the run.
So yeah, Sly 4 Thieves in Time was....inconsistent game to platinum. I enjoyed the base gameplay, System Cracker, the various challenge trophies and the mini speedruns for collecting treasures. I didn't enjoy finding the collectibles and doing some of the other minigames. I hated Spark Runner.
If the game had more ways of tracking collectibles, fewer minigames and better load times, I'd gladly recommend it as a fun game to platinum.
As for the base game itself, I am mixed on it. The gameplay is arguably the best in the series. Sly's movement and costumes are so fun to play around with. Murray, Bentely and Sly's ancestors are also fun changes of pace during missions.
The story is lacking. My main issue is that it doesn't feel like it realizes its following up Sly 3. The story so casually undoes the ending of Sly 3 to get Sly 4's story going. I get it, that's what a sequel has to do. But the way it does it really undermines Sly 3. It's also much more lighthearted and doesn't have as much of a theme or focal point as its predecessors. Sly 1-3 explored the theme of legacy and the consequences of adhering to it so tightly. A major aspect of Sly 3 was Sly realizing the Cooper Vault wasn't worth dying for. It's what prompts him to fake his amnesia and retire with Carmilita in the end. So for Sly 4 to then have Sly have an itch to steal just for the fun of it, it's sending mixed messages here.
In addition, Sly is really casual about the fact Carmilita now knows about his betrayal and has broken up with him. Seems like that should have been a bigger deal. In fact, that kind of "casual-ness" persists throughout the story. Sly doesn't really have much of an arc or any real heartfelt moments with his ancestors. Nor do they seem to really care their decedent from the future is here with them.
If I could have tweaked the story to address these points, here's what I would have done:
I'd have the story open with Sly, Bentley and Murray enjoying their "retirement" and have no plans of thieving. I'd go so far as to have Sly even scoff at the idea of him ever wanting to be a thief. Then when the pages of the Thievus Racconus are dissapearing, Sly, Bentley and Murray have to reluctantly unretire to try stopping them. There would be dialogue during the opening mission of Sly being worried if they get caught as it would undo their happy ending. And then when Carmilita catches Sly, Sly at first is flustered and tries to explain the situation to Carmilita who isn't having any of Sly's BS. Sly is forcibly extracted by the gang and then they time travel. As they are time travelling. Sly is upset that, in order to go literally defend the Cooper Legacy, he has to give up his happy relationship and can't be repaired now. That even if they fix the problem, they'll be on the run forever now. Murray had to give up his professional career as well.
Already, I feel this introduction has a few things going for it. It respects the ending of Sly 3 and keeps the characters in more character, as well as putting more heat on Le Paradox. Sly 4 had to rip away the happy ending that was Sly 3. The characters know that and aren't happy about it. There is immediate consequences. And that heat can be directed at Le Paradox when he comes later.
I'd also like if all of the ancestors Sly met had different reactions to both him and the Cooper legacy and how it affects Sly's arc.
For example, lets say when he meets Riochi Cooper, Ricohi is initially disappointed in Sly as the future Cooper decendent as Sly doesn't act honourably or respect the legacy or something like this. Something that makes Sly start to question if it's even worth defending the Cooper Legacy. Bentely is the voice of reason here and mediator that gets the gang to work as well as they can.
Then when Sly meets Tennessee Cooper, Sly is initially expecting another traditionalist ancestor that cares a lot about the Cooper Legacy. But Tennessee is kinda the opposite of Riochi in that Tennasee doesn't care about the legacy in the same way. He adds his own spin and contributions but also uses the knowledge from it to do his own thing. Perhaps Tennessee is this Robin-Hood esque figure who uses his heisting skills to steal from the corrupt ruling class and give to the lower class. The point being that through Tennessee, Sly considers another aspect of the Cooper Legacy on how he's not that beholden to it and can potentially make it his own.
Then when Sly meets Bob, part of Bob's training is also from Sly as Sly teaches him some of the Cooper moves he knows. Since Bob is the first Cooper ancestor, he has no bias towards the legacy or any knowledge. So he's far more grateful and begins to use his new skills in helpful ways. Causing Sly to wonder if he could use the Cooper Legacy in more ways.
It's a similar situation for Sir Galleth. And for Selim, perhaps by that point, Sly has a newfound outlook and appreciation for the Cooper Legacy and ways on how he can improve it or make it his own that he encourages Selim not to retire or to retire in such a way where he could help people or something like that.
So yeah, there's this theme now of "Don't let the past define you now. You can make it your own and grow past its flaws". Which I feel would give Sly 4 more of a punch. I am basically copying Metal Gear Solid 4 and Assassin's Creed though.
I also feel it would be better if Penelope wasn't the villain of episode 4. It seems to contradict her character from past games and the explanation given for her heel turn doesn't really hold water. I feel the story would be better if Penelope had the role Dmitri has where she's their help in the present and the Knight was a new character. But if you need to have Penelope as the antagonist, have her be under mind control or something. That way the team has the conflict of how will they stop the plan without hurting their friend. But if you really insist on Penelope being a full on antagonist now by her own choice, perhaps flesh out her motivations more? Maybe something like "she sees how Bentley will never reach his full potential as the Bill Gates of the world because of his criminal past that requires him to lay low and not take public credit for his inventions. So she's trying to erase the Coopers so Bentley will have never met Sly". That would at least be more than "I want money".
Everything else, I feel works more or less.
I will note that the cliffhanger ending was a weird choice given that this game wasn't projected to sell well and kinda pigenholes any story Sly 5 would be going for. Plus, it being locked behind the platinum trophy means only a small portion of the few players that played Sly 4 would even know about it.
So yeah, that's my take on platinumming Sly 4: Thieves in Time. What do y'all think?
Next up for me is platinumming every Spider-Man game on PS VITA. See you then.

So as it's getting hotter and hotter out woman are allowed to wear dresses and skirts and short sleeved clothes but men can't wear shorts. How the hell is that right. It's not fair and they said they follow a gender neutral dress code. It's not very gender neutral if I can't wear shorts but every woman in can wear a dress/ shirt.
Who do I need to report this too if men can't wear shorts woman cannot wear dresses/skirts.

Raj's World- A show about Raj in his teen years, growing up in India, etc.
ComicCenter- A show focused on Stewart and Denise. Centered on the Comic book Store and the characters that frequent it (captain sweatpants, kareem-abdul jabbar).
The Hofstaders- A show focused on Leonard and Penny as they move to Nebraska to be closer to Penny's family. We also get confirmation of Penny's Maiden name being Teller.
Mr. and Mrs. Wolowicz- A show focused on Howards Parents. We find out why Howards dad left, and what became of him. The first season is them together, subsequent seasons are focused on both of them, just in different places.
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Hi all,
We are expecting our first child toward the end of this year and would love some feedback on a set of names we have finalized. We have decided not to find out the gender of the baby so we have finalized 1 boy and girl name: Boy - Ishaan Girl - Anika
Some background info: My husband and me are both Indian and are currently living in the US. The names we have finalized are based off of Hindu god and goddess names but I wanted to make sure that they do not mean something else entirely in another culture/language.

I am joining a new campaign shortly and I have two great character ideas, but I cannot decide which of the two to play, so I'm asking for opinions here!
Character 1 is CG rock gnome druid (circle of the shepherd) named Badger. The druid would be a hermit that dwells in the woods outside town somewhere. He keeps tabs on the area by talking to the birds and such, he tries to advise people when and where to best plant crops or cut trees, and about when it was a bad time to build fires and stuff. If they ignore him he will give them a hard time with pranks and maybe worse... Like sicking rust monsters on a lumber camp to eat their tools. He means no harm, and wants to protect the natural spaces while also helping the community grow.
Character 2 is Simon, a NG human paladin (oath of valor). The Paladin would be a folk hero. A carpenter and helps build houses and raise barns and things. He is a natural protector for anyone who is week or being bullied even if the perceived bully is a legal authority (hence neutral and not lawful). He is quiet about his own achievements and prefers to let his legend grow by word of mouth from the people he has helped with their problems, but he does despense some rustic sounding wisdom that may not be entirely serious, saying things like 'Well grandmother always said that a beaver's life is just one dam project after another' or 'money talks, but usually it's to say goodbye'. He is still an oath bound man of honor, but the kind that Will tell you a dirty joke while getting shit faced on whiskey.