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I need to get this hurt, anger and pain out. I'm destroying my new relationship because I'm so traumatised.
It has been nearly 8 years since I fount out, and I've still not fully healed. I listened to a podcast earlier who mentioned how you should speak out about it to be able to heal so here I am...
I'd also appreciate anyone who has been through this to tell me what you did to help to heal.
I met my ex husband when I was 20 he was 26, first red flag was the age gap but being 20 I didn't think it was a big deal, next red flag that I thought was a compliment was when I asked why he liked me he said, "you look so cute and innocent" wasn't until I got older and everything came out how I remembered that comment and was shocked at how naive I was.
You hear alot of people who have never been in abusive relationship say "why did't you just leave them sooner" their not like this from the get go! If they were then yes people would leave, but their charming, loving, it's all a big act, they then wait until they know you've started to fall inlove with them then slowly manipulate you and gaslight you, then when you pull away they love bomb you again, so you learn to second guess yourself, believe them that you're the crazy not them.
My ex (lets call him J) was very manipulative, a smooth talker, an alcholic and constantly cheated on me, then when I found out he cheated it was always "get over it" "stop nagging me". I didn't know back then that I had ADHD and RSD (Rejection sensitivity disorder) back when I was little you were told only boys had ADHD, I was just told I'd always have a mental age of a teenager because girls didn't have ADHD. So now looking back I realise why I missed all the red flags, why I put up with the cheating, why the rejection made me run towards him and why I stayed so long.
He then had this friend (will call him C) visit who I had never met before, J mentioned how other's would bully C so me being me opened my home to him, I felt sorry for him, C told me how he was apparently special needs (looking back I think this was a cover up). The first time he travelled to come stay with us he seemed okay at first, a little odd but I didn't think much of it until his friend accused me of being attracted to him because "I was nice to him" I said "I am nice to everyone, doesn't mean I'm attracted to anyone?!" I was shocked but put it down to him being special needs, maybe he didn't quite understand. He then kept giving me the look throughout his stay and I felt so uncomfortable he looked at me like I was an object to be had. The odd thing was my ex would tell me how much he couldn't stand the guy, his friends our family would ask why does he hang out with him and he'd never have a good answer to why (later it makes sense).
I then had a young family member come over (I want to protect this kids incolved so I'm saying family member) staying over again this comment didn't add up until after it all came out. J was on the phone to C and put him on liyd speaker as J and my young family member were play fighting, I then said to the little family member "get your butt out of J's face" as a joke because the way they were play fighting he was climbing over J. C obviously hears and said "but J would love that" straight away I was like wtf?! I was totally confused. My ex looking shocked at me and then shortly after he got off the phone with C. I told J how much I didn't like his friend, usually I'd never tell someone to stop being friends with someone but I just kept getting a bad vibe from him plus he kept telling me how much he couldn't stand him himself. Then J decided to tell me the night before that C was coming over to stay the following day for a week (I think it was), I begged him not to let him, reminded him how he kepts saying inappropriate things to me, C even asked J "what would you do if I made out with your wife?" J said "I'd punch you" C then said "why it would be HER fault". That was the final straw for me and I wanted nothing to do with him, I then thought he made up this special needs card to get away with his disgusting behaviour. But then J tells me C will be coming back over to stay, I was told this the night before. I cried and begged J not to let him stay, he wouldn't listen, I had nowhere else to go or money to even stay elsewhere or any friends. I begged J to atleast make sure he was home after work before he arrived to which he agreed (stupidly I believed that, I am also on the autism spectrum again didn't know, everything is very black and white and I always expected others to be the same as I knew no different) C arrives and J is nowhere to be seen, I'm ringing and texting him constantly and I'm being ignored. J finally arrives home drunk. For the next few days is where I constantly get SA by C infront of J I keep shouting at C to stop rubbing himself up against me, stop staring at me like I'm a peice of meat, stop towering over me, stop refusing to move out of doorways in my own home so I have no choice but to squeeze past, stop touching me inappropriately (I didn't realise any of this was SA until later as I thought I was being over dramatic as by ex would constantly tell me I was when I fount out he cheated once again so having thay drummed into your head does make you second guess yourself alot) I begged my ex to help me to his response was "come on mate just stop" he didn't even sound bothered, there was no stern voice and C continued constantly. I truely believe if J wasn't there C would have eventually [email protected] me, each night I would push a chair between the door and our bed just incase. I was completely destroyed, I had depression before and bad anxiety because of my ex and undiagnosed ADHD and RSD that I had no idea about. This was when I finally learnt to hate my ex and preparing myself to leave him.
When C went out with J I decided I would snoop on C's ipad (I know I shouldn't have but I had this gut feeling he wasn'ta good person) I found a bunch of emails to police from him harassing his ex wife (later on found out he [email protected] her and had a police report against him I think he got away with this but I'mnot sure). I also found pre-teen prn I have no idea if it was legal or what but they looked like kids, I was shaking, felt sick and crying and couldn't look, I flipped my sht. I finally stood up for myself (I think it was the fact I felt protective over what looked like children, I no longer cared about myself but only them) I packed C's things, told J what I found and that C isn't staying and put his bag outside, C begged J to stay and I rang the police and reported it, it was then I told the operator everything from the p*rn to him groping me and saying inappropriate things to me, she then said she'd have an officer come over from (I think she called it) [email protected] and SA department. In my head I was like wtf is going on how on earth has that anything to do with the video's I saw on his history?! Wasn't until the officer sat me down said someone else had gone forward about him and exsplained what I said gone through was SA, I felt so stupid, I felt like what she said wasn't real that I was just being over dramatic and she was wrong.
I did try to leave J after this had happened, then he did an overdose and I was guilt tripped into staying with him, he then later on laughed and said he had googled first to make sure the pills he took wouldn't actually hurt him. A couple months later when I completely checked out emotionally I tried to leave again and he said he'd OD again if I left (this was after I found out he was cheating) so I stayed, I didn't want someone else's blood on my hands. Then finally 6 months of from the first OD I finally walked away!
I self healed, worked hard on myself learnt to love myself and fount an amazing partner who is so caring and loving and helped me heal deeper. I was about 1 year into my new relationshie when a very brave family member of mine came out about how J had been touching them since she could remember (so a toddler up until pre-teens) also turned out she wasn't the only one but also her friend. Alot of the weekends I'd have the girls come over for sleepovers, we'd watch movies, bake, crafts, play games, go out on day trips etc. I was really close to them and her friend decided to call me her second mum. But I had no idea, nobody had any idea, I said I'd do all I could to help them with their case, there was very little evidence but not enough to pin him for what he did, he got pulled in for questioning but that was.
Some of my family needed therapy, I needed therapy. It completely and utterly distroyed me, I was so angry at myself for not noticing, I remember reading this kind of stuff or seeing it in the news thinking how the heck do you not notice this? I held so much guilt even though both the girls said they never blaimed me and my family never blaimed me, but I still blaimed me. I had intrusive thoughts on how I must be a pedophile too or how else didn't I notice anything was going on under my own roof, I wanted to end my life. I felt sick with myself for sleeping with a pedophile and I felt so dirty. I was angry how he got away with it all, how the evidence given wasn't enough! How those poor girls had to relive it all. Angry how he distroyed two kid's childhoods and my family and he gets to walk away like nothing happened.
A few years ago a family member saw he was engaged and messaged J's new partner to warn her, unfortunately their still together as far as I know. I know all to well how manipulative he can be so I partly get why she has stayed. I did find huge peice in that she was atleast warned so (hopefully not) if any more children come forward she'll remember that message that was once sent to her and not try to protect him. I sometimes think to myself I bet she's so kind and loving like I was, always thought the best of people, because that's the type of people who end up in these bad situations, we get taken advantage of they see our kindess and we're easy to manipulate.
It made total sense now why he was friends with C as just before I left J I snooped on his phone and also saw pre-teen p*rn on his phone, it was on PH he kept telling me how it was an add and I was crazy even though it clearly was a video half watched then the second guessing myself rolled in. But I truely believe C knew J was a pedophile hence the comment about my nephew and J knew C was hence why he wouldn't drop his as a friend.
My now partner has been incredible, listened to how I was feeling, didn't once judge me or my intrusive thoughts and picked up all the peices. I was now battling from the SA then this ontop, it took me about 2 years to finally agree I needed therapy. I felt better for a little while but then the panic attacks came more regularly, the constant running around my head repeating what happened, had mentally blocked and partly forgotten alot of things then memories would come back. Then finding out I have ADHD was a shock that I'm still trying to deal with. I don't feel the therapy helped all that much, it did make me see that I was nothing like the moster he was, I would never ever do anything to a child, it was never my fault, I never made J do those things, I never asked C to do those things to me, I didn't lead him on, I didn't have to blame myself for being too nice anymore. But that's all I got out of therapy.
I feel I do better to self heal alone. It has been long enough now that I have suffered for things others have done. I am distroying myself and my good relationship because I keep snapping and I'm filled with such anger and pain, I am now here to try move on and change that. I deserve to be happy and free from this. I am partly worried sick about posting this, as I have such bad anxiety but I know I need to talk about it and get it off my chest and I know this platform has helped me alot in the past and I use my own trauma to help others. Not enough people talk about being on the other side of this as fear of judgment but we didn't do anything wrong here! They did!
If you read this far thank you! I hope that this may help someone not feel so alone now.
How did you overcome the anger? Did talking about it help? I feel the trauma has made my ADHD symptoms much worse which I know can happen after trauma. My anxiety is awful I constantly. I want to heal enough is enough they get to walk free and ruin other people's lives, whilst I suffer still. I would never do anything to hurt someone I don't deserve this.

Hello, First I would like to say, that in Europe it is really hard to get children books with Tagalog. I have bought a few books on Amazon even, but they were after I bought them actually in English. Children books written for Filipino audiences written in English.... I have also tried to search for epub files, only to find very old public domain books for adults. Easier to just find stories in tagalog on websites on the internet like Ibong Adarna a favorite of my daughter. I my self have very poor Tagalog comprehension. I can mostly just follow the approx meaning of a conversation between two Filipinos and comment on the conversation in Norwegian. I intend to change that, but I have been more focused these years speaking Norwegian to my wife so she will learn.
Anyway, to the topic at hand. My wife and I did gift one of my favorite books as a child, not my copy, but an English translation to our nephew on her side. He doesn't live in Norway, but his mother does mainly speak English and Danish to him. Not Filipino. So we gifted him an English copy of Karius and Baktus. And when he grew out if it, they gave it back. Now I scanned the pages, used OCR with wrong settings to get some text out, painstakingly corrected all the text to what its supposed to be. And solicited ChatGPT 3 to translate each of the 4 chapters of the book. I can't verify the correctness of the translations, but I thought I would print out them on paper so my wife could just have a pen when she reads it to our 3 year old, and mark places she thought needed corrections, so we could review them later. I'm sure the translation from ChatGPT is good enough, at least for the first reading. I'll also insert images from the book before printing it. Haven't gotten that far yet. Here is the link to I got so far. I just provide this if anyone is interested. If you have any comment on ChatGPT's translations please feel free to use the comment feature in google docs. I have yet to insert the images from the original book yet, and maybe do some formatting. The book is about Karies and Bacteria (I believe its Karies and mutans streptococci) in the mouth of a young boy called Jens. In this story they are called Karius and Baktus and are anthropomorphized as little trolls, and they make cavities. The morale of the story is to brush your teeth. The conclusion of the book is that Jens goes to the doctor and gets his cavities filled, and when he then brushes his teeth that evening Karius and Baktus can't hide from the tooth brush and are flushed down the drain. The original book is written and illustrated the beloved children's author Torbjørn Egner. The illustrations are lovely and childish if you google Karius and Baktus or the authors name. Or if you clicked the link after I put in the illustrations.
What ChatGPT failed miserably in however is translating the songs. Maybe ChatGPT4 would do better, but I can't afford that currently. I am asking if anyone could please translate these songs to Filipino, and have them still fit in the melody. So probably retain the same amount of syllables, and hopefully keep the same lines rhyming with each other. I know this is a long shot, if anyone would help me. Below I put the official English translations of the songs, which does fit the rhythm and rhyme. I also did attach the Norwegian original songs but translated to English, only focusing on retaining the meaning. These are just for reference if they may be helpful. I also attached the sheet music. The sheet music is just for the first and the last song, but the second song has the same melody as the last song.
Official English Translations: (sheet music including English words below the Norwegian literal translation) ``` The Be Happy Song

Hip hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Life is fine in every way. Here we have a special treat, All the sugar we can eat. Caramels both large and small Are the very best of all. And, of course, what's coming now: White bread thick with syrup! Wow! Tralalalala tralalalala Tralalalala lalalalala. 

The Be Sad Song

There is nothing left to eat. Everything that's nice and sweet Mean old toothbrush swept away All the food is gone today. There is not a single bite Not a caramel in sight. No more bread or syrup too. What on earth are we to do? 

After the Dentist

Where are we to sleep tonight? All the teeth are smooth and white. I'm so mad! So mad! So mad! evermore will I be glad. But there's nothing we can do, We're too small and helpless too. We're so tired - but we know There's no place for us to go. 

```
Norwegian literal translation (just provided for reference)
``` The Be Happy Song (literal translation)

Hey, hooray, hooray, hooray! The two of us are doing really well. Here in Jens' teeth, we never lack sugar. Sweet little candies are the best thing we can get, and also what we're getting now: Delicious bread with syrup on top! Tra la la la la, tra la la la la, tra la la la la la la la la! 

The Be Sad Song (literal translation)

Everything sweet and tasty has disappeared, big and small. Everything has been brushed away, that was really unfair! There's nothing here now - no little caramels, no bread with syrup on top - Oh, how will this go... 

After the dentist (literal translation)

Oh, where shall we stay tonight? This tooth is smooth and shiny! Oh, I'm so angry, so angry, that I'm almost exploding! But there's probably no solution, because we're too small. We're both tired, but we have nowhere to stay. 

```
Sheet music with the official English translation keep in mind the second song above (The be sad song) has the same melody as the third song which is in the sheet music titled "The sad melody" but has the lyrics to "After the dentist"
EDIT: After messing about with two websites that claim to give access to ChatGPT4, if ChatGPT4 is what I got access to then it also is incompetent to translate lyrics for a song, while retaining rhythm and rhyme. One website gave one prompt (question) to ask per day. So I wrote all the details about what I wanted and all three songs in one prompt. It gave a better result, looks better, almost the correct number of syllables on each line. But it doesn't work with the melody because it is indeed the wrong amount of syllables. As for rhyming it either ignored that request, or it tried and failed. Another website gave just freely access to conversation with ChatGPT4, supposedly. And when asking about one song, well its about the same result as the other ChatGPT4 bot, for the first half of the first song at least, then it completely falls of the rails having sentences that are twice as long as the original text. And if I ask it to correct it self, it makes things worse. I don't know if these websites are in fact giving access to chatgpt4 or what the owners of the website does if you would write anything sensitive into the chat. But I did add the first attempt from the one prompt per day into my link to the book above. At least until I have something proper.

OK Google, What alarms do I have? Sorry I don't understand.
Ok Google, set an alarm for weekdays at 6:10am. Sorry I'm having trouble understanding.
Ok Google, set an alarm. When for? Weekdays. Ok, weekdays. Set if for when? 6:10am. Ok, what day and time?
Finally tried something as basic as Ok Google, volume down. Sorry I don'y understand.
etc etc
Given that most alarm based features can't be set via the Home app that leaves the Mini a small grey rather sad paperweight. The old dumb DAB radio is now out of the cupdoard. Does anybody have a scoobys what on earth is going on with these devices over the last six months - I've rarely seen a piece of smart tech fall from grace so fast?

Got this part finished! It took some doin, but I got there. Anyway, let me know what you guys think, and I hope you enjoy. I'm not very good at these intros.
First / Prev / Next (Coming eventually)
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“-ck.”
David’s apartment wasn’t overly furnished to begin with. He lived with the bare essentials that came with state housing, but the fiks decided to make it more homy. Their idea of a home was converting it into a flophouse. Beds, cots, and pallets soon spread out along the walls while boxes and crates soon took up residence in the middle of the room. His coffee table, end tables, and small dining set were conspicuously absent.
He stared slack-jawed for a moment before a crash sounded from his kitchen. “Saa! No food!”
“Lie! How can human starve?” After a brief pause, “Saa! No food!"
David was about to investigate when a short…well, relatively short fik stood in his way. “Ah, David! Yes, yes, we come as soon as we could.” He was just a few inches taller than David and wearing more ornate garb. About as ornate as something stolen from a seamstress’ dumpster. He was also an albino. That was important to fiks, right?
“Am Wesh. Clan Ermin.” That sounded important, alright.
“Ermin? Are you the one in charge here? Tell them to stop ripping up my-“
Another clatter sounded from the kitchen. “Look, look! Hidden door!” Oh right, the pantry. Great. Now they’re in his walls.
With a content smile the Ermin said, “Yes, this will be good den. The wise clan lives close.” He illustrated his point by interlacing his fingers. “Builds strong bonds. And now with human! Wise human no less!”
“Wise? Look man, if I was wise, I’d be doing better than I am. Now, will you tell them-“
“Bah! Yes, human wise…Maybe David does not see. Or hear. Wesh hears wisdom you recite.”
“…You could hear me in the shower?” he asked sheepishly.
“Saaaaa. Yes. David sings song of fik! Sings of fik’s struggle in new world. About lies and hate fik suffer. But our fighter spirit keeps us going. Keeps us strong. You sing such wisdom without knowing?” He placed his hands on David’s shoulders, “Fear not! Wesh will hear and speak David’s wisdom. Even if David cannot see.” With a pat on the shoulder the albino shuffled away to the warriors who seemed at odds over sleeping arrangements.
“I guess it’s good to know they like Simon and Garfunkel.” He mumbled to himself. David summoned his courage to finally investigate what was happening in his kitchen when the door chimed, and the apartment went abruptly silent.
*****
Sarif didn’t need a canid nose to know something was off. The various tables and bits of broken furniture stacked up beside the building leading a trail of dust and debris to David’s door was a decent tip off. Another would be the small din coming from the building. Sure, any tenant could be having company over making a decent noise, but they wouldn’t stop after pressing David’s chime. But of course, she could also smell the small number of people who’ve passed by recently. It didn’t seem likely David would give up being a recluse overnight. What worried her was the smell of his pursuers from last night.
After a moment of silence, Sarif pounded on the door as a bit of anxiety seeped into her mind.
“Who’s there?” called David.
She let go of a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “It’s me. I’ve come to check on you, and…And apologize.” She struggled to get the last word out.
After a brief pause the door slid partially open revealing David’s suspicious expression. “Apologize?”
“Yes…Who’s in there with you?” She looked above him, but no one was in view. The place looked like a mess.
“Just, uh…Just some friends. Could you maybe come back another time? Now’s a bit…Busy.”
She quirked an eyebrow. “Please let me in. It’s-“ She caught herself before saying ‘my job’ “Important to me that I know you’re safe.”
With a grimace David looked back into his apartment before relenting and opening the door. Her eyes quickly scanned the room looking for the intruders as she stepped through the threshold. The fiks were hiding in the doorways to the kitchen and bedroom. She caught sight of the impromptu bedding and realized this was an infestation.
She took a couple strides to put herself between as many of them and David as she could. “David, what are they doing here?” she demanded in a hoarse whisper. “They were the ones chasing you last night. You’re letting them move in?”
“I’m not letting them do anything.” He replied as hushed as he could. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m a bit on the short side. When someone twice my height wants to do something there’s not much I can do about it.”
Her eyes narrowed as she looked over her shoulder before leaning down and whispering in his ear, “Do you need me to get rid of them? If you feel in danger I’ll-“
“No! No. They’re fine. Just a bit…excited? Eager?” He sighed, “Look…Last night was a bit of a misunderstanding. I didn’t know all of this was happening until a few minutes ago. It’ll sort itself out.”
“You can’t let these people stay here. It’s not safe. They’re…”
It was David’s turn to squint, “They’re what?”
“You know.”
“No, I don’t. Enlighten me.”
“They’re dangerous. They steal, they’re violent-“
“Violent? Violent? Everyone in this galaxy is violent. So far, they haven’t stolen anything, and have been polite with everything I’ve asked. Meanwhile the other high and mighty races have done their very best to make my life a living Hell. They haven’t beaten me. They haven’t starved me! They haven’t shoved shit in me without my consent like those fucking snakes or big fuckers did!” David shouted while pointing to the scar behind his ear. He realized he was shouting and leaned around Sarif to see a dozen or so eyes staring at the two.
Sarif closed her eyes and took a breath. “Look, I…I’m sorry. I’m sure they’re fine. I just…” She looked up and around, searching for the words. “I’m trying my best to keep you safe. I really am. Sometimes that…Sometimes that makes me come off a little harsh. You know the galaxy isn’t a nice place. So do I. I tend to see the worst in people.” She looked down into his eyes, “Will you meet me halfway? Help me, help you? I just want to help you however I can.”
The tension left David as he sighed and rubbed his forehead. He opened his mouth to speak when there came a rough knock at the door.
*****
Hilda took a seat at the bar in the Aimless Wind Café. It had mostly emptied out as the breakfast rush died down. She perused the menu on her comm then checked for any upcoming entertainment. Looks like authentic human music was a random flash promotion. After a brief wait, a black furred felinoid walked up behind the counter.
“Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah, I’ll take a tea and is the owner in today?”
She looked the taurian up and down before replying, “Sure. I’ll go grab him.” With that she disappeared into the back. A few minutes passed as Hilda looked around the restaurant. It wasn’t small exactly. The bar and stage took up a good portion of the room, but judging by the tables the place could seat just over fifty patrons.
“Well, if it isn’t our resident human wrangler. A bit wilier than herding troqs, huh?”
Is my accent that bad? The man rose to eye-level on the hidden step that ran the length of the bar. He was dressed in more conservative clothing with a handkerchief tied around his nubs holding his hair back. While he readied the kettle and dug out a large earthenware cup, Hilda cleared her throat.
“We grew nist, but yeah. I’m here to-“
“Learn what you can about our little music-man.” He set the cup down in front of Hilda and began wiping down the immaculate counter. “He’s been here a few times; engaging in his impromptu therapy sessions. Not much of a talker I’m afraid. What were you hoping to learn?”
Hilda went back and forth in her head about just how much she wanted to say, before deciding honesty would be best. “This is…only our second day with David. So far, we’ve only read his file, picked him up from the hospital, then chased him through half the station. We can’t get a word in edgewise because he doesn’t trust…Well, anyone. But, he kept coming here. I just want to see why. Maybe find something we can do to help him.”
The owner raised his eyebrows then leaned on the bar, “Well. I suppose things have nowhere to go but up, now. If you were looking for some great truth or revelation about David, I’m afraid I have none. All I can say is the man loves-no, needs to sing. I don’t know why. Maybe it distracts him from the here and now or takes him back to when life made more sense to him. Though, if I were to guess…I would say he probably always loved singing. Might well have been his drive before everything was stolen.”
She mulled that over. For someone without all the answers the man had a better bead on David than most of the evals in his file. “That’s as good a guess as any. I just don’t know what I can do with that Mr…”
“Rodrik, and it may be a bit selfish on my part, but it also may bring David a bit out of his shell. Maybe you and your partner could finally bring our bard to perform on that stage over there.” He pointed to the back corner. “I’m more than willing to accommodate whatever he needs.” Standing straight again he told her, “I’ll be here whenever if he decides to perform up there or in the back. I live on the floor above. For now, Shasa here will take care of you.”
Stepping back down, the man passed the felinoid and returned to the backroom. Hilda nursed her tea and thought when Shasa spoke. “I do hope you get him to perform again. I’m a bit of a fan now.”
Hilda eyed the woman. She realized her fur wasn’t solid black but covered in hazy, faint spots. A bit on the taller and bulkier side for felinoids she seemed a bit out of place, but she didn’t know why. “Have you spoken to David much?”
“Not as much as I’d like to. He’s adorably uncomfortable whenever anyone is…particularly friendly to him. But I do love a man with baggage. They melt in your hands once they’re comfortable around you. Lean on you for support. Oh, but you’re not here for that kind of advice. Or are you?” She smiled mischievously.
Squinting at the other woman, Hilda rose and paid her tab, “Thanks. I guess.” She left the café and headed for David’s apartment, learning all she could and a bit more besides. I’m gonna have to keep an eye out for that one.
*****
The room was silent for a beat before Sarif opened the door. She was staring at a leather clad chest before she craned her neck back and saw the single largest fik she had ever seen. I didn’t know they could get that big.
The fik woman seemed equally confused to see Sarif and looked past her to the other fiks approaching the door.
“Chief!” called a fik.
“Chief?” parroted David and Sarif in unison.
A grin split the chief’s lips as she bowled past Sarif and strode in to meet her clan.
“Hey! You can’t just barge in here!” cried Sarif as she rebounded off the wall and planted her paws.
“Why? Am chief. Chief can go anywhere.” The fik giant explained as if to a child. Ignoring the canid, the chief’s gaze wandered the apartment before settling on David, “You!” She took a couple quick strides before bending down and scooping David up in a bear hug.
Sarif launched herself with reckless abandon at the fik’s back with teeth and claws bared. The chief spun as she hauled David up throwing Sarif’s lunge off causing her to shoot past. She dug her claws in the floor and spun around. David was effectively a hostage and meat shield.
I’m gonna have to go low or else I’d rip David open with her. But what if she lands on him? That could be just as…Wait, what’s she saying?
The fik, seemingly oblivious to the attack was rocking David side to side saying, “So happy to finally find you! Humans so hard to find. Always hiding. Always running. But now I have you! You’ll be so safe and happy now!”
She blinked. That wasn’t quite what she expected, but violence still hadn’t been ruled out. She was plotting her next move when she noticed a sharp blade of some description enter her peripheral, threatening her to stay still. Right. The others.
Then the door opened.
*****
Hilda heard voices and a scuffle as she approached the door. Deciding she needed to get in there quickly she opened the door and stepped inside.
She didn’t know how to process what she was seeing. There were almost a dozen fiks around the redecorated room. One was just about her size, clutching a squirming David while another was holding a knife to Sarif who had murder in her eyes. And all eyes were on her.
The door slid shut behind her when she turned and glared at the big fik. “Put. Him. Down.”
A confused expression crossed her face. She looked down and saw the human struggling for air then released him. He dropped to the floor gasping for breath, bracing his hands on his thighs.
Her gaze settled on Sarif who was beginning to relax. “What happened?”
“These f-“ She glanced at David, “These people broke in and seem to be trying to move in.”
A white fik stepped forward, “There are lies! Fik was welcomed into new den. David is most gracious. Fik would not break anything!”
“I broke something!” Piped up a fik in the back.
“Silence!” the white fik yelled, spinning around.
“You about broke David’s spine!” Sarif growled and stalked up to the chief. “Where do you get off thinking you can just whip him around like that?”
She seemed unperturbed by the chastisement. “Human is fine. Sulta knows her own strength.” The argument carried on for another couple minutes when the door chimed again.
*****
That’s it! I’m ripping the chime off and bricking up the door! No more visitors! No more headaches! David had slipped out of the middle of the verbal clash in case it became more physical, but that put him closest to the door. With a roll of his eyes and a groan he answered it.
Standing in the doorway was a blue and red colored avian. It gave David a quick glance before handing him a slim paper package. “You must be David. Not a lot of humans running around here. Anyway, have a pleasant day!” he called before striding down the street.
David tried to get a question out but the avian’s long legs carried him away before David even knew what to ask. With a sigh he inspected the package. It was more like an old Earth manilla envelope, bulging with something weighty. It had his address and even a description of him, but no return address or even the name of the sender.
Frowning down at it he turned around and closed the door once again. Then looked up and realized he was once again the center of attention.
“Uh…You all keep doin…Whatever. I’m gonna go check my mail.” He shuffled along the wall until he entered his bedroom then shut the door. Thankfully he was alone.
He sat down in his desk chair by his comically oversized desk and pulled out the envelope’s contents. It held a pad and a card. He set the pad aside a read the card with someone’s face on it.
You are formally invited to attend the celebration of life/graveside service of Mortemer J. Albrecht.
A funeral? I don’t even know this guy. He quickly read the dates and brief life summary on the inside before setting it aside and powering on the pad. It blinked to life before displaying the front camera view. God, I look terrible.
It blinked a couple times before scanning his face, with special attention to the eyes. I wonder if I get to keep this thing. Passing whatever check, the pad displayed the directions to the desolate planet Mr. Albrecht was going to be buried on. It drew up a diagram of the landing zone, gravesite, and where the Guardians will wait.
Guardians? Plural? Realization dawned on him. Multiple humans in one place. They never did that. David never fully understood why. He missed that bit of collective trauma. In some instances, it made him feel more disconnected to humanity than he already was.
He continued reading the invitation. It seems Mr. Albracht wanted as close to a traditional funeral as he could have, but he had no surviving family. That’s where David and the other invited humans come in. He pondered his options. He really didn’t want to venture out. He didn’t want to meet people and see that all too familiar pity in their eyes. Especially other humans. He didn’t know if it’d be worse to see them looking as bad as himself or doing better.
On the other hand…He was lonely. It’d been so long since he’d spoken to another human. Another person with a shared background and experience. Someone who’d just understand. He thought about it for a minute before reaching a decision.
He opened the door, and it seemed everyone really went back to arguing and shouting.
“Hey!” Silence. “You.” He pointed at Ruk’sa, “Keep everyone from wreaking my apartment. You.” He pointed at Sarif, “Keep them from getting into trouble while I’m gone. You.” He pointed at Hilda, “Come here.” He stalked back into his room while everyone looked at each other.
Hilda followed him to his room. “Gone?”
David spun around and squinted at the towering taurian, “You and Sarif really want to help me?” She nodded immediately, “Then take me here.” He pointed at the uninhabited planet displayed on the pad.

Cover Art!
Just because you’re transported to another world, doesn’t mean you’ll escape from your pain.
Abused by her parents, thirteen-year-old Frances only wants to be safe and for her life not to hurt so much. And when she and her class are transported to the magical world of Durannon to fight the monsters invading the human kingdoms and defeat the self-titled Demon King, Frances is presented with a golden opportunity. If she succeeds, Frances will have the home she never had. If she fails, Frances will be summoned back to the home she escaped.
Yet, despite her newfound magic and friends, Frances finds that trauma is not so easily lost. She is dogged by her abuse and its physical and invisible scars. Not only does she have to learn magic, she has to survive the nightmares of her past, and wrestle with her feelings of doubt and self-loathing.
If she can heal from her trauma, though, she might be able to defeat the Demon King and maybe, just maybe, she can find a home for herself.
Teaser: The Traditionalists last stand...
[The Beginning] [<=Chapter 188] [Chapter Index and Blurb] [Chapter 189 on June 5 or now on patreon]
The Fractured Song Index
Discord Channel Just let me know when you arrive in the server that you’re a Patreon so you can access your special channel.
The first sign that something wasn’t quite the same about the Greenway was when Frances, Timur and their company spotted horsemen in the far distance. They would have assumed this was Thorgoth’s scouts, but these horsemen retreated toward the Greenway and entered into the broken fortifications.
So the group entered into the Greenway fully armored and armed, ready for a fight. They rode into the underground highway, travelled for a full second day and saw nothing the matter.
Then they entered Kairon Aoun.
The ancient goblin city of Kairon Aoun had been built as a defensive city facing north. As such, the city in the great cavern it was carved out of was stepped into four tiers. To access each of the levels, the attacker would have to fight their way up a ramp that ran up the side of the rammed-earth foundation of each tier.
Every tier’s edge was also faced with a brick curtain wall with machicolations built into the ramparts. This was so that stones and other objects could be dropped, wherein they would fall down the steeply stoped sides and slam into the attackers. Many of these ramparts had fallen into disrepair when Morgan, Hattie and Frances had last passed through here.
Except, the moment Frances and her company rode through the Greenway and into the city, they could see it was alive with activity. New ramparts were being built atop of the old. In the distance, they could see old houses had been demolished and cannon batteries had been set up. Holes in the walls were being patched.
“What’s even lighting this whole thing?” Tara whispered.
Morgan pointed at the ceiling. “The ventilation shafts provide some light. I’m not sure how they ended up lighting the entire place up, though.”
“Combination of mirrors through said shafts and a goodly amount of torches,” said Timur. He glanced at Frances. “Did you know about this?”
“No I did not, let’s hope they recognize us as friendly. Colonel Tara, we’ll take the lead,” said Frances, touching her heels to her horse.
The gatehouse on the lowest level, which was protected by a low, thick wall, now swung open and a wing of cavalry rode out, Erisdalian and Lightning Battalion standards flying high.
Timur immediately recognized the troll that lead the group. “Aloudin! It’s me! We’re back!”
Captain Aloudin, eyes wide, broke his horse into a gallop. Riding ahead of the cavalry, he only stopped so that he could slap his hand into Timur’s. “Your Highness, it is good to see you. Though, you really ought not to take such risks! Who are these new arrivals?”
The prince chuckled, squeezing his friend’s hand tightly. “One of those rumored orphan brigades who decided to defect.” Timur gestured behind him. “This is Colonel Tara, who risked her life along with her troops to help us escape.”
Riding up, Tara unsheathed her saber, which she presented it to Aloudin, only for the troll to gently push it back to her.
“There’s no need for that, Colonel. We do things quite differently around here.”
Tara sighed, returning her blade to her scabbard. “I’m beginning to see that. Makes me wonder why I didn’t try to leave earlier.”
“The first step is always the hardest,” said Frances. She shook Aloudin’s hand as well. “What’s going on here, Aloudin? I know our long term goal was to fortify Kairon-Aoun, but we hadn’t the manpower to spare.”
The captain pursed his lips before they twisted into something between a grimace and a smirk. “We got some important news and new orders. I’ll show you. Follow me.”
One thing that Ayax and Elizabeth hadn’t accounted for when they ran up into the attic was the lack of a water source, and any way to dispose of waste.
So by the next day of their hiding, the trio stuck in the attack were wearing cloth masks, thirsty as hell, and hoping the odor wasn’t going to alert anybody.
“This shit stinks,” Leila growled.
Elizabeth touched a hand to Leila’s cheek. The girl’s color had returned and after some very reluctant healing by Ayax, she was now able to sit up. “You’re right, but I think you’re much better now.”
“I feel better.” Leila staggered to her feet, pushing the covers off of her. “Does Janize know you found me?”
Ayax snorted. “We told her while you were napping. She’s pissed.” The troll walked over. “Do you think you’re ready to move?”
“I take it you’ve come up with something?” Leila asked.
Elizabeth pursed her lips. “Yes. You need to convince Janice we need to launch the attack now.”
“Excuse me what? Are you insane? We haven’t—” Leila rubbed her sweat-matted hair with her bandaged hands. “Wait, how long have I been captured?’
“ A week. You were out for one of those days,” said Ayax.
“Then you’re right. Darius will have to make a move now that he knows I’ve disappeared. Wait, Janize doesn’t—Of course she doens’t. She’s cautious by nature. Get her on the mirror right now!”
“You could use please,” said Elizabeth, handing Leila her mirror.
“Leila—”
“Janize, there’s no time. You need to barricade yourself in a safe place with as many guards as possible, perhaps the throneroom and get the attack started by tonight.”
Frowning, the queen’s eyes narrowed as she stared at the mirror with a mixture of confusion. “Love, we haven’t finished preparing—”
“There’s no time! Darius and Scarlet know I’ve been rescued. They’ll attack as soon as they get everything in order because they know you can move to arrest them!” Leila put her hands up to the mirror. “Love, they’ll stop at nothing until you’re dead.”
Janize’s eyes widened and she whispered, “What did they—”
“It doesn’t matter, Janize. Please, you need to issue the orders now!”
The queen exhaled slowly. “Alright. Ayax, Elizabeth, are your forces in place?”
Elizabeth, relaxing a little, smiled. “Martin and Ginger found a way to get to the Water Tower and to deploy reinforcements into the palace. We still need your troops to ensure the Water Tower’s guns are silent and for the main gates of the citadel to be opened to us.”
“It will be done. How are you getting out of Darius’s mansion?” Janize asked.
“When the attack takes place we’ll break out and support the attack,” said Ayax, arms crossed.
Janize pursed her lips. “Then we are going for tonight?”
The three exchanged a glance and all nodded.
“Go for tonight,” said Elizabeth. “Good hunting.”
“Good hunting.” Janize leaned forward, peering intently through the mirror. “Leila, stay alive. No matter what they did to you, you’re still mine you hear me? I still want you by my side.”
Leila blinked. She blinked again furiously and pressed her bandaged hands to her eyes. “I…Janize, thank you.”
Janize smiled. “I love you, dear. See you soon.”
Ayax had turned from the exchange. When the mirror was shut off, she let out a long, shuddering exhale.
“You are terribly lucky to have her,” she said.
Standing up, Elizabeth took Ayax’s elbow, squeezing it gently. The troll placed a hand around Elizabeth’s side, hugging her tightly.
Leila could only bow her head. “I know.”
“Because I probably would have killed you if it weren’t for her,” hissed the troll. She swallowed. “And not because of our agreement.”
The Otherworlder looked up. “Why then?”
Biting her lip Ayax stammered, “I couldn’t kill someone who doesn’t want to hurt me when they have a loved one. There’s no…no justice in that.”
With that, Ayax walked to the corner of the attack. Elizabeth gave Leila a look. “When you’re ready, we ought to call George and the Otherworlders, give them a heads up and communicate our plans.” Elizabeth then ran after Ayax, interweaving her fingers with the troll. They left Leila standing in her corner, in her own thoughts.
Half-choking, her hate-filled grunts punctuated by hacking coughs, Jessica followed Ginger down the sewer.
“I hate you. I hate you so fucking much!” she hissed.
Half-gagging herself from the smell, Ginger glanced over her shoulder and shrugged. “Hey, I just suggested it to you. You wanted to help rescue Leila.”
Two middle-fingers was Jessica’s response along with a chuckle from the Erisdalians that were part of Jessica’s unit and new band of comrades.
Ginger joined them in their chuckling. She knew she could rely on Jessica and the rest of her group. Besides, their attack was going to be much easier than what her fiance was going to be doing up high.
Taking cover behind a slightly holed house, Martin examined the area in front of the citadel.
The Lightning Battalion’s batteries had been keeping up a very long barrage. Mortars and long cannon had pounded the makeshift defense line of houses on Castle Way. After hours of bombardment, they’d breached the line.
The result was flat, rubble-covered broken ground that led up to the moat in front of the citadel and main palace within. They had no hope of knocking down every house. Houses still stood on the flanks of the Citadel, covering the road that led up to the castle’s side gate. There were also a number of houses standing on the main approach, though, this actually was better for their plans. The remaining stone foundations of the houses and charred remains in the gap would be able to cover the advance.
The bigger problem was the walls in front of them were mostly intact and the gatehouse’s drawbridge was up. Their mages could cast smoke or illusion spells to screen their approach, but that would do no good if the drawbridge was still up and the gatehouse in enemy hands.
Martin breathed in and out slowly. No, they were entirely reliant on Janize keeping up her end of the bargain.
Sitting in the throne room, Janize steepled her fingers, eyes focused on the steps to the dais.
Was her decision correct? Was she making the right choice? Had she considered everything?
Those thoughts ran in her head as she studied the carpet. The sounds of her guards and knights preparing the throne room and ensuring the main entrance was secured echoed in her ear. Yet she did her best to ignore them.
If she went through with this, she knew she’d never sit on Erisdale’s throne again. Her brother would be the last to sit on the throne and then it would be House of Conthwaite, the house of a knight and later, his offspring with a common soldier.
How had it come to this? Why had she put herself here?
The image of a fierce Otherworlder came to mind, along with the litany of decisions she’d made. Siding with Darius, rejecting the Alavari as monsters, falling in love and then realizing where she’d gone wrong. The news of the dragons in Thorgoth’s employ.
Maybe it wasn’t so bad. Maybe there was still hope. At the very least, she still had Leila.
The Otherworlder, George marched up to the dais and bowed. “Your Majesty, we’re ready to open the gates. The Water Tower’s received their orders.”
Janize sighed. “To think that there was a route to the citadel through the sewers.”
George chuckled. “At least we’re making them suffer for it.”
The queen pursed her lips. “Tell me, George. You fought against Ayax and Elizabeth at Lehrbach. You sided against them. All the Otherworlders here sided against them. Why are you willing to fight alongside them once again?”
The teen—no, young man looked away, towards the windows that lit the hall.
“I think after a year of fighting with Darius in earnest, we all realized we’d made a mistake. We’re not from your world, but we learnt enough in our own that this… what Darius was doing is wrong and no different from the worst villains from our world. We weren’t fighting Alavari, we were fighting other humans. We just…didn’t know what to do about it. So when you and Leila told us about the plan, and that we would have a chance to actually fight Thorgoth, to protect people from a world ending threat, we all jumped on it.”
Janize snorted. “You’re going to have a heck of a time convincing the other Otherworlders.”
George sighed. “We all know that, but hey, they are going to need us. I mean we are going to be fighting literal dragons.”
“That is true.” Janize closed her eyes and nodded. “Carry it out, George. Get those gates open and signal the Water Tower.”
George saluted. “Yes, Your Majesty. It’s been an honor and a pleasure.”
Through her spyglass, wrapped warmly in her bright orange cloak, the Erlenbergian mage, Ophelia Voidsailor watched the coast with her spyglass.
Despite the years Erlenberg had fought Alavaria along the northern front, and through all the naval battles on the eastern coast, Ophelia still wore orange. It’d become her calling card of sorts and she knew it gave the crew of her ship comfort to see her strut around. Honestly, she was getting a little tired of the color, but she liked the attention more.
Beside her, looking through his own spyglass, the one-eyed Eustace Windwhistler glanced at the sky. “It’s about time,” said Edana’s brother.
“I know—I see it!” Ophelia exclaimed. Before her eyes, the Water Tower, the main obstacle to the Erlenbergian fleets advance, had lowered the red banner of the traditionalist. A blue banner was being run up and more blue flares were being fired into the sky by some mage.
Eustace looked through his spyglass and nodded. “Signal to the fleet! Follow my lead. We are attacking!”
Flags ran up and down on the galloen Stormcaller, which had been named as such much to her namesake’s consternation and embarrassment. Behind Eustace and Ophelia’s warship, the long lineof Erlenbergian ships of the line ran flags up and down in acknowledgement. The entire line then followed the Stormcaller as it swung starboard toward the bay.
Underneath the Water Tower, Ginger found a ladder had been dropped into the sewer. Gingerly taking the rungs, she climbed up and was helped up by several red-uniformed harbour guardsmen. A petite woman with a musket slung over her shoulder handed Ginger a clean rag.
“Wow you stink, but I’m glad to see you. Captain Belinda of the Harbour Guard.”
“Ginger, yes, that Ginger. Are Darius’s troops reacting?”
“They are indeed. Several regiments have filed out of the Citadel and are making their way here as we speak. How many have you brought?” Belinda asked.
“A whole regiment of crack musketeers are behind me to help you secure the tower. The Erlenbergian fleet is landing marines. We’ll be fine, I’m just worried about the main assault,” said Ginger. She wiped her face and hands. “Show me the battlements. I’ll get my soldiers set up along with yours.”
“This way,” said Belinda, guiding Ginger out.
Ayax and Elizabeth silently crept down the drop-down attic stairs. Behind them, carrying a spare wand, Leila limped as quietly as she could. They could hear shouting in the mansion and the scurrying of people on the lower floors.
The trio paused to quickly grab a drink of water from a nearby pitcher left by the servants for any houseguests, before continuing on. From what they could tell, someone was having a heated discussion in the foye.
As they got closer to the staircase, they soon could figure out who.
“Janize is making her move and the Lightning Battalion must be close behind. The Erlenbergian fleet is moving in and the Water Tower is not firing on them.”
“There’s no need to panic—” “Scarlet, your fucking plan has accelerated Janize and the Lightning Battalion’s timetable! We’re fucked. We’re all probably dead.”
There was a sharp intake of breath. The three heard Scarlet growl, “Alright, I was…overly optimistic that the Lightning Battalion and Janize would split due to that report, but we only need to secure Janize and the Citadel and our position will still be quite strong.”
“I disagree, but Janize won’t have long. My troops led by Vulpina are converging on the throne room as we speak. Otherworlders or not, she can’t hold for long.” Darius chuckled dryly. “We might all die in the attempt to oust her, and hell she may be killed, but we won’t let her have the last laugh.”
Ayax turned to the two humans with her. “Liz, Leila, go. I’ll try to pin them down here.”
Elizabeth blinked. “Wait, but Ayax—”
“Liz, if we lose Janize, we’ll lose the civil war. You got to go.”
Elizabeth briefly closed her eyes and nodded. Grabbing onto Ayax, she drew her troll close to her and into a brief, fierce kiss. “Come back to me, alright?”
Ayax managed a smirk. “Always.”
Elizabeth turned to Leila. “Let’s go—what are you—” The Otherworlder had knelt on the ground her head bowed.
“Ayax, I’m sorry. I promise you can do whatever you want to me after you save Janize, but please, let me save her first,” said Leila, she lowered her head, but Ayax quickly grabbed her by the shirt and yanked her up. It was easy as the girl was still very light.
“This is not the time. I accept your promise, but we’ll talk later. Now go!” Ayax hissed.
Nodding, Elizabeth grabbed Leila and the pair took off in the opposite direction. Meanwhile, Ayax took a deep breath and walked up toward the balcony overlooking the foye.
Darius was pacing, whilst Scarlet was biting her finger, one hand gripped tightly around her staff.
“What if they breach the gatehouse?” Scarlet asked.
“There’s no way that force assembling outside can breach the gatehouse. They’ll need—”
“Earl Darius, Master Scarlet, I have waited a long time for this moment.” Ayax leaned casually against the railing, noting the fine, polished grain. “Do you know who I am?”
Darius, eyes staring up at her, took a step back. “Ayax the Blackgale.”
“Daughter of Allaniel the Valorous, who you had murdered,” Ayax hissed.
Scarlet ripped her heavy cloak off and gripped her staff in both hands, which had a number of rings on the fingers. Her eyes narrowed at Ayax. “So it was you who rescued Leila. I thought you would kill her.”
“You certainly tempted me, but she was just the instrument. It was you two who had my parents killed.” Raising her staff, Ayax growled. “Prepare to die.”
Scarlet waved the earl off. “Darius, go, deal with Janize. I can handle her.”
Darius arched an eyebrow even as he grabbed the main door’s handle. “Are you sure?”
Scarlet smirked. “She’s no Frances Stormcaller. Just an angry little troll.”
“I’m a pissed off troll.” Ayax leapt over the railing, throwing several spell cards at Scarlet. The woman waved her hand, magical rings activating to form a barrier. The cards slammed into it, sparking and banging. It would have knocked her back, but the barrier dissipated the force.
No matter, Ayax landed nimbly on the carpet and whirling her staff, slammed it into Scarlet’s barrier. Darius had run for it, slamming the doors behind him. Ayaxs’s blow sent Scarlet smashing through those closed doors, nearly throwing her onto Darius.
The Red Order Mage picked herself off the grown, dusting off her robes. “Ah I see the familial resemblance now you monster. You and your adoptive ‘cousin’ are just fucking irritating.”
Ayax was about to quip back, but found herself pursing her lips as a thought ran through her head. “You know, if you were just a little nicer, just a bit more understanding, you could have gotten along with Frances. It’s really hard to not get along with her.”
Scarlet’s snarl faded and she grimaced. “She wouldn’t have been my student, but Edana’s. Now are you going to kill me, Blackgale, one of the people who helped murder your parents, or are you going to talk me to death?”
Ayax flinched, feeling the swirling vortex of power bubble in her very core as her fury sparked. At the same time, a serene, piercing idea just echoed through her head. It was not really a revelation, more of an observation she’d noticed about Leila, Darius and now Scarlet.
“You all are awfully insistent on dying. Why don’t you all just…give up? Live?” Ayax asked. The pair were circling now, ready to let loose with spells at any sign of weakness or an opening.
Scarlet snorted. “Would you let me and Darius live?”
Ayax paused, watching Scarlet continue to circle. When the troll didn’t move, only followed her with her eyes, the mage stopped and tried to circle in the other direction. Still Ayax didn’t move, she just remained still, staff at the ready.
“If you all surrendered and submitted to a trial, I would,” said Ayax. There was still turmoil, rage, roiling in her heart. Yet, she was starting to feel another emotion that calmed her, despite how odd it felt.
The Red Order Mage blinked, before she sneered. “Then you are a naive fool.” She twirled her staff, the ends bursting into flame as she sang. Fireballs tore toward Ayax.
The troll dodged, not flamboyantly. She just stepped out of the way, shuffling and stepping from side to side. No fancy shielding required, no complicated jumps needed. Scarlet cast, and continued to cast. Whips of crimson magic were followed by cobblestones torn from the road. Ayax had to briefly block those with a quick shield, before twisting out of the way.
Shifting her grip on her staff, Ayax pulled her weapon to her side, as if she was drawing a sword. Crying out a string of Word of Powers, she whipped it across.
The staff suddenly extended, dark-blue magic lengthening it until a incredibly long, thin rod of magic crashed into Scarlet’s side. It sent her tumbling through a hedge and onto the lawn of Darius’s mansion.
Leaping over said hedgerow, Ayax rolled to a perfect landing on the other side. Scarlet had staggered to her feet, wiping blood from the scratches on her arm and face. She was already wincing as she touched her side.
Ayax thought she would be taking pleasure from this. Well, part of her was. She was happy she was kicking Scarlet’s butt. Yet, the part of her that was choosing to be calm, to think and be a good person felt an entirely different emotion.
Pity.
Pity for how pointless this whole battle was, pity for how this woman and her allies had hurt so many and seemed so unhappy with their lives. There was disgust and anger, and yet when Ayax thought about what she had, and what Scarlet lacked, she found that anger seeping away.
“Scarlet, this is your last chance. Surrender now,” said Ayax.
“To you? Not to Edana Firehand, or even Frances Stormcaller? But to their lackey? A second-rate battle mage?” Scarlet spat on the ground and raised her staff again. “I’d rather fucking die.”
The troll sighed. “So be it.”
Author’s Note: Ayax is getting ahold of her anger. It hasn’t been easy to figure out how her feelings changed but I decided to approach it from the idea that she’s matured as a person and has started to take more perspectives, something that she’s always struggled with.

I truly have no idea if this is some sort of game setting that got set across multiple different games or a microsoft setting.
Basically, for reasons beyond my comprehension, various different games on my pc have decided to mute all background sound. This includes discord, music playing through browsers, other games I have opened to test.
As far as I can tell, no setting on earth exists to mute like this, yet, I am somehow effected with this.
Games tested,
HOI - No mute Stellaris - Mute Victoria 3 - No Mute League of Legends - No Mute Legends of Runeterra - No Mute Valorant - Mute Warno - No Mute
No rhyme or reason across platform or publisher, so all I can decypher is my PC has randomly decided to implement this "Feature" but no setting has been changed and nothing I google provides decent answers that actually answers my question.
This is very frustrating, my two favorite games to play with friends over discord are Stellaris and Valorant, which you may notice are the two games so far that actually have this issue. I wouldn't care that much if it didn't effect discord, but it does.

I had this book around middle school (circa 2006) but the book could have been older than that. The front cover of this book was a mummy's face with the linen wrap a little messed up.
The body of the book consisted of many different mysteries broken up into sections that had some sort of underlying theme; there was a small write ups on anything from Princess Anastasia, flat earth, the fountain of youth, the Lindbergh baby, King Tut, and many more.
I've been searching for this book for ages and google hasn't helped.
Thanks!

I'm doing an atlas by hand (and yes, I'll be uploading my progress here), but I need a point of reference, like a digital map. Something like google maps, but with a coordinate grid (something like the one that google earth has, but flat).
Do you have any suggestions for apps I could use?

Just a question so if there are different reality wouldn't it be possible to astral project there? around in space and went into saturn's ring only to find out it was just a bunch of asteroids lol. We then decided to go too earth and see what it was like to astral project there. It was strange. I astral projected too my old house and it was very hard too form the old house since its been soo long since I've been there. But I was able to project too the inside of the house fairly easily.
But I was wondering would it be possible to astral project to whole new realitys like hogwarts (not a harry potter fan but just an example) Or the backrooms (a creepypasta). Aren't there different realitys in this universe so would it be possible to astral project there? I'm not referring to reality shifting I tried that for like 3 weeks and it didn't work so far :(
Just a question so if there are different realitys wouldn't it be possible to astral project there?

Hi, so I downloaded a KMZ concerning flood risk from my local government's website, but when I try to import it to either QGIS or ArcMap it says something to the effect of "Invalid data source".
The only program that will open it correctly is Google Earth, so I tried exporting it in KML format from there but when I load it it shows as an empty square.
In QGIS, I also tried importing it with the KML tools plugin but when the process is done it says "0 points, extracted, 0 lines extracted, 0 polygons extracted" which isn't an error per se but it displays nothing, not even an entry in the Layers panel.
I'm a bit at a loss as to what to do, although I think the problem might be the attribute table. Any help will be much appreciated!

Hello,
I wanted to share what I'm really struggling with currently - I'm in a clinic and getting tested for bipolar 2 and borderline. I've had the borderline diagnosis since 2019 but my new psych thought it could be bipolar because I've always struggled with depression - ranging from mild to severe, episodic - but last year in fall i mentioned the classical out of behaviour episode in summer where i smoked weed everyday (untypical for me as i was a big hater of weed at the time for personal reasons) even got high at school sometimes. I became very social and confident (untypical), sometimes i felt so attractive, sexy and beautiful that i was flirting with many guys - whether they were taken, single, really ugly or mid or hot (which is very untypical for me tbh), i started a friend's with benefits situation with my neighbour who is.. well, a drug user, has a very filthy apartment, missing teeth and is just.. ew. I thought it was a good idea. I did feel shame and disgust after the first time but needless to say i did think it was a good idea to keep going to him and smoking weed and doing the deed. Extremely untypical of me, i was quoted to say "even if he was the last man on earth, I'd never sleep with him" neither have I ever had one night stands before or after this. 2 months later i was in a severe depression because a friend broke our friendship off. Left me devastated until December. It was a 180, i couldn't bear seeing myself in the mirror and always found myself ugly, felt like i lost my sense of identity, felt worthless, self harmed, even had thoughts of ending it all. Then i got started on venlafaxine, smallest dose. I was also undergoing a lot of stress. On day 2 of taking the medication i was sleeping 3-5h everyday and being fine, having a lot of energy, headaches, being restless, huge pupils, good mood, talking fast, stopped eating and started starving myself and feeling beautiful again. In January my dose was slightly increased and 3 days later i immediately crashed. I was so depressed i slept 16 hours a day, woke up but didn't get out of bed - watched anything just to kill time and distract myself, take my med and go to sleep again. After a week i hit the rock bottom and i sobbed uncontrollably the whole day, felt like i want to die so badly, i lost all physical strength and was literally praying to any god out there to please take this suffering away. I sat down under the shower and sobbed, didn't even have the strength to get out. I think i crawled out of there. Needless to say, i stopped taking it automatically right there. I became less depressed, maybe mildly? Continued being under strong stress though. I started being unable to handle any mild stress and exploding with anger, once with uncontrollable rage, or just tears over the smallest of things. Then it was a switch again, i suddenly experienced a period of 3 days where my affect was normal to good but i had zeroooo ability to concentrate. I wasn't able to think, i wasnt able to say complex stuff just simple stuff, i couldn't count, i struggled with recognizing roman cifers, playing a simple card game. It wasn't impossible just very challenging and difficult. Which it normally never was or is right now. My bf says when i would talk i would often lose the point without noticing but i was happy and upbeat talking so he didn't bother. I was otherwise later in a stable mood but two separate times i had an episode lasting a day each time where i suddenly felt super fast - like, under electricity - where i suddenly wanted to do 10 things at once - have sex, go for a walk, learn how to dance, make a playlist for learning dancing, read a book, talk, learn Latin, browse TikTok. At first i tried just doing 3 of these at once but it didn't feel intense enough. I ran to my room tried studying latin but couldn't even start because it felt so underwhelming to sit and not be able to grasp a whole language in an instant. So i went to the kitchen, took Methylphenidat, tequila shots cuz it felt like a good idea. I listened to music i normally don't listen to and remember every song was great and i was vibing hard to each one - saved a few of them but after the episode i didn't vibe to them again, they are ok but just ok. I didn't sleep the whole night because I felt like i still am pretty awake. So i browsed TikTok the whole night and was so unbelievably horny. I continued sleeping little the next week but didn't feel so wired anymore. After some days my body was too tired to be physically active so, anyway. Anyways this wasn't the first time I felt this " wired and under electricity ". I've had a few of separate episodes, each lasting around a day. Everything felt faster, i felt like i need to do so many things at once and doing one is so overwhelmingly underwhelming. Once I struggled to speak correctly because I spoke too fast and couldn't control it. Or laughed like a maniac when it wasn't funny. But these episodes were very rare, first one occuring in 2017, the next one in late 2019, the next one hard to tell but i know that it sped up in how öften it occurs.
Anyhow i am in the clinic as i said. And i just constantly feel like a fraud. I feel like i am a secret hypochondriac who's faking an illness. If i feel normal and calm for a day or two i tend to think i was never sick to begin with and j exaggerated all depressions, all flashbacks, all panic attacks and all feelings I've ever had. I feel like, what if i don't know what hypomania is REALLY like and once i felt anxious and mistook it for something else, exaggerated my description of it and through that i am fooling my doctors? I did Google the symptoms. Could it mean i unknowingly overtook them and process them as my own experiences? I had a fucking nervous breakdown about it a few days ago. I couldn't take the anxiety, it was eating me alive. Whenever i struggle i know it's real and i know I'm ill. It's just the good days where i feel like I'm hysterical and attention seeking. I'm so scared of a misdiagnosis. Of fooling myself and doctors.
Anyone relates? :(

So, this isn't really a homework but my prof decided to screw around by giving us a task that claims there are polar bears in antarctica and since I'm not doing too well, I decided to screw back by proving that it is naturally impossible for a polar bear to reach Antarctica.
Now, my idea was to calculate how long it would take for a higher end sized arctic iceberg to melt and how far it could travel in that time, proving that the distance can't be covered.
My values:
m = 20010^6kg s = 14,700km v = 0.5 km/h c(ice) = 2 kJ/kgK c(sea water) = 3,99kJ/kg*K q(ice) = 334 kJ/kg T1=0°C T2= -15°C
m is the mass of the iceberg that I found on the internet to be on the higher end.
s is the approximate distance from Greenland to Antarctica (coast to coast) that I measured on Google Earth as a rough value to work with.
v is the median velocity that I found on the internet.
q is the heat of fission, the required amount of energy to melt one kg of ice.
Google tells me that the core of iceberg is around -15°C.
I want to assume that the sea water will not freeze and that the temperature will rise more or less linear. So I need a Power value for the energy transfer between ice and water in certain amount of time. I can calculate the energy that is required to heat up and melt all the ice, but that's it.
However, the internet doesn't really provide me a value, so I was hoping that someone here could help me out with it.
Don't take this too serious, I'm just doing this as a joke and probably won't get more than a bonus point for it. But I'd still like to pull through with it.
If that fails, I planned to try and show that the coriolis force won't allow the iceberg to reach antarctica in the first place. But I'm also not completely set that I could do that.
I'd appreciate a bit of help for my tomfoolery.

So, this isn't really a homework but my prof decided to fuck around by giving us a task that claims there are polar bears in antarctica and since I'm not doing too well, I decided to fuck back by proving that it is naturally impossible for a polar bear to reach Antarctica.
Now, my idea was to calculate how long it would take for a higher end sized arctic iceberg to melt and how far it could travel in that time, proving that the distance can't be covered.
My values:
m = 20010^6kg s = 14,700km v = 0.5 km/h c(ice) = 2 kJ/kgK c(sea water) = 3,99kJ/kg*K q(ice) = 334 kJ/kg T1=0°C T2= -15°C
m is the mass of the iceberg that I found on the internet to be on the higher end.
s is the approximate distance from Greenland to Antarctica (coast to coast) that I measured on Google Earth as a rough value to work with.
v is the median velocity that I found on the internet.
q is the heat of fission, the required amount of energy to melt one kg of ice.
Google tells me that the core of iceberg is around -15°C.
I want to assume that the sea water will not freeze and all I'm interested in is the amount of time required to melt all the ice.
However, the internet doesn't really provide me a value, so I was hoping that someone here could help me out with it.
Don't take this too serious, I'm just doing this as a joke and probably won't get more than a bonus point for it. But I'd still like to pull through with it.
If that fails, I planned to try and show that the Coriolisforce won't allow the iceberg to reach antarctica in the first place. But I'm also not completely set that I could do that.
I'd appreciate a bit of help for my tomfoolery.