Side part curtain bangs
The Pure Order Program
2023.05.30 23:19 Peanuttttssss The Pure Order Program
I had a drug problem, and I lived a very chaotic live. I frequently went to bars just to do cocaine with friends and fight people in the bar.
One of my female friends was very concerned about my way of living. I said that it really wasn't that bad. But one day when I got very high on cocaine and I crashed my motorcycle in a farmfield somewhere and laid there until sunrise, I knew it was time to try to change my life. The female friend, named Emma, was very reliefed that I had the courage to ask her for help.
She immediately started to figure stuff out to help me, and after a while she told me she found a program somewhere in the mountains deep in the forest that helped people get rid of their addictions.
The name of the program was ''Pure Order''. I was a bit sketchy at first, but I love the mountains and nature so I thought I could always give it a try.
The only problem, was that I was from New Jersey, and the program was in Montana. But Emma was willing to pay along for the trip, and she'd even come with me to drop me off to make sure I arrived safely.
At the airport, a car, that was part of the Pure Order program, would take us there. The driver was a man in a suit, with combed black hair, a well kept goatee and mustache. He was wearing a dress shirt, suspenders and cowboy boots.
It was a peculiar look that I instantly noticed. It was a very hipster look, but also a very country look. It was a 5 hour, if not more, ride from the airport to the place where the Pure Order program was. It was very deep in the woods and mountains, and very far away from civilization.
When we arrived, I saw 10 feet high walls, made out of wooden beams, with barbed wire at the top. It kinda looked like a military camp to me, but also like a scouting camp. It was close to a very big lake, surrounded by a dense forest.
The big wooden doors opened, and a nice dressed gentleman was standing in the door opening. Also with suspenders, big beard, combed hair, tinted glasses, nice white dress shirt, a black Bolo tie, and a suit jacket.
I noticed some kind of dress code, but I thought that was to tell the staff members apart from the people. The man who greeted me was a very nice man, and super welcoming. Then we heard a gunshot in the distance, and I saw birds fly up from the treelines.
The man was obviously startled by the gunshot, and me and Emma looked at each other. The man said ''Its hunting season, we take the people outside hunting as one of the many outdoor activities we have around the camp'' in a laughing tone with a smile.
The man welcomed me in, and Emma was not allowed in since she wasn't part of the Pure Order program, so they politely asked her to leave. And the driver would take her back to the airport.
The man talked to me for a bit, while we walked to my bed where I could put my stuff and ''Make myself'' at home. I walked into one of those typical summer camp sleeping places, with two rows of bunk beds on each side of the walls, once again very military like.
The man noticed the look on my face and he told me not to worry, as we would only sleep here, and we would be doing activities all day.
Lastly he asked me if he could have my phone, so I'm not distracted by the outside world and we can focus on me getting better instead. I was hesitant at first, but the way he said it just made sense, and before I thought about it I handed over my phone.
Not that my phone had any signal anyway.
He asked that if I had any questions, I could always ask him. I was scared to ask questions but for some reason I just blurted out all the questions I had.
I asked about the barbed wire, why we are so far away from civilization, why I had to hand my phone over even though I didn't have any signal.
He politely told me that the barbed wire was because the wildlife would sometimes climb over the wooden walls. He told me we are so far away from civilization because they don't want anyone to get the urge to get distracted by day to day society, and fall back into our old habits.
I had to hand over my phone because I would be distracted by it, even though I didn't have any signal, they just wanted to be completely sure that I would get better.
That night we would gather around the campfire, the staff members were there, and the other people in the program. The staff introduced me, and I was kinda awkwardly sitting there, but the other people in the program were very inviting as well.
They told me about the program, they had big smiles on their faces and they looked genuinely happy. They showed interest in me, asking me where I came from, what my goal was, told me about their issues and how the program have really helped them so far.
I felt like I wasn't alone, and that I could actually be helped. Almost all my suspicion disappeared. The heat of the fire was getting a bit hot, so I took off my flannel, revealing some of my tattoos. People in the group were very interested in my tattoos.
I had a tribal tattoo that looked like waves, with a boat sailing on the waves. I said it was because one of my best friends was in the navy, and he sadly lost his life in was, and I had the tattoo out of respect for him.
One of the staff member showed me his tattoo. It was a tattoo on his forearm. It looked like a ''Phi'' symbol from the Greek alphabet, but instead of the circle, it was an eye. He said he got the tattoo when he ''Reached enlightenment''.
I didn't know what that meant, but you know, I don't judge, we all got our things, and I was just happy he ''reached his enlightenment''.
As I was getting ready for bed, one of the other people in the program came up to me and told me ''Welcome to the program, one piece of advice, make sure to smile.'' I thought he meant that we had to smile so we don't bring down the mood for the other people and we keep things positive.
So I brushed off what he said, and made sure to keep a positive mindset.
The next day we did all kinds of activities, we painted, we went fishing, we had a couple (Non alcoholic) drinks and it was a very good experience.
When I was getting another drink from the cooler, one of the staff members came up to me, saying that I had a very rough look, with the tattoos and I had a cut in my eyebrow from a bar fight when someone pulled out a knife and tried to cut my face.
I told him about the fight I've gotten in, and said that I could ''basically defend myself''. He said that if I'd like, I could sign up for a boxing match that would be happening that night. He said that they would have boxing matches, so the people could blow off some steam, and since I had a history of fighting he thought it would be something for me. I was actually very excited, so I decided to sign up.
That night I put on the boxing gloves and fought one of the other people in the program. It was a close match but I managed to win. He was laying on the ground, still consious. As I was celebrating they told me to ''End the fight''.
I had a very confused look on my face, the fight ended, he coulnd't fight anymore and I won. But every staff member kept chanting ''End the fight''. I realised I had to kill him. The man that welcomed me at the door, told everyone to be quiet and he told me ''End the fight, prove to yourself that you have what it takes to make a change. Otherwise you don't have what it takes, and we would be forced to take matters in our own hands.'' while putting one hand on a revolver. When I looked around, I saw the other people in the program just silently looking at me. Their eyes looked empty. All of them knew what had to be done, because they were once in my spot.
I realised that if I didn't kill the man in front of me, I would be the one that would not make it out of here. I looked at the mans face, he had this facial expression that begged me for mercy, but he also understood what had to be done. I shut off my mind, and my survival instinct just took over. I killed that man with my bare hands.
I came to the realisation that this wasn't a program to help people get better. This is a cult. And now that I killed that man, I had officially joined the cult.
I walked up to the man who greeted me at the gate the next day, as I got the impression that he was most likely the leader of the cult. I overheard some staff members drop the name ''Head of Order Edgar'', so as I walked towards him I said ''Edgar?'' and he looked up and asked what was wrong?
I tried to maintain calm but couldn't really contain myself and I asked ''What the fuck was that all about yesterday?'' in a very shaken voice. Edgar told me that I had to choose a new path in life, that I had to make a change in my life, and have the strength to make a life or death decision. As the was telling me these things, I noticed the ''Phi'' tattoo in Edgar's neck. The exact same one the other fella showed me before.
I looked at him with a scared but understanding face, while in my mind all I could think was ''These guys are absolutely nuts.'' I knew I had to escape somehow, even though it could be my death with all the wildlife out there, I had to at least try.
The next few days I went along with all their activities, while trying to figure out the patterns of the cult members. I managed to find an oppurtunity to escape. I noticed that every night, after all the program members would go to sleep, the cult members would gather around and they would have a few drinks.
I knew it was risky as it would be very easy to detect me if I were to sneak out, but I had to try.
So after a couple nights, I gathered the courage to sneak out. I slightly opened the door and I noticed the cult members gathered around the campfire. There were even more cult members then I thought, all dressed in the dress shirts, long beards, suspenders etcetera. I sneaked out of the cabin and the door cracked as I opened it.
The cult members heard the sound but brushed it off, but they did stay on their guard. I thought about sneaking back inside the cabin but I knew this had to be my moment, now I had the courage to make a move. I decided to keep going, and sneak towards a weaker spot in the wooden walls.
As I got closer to the wooden wall, a dog in a cage started barking at me. I panicked and kicked down the weak part of the wall and managed to get out of the walls. I felt so free, but I wasn't out there yet. I didn't have time to think and I heard the cult members scream and load weapons.
I didn't think about anything, I just started running, and I heard the screaming get further and further away. I just kept running, I had no idea what way I was running, where I was, it was pitch dark, I guess around 3 am. I heard bullets whizzing by my head, bullets hitting the trees, right next to me.
I zigzagged and all my legs could do was just run. I kept hearing the screaming in the distance, then it got closer and closer and I kept hearing bullet whizzing by. Then out of nowhere, I felt a sharp pain in my leg, I tried to get up but my leg felt heavy, I thought I was struck by as bullet, but my leg got caught in a bear trap. I tried to pry it open, I screamed from the pain, the screaming from the cult members got closer and closer. My heart was raising. And as I looked up I was looking directly into the face of a cult member, with his weapon leaning on his shoulder. He didn't look happy.
They dragged me through the woods, like I was some kind of animal. They said that they had a place for ''people like me''. They dragged me to a tiny shed deep into the woods. It had no windows, just some very small holes in the wood of the shed that let some light from the upcoming sun in.
They strapped me to a chair, and put tape over my mouth. I heard the sound of a shotgun getting cocked behind me. I felt a very cold metal rod getting pushed into the side of my head, the barrel of the shotgun. I was breathing very heavily, I couldn't scream. I felt one single tear roll down my face.
As I looked through one of the holes in the shed, I was looking at the sunrise. I heard a gunshot, and all my pain disappeared. All I could see was Edgar welcoming new people at the gate, as he smiled and said ''Aahhh, hunting season.''
submitted by Peanuttttssss to scarystories [link] [comments]
One of my female friends was very concerned about my way of living. I said that it really wasn't that bad. But one day when I got very high on cocaine and I crashed my motorcycle in a farmfield somewhere and laid there until sunrise, I knew it was time to try to change my life. The female friend, named Emma, was very reliefed that I had the courage to ask her for help.
She immediately started to figure stuff out to help me, and after a while she told me she found a program somewhere in the mountains deep in the forest that helped people get rid of their addictions.
The name of the program was ''Pure Order''. I was a bit sketchy at first, but I love the mountains and nature so I thought I could always give it a try.
The only problem, was that I was from New Jersey, and the program was in Montana. But Emma was willing to pay along for the trip, and she'd even come with me to drop me off to make sure I arrived safely.
At the airport, a car, that was part of the Pure Order program, would take us there. The driver was a man in a suit, with combed black hair, a well kept goatee and mustache. He was wearing a dress shirt, suspenders and cowboy boots.
It was a peculiar look that I instantly noticed. It was a very hipster look, but also a very country look. It was a 5 hour, if not more, ride from the airport to the place where the Pure Order program was. It was very deep in the woods and mountains, and very far away from civilization.
When we arrived, I saw 10 feet high walls, made out of wooden beams, with barbed wire at the top. It kinda looked like a military camp to me, but also like a scouting camp. It was close to a very big lake, surrounded by a dense forest.
The big wooden doors opened, and a nice dressed gentleman was standing in the door opening. Also with suspenders, big beard, combed hair, tinted glasses, nice white dress shirt, a black Bolo tie, and a suit jacket.
I noticed some kind of dress code, but I thought that was to tell the staff members apart from the people. The man who greeted me was a very nice man, and super welcoming. Then we heard a gunshot in the distance, and I saw birds fly up from the treelines.
The man was obviously startled by the gunshot, and me and Emma looked at each other. The man said ''Its hunting season, we take the people outside hunting as one of the many outdoor activities we have around the camp'' in a laughing tone with a smile.
The man welcomed me in, and Emma was not allowed in since she wasn't part of the Pure Order program, so they politely asked her to leave. And the driver would take her back to the airport.
The man talked to me for a bit, while we walked to my bed where I could put my stuff and ''Make myself'' at home. I walked into one of those typical summer camp sleeping places, with two rows of bunk beds on each side of the walls, once again very military like.
The man noticed the look on my face and he told me not to worry, as we would only sleep here, and we would be doing activities all day.
Lastly he asked me if he could have my phone, so I'm not distracted by the outside world and we can focus on me getting better instead. I was hesitant at first, but the way he said it just made sense, and before I thought about it I handed over my phone.
Not that my phone had any signal anyway.
He asked that if I had any questions, I could always ask him. I was scared to ask questions but for some reason I just blurted out all the questions I had.
I asked about the barbed wire, why we are so far away from civilization, why I had to hand my phone over even though I didn't have any signal.
He politely told me that the barbed wire was because the wildlife would sometimes climb over the wooden walls. He told me we are so far away from civilization because they don't want anyone to get the urge to get distracted by day to day society, and fall back into our old habits.
I had to hand over my phone because I would be distracted by it, even though I didn't have any signal, they just wanted to be completely sure that I would get better.
That night we would gather around the campfire, the staff members were there, and the other people in the program. The staff introduced me, and I was kinda awkwardly sitting there, but the other people in the program were very inviting as well.
They told me about the program, they had big smiles on their faces and they looked genuinely happy. They showed interest in me, asking me where I came from, what my goal was, told me about their issues and how the program have really helped them so far.
I felt like I wasn't alone, and that I could actually be helped. Almost all my suspicion disappeared. The heat of the fire was getting a bit hot, so I took off my flannel, revealing some of my tattoos. People in the group were very interested in my tattoos.
I had a tribal tattoo that looked like waves, with a boat sailing on the waves. I said it was because one of my best friends was in the navy, and he sadly lost his life in was, and I had the tattoo out of respect for him.
One of the staff member showed me his tattoo. It was a tattoo on his forearm. It looked like a ''Phi'' symbol from the Greek alphabet, but instead of the circle, it was an eye. He said he got the tattoo when he ''Reached enlightenment''.
I didn't know what that meant, but you know, I don't judge, we all got our things, and I was just happy he ''reached his enlightenment''.
As I was getting ready for bed, one of the other people in the program came up to me and told me ''Welcome to the program, one piece of advice, make sure to smile.'' I thought he meant that we had to smile so we don't bring down the mood for the other people and we keep things positive.
So I brushed off what he said, and made sure to keep a positive mindset.
The next day we did all kinds of activities, we painted, we went fishing, we had a couple (Non alcoholic) drinks and it was a very good experience.
When I was getting another drink from the cooler, one of the staff members came up to me, saying that I had a very rough look, with the tattoos and I had a cut in my eyebrow from a bar fight when someone pulled out a knife and tried to cut my face.
I told him about the fight I've gotten in, and said that I could ''basically defend myself''. He said that if I'd like, I could sign up for a boxing match that would be happening that night. He said that they would have boxing matches, so the people could blow off some steam, and since I had a history of fighting he thought it would be something for me. I was actually very excited, so I decided to sign up.
That night I put on the boxing gloves and fought one of the other people in the program. It was a close match but I managed to win. He was laying on the ground, still consious. As I was celebrating they told me to ''End the fight''.
I had a very confused look on my face, the fight ended, he coulnd't fight anymore and I won. But every staff member kept chanting ''End the fight''. I realised I had to kill him. The man that welcomed me at the door, told everyone to be quiet and he told me ''End the fight, prove to yourself that you have what it takes to make a change. Otherwise you don't have what it takes, and we would be forced to take matters in our own hands.'' while putting one hand on a revolver. When I looked around, I saw the other people in the program just silently looking at me. Their eyes looked empty. All of them knew what had to be done, because they were once in my spot.
I realised that if I didn't kill the man in front of me, I would be the one that would not make it out of here. I looked at the mans face, he had this facial expression that begged me for mercy, but he also understood what had to be done. I shut off my mind, and my survival instinct just took over. I killed that man with my bare hands.
I came to the realisation that this wasn't a program to help people get better. This is a cult. And now that I killed that man, I had officially joined the cult.
I walked up to the man who greeted me at the gate the next day, as I got the impression that he was most likely the leader of the cult. I overheard some staff members drop the name ''Head of Order Edgar'', so as I walked towards him I said ''Edgar?'' and he looked up and asked what was wrong?
I tried to maintain calm but couldn't really contain myself and I asked ''What the fuck was that all about yesterday?'' in a very shaken voice. Edgar told me that I had to choose a new path in life, that I had to make a change in my life, and have the strength to make a life or death decision. As the was telling me these things, I noticed the ''Phi'' tattoo in Edgar's neck. The exact same one the other fella showed me before.
I looked at him with a scared but understanding face, while in my mind all I could think was ''These guys are absolutely nuts.'' I knew I had to escape somehow, even though it could be my death with all the wildlife out there, I had to at least try.
The next few days I went along with all their activities, while trying to figure out the patterns of the cult members. I managed to find an oppurtunity to escape. I noticed that every night, after all the program members would go to sleep, the cult members would gather around and they would have a few drinks.
I knew it was risky as it would be very easy to detect me if I were to sneak out, but I had to try.
So after a couple nights, I gathered the courage to sneak out. I slightly opened the door and I noticed the cult members gathered around the campfire. There were even more cult members then I thought, all dressed in the dress shirts, long beards, suspenders etcetera. I sneaked out of the cabin and the door cracked as I opened it.
The cult members heard the sound but brushed it off, but they did stay on their guard. I thought about sneaking back inside the cabin but I knew this had to be my moment, now I had the courage to make a move. I decided to keep going, and sneak towards a weaker spot in the wooden walls.
As I got closer to the wooden wall, a dog in a cage started barking at me. I panicked and kicked down the weak part of the wall and managed to get out of the walls. I felt so free, but I wasn't out there yet. I didn't have time to think and I heard the cult members scream and load weapons.
I didn't think about anything, I just started running, and I heard the screaming get further and further away. I just kept running, I had no idea what way I was running, where I was, it was pitch dark, I guess around 3 am. I heard bullets whizzing by my head, bullets hitting the trees, right next to me.
I zigzagged and all my legs could do was just run. I kept hearing the screaming in the distance, then it got closer and closer and I kept hearing bullet whizzing by. Then out of nowhere, I felt a sharp pain in my leg, I tried to get up but my leg felt heavy, I thought I was struck by as bullet, but my leg got caught in a bear trap. I tried to pry it open, I screamed from the pain, the screaming from the cult members got closer and closer. My heart was raising. And as I looked up I was looking directly into the face of a cult member, with his weapon leaning on his shoulder. He didn't look happy.
They dragged me through the woods, like I was some kind of animal. They said that they had a place for ''people like me''. They dragged me to a tiny shed deep into the woods. It had no windows, just some very small holes in the wood of the shed that let some light from the upcoming sun in.
They strapped me to a chair, and put tape over my mouth. I heard the sound of a shotgun getting cocked behind me. I felt a very cold metal rod getting pushed into the side of my head, the barrel of the shotgun. I was breathing very heavily, I couldn't scream. I felt one single tear roll down my face.
As I looked through one of the holes in the shed, I was looking at the sunrise. I heard a gunshot, and all my pain disappeared. All I could see was Edgar welcoming new people at the gate, as he smiled and said ''Aahhh, hunting season.''
2023.05.30 23:14 TheFairestCastle Addam Frey, Lord of the Crossing
Character Application
- Discord Name: imNotGoodAtNaming#3022
- Name and House: Addam Frey
- Age: 18
- Appearance: Addam is, unlike his great-grandfather Forrest, a man clearly not built to wield a sword. Though tall, his slender and rather wiry build gives him a rather unimposing presence. He wears his hair slightly too long, hanging low across his eyes and curling around his neck, and his gaze seems permanently wary, always on edge. Addam seldom smiles in public, and dark bags beneath his eyes bely the troublesome relationship he has with sleep. Much like how his grandfather Franklyn made up for his lack of swordsmanship with his impressive stewardship abilities, Addam makes up for his own faults with an impressive ability to talk, peddle information, and play the other side of the game.
- Gifts: Gossiper
- Skills: Cautious (e), Espionage, Torturer, Subtle
- Talents: Hunting, Riding, Swimming, Whittling
- Negative Traits: N/A
- Starting Titles: Lord of the Crossing
- Starting Location: Feast/King’s Landing
- Family Tree: House Frey in 207 AC
- Alternate Characters: N/A for now
Timeline
- 187 AC: Perianne Frey, Addam’s elder sister, is born to Symond Frey and Marilda Celtigar.
- 189 AC: Addam and Marissa Frey are born to Symond and Marilda.
- 194 AC: Addam begins his tutelage under Symond. As the heir’s heir, his father gives him a well-rounded education — involving stewardship, military command, and diplomacy, alongside the usual nobleman's education.
- 200 AC: Symond dies whilst riding along the Green Fork, after his horse slips along the slippery rocks — falling into the river and trapping Symond underneath. Symond drowns before his horse can be lifted off him, leaving Addam as heir.
- 203 AC: Frey Regency Crisis
- 2nd Moon: Lord Franklyn Frey dies, Addam Frey becomes Lord. Perwyn Frey is named regent in Lord Franklyn’s will.
- 3rd Moon: While traveling, Perwyn Frey’s camp is set upon by supposed bandits. Perwyn Frey and his son Theomore Frey die; Celesse Frey survives after riding away into the woods on her lonesome. Osmund Frey is the new regent.
- 5th Moon: A catspaw breaks into the East Castle and sets the Lord’s chambers ablaze. Addam and Marissa are rescued from within by men loyal to Lyonel Frey and House Nayland, but Marissa gets briefly trapped beneath a burning log. Marissa’s face is permanently disfigured as a result.
- 6th Moon: Osmund Frey and his youngest son Raymond Frey are murdered in their beds. Osmund’s eldest son, Walton Frey, rides with his sister Sarra to his mother’s home at Breaker's Beak, and does not return until Bertram is arrested. Bertram Frey is named regent.
- 7th Moon: “Black Benfrey” Rivers, bastard son of Bertram Frey, is caught trying to contact catspaws and other shady figures in a town nearby Hag’s Mire, and is arrested. Bertram attempts to downplay his bastard’s actions as those of a rogue bastard — but Addam secretly goes behind his Uncle’s back and orders Black Benfrey to be tortured for information.
- 8th Moon: Under torture, Black Benfrey admits his own role and the role of his father in the death of Perwyn, Theomore, Osmund, and Raymond, as well as the attack on Addam himself. Bertram is arrested by Lyonel’s men.
- 9th Moon: Eamon Frey leaves the Twins, under suspicion of being involved in Bertram and Benfrey’s plots, but with no firm evidence available. Addam orders a dozen Frey guards to attempt to chase Eamon down, but Eamon evades them and rides into Mallister lands before he can be caught. From Seagard, he takes a ship south.
- 10th Moon: Bertram and Black Benfrey are executed. Lyonel is offered the regency, but refuses. Addam’s mother, Marilda Celtigar, is declared Regent.
- 204 AC: Lyonel Frey leaves the Twins — coincidentally also riding to Seagard.
- 205 AC: On his sixteenth name day, Addam begins to rule in his own right.
- 206 AC: Arrangements for a betrothal between Addam Frey and Alys Blackwood begins.
- 206 AC: Perianne Frey leaves the Twins and marries Osric Dustin.
- 207 AC: Marissa Frey leaves the Twins and marries Paxter Redwyne.
- 207 AC: Addam Frey leaves the Twins and travels towards King’s Landing.
Auxiliary Character Application
- Name and House: Eamon “the Exile” Frey
- Age: 27
- Appearance: Eamon shares the common Frey look; brown hair and brown eyes, with light facial hair. However, years of stress resulting from his exile from his homeland has aged him beyond his years — worry lines surround his eyes, and his brows are nearly always furrowed. Unlike his Lordly cousin, Eamon clearly does take after Forrest Frey’s martial legacy — being well-built from years training with swords and armor. Despite his status in exile, Eamon remains proud of his heritage and station. He spends gold freely on clothes, jewelry, horses, and other objects of luxury befitting a noble, and a brooch emblazoned with the sigil of House Frey is always visible on his body: a reminder of what he has been forced away from.
- Gifts: Duelist
- Skills: Swords, Tactician, Defender
- Talents: Hunting, Swimming, Cyvasse
- Negative Traits: N/A
- Starting Titles: Scion of House Frey
- Starting Location: With the household of House Lannister of Lannisport
Auxiliary Character Timeline
- 177 AC: Benfrey Rivers, illegitimate son of Bertram Frey, is born.
- 180 AC: Eamon Frey, son of Bertram Frey and Darla Haigh, is born.
- 186 AC: Eamon begins to squire for Symond Frey, his uncle and heir to the Twins.
- 194 AC: Eamon excels at swordplay, and begins to undergo more strenuous and personal training with his Uncle.
- 198 AC: Eamon leads a group of Frey knights in battling and capturing a group of bandits along the Frey Plains. For this, he is knighted by Symond.
- 200 AC: Symond drowns in the Green Fork after a freak riding accident. Eamon is greatly affected by the death of his mentor.
- 203 AC: Frey Regency Crisis
- Despite Eamon being Bertram’s son, Bertram almost does not view Eamon as his own. Bertram sees Eamon’s close relationship to the late Symond as evidence of Eamon being untrustworthy, and does not entrust Eamon with his plot to seize control of the regency — and subsequently the Lordship of the Crossing.
- As Freys begin to die every week or two, Eamon is terrified alongside the rest of his family. He is sent to Haigh Hill for a few months — ostensibly to keep him safe from the chaos of the Twins.
- Black Benfrey and Bertram are subsequently arrested and interrogated. Neither give any inclination that Eamon has been involved in their plans, but Addam is nevertheless suspicious of him.
- Eamon returns to the Twins and witnesses the execution of his half-brother and his father. He swears to Addam of having no part in his father’s treason — but Addam seems unperturbed. The next day, Eamon departs from the Twins and rides West.
- Addam’s prior suspicions about Eamon seem to have been confirmed, and he dispatches a dozen Frey guards to ride after Eamon, but the guards do not catch Eamon before Eamon enters Mallister lands. The guards don’t cross into Mallister lands, not wishing to spark a bigger incident.
- 203 AC: Eamon is welcomed in the household of Seagard, remaining there briefly to catch his breath and prepare himself for the journey.
- 204 AC: Eamon departs from Seagard onboard a trading ship, and sails south. The ship docks in Lannisport, and he disembarks. With his inheritance from his father and his own personal allowance, he has a decent amount of gold — and finds lodgings in a high-brow inn.
- 205 AC: Attending a social event in Lannisport, Eamon meets Tyshara Lannister. The two court briefly.
- 206 AC: Eamon and Tyshara marry.
- 207 AC: Eamon reluctantly tags along with the Lannisters towards King’s Landing — hoping to stay far away from his cousin, who has doubtlessly received word of his marriage to a Lannister and wishes to see Eamon arrested.
Archetype NPCs
- Ser Lyle Nayland — Swords
- Ser Lyle Nayland is Addam’s sworn sword, and Addam’s good-uncle through his late sister’s marriage to Lyonel Frey. Lyle was the one who saved Addam and Marissa during the burning of the Lord’s chambers, and earned Addam’s respect and loyalty for this action. He remains one of the few individuals who Addam legitimately trusts and, as Addam’s protector, is an ever present shadow behind Addam.
- Ser Olyvar Charlton — Tactician
- Ser Olyvar Charlton is another one of Addam’s close confidantes. Olyvar was close to Addam’s father Symond, and has subsequently joined up with Addam’s entourage. Olyvar’s specialty lies in command, and he has been entrusted as Addam’s primary battlefield commander — given Addam’s own rather lacking personal ability in command.
2023.05.30 23:11 aasukisuki Help us figure out the best layout for our living room space
https://preview.redd.it/25j74vmyt23b1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4af6a9634ac5f8e1f00e07e7836ea8c14566b377
https://preview.redd.it/ci19ridst23b1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c80b7f8cff202493914fcd7a562fa5503759b4a2
https://preview.redd.it/ml4b8f9tt23b1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dda9bd1adf0eed92615343c4e4c6ac4e624bc89c
https://preview.redd.it/vscgygvut23b1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=487c970a4da85d42265282f7a7eb8e707168b81c
https://preview.redd.it/pb6q9dxvt23b1.png?width=711&format=png&auto=webp&s=4833baae69fa2dc513141071521ec635889d2aae
We are currently building a home and are having difficulty with the layout, and determining the best scale of furniture to get. The wall with the sliding glass door faces a lake, so we'd like to take advantage of that view.
The room is roughly 14x13, but we've been working from the idea that it's 12x12 to allow for room to walk between the living room furniture, and the stairway. We are planning to have a TV in the corner of the room between the 2 windows, and there will be a wood burning stove between the sliding glass door and window.
We've talked about a small couch and a couple of side chairs, or a couch with a chaise and 1 side chair, or just a giant sectional. We really have no clue how to best utilize the space with the TV / Picture Window / Stove that is still functional and cozy.
Not sure if it matters, but we've been sort of leaning towards boho / organic modern for design elements in other parts of the house.
submitted by aasukisuki to DesignMyRoom [link] [comments]
https://preview.redd.it/25j74vmyt23b1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4af6a9634ac5f8e1f00e07e7836ea8c14566b377
https://preview.redd.it/ci19ridst23b1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c80b7f8cff202493914fcd7a562fa5503759b4a2
https://preview.redd.it/ml4b8f9tt23b1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dda9bd1adf0eed92615343c4e4c6ac4e624bc89c
https://preview.redd.it/vscgygvut23b1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=487c970a4da85d42265282f7a7eb8e707168b81c
https://preview.redd.it/pb6q9dxvt23b1.png?width=711&format=png&auto=webp&s=4833baae69fa2dc513141071521ec635889d2aae
We are currently building a home and are having difficulty with the layout, and determining the best scale of furniture to get. The wall with the sliding glass door faces a lake, so we'd like to take advantage of that view.
The room is roughly 14x13, but we've been working from the idea that it's 12x12 to allow for room to walk between the living room furniture, and the stairway. We are planning to have a TV in the corner of the room between the 2 windows, and there will be a wood burning stove between the sliding glass door and window.
We've talked about a small couch and a couple of side chairs, or a couch with a chaise and 1 side chair, or just a giant sectional. We really have no clue how to best utilize the space with the TV / Picture Window / Stove that is still functional and cozy.
Not sure if it matters, but we've been sort of leaning towards boho / organic modern for design elements in other parts of the house.
2023.05.30 23:10 deeptechsharing VA – Defected Ibiza 2023 June 2023
Artist: VA Title: Defected Ibiza 2023 June 2023 Genre: House, Tech House, Deep House, Dance / Electro Pop, Afro House, Melodic House & Techno, Minimal / Deep Tech, Nu Disco / Disco Release Date: 2023-05-31
DOWNLOAD in 320kbps: https://sharing-db.club/djs-chart/436304_va-defected-ibiza-2023-june-2023/
Tracklist: 1. ANOTR, Abel Balder – Relax My Eyes (3:12) 2. Butch, Nic Fanciulli – I Want You (3:07) 3. Jansons – Nite Life (Original Mix) (5:00) 4. HoneyLuv, Seth Troxler, Paul Johnson – Sex & The City (MK Remix) (3:07) 5. PRUNK, Rona Ray – Keep It Simple (3:04) 6. HoneyLuv, Dope Earth Alien – Sway (feat. Dope Earth Alien) (2:47) 7. Majestic, Sara Sukkha – Dance All Night (feat. Sara Sukkha) (3:22) 8. Chris Stussy – All Night Long (3:54) 9. Michael Bibi, KinAhau, Audio Bullys – Different Side (3:13) 10. Floorplan – We Give Thee Honor (3:11) 11. Jack Swift – Can I Wait (5:48) 12. Mihalis Safras, Yvan Genkins – Las Solteras (4:00) 13. Joshwa – Bass Go Boom (2:58) 14. Shouse, Dennis Ferrer, Seth Troxler – (still) WON’T4GETU (6:14) 15. Larse – A Part Of (Riva Starr Saturn Mix) (3:25) 16. Kitty Amor, SomaDina – I Saw An Angel On The Roof & Wept (Kitty Amor ‘s Remix) (3:03) 17. Manda Moor – Picante (5:44) 18. MK, Dom Dolla – Rhyme Dust (3:01) 19. Cajmere, Dajaé, Marco Lys – Brighter Days (Marco Lys Remix) (6:22) 20. Mason Collective – A Little Affection (2:22) 21. Sam Divine, Hayley May – Face In The Crowd (3:04) 22. Radio Slave – Wild Life (Disco Mix) (5:49) 23. The Shapeshifters – Lola’s Theme (VIP) (7:18) 24. George Davis – Marimba Disco (Kai Alcé’s NDATL Interpretation) (6:37) 25. Tuccillo, Howard Perry – I Believe (feat. Howard Perry) (7:44) 26. Chloé Caillet, Falle Nioke, Wekafore – In The Middle feat. Falle Nioke & Wekaforé (3:37) 27. Hannah Wants, Ara – The One (feat. ARA) (2:57) 28. Cevin Fisher – Love You Some More (Harry Romero Remix) (3:25) 29. G Club, Banda Sonora – Guitarra G (8:46) 30. Dateless – Geekin (3:35) 31. Wallace – Breaking Up (5:38) 32. Melé – Groove La Afrika (2:49) 33. Angelo Ferreri – A Chance (3:13) 34. Ben Rau – You Got Me Running (6:07) 35. Darius Syrossian, George Smeddles – Back In The Dance (3:26) 36. Kolter – I Feel It Right (3:04) 37. Archie Hamilton, HQA – Let The Light In (feat. HQA) (3:08) 38. Jaden Thompson – Memories (7:17) 39. Jamie Jones – My Paradise (3:31) 40. Route 94 – Clapped (3:30) 41. Boogie Vice, Deep Aztec – Promises (N-You-Up Dub Mix) (3:40) 42. Kerri Chandler, Dreamer G – Hurry Up [Ministry of Sound] (Kerri’s Again Mix) (6:55) 43. Renato Cohen – Suddenly Funk (Andrea Oliva Remix) (3:58) 44. Low Steppa, Crusy – BFG (Extended Mix) (5:42) 45. Marco Lys – The Story Continues (4:50) 46. Melé, Toure Kunda – Talkin’ Drums (3:00) 47. Airborn Gav, Hurricane – Work (Atjazz Remix) (4:10) 48. Joeski – Afro Latinism (6:54) 49. Jovonn – RAISE UP (Raise Up High) (5:47) 50. Riva Starr, Mike Dunn – Feel The Heat (feat. Mike Dunn) (2:51) 51. Dennis Cruz – Una Rumbita (5:44) 52. salute, Sammy Virji – Peach (5:45) 53. Hannah Wants, Clementine Douglas – Cure My Desire (feat. Clementine Douglas) (2:59) 54. Atmos Blaq – Kwa Mama (6:30) 55. Made By Pete – Horizon Red (Extended) (7:07) 56. Cristoph, Awen – Time (4:18) 57. Ezel, Rona Ray – History Repeating (7:31) 58. Franky Rizardo, Ros T, T-Connection – Do What You Wanna Do (Live It Cool) (3:26) 59. Simon Kidzoo – 1 Thang (Original Mix) (3:21) 60. Riva Starr – Flying High (2:59) 61. The Martinez Brothers, Tokischa, Beltran – KILO (Beltran Remix) (4:07) 62. Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs, Redlight – Regulate (2:34) 63. Jovonn, Prunk, M-High – Story Of House (Original Mix) (6:43) 64. A’Studio, Polina – SOS (feat. Polina) (Skylark Remix – Nic Fanciulli Edit) (3:24) 65. Mr. V – Mr. Bongo (Hello Children) (Butch Remix) (4:00) 66. Masters At Work – MAW Apes Groove (6:22) 67. Yours – IN THE MORNING (3:06) 68. Eddie Fowlkes – AHYEE (4:09) 69. Dennis Cruz, Martina Camargo – El Sueño (feat. Martina Camargo) (5:48) 70. Makez, dreamcastmoe – Phases (feat. dreamcastmoe) (VIP Mix) (4:35) 71. Radio Slave, NEZ – Wait A Minute (Dixon Extension) (6:27) 72. Yours – CALLING (3:30) 73. Ben Rau, Oden & Fatzo – Calling Out Your Name (I Can’t Sleep) (Oden & Fatzo Remix) (4:10) 74. Dirty Channels – Make You Cry (4:11) 75. Tensnake – Coma Cat (Chloé Caillet Remix) (3:35) 76. Francis Mercier, Nitefreak, Idd Aziz – Kamili (3:46) 77. Dennis Quin – Dedication To House Music (3:30) 78. Roach Motel – Movin’ On (Darius Syrossian 5am Remix) (3:14) 79. Eats Everything, Shezar – Get Up (3:06) 80. Low Steppa – The Feeling (Edit) (3:17) 81. Harry Romero, Inaya Day – Just Can’t Get Enough (Jamie Jones Edit) (3:28) 82. Shermanology – Souljack (3:44) 83. Arielle Free – You Can’t Stop Me (Edit) (4:05) 84. Classmatic, Nfasis – Toma Dale (5:23) 85. Junior Sanchez, NEZ – Hit It (feat. NEZ) (3:41) 86. Oden & Fatzo – Lauren (I Can’t Stay Forever) (3:20) 87. Todd Terry, Meca, Volkoder, Tristan Henry – Little Woman (feat. Tristan Henry) (3:48) 88. Mr. G – U Feel Mi (Kai Alce’s New Feel) (5:25) 89. Honey Dijon, Dope Earth Alien – It’s Quiet Now (feat. Dope Earth Alien) (3:02) 90. S.A.M., Sarah Ikumu – Spotlight (feat. Sarah Ikumu) (Sam Divine Remix) (2:45)
submitted by deeptechsharing to u/deeptechsharing [link] [comments]
DOWNLOAD in 320kbps: https://sharing-db.club/djs-chart/436304_va-defected-ibiza-2023-june-2023/
Tracklist: 1. ANOTR, Abel Balder – Relax My Eyes (3:12) 2. Butch, Nic Fanciulli – I Want You (3:07) 3. Jansons – Nite Life (Original Mix) (5:00) 4. HoneyLuv, Seth Troxler, Paul Johnson – Sex & The City (MK Remix) (3:07) 5. PRUNK, Rona Ray – Keep It Simple (3:04) 6. HoneyLuv, Dope Earth Alien – Sway (feat. Dope Earth Alien) (2:47) 7. Majestic, Sara Sukkha – Dance All Night (feat. Sara Sukkha) (3:22) 8. Chris Stussy – All Night Long (3:54) 9. Michael Bibi, KinAhau, Audio Bullys – Different Side (3:13) 10. Floorplan – We Give Thee Honor (3:11) 11. Jack Swift – Can I Wait (5:48) 12. Mihalis Safras, Yvan Genkins – Las Solteras (4:00) 13. Joshwa – Bass Go Boom (2:58) 14. Shouse, Dennis Ferrer, Seth Troxler – (still) WON’T4GETU (6:14) 15. Larse – A Part Of (Riva Starr Saturn Mix) (3:25) 16. Kitty Amor, SomaDina – I Saw An Angel On The Roof & Wept (Kitty Amor ‘s Remix) (3:03) 17. Manda Moor – Picante (5:44) 18. MK, Dom Dolla – Rhyme Dust (3:01) 19. Cajmere, Dajaé, Marco Lys – Brighter Days (Marco Lys Remix) (6:22) 20. Mason Collective – A Little Affection (2:22) 21. Sam Divine, Hayley May – Face In The Crowd (3:04) 22. Radio Slave – Wild Life (Disco Mix) (5:49) 23. The Shapeshifters – Lola’s Theme (VIP) (7:18) 24. George Davis – Marimba Disco (Kai Alcé’s NDATL Interpretation) (6:37) 25. Tuccillo, Howard Perry – I Believe (feat. Howard Perry) (7:44) 26. Chloé Caillet, Falle Nioke, Wekafore – In The Middle feat. Falle Nioke & Wekaforé (3:37) 27. Hannah Wants, Ara – The One (feat. ARA) (2:57) 28. Cevin Fisher – Love You Some More (Harry Romero Remix) (3:25) 29. G Club, Banda Sonora – Guitarra G (8:46) 30. Dateless – Geekin (3:35) 31. Wallace – Breaking Up (5:38) 32. Melé – Groove La Afrika (2:49) 33. Angelo Ferreri – A Chance (3:13) 34. Ben Rau – You Got Me Running (6:07) 35. Darius Syrossian, George Smeddles – Back In The Dance (3:26) 36. Kolter – I Feel It Right (3:04) 37. Archie Hamilton, HQA – Let The Light In (feat. HQA) (3:08) 38. Jaden Thompson – Memories (7:17) 39. Jamie Jones – My Paradise (3:31) 40. Route 94 – Clapped (3:30) 41. Boogie Vice, Deep Aztec – Promises (N-You-Up Dub Mix) (3:40) 42. Kerri Chandler, Dreamer G – Hurry Up [Ministry of Sound] (Kerri’s Again Mix) (6:55) 43. Renato Cohen – Suddenly Funk (Andrea Oliva Remix) (3:58) 44. Low Steppa, Crusy – BFG (Extended Mix) (5:42) 45. Marco Lys – The Story Continues (4:50) 46. Melé, Toure Kunda – Talkin’ Drums (3:00) 47. Airborn Gav, Hurricane – Work (Atjazz Remix) (4:10) 48. Joeski – Afro Latinism (6:54) 49. Jovonn – RAISE UP (Raise Up High) (5:47) 50. Riva Starr, Mike Dunn – Feel The Heat (feat. Mike Dunn) (2:51) 51. Dennis Cruz – Una Rumbita (5:44) 52. salute, Sammy Virji – Peach (5:45) 53. Hannah Wants, Clementine Douglas – Cure My Desire (feat. Clementine Douglas) (2:59) 54. Atmos Blaq – Kwa Mama (6:30) 55. Made By Pete – Horizon Red (Extended) (7:07) 56. Cristoph, Awen – Time (4:18) 57. Ezel, Rona Ray – History Repeating (7:31) 58. Franky Rizardo, Ros T, T-Connection – Do What You Wanna Do (Live It Cool) (3:26) 59. Simon Kidzoo – 1 Thang (Original Mix) (3:21) 60. Riva Starr – Flying High (2:59) 61. The Martinez Brothers, Tokischa, Beltran – KILO (Beltran Remix) (4:07) 62. Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs, Redlight – Regulate (2:34) 63. Jovonn, Prunk, M-High – Story Of House (Original Mix) (6:43) 64. A’Studio, Polina – SOS (feat. Polina) (Skylark Remix – Nic Fanciulli Edit) (3:24) 65. Mr. V – Mr. Bongo (Hello Children) (Butch Remix) (4:00) 66. Masters At Work – MAW Apes Groove (6:22) 67. Yours – IN THE MORNING (3:06) 68. Eddie Fowlkes – AHYEE (4:09) 69. Dennis Cruz, Martina Camargo – El Sueño (feat. Martina Camargo) (5:48) 70. Makez, dreamcastmoe – Phases (feat. dreamcastmoe) (VIP Mix) (4:35) 71. Radio Slave, NEZ – Wait A Minute (Dixon Extension) (6:27) 72. Yours – CALLING (3:30) 73. Ben Rau, Oden & Fatzo – Calling Out Your Name (I Can’t Sleep) (Oden & Fatzo Remix) (4:10) 74. Dirty Channels – Make You Cry (4:11) 75. Tensnake – Coma Cat (Chloé Caillet Remix) (3:35) 76. Francis Mercier, Nitefreak, Idd Aziz – Kamili (3:46) 77. Dennis Quin – Dedication To House Music (3:30) 78. Roach Motel – Movin’ On (Darius Syrossian 5am Remix) (3:14) 79. Eats Everything, Shezar – Get Up (3:06) 80. Low Steppa – The Feeling (Edit) (3:17) 81. Harry Romero, Inaya Day – Just Can’t Get Enough (Jamie Jones Edit) (3:28) 82. Shermanology – Souljack (3:44) 83. Arielle Free – You Can’t Stop Me (Edit) (4:05) 84. Classmatic, Nfasis – Toma Dale (5:23) 85. Junior Sanchez, NEZ – Hit It (feat. NEZ) (3:41) 86. Oden & Fatzo – Lauren (I Can’t Stay Forever) (3:20) 87. Todd Terry, Meca, Volkoder, Tristan Henry – Little Woman (feat. Tristan Henry) (3:48) 88. Mr. G – U Feel Mi (Kai Alce’s New Feel) (5:25) 89. Honey Dijon, Dope Earth Alien – It’s Quiet Now (feat. Dope Earth Alien) (3:02) 90. S.A.M., Sarah Ikumu – Spotlight (feat. Sarah Ikumu) (Sam Divine Remix) (2:45)
2023.05.30 23:09 Dramatic-Surprise251 10+ years of debilitating health issues solved!
I’m 27. When I was 13/14, I started having weird throat issues all the time. It felt like my throat had a lot of pressure in it, like a weird tension feeling, and the only thing that helped was when I ate/drank something or swallowed. This would help then it would come back a few minutes or so later. I had weird issues swallowing saliva too. I saw an ear nose & throat doctor about this and was told my issue was acid reflux. Doctor prescribed reflux medication and told me to sleep on an incline. I did those things for a while, but it didn’t help. Supposedly I was treating the issue and the doctor didn’t know why I wasn’t improving but told me to continue doing what I was doing to supposedly treat it. I saw some other doctors that weren’t sure either. I pretty much learned to just live like that but it was annoying and started to take over my life to the point that every day revolved around coping with my throat and dealing with the bad anxiety it was causing. I used to avoid things, had no life, had to make sure I always had something to drink to help my throat, and felt really stressed about the whole thing and how it was affecting me. On a side note, I also used to breathe mostly through my mouth as well. No one really knew, but I was really miserable all the time because of this stuff.
At 15, I started to feel like a brain fog on top of the throat issues. Something I’d never felt before. It was like my brain felt like mush all the time, no matter how much sleep I got. Like that feeling when you sleep really bad for a couple nights and feel like crap, except I was sleeping enough. Felt kind of spaced out constantly, couldn’t concentrate as well, I never wanted to do anything, felt apathetic, and just kind of crappy all the time. Wasn’t severe but was definitely impacting my day to day life. I went back to seeing doctors. Lots of doctors said there was nothing medically wrong with me and some even said that the brain fog (and maybe even the throat issues) were all psychological. I didn’t feel like that was it because my symptoms felt so real and physical but what did I know. I was prescribed antidepressants and doctors recommended I see a therapist for bad anxiety issues. I spent the next couple of years trying multiple medications, seeing therapists, and making other changes but nothing helped. I thought I was going crazy. In those few years that passed, I had slowly started to feel worse. By the time I graduated high school, the constant mental fog and tiredness were affecting me pretty bad. I felt stressed and anxious nonstop. I had almost no life during high school because of it and did just the bare minimum to get by. With lots of doctors telling me there was nothing physically wrong with me, I started to believe them about it being all mental. I thought it was something I was doing wrong personally. At this point I wasn’t even talking to my family about it as much since supposedly there was nothing wrong and it was all in my head. Especially when doctor after doctor were saying nothing was wrong and because my symptoms were mostly feeling tired all the time, what was I supposed to say? It felt like it was my personal fault for feeling the way I did. Everyone gave me the impression that my issues were because of me and I just needed to change my mindset and lifestyle and I’d feel better. Do anxiety workbooks, deep breathing, get more sleep, take antidepressants, therapy. I did every single thing doctors and therapists told me to do, but nothing helped. Doctors and therapists made me question my sanity every day. It was hell.
I was in no shape to go to college out of state, but I did. I ended up going because supposedly there was nothing wrong with me and I was trying desperately to believe it was all in my head like doctors and therapists and my family were saying. I just needed to change my way of thinking and lifestyle and that would cure the constant brain fog and tiredness and throat issues. So I pushed myself to go, hoping I’d sort it out. I spent the next 4 years slowly feeling worse, still seeing doctors but getting no legit answers. I'd go months and months at a time without seeing a doctor as I didn't know where to turn and had given up at times. I saw a doctor about sleep apnea but didn't seem to fit almost any of the symptoms. Stuff like waking up trying to get air, choking, stopping breathing, snoring, wasn't overweight, wasn't unhealthy, didn’t have a family history of it or other health issues. Still, I tried one of those moldable mouthpieces that’s supposed to help with sleep apnea but didn't see any benefit from it. So with all of this, I figured it’s probably not sleep apnea. I was so desperate, I was constantly trying all sorts of medications, supplements, and other weird things to try and help myself. I felt like I was losing my damn mind. My mental health was horrendous. Felt like crap 24/7. I literally felt stupid because my brain wasn’t working. Dealing with symptoms and figuring out what was wrong with me consumed my entire life. I would occasionally go to class after taking a big dose of stimulant drugs, but even those only did so much. No amount of caffeine pills, energy drinks did anything either. I was beyond that stuff helping. I experienced almost nothing enjoyable in those 4 years of college and had basically no life, really no friends, hobbies, nothing. Really the only experience I had during college was when I went on a study abroad trip but it was hell because I felt so awful the whole time. I had also joined a fraternity in the beginning of college but did almost nothing with them for the same reason. The mental tiredness had gotten so bad it felt like I was disconnected and living in a dream. Like I felt kind of drunk. I was so mentally and emotionally numb and exhausted I didn’t even feel human. Like I physically could not feel emotions and felt super spaced out. I was also still dealing with the throat issues. I’d get random dizziness, my vision got worse (more sensitive to bright light, bad floaters in my eyes). I somehow managed to graduate college and finished feeling significantly worse than when I began. I was so miserable and had no one to talk to about what was going on. But I was at least glad that college was over, because it sucked horribly.
I spent the next year doing just the bare minimum to get by. About a year after college (2019), I had a sleep study done and results came back with moderate sleep apnea. For the first time I actually had an answer. Sleep doctor immediately prescribed a CPAP machine. Didn’t even bother to wonder why a young healthy person has sleep apnea to begin with, because it’s not normal. I spent the next 2ish years trying multiple machines, masks, changing all the settings, but only saw some improvement. Keeping the CPAP consistently on throughout the night was also a struggle in itself as it was super awkward and uncomfortable, even though I was desperately trying to make it work. When I was able to keep it on for 5+ hours a night I felt a bit better but it was really difficult to do so consistently. During this time I couldn’t really hold down a job, other than some really basic, short term jobs. And even those felt brutal. My relationships with everyone were affected pretty bad. I was a complete zombie because the tiredness was so overwhelming. It was as an amount of brain fog and exhaustion I didn’t know was humanly possible. I was making myself basically sick with stimulants that really weren't helping and even had a doctor at one point tell me that I should get genetic testing for depression or have my brain zapped with electric shocks. I luckily didn't go that route.
After two years of messing with machines, my sleep doctor then recommended I see a maxillofacial doctor to see what the underlying breathing issue was being caused by. The doctor recommended I get a custom mouthpiece made that shifts the lower jaw forward to help open the airway to prevent breathing issues while sleeping. The process of having it fitted and made took a couple months. I even took a “real” job during this same time because I had two different doctors telling me that this mouthpiece was likely to help me a lot. I felt like I couldn’t have gotten the mouthpiece fast enough. I ended up messing with the mouthpiece for months and had no benefit at all. Literally zero. The dentist who made the mouthpiece said that the mouthpiece wasn’t helping because I might just have “weak muscle tone” in my throat and that I should see someone called a myofunctional doctor to supposedly improve muscle tone in the throat and tongue. I looked into that and it seemed like total quack stuff so I didn’t do it and completely dropped that dentist that made my mouthpiece and suggested this. I then saw an ear nose and throat doctor and later did a sleep endoscopy with him where I was put to sleep and had my breathing monitored with a camera down my throat. The doctor said that my breathing issues were being caused by my throat and jaw and suggested that since the mouthpiece wasn’t helping, I could get surgery or have a device called Inspire surgically inserted into my chest and neck to artificially help breathing. I held off on that cause it sounded pretty extreme and thought there had to be something else. During this time I had to leave the job I should’ve never taken in the first place because I was so non-functional.
I pretty much gave up for months. I eventually scheduled an appointment with another ear nose & throat doctor (the same kind of doctor I saw when I was 13). I'd already seen many ear nose & throat doctors by this point but didn't know what else to do. Don’t remember how exactly it happened, but the connection was made that my issues were due to really abnormal nasal breathing. Something called nasal valve stenosis, where both sides of my nose were completely caving in and blocking most air, leading to crappy breathing, even when just breathing in lightly. This issue is worse during sleep and was causing my brain to “wake up” every time my nose had the obstruction. So I was struggling to breathe all night and I was slowly feeling worse as I was never getting good deep sleep. So the bad sleep every night just kept accumulating over the course of 10+ years. He also explained that my throat issues were a sign that my nose wasn’t functioning normally, which was causing airflow issues and a throat pressure feeling as a result. But weirdly the nasal issues weren’t being caused by my nose itself. There’s nothing actually wrong with my nose. It’s the middle part of the face that provides the base and support for the nose that is lacking the support needed to keep the nose open for normal breathing. Doctor said it’s really abnormal for nasal collapse to happen like this as a result of the face just not developing properly. It was just the way the middle of my face grew and changed over time, especially during puberty, that led to this. Doctor said it is called midface deficiency. It’s the area of the face just to the sides of the nose, below the eyes. Doctor said facial surgery is really what I needed but said nasal surgery could potentially help a bit and is less intense of a surgery, so I decided to go with that. Everything finally made sense for the first time ever. I even recorded my sleep and sure enough I could hear myself struggling to breathe all night.
Last year (2022), I had nasal valve surgery. It took a long time to recover from surgery and I still have to wear something in my nose when I sleep to prevent it from pinching shut because the surgery only helped a bit. I will still have to look into facial surgery to address the underlying issue as my breathing is still horrible during the day when I’m not wearing a dilator in my nose but at night I wear it and am good. Over time most of my issues have gone away. The slowly worsening exhaustion and brain fog and cognitive issues that started when I was a teenager. The constant severe anxiety and stress feelings I had since I was a kid. Throat issues gone. I no longer feel like killing myself out of misery. It was that obvious all along but untreated made my life constant fucking torture. Feeling horrible nonstop, slowly getting worse, not knowing why, being told there was nothing wrong with me and that it was all psychological, trying all sorts of things with no benefit, and having my entire life be ruined was a mental hell I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I don’t feel like my teens and most my 20s actually happened because I was in such poor health physically and mentally 24/7. I wish I had been able to see decent doctors earlier, but obviously that didn’t happen. I’m not even sure how I wasn’t able to make the connection myself. I think I was just so used to really bad breathing since I was young I didn’t know it was abnormal and had no reason to think I had some weird issue cause why would I? I still struggle with the mental effects of I think living like this for so long. These issues consumed everything for over 10 years so I guess it’s not surprising that it still affects me mentally even after the fact. Thanks for reading and hopefully this can help someone out there.
TLDR: Slowly worsening chronic fatigue/brain fog and other issues for 10+ years was due to really bad nasal breathing, mostly nasal valve collapse due to midface deficiency that developed when I was a teenager and was leading to sleep apnea
Here's photos of my nose just breathing in slightly deeper than normal:
https://imgur.com/aQWsJeX
https://imgur.com/a/7NsNIWo
submitted by Dramatic-Surprise251 to breathwork [link] [comments]
At 15, I started to feel like a brain fog on top of the throat issues. Something I’d never felt before. It was like my brain felt like mush all the time, no matter how much sleep I got. Like that feeling when you sleep really bad for a couple nights and feel like crap, except I was sleeping enough. Felt kind of spaced out constantly, couldn’t concentrate as well, I never wanted to do anything, felt apathetic, and just kind of crappy all the time. Wasn’t severe but was definitely impacting my day to day life. I went back to seeing doctors. Lots of doctors said there was nothing medically wrong with me and some even said that the brain fog (and maybe even the throat issues) were all psychological. I didn’t feel like that was it because my symptoms felt so real and physical but what did I know. I was prescribed antidepressants and doctors recommended I see a therapist for bad anxiety issues. I spent the next couple of years trying multiple medications, seeing therapists, and making other changes but nothing helped. I thought I was going crazy. In those few years that passed, I had slowly started to feel worse. By the time I graduated high school, the constant mental fog and tiredness were affecting me pretty bad. I felt stressed and anxious nonstop. I had almost no life during high school because of it and did just the bare minimum to get by. With lots of doctors telling me there was nothing physically wrong with me, I started to believe them about it being all mental. I thought it was something I was doing wrong personally. At this point I wasn’t even talking to my family about it as much since supposedly there was nothing wrong and it was all in my head. Especially when doctor after doctor were saying nothing was wrong and because my symptoms were mostly feeling tired all the time, what was I supposed to say? It felt like it was my personal fault for feeling the way I did. Everyone gave me the impression that my issues were because of me and I just needed to change my mindset and lifestyle and I’d feel better. Do anxiety workbooks, deep breathing, get more sleep, take antidepressants, therapy. I did every single thing doctors and therapists told me to do, but nothing helped. Doctors and therapists made me question my sanity every day. It was hell.
I was in no shape to go to college out of state, but I did. I ended up going because supposedly there was nothing wrong with me and I was trying desperately to believe it was all in my head like doctors and therapists and my family were saying. I just needed to change my way of thinking and lifestyle and that would cure the constant brain fog and tiredness and throat issues. So I pushed myself to go, hoping I’d sort it out. I spent the next 4 years slowly feeling worse, still seeing doctors but getting no legit answers. I'd go months and months at a time without seeing a doctor as I didn't know where to turn and had given up at times. I saw a doctor about sleep apnea but didn't seem to fit almost any of the symptoms. Stuff like waking up trying to get air, choking, stopping breathing, snoring, wasn't overweight, wasn't unhealthy, didn’t have a family history of it or other health issues. Still, I tried one of those moldable mouthpieces that’s supposed to help with sleep apnea but didn't see any benefit from it. So with all of this, I figured it’s probably not sleep apnea. I was so desperate, I was constantly trying all sorts of medications, supplements, and other weird things to try and help myself. I felt like I was losing my damn mind. My mental health was horrendous. Felt like crap 24/7. I literally felt stupid because my brain wasn’t working. Dealing with symptoms and figuring out what was wrong with me consumed my entire life. I would occasionally go to class after taking a big dose of stimulant drugs, but even those only did so much. No amount of caffeine pills, energy drinks did anything either. I was beyond that stuff helping. I experienced almost nothing enjoyable in those 4 years of college and had basically no life, really no friends, hobbies, nothing. Really the only experience I had during college was when I went on a study abroad trip but it was hell because I felt so awful the whole time. I had also joined a fraternity in the beginning of college but did almost nothing with them for the same reason. The mental tiredness had gotten so bad it felt like I was disconnected and living in a dream. Like I felt kind of drunk. I was so mentally and emotionally numb and exhausted I didn’t even feel human. Like I physically could not feel emotions and felt super spaced out. I was also still dealing with the throat issues. I’d get random dizziness, my vision got worse (more sensitive to bright light, bad floaters in my eyes). I somehow managed to graduate college and finished feeling significantly worse than when I began. I was so miserable and had no one to talk to about what was going on. But I was at least glad that college was over, because it sucked horribly.
I spent the next year doing just the bare minimum to get by. About a year after college (2019), I had a sleep study done and results came back with moderate sleep apnea. For the first time I actually had an answer. Sleep doctor immediately prescribed a CPAP machine. Didn’t even bother to wonder why a young healthy person has sleep apnea to begin with, because it’s not normal. I spent the next 2ish years trying multiple machines, masks, changing all the settings, but only saw some improvement. Keeping the CPAP consistently on throughout the night was also a struggle in itself as it was super awkward and uncomfortable, even though I was desperately trying to make it work. When I was able to keep it on for 5+ hours a night I felt a bit better but it was really difficult to do so consistently. During this time I couldn’t really hold down a job, other than some really basic, short term jobs. And even those felt brutal. My relationships with everyone were affected pretty bad. I was a complete zombie because the tiredness was so overwhelming. It was as an amount of brain fog and exhaustion I didn’t know was humanly possible. I was making myself basically sick with stimulants that really weren't helping and even had a doctor at one point tell me that I should get genetic testing for depression or have my brain zapped with electric shocks. I luckily didn't go that route.
After two years of messing with machines, my sleep doctor then recommended I see a maxillofacial doctor to see what the underlying breathing issue was being caused by. The doctor recommended I get a custom mouthpiece made that shifts the lower jaw forward to help open the airway to prevent breathing issues while sleeping. The process of having it fitted and made took a couple months. I even took a “real” job during this same time because I had two different doctors telling me that this mouthpiece was likely to help me a lot. I felt like I couldn’t have gotten the mouthpiece fast enough. I ended up messing with the mouthpiece for months and had no benefit at all. Literally zero. The dentist who made the mouthpiece said that the mouthpiece wasn’t helping because I might just have “weak muscle tone” in my throat and that I should see someone called a myofunctional doctor to supposedly improve muscle tone in the throat and tongue. I looked into that and it seemed like total quack stuff so I didn’t do it and completely dropped that dentist that made my mouthpiece and suggested this. I then saw an ear nose and throat doctor and later did a sleep endoscopy with him where I was put to sleep and had my breathing monitored with a camera down my throat. The doctor said that my breathing issues were being caused by my throat and jaw and suggested that since the mouthpiece wasn’t helping, I could get surgery or have a device called Inspire surgically inserted into my chest and neck to artificially help breathing. I held off on that cause it sounded pretty extreme and thought there had to be something else. During this time I had to leave the job I should’ve never taken in the first place because I was so non-functional.
I pretty much gave up for months. I eventually scheduled an appointment with another ear nose & throat doctor (the same kind of doctor I saw when I was 13). I'd already seen many ear nose & throat doctors by this point but didn't know what else to do. Don’t remember how exactly it happened, but the connection was made that my issues were due to really abnormal nasal breathing. Something called nasal valve stenosis, where both sides of my nose were completely caving in and blocking most air, leading to crappy breathing, even when just breathing in lightly. This issue is worse during sleep and was causing my brain to “wake up” every time my nose had the obstruction. So I was struggling to breathe all night and I was slowly feeling worse as I was never getting good deep sleep. So the bad sleep every night just kept accumulating over the course of 10+ years. He also explained that my throat issues were a sign that my nose wasn’t functioning normally, which was causing airflow issues and a throat pressure feeling as a result. But weirdly the nasal issues weren’t being caused by my nose itself. There’s nothing actually wrong with my nose. It’s the middle part of the face that provides the base and support for the nose that is lacking the support needed to keep the nose open for normal breathing. Doctor said it’s really abnormal for nasal collapse to happen like this as a result of the face just not developing properly. It was just the way the middle of my face grew and changed over time, especially during puberty, that led to this. Doctor said it is called midface deficiency. It’s the area of the face just to the sides of the nose, below the eyes. Doctor said facial surgery is really what I needed but said nasal surgery could potentially help a bit and is less intense of a surgery, so I decided to go with that. Everything finally made sense for the first time ever. I even recorded my sleep and sure enough I could hear myself struggling to breathe all night.
Last year (2022), I had nasal valve surgery. It took a long time to recover from surgery and I still have to wear something in my nose when I sleep to prevent it from pinching shut because the surgery only helped a bit. I will still have to look into facial surgery to address the underlying issue as my breathing is still horrible during the day when I’m not wearing a dilator in my nose but at night I wear it and am good. Over time most of my issues have gone away. The slowly worsening exhaustion and brain fog and cognitive issues that started when I was a teenager. The constant severe anxiety and stress feelings I had since I was a kid. Throat issues gone. I no longer feel like killing myself out of misery. It was that obvious all along but untreated made my life constant fucking torture. Feeling horrible nonstop, slowly getting worse, not knowing why, being told there was nothing wrong with me and that it was all psychological, trying all sorts of things with no benefit, and having my entire life be ruined was a mental hell I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I don’t feel like my teens and most my 20s actually happened because I was in such poor health physically and mentally 24/7. I wish I had been able to see decent doctors earlier, but obviously that didn’t happen. I’m not even sure how I wasn’t able to make the connection myself. I think I was just so used to really bad breathing since I was young I didn’t know it was abnormal and had no reason to think I had some weird issue cause why would I? I still struggle with the mental effects of I think living like this for so long. These issues consumed everything for over 10 years so I guess it’s not surprising that it still affects me mentally even after the fact. Thanks for reading and hopefully this can help someone out there.
TLDR: Slowly worsening chronic fatigue/brain fog and other issues for 10+ years was due to really bad nasal breathing, mostly nasal valve collapse due to midface deficiency that developed when I was a teenager and was leading to sleep apnea
Here's photos of my nose just breathing in slightly deeper than normal:
https://imgur.com/aQWsJeX
https://imgur.com/a/7NsNIWo
2023.05.30 23:09 TemporaryShape3 FTB - tracker agreed (base+0.34%). Should we fix?
Appreciate nobody knows the answer, as we can’t see the future, but would be really useful to gain some opinions.
My partner and I currently have a Tracker agreed at 4.84% (0.34 over) as we were hopeful rates would come down, it has gone up twice since we agreed the mortgage (15% deposit). Now torn with what we should do as general consensus seems that rates will continue to rise.
Been offered 5 year tracker at 4.89% BUT lender has now withdrawn all of their trackers… am I reading into withdrawal of trackers too much? should we fix?
We are limited to one lender as I have just finished my masters, was therefore a student at time of application.
Small side benefit in the scheme of things, but we also get £500 cash back as part of the current product as we are purchasing a green home.
submitted by TemporaryShape3 to Mortgageadviceuk [link] [comments]
My partner and I currently have a Tracker agreed at 4.84% (0.34 over) as we were hopeful rates would come down, it has gone up twice since we agreed the mortgage (15% deposit). Now torn with what we should do as general consensus seems that rates will continue to rise.
Been offered 5 year tracker at 4.89% BUT lender has now withdrawn all of their trackers… am I reading into withdrawal of trackers too much? should we fix?
We are limited to one lender as I have just finished my masters, was therefore a student at time of application.
Small side benefit in the scheme of things, but we also get £500 cash back as part of the current product as we are purchasing a green home.
2023.05.30 23:07 MarkusNot_Flamingo AITA for talking back to a woman for neglecting her childs safety
Hi! My name is Markus. I’m a 21-year-old male that works at a reception desk at a hotel in a small town in Norway.
Each year our town tries to bond with neighboring communities by arranging football tournaments for kids. People will come from different parts of the country to play in different tournaments. This is arranged two weekends each year. This is one of the kids in our community’s highlights of the year and has been a tradition for many.
For us that work at the only local hotel this is a total nightmare. It always stays the same way. Parents come with a lot of kids - We get tons of noise complaints - The place ends up wrecked - We have to hire extra cleaning crews to get everything ready for the next day. I swear someone quits every year because of this.
In our hotel we have two elevators. One is a public one that goes from the ground floor to the second floor. The Second on is a wheelchaipersonal elevator witch basically is a small platform on a piston. It is barely in use and is to be surveilled when someone is using it.
Some weeks ago, the same elevator fell down a story from the ground floor to the basement. No one was inside, just a trolley with some stock that had just arrived. It has since been fixed but we have been warned against using it if not absolutely necessary.
Last weekend I was working the evening shift. Everything was going as planned (Chaotic). Suddenly our alarm monitor went off. It started blinking with the letters HCELV witch I instantly knew was the code for handicap elevator. It set off the alarm since we had it on lockdown when it wasn’t supposed to be in use. It is on the other side of the building, so I called for securety to go check it out since their office was closer. Since I was Shift Manager at the time, I was already on my way over to check on the situation.
When I arrived securety was talking to a woman, or securety was talking the woman was screaming. She was screaming “don't you ever lay a hand on my child again!” and “don’t teach me how to parent!”. Guests started staring so I tried to de-escalate the situation. I talked to the mom trying to figure out what happened. After talking with her and securety I found out securety had found the elevator with at least 11 kids inside, the limit specifically says that there is to only be one adult inside the elevator at the time. This was 11 kids between the ages of 9 and 12.
submitted by MarkusNot_Flamingo to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
Each year our town tries to bond with neighboring communities by arranging football tournaments for kids. People will come from different parts of the country to play in different tournaments. This is arranged two weekends each year. This is one of the kids in our community’s highlights of the year and has been a tradition for many.
For us that work at the only local hotel this is a total nightmare. It always stays the same way. Parents come with a lot of kids - We get tons of noise complaints - The place ends up wrecked - We have to hire extra cleaning crews to get everything ready for the next day. I swear someone quits every year because of this.
In our hotel we have two elevators. One is a public one that goes from the ground floor to the second floor. The Second on is a wheelchaipersonal elevator witch basically is a small platform on a piston. It is barely in use and is to be surveilled when someone is using it.
Some weeks ago, the same elevator fell down a story from the ground floor to the basement. No one was inside, just a trolley with some stock that had just arrived. It has since been fixed but we have been warned against using it if not absolutely necessary.
Last weekend I was working the evening shift. Everything was going as planned (Chaotic). Suddenly our alarm monitor went off. It started blinking with the letters HCELV witch I instantly knew was the code for handicap elevator. It set off the alarm since we had it on lockdown when it wasn’t supposed to be in use. It is on the other side of the building, so I called for securety to go check it out since their office was closer. Since I was Shift Manager at the time, I was already on my way over to check on the situation.
When I arrived securety was talking to a woman, or securety was talking the woman was screaming. She was screaming “don't you ever lay a hand on my child again!” and “don’t teach me how to parent!”. Guests started staring so I tried to de-escalate the situation. I talked to the mom trying to figure out what happened. After talking with her and securety I found out securety had found the elevator with at least 11 kids inside, the limit specifically says that there is to only be one adult inside the elevator at the time. This was 11 kids between the ages of 9 and 12.
2023.05.30 23:07 Dramatic-Surprise251 10+ years of debilitating chronic health issues solved!
I’m 27. When I was 13/14, I started having weird throat issues all the time. It felt like my throat had a lot of pressure in it, like a weird tension feeling, and the only thing that helped was when I ate/drank something or swallowed. This would help then it would come back a few minutes or so later. I had weird issues swallowing saliva too. I saw an ear nose & throat doctor about this and was told my issue was acid reflux. Doctor prescribed reflux medication and told me to sleep on an incline. I did those things for a while, but it didn’t help. Supposedly I was treating the issue and the doctor didn’t know why I wasn’t improving but told me to continue doing what I was doing to supposedly treat it. I saw some other doctors that weren’t sure either. I pretty much learned to just live like that but it was annoying and started to take over my life to the point that every day revolved around coping with my throat and dealing with the bad anxiety it was causing. I used to avoid things, had no life, had to make sure I always had something to drink to help my throat, and felt really stressed about the whole thing and how it was affecting me. On a side note, I also used to breathe mostly through my mouth as well. No one really knew, but I was really miserable all the time because of this stuff.
At 15, I started to feel like a brain fog on top of the throat issues. Something I’d never felt before. It was like my brain felt like mush all the time, no matter how much sleep I got. Like that feeling when you sleep really bad for a couple nights and feel like crap, except I was sleeping enough. Felt kind of spaced out constantly, couldn’t concentrate as well, I never wanted to do anything, felt apathetic, and just kind of crappy all the time. Wasn’t severe but was definitely impacting my day to day life. I went back to seeing doctors. Lots of doctors said there was nothing medically wrong with me and some even said that the brain fog (and maybe even the throat issues) were all psychological. I didn’t feel like that was it because my symptoms felt so real and physical but what did I know. I was prescribed antidepressants and doctors recommended I see a therapist for bad anxiety issues. I spent the next couple of years trying multiple medications, seeing therapists, and making other changes but nothing helped. I thought I was going crazy. In those few years that passed, I had slowly started to feel worse. By the time I graduated high school, the constant mental fog and tiredness were affecting me pretty bad. I felt stressed and anxious nonstop. I had almost no life during high school because of it and did just the bare minimum to get by. With lots of doctors telling me there was nothing physically wrong with me, I started to believe them about it being all mental. I thought it was something I was doing wrong personally. At this point I wasn’t even talking to my family about it as much since supposedly there was nothing wrong and it was all in my head. Especially when doctor after doctor were saying nothing was wrong and because my symptoms were mostly feeling tired all the time, what was I supposed to say? It felt like it was my personal fault for feeling the way I did. Everyone gave me the impression that my issues were because of me and I just needed to change my mindset and lifestyle and I’d feel better. Do anxiety workbooks, deep breathing, get more sleep, take antidepressants, therapy. I did every single thing doctors and therapists told me to do, but nothing helped. Doctors and therapists made me question my sanity every day. It was hell.
I was in no shape to go to college out of state, but I did. I ended up going because supposedly there was nothing wrong with me and I was trying desperately to believe it was all in my head like doctors and therapists and my family were saying. I just needed to change my way of thinking and lifestyle and that would cure the constant brain fog and tiredness and throat issues. So I pushed myself to go, hoping I’d sort it out. I spent the next 4 years slowly feeling worse, still seeing doctors but getting no legit answers. I'd go months and months at a time without seeing a doctor as I didn't know where to turn and had given up at times. I saw a doctor about sleep apnea but didn't seem to fit almost any of the symptoms. Stuff like waking up trying to get air, choking, stopping breathing, snoring, wasn't overweight, wasn't unhealthy, didn’t have a family history of it or other health issues. Still, I tried one of those moldable mouthpieces that’s supposed to help with sleep apnea but didn't see any benefit from it. So with all of this, I figured it’s probably not sleep apnea. I was so desperate, I was constantly trying all sorts of medications, supplements, and other weird things to try and help myself. I felt like I was losing my damn mind. My mental health was horrendous. Felt like crap 24/7. I literally felt stupid because my brain wasn’t working. Dealing with symptoms and figuring out what was wrong with me consumed my entire life. I would occasionally go to class after taking a big dose of stimulant drugs, but even those only did so much. No amount of caffeine pills, energy drinks did anything either. I was beyond that stuff helping. I experienced almost nothing enjoyable in those 4 years of college and had basically no life, really no friends, hobbies, nothing. Really the only experience I had during college was when I went on a study abroad trip but it was hell because I felt so awful the whole time. I had also joined a fraternity in the beginning of college but did almost nothing with them for the same reason. The mental tiredness had gotten so bad it felt like I was disconnected and living in a dream. Like I felt kind of drunk. I was so mentally and emotionally numb and exhausted I didn’t even feel human. Like I physically could not feel emotions and felt super spaced out. I was also still dealing with the throat issues. I’d get random dizziness, my vision got worse (more sensitive to bright light, bad floaters in my eyes). I somehow managed to graduate college and finished feeling significantly worse than when I began. I was so miserable and had no one to talk to about what was going on. But I was at least glad that college was over, because it sucked horribly.
I spent the next year doing just the bare minimum to get by. About a year after college (2019), I had a sleep study done and results came back with moderate sleep apnea. For the first time I actually had an answer. Sleep doctor immediately prescribed a CPAP machine. Didn’t even bother to wonder why a young healthy person has sleep apnea to begin with, because it’s not normal. I spent the next 2ish years trying multiple machines, masks, changing all the settings, but only saw some improvement. Keeping the CPAP consistently on throughout the night was also a struggle in itself as it was super awkward and uncomfortable, even though I was desperately trying to make it work. When I was able to keep it on for 5+ hours a night I felt a bit better but it was really difficult to do so consistently. During this time I couldn’t really hold down a job, other than some really basic, short term jobs. And even those felt brutal. My relationships with everyone were affected pretty bad. I was a complete zombie because the tiredness was so overwhelming. It was as an amount of brain fog and exhaustion I didn’t know was humanly possible. I was making myself basically sick with stimulants that really weren't helping and even had a doctor at one point tell me that I should get genetic testing for depression or have my brain zapped with electric shocks. I luckily didn't go that route.
After two years of messing with machines, my sleep doctor then recommended I see a maxillofacial doctor to see what the underlying breathing issue was being caused by. The doctor recommended I get a custom mouthpiece made that shifts the lower jaw forward to help open the airway to prevent breathing issues while sleeping. The process of having it fitted and made took a couple months. I even took a “real” job during this same time because I had two different doctors telling me that this mouthpiece was likely to help me a lot. I felt like I couldn’t have gotten the mouthpiece fast enough. I ended up messing with the mouthpiece for months and had no benefit at all. Literally zero. The dentist who made the mouthpiece said that the mouthpiece wasn’t helping because I might just have “weak muscle tone” in my throat and that I should see someone called a myofunctional doctor to supposedly improve muscle tone in the throat and tongue. I looked into that and it seemed like total quack stuff so I didn’t do it and completely dropped that dentist that made my mouthpiece and suggested this. I then saw an ear nose and throat doctor and later did a sleep endoscopy with him where I was put to sleep and had my breathing monitored with a camera down my throat. The doctor said that my breathing issues were being caused by my throat and jaw and suggested that since the mouthpiece wasn’t helping, I could get surgery or have a device called Inspire surgically inserted into my chest and neck to artificially help breathing. I held off on that cause it sounded pretty extreme and thought there had to be something else. During this time I had to leave the job I should’ve never taken in the first place because I was so non-functional.
I pretty much gave up for months. I eventually scheduled an appointment with another ear nose & throat doctor (the same kind of doctor I saw when I was 13). I'd already seen many ear nose & throat doctors by this point but didn't know what else to do. Don’t remember how exactly it happened, but the connection was made that my issues were due to really abnormal nasal breathing. Something called nasal valve stenosis, where both sides of my nose were completely caving in and blocking most air, leading to crappy breathing, even when just breathing in lightly. This issue is worse during sleep and was causing my brain to “wake up” every time my nose had the obstruction. So I was struggling to breathe all night and I was slowly feeling worse as I was never getting good deep sleep. So the bad sleep every night just kept accumulating over the course of 10+ years. He also explained that my throat issues were a sign that my nose wasn’t functioning normally, which was causing airflow issues and a throat pressure feeling as a result. But weirdly the nasal issues weren’t being caused by my nose itself. There’s nothing actually wrong with my nose. It’s the middle part of the face that provides the base and support for the nose that is lacking the support needed to keep the nose open for normal breathing. Doctor said it’s really abnormal for nasal collapse to happen like this as a result of the face just not developing properly. It was just the way the middle of my face grew and changed over time, especially during puberty, that led to this. Doctor said it is called midface deficiency. It’s the area of the face just to the sides of the nose, below the eyes. Doctor said facial surgery is really what I needed but said nasal surgery could potentially help a bit and is less intense of a surgery, so I decided to go with that. Everything finally made sense for the first time ever. I even recorded my sleep and sure enough I could hear myself struggling to breathe all night.
Last year (2022), I had nasal valve surgery. It took a long time to recover from surgery and I still have to wear something in my nose when I sleep to prevent it from pinching shut because the surgery only helped a bit. I will still have to look into facial surgery to address the underlying issue as my breathing is still horrible during the day when I’m not wearing a dilator in my nose but at night I wear it and am good. Over time most of my issues have gone away. The slowly worsening exhaustion and brain fog and cognitive issues that started when I was a teenager. The constant severe anxiety and stress feelings I had since I was a kid. Throat issues gone. I no longer feel like killing myself out of misery. It was that obvious all along but untreated made my life constant fucking torture. Feeling horrible nonstop, slowly getting worse, not knowing why, being told there was nothing wrong with me and that it was all psychological, trying all sorts of things with no benefit, and having my entire life be ruined was a mental hell I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I don’t feel like my teens and most my 20s actually happened because I was in such poor health physically and mentally 24/7. I wish I had been able to see decent doctors earlier, but obviously that didn’t happen. I’m not even sure how I wasn’t able to make the connection myself. I think I was just so used to really bad breathing since I was young I didn’t know it was abnormal and had no reason to think I had some weird issue cause why would I? I still struggle with the mental effects of I think living like this for so long. These issues consumed everything for over 10 years so I guess it’s not surprising that it still affects me mentally even after the fact. Thanks for reading and hopefully this can help someone out there.
TLDR: Slowly worsening chronic fatigue/brain fog and other issues for 10+ years was due to really bad nasal breathing, mostly nasal valve collapse due to midface deficiency that developed when I was a teenager and was leading to sleep apnea
Here's photos of my nose just breathing in slightly deeper than normal:
https://imgur.com/aQWsJeX
https://imgur.com/a/7NsNIWo
submitted by Dramatic-Surprise251 to medical_advice [link] [comments]
At 15, I started to feel like a brain fog on top of the throat issues. Something I’d never felt before. It was like my brain felt like mush all the time, no matter how much sleep I got. Like that feeling when you sleep really bad for a couple nights and feel like crap, except I was sleeping enough. Felt kind of spaced out constantly, couldn’t concentrate as well, I never wanted to do anything, felt apathetic, and just kind of crappy all the time. Wasn’t severe but was definitely impacting my day to day life. I went back to seeing doctors. Lots of doctors said there was nothing medically wrong with me and some even said that the brain fog (and maybe even the throat issues) were all psychological. I didn’t feel like that was it because my symptoms felt so real and physical but what did I know. I was prescribed antidepressants and doctors recommended I see a therapist for bad anxiety issues. I spent the next couple of years trying multiple medications, seeing therapists, and making other changes but nothing helped. I thought I was going crazy. In those few years that passed, I had slowly started to feel worse. By the time I graduated high school, the constant mental fog and tiredness were affecting me pretty bad. I felt stressed and anxious nonstop. I had almost no life during high school because of it and did just the bare minimum to get by. With lots of doctors telling me there was nothing physically wrong with me, I started to believe them about it being all mental. I thought it was something I was doing wrong personally. At this point I wasn’t even talking to my family about it as much since supposedly there was nothing wrong and it was all in my head. Especially when doctor after doctor were saying nothing was wrong and because my symptoms were mostly feeling tired all the time, what was I supposed to say? It felt like it was my personal fault for feeling the way I did. Everyone gave me the impression that my issues were because of me and I just needed to change my mindset and lifestyle and I’d feel better. Do anxiety workbooks, deep breathing, get more sleep, take antidepressants, therapy. I did every single thing doctors and therapists told me to do, but nothing helped. Doctors and therapists made me question my sanity every day. It was hell.
I was in no shape to go to college out of state, but I did. I ended up going because supposedly there was nothing wrong with me and I was trying desperately to believe it was all in my head like doctors and therapists and my family were saying. I just needed to change my way of thinking and lifestyle and that would cure the constant brain fog and tiredness and throat issues. So I pushed myself to go, hoping I’d sort it out. I spent the next 4 years slowly feeling worse, still seeing doctors but getting no legit answers. I'd go months and months at a time without seeing a doctor as I didn't know where to turn and had given up at times. I saw a doctor about sleep apnea but didn't seem to fit almost any of the symptoms. Stuff like waking up trying to get air, choking, stopping breathing, snoring, wasn't overweight, wasn't unhealthy, didn’t have a family history of it or other health issues. Still, I tried one of those moldable mouthpieces that’s supposed to help with sleep apnea but didn't see any benefit from it. So with all of this, I figured it’s probably not sleep apnea. I was so desperate, I was constantly trying all sorts of medications, supplements, and other weird things to try and help myself. I felt like I was losing my damn mind. My mental health was horrendous. Felt like crap 24/7. I literally felt stupid because my brain wasn’t working. Dealing with symptoms and figuring out what was wrong with me consumed my entire life. I would occasionally go to class after taking a big dose of stimulant drugs, but even those only did so much. No amount of caffeine pills, energy drinks did anything either. I was beyond that stuff helping. I experienced almost nothing enjoyable in those 4 years of college and had basically no life, really no friends, hobbies, nothing. Really the only experience I had during college was when I went on a study abroad trip but it was hell because I felt so awful the whole time. I had also joined a fraternity in the beginning of college but did almost nothing with them for the same reason. The mental tiredness had gotten so bad it felt like I was disconnected and living in a dream. Like I felt kind of drunk. I was so mentally and emotionally numb and exhausted I didn’t even feel human. Like I physically could not feel emotions and felt super spaced out. I was also still dealing with the throat issues. I’d get random dizziness, my vision got worse (more sensitive to bright light, bad floaters in my eyes). I somehow managed to graduate college and finished feeling significantly worse than when I began. I was so miserable and had no one to talk to about what was going on. But I was at least glad that college was over, because it sucked horribly.
I spent the next year doing just the bare minimum to get by. About a year after college (2019), I had a sleep study done and results came back with moderate sleep apnea. For the first time I actually had an answer. Sleep doctor immediately prescribed a CPAP machine. Didn’t even bother to wonder why a young healthy person has sleep apnea to begin with, because it’s not normal. I spent the next 2ish years trying multiple machines, masks, changing all the settings, but only saw some improvement. Keeping the CPAP consistently on throughout the night was also a struggle in itself as it was super awkward and uncomfortable, even though I was desperately trying to make it work. When I was able to keep it on for 5+ hours a night I felt a bit better but it was really difficult to do so consistently. During this time I couldn’t really hold down a job, other than some really basic, short term jobs. And even those felt brutal. My relationships with everyone were affected pretty bad. I was a complete zombie because the tiredness was so overwhelming. It was as an amount of brain fog and exhaustion I didn’t know was humanly possible. I was making myself basically sick with stimulants that really weren't helping and even had a doctor at one point tell me that I should get genetic testing for depression or have my brain zapped with electric shocks. I luckily didn't go that route.
After two years of messing with machines, my sleep doctor then recommended I see a maxillofacial doctor to see what the underlying breathing issue was being caused by. The doctor recommended I get a custom mouthpiece made that shifts the lower jaw forward to help open the airway to prevent breathing issues while sleeping. The process of having it fitted and made took a couple months. I even took a “real” job during this same time because I had two different doctors telling me that this mouthpiece was likely to help me a lot. I felt like I couldn’t have gotten the mouthpiece fast enough. I ended up messing with the mouthpiece for months and had no benefit at all. Literally zero. The dentist who made the mouthpiece said that the mouthpiece wasn’t helping because I might just have “weak muscle tone” in my throat and that I should see someone called a myofunctional doctor to supposedly improve muscle tone in the throat and tongue. I looked into that and it seemed like total quack stuff so I didn’t do it and completely dropped that dentist that made my mouthpiece and suggested this. I then saw an ear nose and throat doctor and later did a sleep endoscopy with him where I was put to sleep and had my breathing monitored with a camera down my throat. The doctor said that my breathing issues were being caused by my throat and jaw and suggested that since the mouthpiece wasn’t helping, I could get surgery or have a device called Inspire surgically inserted into my chest and neck to artificially help breathing. I held off on that cause it sounded pretty extreme and thought there had to be something else. During this time I had to leave the job I should’ve never taken in the first place because I was so non-functional.
I pretty much gave up for months. I eventually scheduled an appointment with another ear nose & throat doctor (the same kind of doctor I saw when I was 13). I'd already seen many ear nose & throat doctors by this point but didn't know what else to do. Don’t remember how exactly it happened, but the connection was made that my issues were due to really abnormal nasal breathing. Something called nasal valve stenosis, where both sides of my nose were completely caving in and blocking most air, leading to crappy breathing, even when just breathing in lightly. This issue is worse during sleep and was causing my brain to “wake up” every time my nose had the obstruction. So I was struggling to breathe all night and I was slowly feeling worse as I was never getting good deep sleep. So the bad sleep every night just kept accumulating over the course of 10+ years. He also explained that my throat issues were a sign that my nose wasn’t functioning normally, which was causing airflow issues and a throat pressure feeling as a result. But weirdly the nasal issues weren’t being caused by my nose itself. There’s nothing actually wrong with my nose. It’s the middle part of the face that provides the base and support for the nose that is lacking the support needed to keep the nose open for normal breathing. Doctor said it’s really abnormal for nasal collapse to happen like this as a result of the face just not developing properly. It was just the way the middle of my face grew and changed over time, especially during puberty, that led to this. Doctor said it is called midface deficiency. It’s the area of the face just to the sides of the nose, below the eyes. Doctor said facial surgery is really what I needed but said nasal surgery could potentially help a bit and is less intense of a surgery, so I decided to go with that. Everything finally made sense for the first time ever. I even recorded my sleep and sure enough I could hear myself struggling to breathe all night.
Last year (2022), I had nasal valve surgery. It took a long time to recover from surgery and I still have to wear something in my nose when I sleep to prevent it from pinching shut because the surgery only helped a bit. I will still have to look into facial surgery to address the underlying issue as my breathing is still horrible during the day when I’m not wearing a dilator in my nose but at night I wear it and am good. Over time most of my issues have gone away. The slowly worsening exhaustion and brain fog and cognitive issues that started when I was a teenager. The constant severe anxiety and stress feelings I had since I was a kid. Throat issues gone. I no longer feel like killing myself out of misery. It was that obvious all along but untreated made my life constant fucking torture. Feeling horrible nonstop, slowly getting worse, not knowing why, being told there was nothing wrong with me and that it was all psychological, trying all sorts of things with no benefit, and having my entire life be ruined was a mental hell I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I don’t feel like my teens and most my 20s actually happened because I was in such poor health physically and mentally 24/7. I wish I had been able to see decent doctors earlier, but obviously that didn’t happen. I’m not even sure how I wasn’t able to make the connection myself. I think I was just so used to really bad breathing since I was young I didn’t know it was abnormal and had no reason to think I had some weird issue cause why would I? I still struggle with the mental effects of I think living like this for so long. These issues consumed everything for over 10 years so I guess it’s not surprising that it still affects me mentally even after the fact. Thanks for reading and hopefully this can help someone out there.
TLDR: Slowly worsening chronic fatigue/brain fog and other issues for 10+ years was due to really bad nasal breathing, mostly nasal valve collapse due to midface deficiency that developed when I was a teenager and was leading to sleep apnea
Here's photos of my nose just breathing in slightly deeper than normal:
https://imgur.com/aQWsJeX
https://imgur.com/a/7NsNIWo
2023.05.30 23:06 majin_rose_j Would overclocking or upgrading my CPU be worth the performance increase for my scenario?
Quick background, I'm more of a console gamer and don't care a whole lot about FPS. Mostly play single player games. But I do play on my PC here and there and would like to play more. I thought 60FPS was all I needed. And for console 60 FPS is fine, I feel like I don't notice frame drops and stutters as much as when I play on PC.
I was getting annoyed with my PC, because I would shoot for 4k60 FPS if possible with whatever settings and if that wasn't the case I would lower my resolution until 60 FPS was steady. But I noticed recently no matter how I have my settings for certain games, I still have frame drops and stuttering. And I understand that sometimes games are just poorly optimized and no matter how low you go the performance is weird. (looking at you Gotham Knights)
I was on the market for a new monitor anyways, so I went out and got a 4k120hz LG OLED C2. Scratches my monitor and TV itch perfectly for my PC and PS5. 2080 only has HDMI 2.0 so I game at 1440p now and WOW, was I doing a disservice to my 2080 all this time. It's blowing way past 60 for most games at high or ultra settings (80-110 FPS avg) and I still feel like the stutters and frame drops happen, but they're not nearly as noticeable.
Now I'm at a point where I'm wondering if I've just been leaving too much performance on the board all these years for my 2080. I built this PC back in late 2019 more on the fact that Microcenter was giving out great deals at the time as opposed to wanting a beast PC.
I think I tried overclocking my memory once in the BIOS (A2 and B2 slot) and my computer died and I was terrified so never tried again. Do you guys think overlocking would be worth the performance boost? I've seen posts recently saying just upgrading the CPU could unlock a whole new world. But I don't know too much about what would work best with my 2080 or if its even compatible with my motherboard. Is there a way to push my PC to more consistent frames close to 120 FPS and less stuttering and frame drops? Also I use the stock AMD fan that came with the 2700x. I had heating issues with my case before but then added a beefy Noctua NF-F12 heavy duty cooling as a case fan and temps haven't been an issue since.
Had a screenshot ready, thought I could post my setup but looks like I can't. Here's the parts list.
https://pcpartpicker.com/list/Rmc46r
submitted by majin_rose_j to buildapc [link] [comments]
I was getting annoyed with my PC, because I would shoot for 4k60 FPS if possible with whatever settings and if that wasn't the case I would lower my resolution until 60 FPS was steady. But I noticed recently no matter how I have my settings for certain games, I still have frame drops and stuttering. And I understand that sometimes games are just poorly optimized and no matter how low you go the performance is weird. (looking at you Gotham Knights)
I was on the market for a new monitor anyways, so I went out and got a 4k120hz LG OLED C2. Scratches my monitor and TV itch perfectly for my PC and PS5. 2080 only has HDMI 2.0 so I game at 1440p now and WOW, was I doing a disservice to my 2080 all this time. It's blowing way past 60 for most games at high or ultra settings (80-110 FPS avg) and I still feel like the stutters and frame drops happen, but they're not nearly as noticeable.
Now I'm at a point where I'm wondering if I've just been leaving too much performance on the board all these years for my 2080. I built this PC back in late 2019 more on the fact that Microcenter was giving out great deals at the time as opposed to wanting a beast PC.
I think I tried overclocking my memory once in the BIOS (A2 and B2 slot) and my computer died and I was terrified so never tried again. Do you guys think overlocking would be worth the performance boost? I've seen posts recently saying just upgrading the CPU could unlock a whole new world. But I don't know too much about what would work best with my 2080 or if its even compatible with my motherboard. Is there a way to push my PC to more consistent frames close to 120 FPS and less stuttering and frame drops? Also I use the stock AMD fan that came with the 2700x. I had heating issues with my case before but then added a beefy Noctua NF-F12 heavy duty cooling as a case fan and temps haven't been an issue since.
Had a screenshot ready, thought I could post my setup but looks like I can't. Here's the parts list.
https://pcpartpicker.com/list/Rmc46r
- AMD Ryzen 7 2700X 3.7 GHz 8-Core Processor
- Asus ROG STRIX X470-F Gaming ATX AM4 Motherboard
- Corsair Vengeance RGB Pro 32 GB (2 x 16 GB) DDR4-3600 CL18 Memory
- Samsung 970 Evo 1 TB M.2-2280 PCIe 3.0 X4 NVME Solid State Drive
- EVGA XC ULTRA GAMING GeForce RTX 2080 8 GB Video Card
- EVGA 750 BQ 750 W 80+ Bronze Certified Semi-modular ATX Power Supply
2023.05.30 23:06 Lonely_white_queen The bloody ghost
There is no chance we could have prepared for this, the Winged Empire has found something AGAIN we hadn't planned for, and now as we are slowly picked off all I want to do is punch my commander in the face.
This entire debacle started about two months ago now. I was leading the spearhead into the enemy lines, and for months before we had been pushing them back easily.We thought within another year we would have humanity off that planet. It might take a century to crush the Winged Empire and another to destroy the remnants, but we would win.
That was till I retrieved the report that ended it all. Our flack and anti-air teams had been strong for months, even with how mobile the enemy's aircraft was, but our adaptation of their anti-air systems made them easier to kill. Then our anti-air teams suddenly came across a target they found impossible to kill.
The aircraft moved without reason, no pilot could ever control it, it moved more like a bird than a plane, its wings moved independently, each metallic surface bending like flesh. Yet it clearly wasn't, it flew over our gun emplacement at Mach speeds dropping bombs and firing missiles, yet from the reports something was wrong. I refused to believe it till I saw it but I couldn't go to our anti-air lines as I was needed in the front.
Although my lead of the campaign quickly came to an end, our anti-airlines had been thoroughly dismantled and our resupply was stopped by this one aircraft that had quickly been joined by many of its kind.
It was on our final push attempting to gain new fronts in the enemy lines when I first saw the beast.
The first thing to happen was the enemy lines fell quiet as we charged into their trenches only to find they were empty. Along the trench walls, falls guns were set up and every gun had a crude system set up where a weight filled with water would slowly pull on the trigger till it fired.
As we walked through the trenches trying to find any intel we could send back to base.
It's then we heard the beast for the first time. I came running out of the trench to the sound of something crashing in the center of no-man's land, only to see a ghostly white creature standing there. I wasn't instantly proven my men were not wrong, it was colossal about twice the size of a normal human aircraft but supported itself on several small spindly feet. Four were on the end of what I assume were its wings while another two were at the end of its tail on long thin legs.
The creature looked at us with curiosity. I couldn't see its eyes as it was clearly an aircraft originally I assumed they were behind the windshield while two colossal engines came out of its body ahead of its tail legs.
Slowly I clambered up onto the top of the trench and walked towards it holding out my hand trying to calm the creature. My men instantly started to call it the blood ghost, I had no idea why they called it that the only part that made sense was the ghost part as the entire creature was white except the tip of the engines and the frame of the windshield.
As I drew closer the creature opened its mouth, I suddenly understood why my men had called it the blood ghost. As it shifted its wings opened showing blood-red threads of skin and the inside of its mouth was entirely red.
“Do not treat me like a mindless beast foe of my masters. Why do you fight, warriors of the false empire.” I recoiled in fear and surprise as the beast spoke in perfect Terran standard.
“Y-you can talk?” For a moment the beast seemed to think about whether it should speak or not. “Answer my question alien, your answer will determine if you live or die.”
I stood for a moment thinking of an answer and only came up with one. “I fight because those are my orders, if I do not my family and I will be punished.”
The beast reared up on its hind legs. “Such a pathetic reason, you hold no ideals of your own, you only fight for your own desire, I always question my master's orders but I see the dragon empress was right. So as the monarch of the Aerodargon, I will put the mindless animals down.”
I froze up as the beast lunged at me biting down on my arm, it lifted me up into the air as with many smaller arms I hadn't seen before reached into the equivalent of a bomb bay in its stomach and removed several missiles.
It finally bit down on my arm fully and tossed me away like a ragdoll into the trenches as it began to toss the missiles at my men like javelins, as along its nose on the left side a section of its skin peeled back with a metallic clink before the sound of a rotary cannon spinning up was heard and bullets began to fly from it.
Several of my men instantly started to fire back, our plasma rounds bouncing off its skin or simply sizzling away.
As my soldiers quickly fell they started to run from the fighting, a few of them grabbed me as I bled out and dragged me into the tree line to escape.
As we vanished into the trees, the beast relaxed and watched us as we left, as if it was stalking its prey. “I've hunted prey much deadlier than you on Earth, and an Aerodargon never forgets its prey.”
We hoped the beast was bluffing, no animal could hunt its prey as far as we ran, as I and my men healed our wounds we found a disturbing truth, many of my men who were struck by bullets found that the bullets we pulled out were actually teeth, about 20 cm long and 5 wide they were colossal but nowhere near as large as the ones in its jaw.
As we stayed hidden in the woods we knew our assault had collapsed as we watched our starships fall from the sky. So we devised a plan, there was a logistics point within a nearby city that we should be able to call a rescue ship. But we had to split into small groups to avoid that beast and military patrols.
Slowly we made our way to the city, over the weeks-long march we lost many men, by the time we had started with 80 men, and by the time we got to the supply point, there were only 30 of us remaining.
We did our best to get in contact with our forces, as one by one we were picked off by snippers, but every time we tried to get through our communication either were blocked or just couldn't find their target as our fleet slowly was pushed further back, our failure on this world had created a domino of failures.
We had no options further except to surrender or fight our way out, and neither was possible with our orders, but the beast's question to my surprise sat in the back of my mind.
With no way out we decided to take the honorable exit, one by one my men took their own lives disintegrating their bodies with their plasma pistols till I was the last one left.
I stood for a moment between the piles of ashes, looking up into the buildings I could see maybe a hundred glints of snipper scopes.
But as I was ready to take my own life I heard it again, the engines of that beast getting louder before it shot over me, a white and red streak shot through the air circling the courtyard I was standing in before it came to land on a skyscraper its many claws digging into the steel frame causing tonnes of rubble to fall to the streets below.
Again I found myself enthralled as I watched the beast change from the rigid perfectly shaped form of an ancient Terran aircraft to the beast, hundreds of blood-red tendrils stretched between the wings that formed its arms and the main body.
In a display of power, the beast clambered up the tower till it was at its peak and just looked at me. It didn't smile, laugh, grin or anything, it didn't attack or move, it just sat clinging to the tower breathing as it looked at me.
In anger I brought my pistol up to the beast ready to fire on it but before I could several sniper shots all at once pierced my head.
—------------------------------------------------------
As the body fell to the ground the Aerodargon jumped from the building landing on the street below tossing up dust. Its white body emerged from the dust cloud as one of the snipers came out from the buildings.
For the moment the Areodargon stood in front of the body before leaning down and biting on his feet, tossing his body into the air and opening its jaw letting the body fall into its maw swallowing it whole.
Slowly the snipper walked up to the Aerodargon and ran their hand along its cold skin. “You ident take too long to think of eating that one Arolan. Something different?”
Arolan snapped his head around defensively bearing his teeth, caught off Garud by the snipper as he had been so indulged in eating the body. As soon as he realized who was there, he relaxed as he stood up on his legs to their full height.
“This man had no soul, he was nothing more than a robot taking orders so I treat him as such.”
“Hummm, we're lucky to have your kind on our side.”
“I am not loyal to your kind, Tailon. I am loyal to my makers, I am loyal to you only as long as you are loyal to humanity. Do not take my peace with you as loyalty, I would consume you just as readily.”
Tailon walked around in front of Arolan tossing her rifle over her back. “Yes, but I am loyal to humanity, I was born under the winged empire's wing, I would die before going back to the curse my parents saw under the first empire.”
Arolan looked down at her for a moment before chuckling. “You are the only one to speak to me so brashly Tailon, your strong soul is why I indulge you so willingly, now, let us return to the enterprise before we are left on this barren rock for the rest of the war.”
Hopping into the air the twin engines that were a part of Arolan’s body burst into life sending a warm gust of air across the land as he shot into the air leaving Tailon behind for her to walk over to a transport truck the other snippers were clambering into.
submitted by Lonely_white_queen to HFY [link] [comments]
This entire debacle started about two months ago now. I was leading the spearhead into the enemy lines, and for months before we had been pushing them back easily.We thought within another year we would have humanity off that planet. It might take a century to crush the Winged Empire and another to destroy the remnants, but we would win.
That was till I retrieved the report that ended it all. Our flack and anti-air teams had been strong for months, even with how mobile the enemy's aircraft was, but our adaptation of their anti-air systems made them easier to kill. Then our anti-air teams suddenly came across a target they found impossible to kill.
The aircraft moved without reason, no pilot could ever control it, it moved more like a bird than a plane, its wings moved independently, each metallic surface bending like flesh. Yet it clearly wasn't, it flew over our gun emplacement at Mach speeds dropping bombs and firing missiles, yet from the reports something was wrong. I refused to believe it till I saw it but I couldn't go to our anti-air lines as I was needed in the front.
Although my lead of the campaign quickly came to an end, our anti-airlines had been thoroughly dismantled and our resupply was stopped by this one aircraft that had quickly been joined by many of its kind.
It was on our final push attempting to gain new fronts in the enemy lines when I first saw the beast.
The first thing to happen was the enemy lines fell quiet as we charged into their trenches only to find they were empty. Along the trench walls, falls guns were set up and every gun had a crude system set up where a weight filled with water would slowly pull on the trigger till it fired.
As we walked through the trenches trying to find any intel we could send back to base.
It's then we heard the beast for the first time. I came running out of the trench to the sound of something crashing in the center of no-man's land, only to see a ghostly white creature standing there. I wasn't instantly proven my men were not wrong, it was colossal about twice the size of a normal human aircraft but supported itself on several small spindly feet. Four were on the end of what I assume were its wings while another two were at the end of its tail on long thin legs.
The creature looked at us with curiosity. I couldn't see its eyes as it was clearly an aircraft originally I assumed they were behind the windshield while two colossal engines came out of its body ahead of its tail legs.
Slowly I clambered up onto the top of the trench and walked towards it holding out my hand trying to calm the creature. My men instantly started to call it the blood ghost, I had no idea why they called it that the only part that made sense was the ghost part as the entire creature was white except the tip of the engines and the frame of the windshield.
As I drew closer the creature opened its mouth, I suddenly understood why my men had called it the blood ghost. As it shifted its wings opened showing blood-red threads of skin and the inside of its mouth was entirely red.
“Do not treat me like a mindless beast foe of my masters. Why do you fight, warriors of the false empire.” I recoiled in fear and surprise as the beast spoke in perfect Terran standard.
“Y-you can talk?” For a moment the beast seemed to think about whether it should speak or not. “Answer my question alien, your answer will determine if you live or die.”
I stood for a moment thinking of an answer and only came up with one. “I fight because those are my orders, if I do not my family and I will be punished.”
The beast reared up on its hind legs. “Such a pathetic reason, you hold no ideals of your own, you only fight for your own desire, I always question my master's orders but I see the dragon empress was right. So as the monarch of the Aerodargon, I will put the mindless animals down.”
I froze up as the beast lunged at me biting down on my arm, it lifted me up into the air as with many smaller arms I hadn't seen before reached into the equivalent of a bomb bay in its stomach and removed several missiles.
It finally bit down on my arm fully and tossed me away like a ragdoll into the trenches as it began to toss the missiles at my men like javelins, as along its nose on the left side a section of its skin peeled back with a metallic clink before the sound of a rotary cannon spinning up was heard and bullets began to fly from it.
Several of my men instantly started to fire back, our plasma rounds bouncing off its skin or simply sizzling away.
As my soldiers quickly fell they started to run from the fighting, a few of them grabbed me as I bled out and dragged me into the tree line to escape.
As we vanished into the trees, the beast relaxed and watched us as we left, as if it was stalking its prey. “I've hunted prey much deadlier than you on Earth, and an Aerodargon never forgets its prey.”
We hoped the beast was bluffing, no animal could hunt its prey as far as we ran, as I and my men healed our wounds we found a disturbing truth, many of my men who were struck by bullets found that the bullets we pulled out were actually teeth, about 20 cm long and 5 wide they were colossal but nowhere near as large as the ones in its jaw.
As we stayed hidden in the woods we knew our assault had collapsed as we watched our starships fall from the sky. So we devised a plan, there was a logistics point within a nearby city that we should be able to call a rescue ship. But we had to split into small groups to avoid that beast and military patrols.
Slowly we made our way to the city, over the weeks-long march we lost many men, by the time we had started with 80 men, and by the time we got to the supply point, there were only 30 of us remaining.
We did our best to get in contact with our forces, as one by one we were picked off by snippers, but every time we tried to get through our communication either were blocked or just couldn't find their target as our fleet slowly was pushed further back, our failure on this world had created a domino of failures.
We had no options further except to surrender or fight our way out, and neither was possible with our orders, but the beast's question to my surprise sat in the back of my mind.
With no way out we decided to take the honorable exit, one by one my men took their own lives disintegrating their bodies with their plasma pistols till I was the last one left.
I stood for a moment between the piles of ashes, looking up into the buildings I could see maybe a hundred glints of snipper scopes.
But as I was ready to take my own life I heard it again, the engines of that beast getting louder before it shot over me, a white and red streak shot through the air circling the courtyard I was standing in before it came to land on a skyscraper its many claws digging into the steel frame causing tonnes of rubble to fall to the streets below.
Again I found myself enthralled as I watched the beast change from the rigid perfectly shaped form of an ancient Terran aircraft to the beast, hundreds of blood-red tendrils stretched between the wings that formed its arms and the main body.
In a display of power, the beast clambered up the tower till it was at its peak and just looked at me. It didn't smile, laugh, grin or anything, it didn't attack or move, it just sat clinging to the tower breathing as it looked at me.
In anger I brought my pistol up to the beast ready to fire on it but before I could several sniper shots all at once pierced my head.
—------------------------------------------------------
As the body fell to the ground the Aerodargon jumped from the building landing on the street below tossing up dust. Its white body emerged from the dust cloud as one of the snipers came out from the buildings.
For the moment the Areodargon stood in front of the body before leaning down and biting on his feet, tossing his body into the air and opening its jaw letting the body fall into its maw swallowing it whole.
Slowly the snipper walked up to the Aerodargon and ran their hand along its cold skin. “You ident take too long to think of eating that one Arolan. Something different?”
Arolan snapped his head around defensively bearing his teeth, caught off Garud by the snipper as he had been so indulged in eating the body. As soon as he realized who was there, he relaxed as he stood up on his legs to their full height.
“This man had no soul, he was nothing more than a robot taking orders so I treat him as such.”
“Hummm, we're lucky to have your kind on our side.”
“I am not loyal to your kind, Tailon. I am loyal to my makers, I am loyal to you only as long as you are loyal to humanity. Do not take my peace with you as loyalty, I would consume you just as readily.”
Tailon walked around in front of Arolan tossing her rifle over her back. “Yes, but I am loyal to humanity, I was born under the winged empire's wing, I would die before going back to the curse my parents saw under the first empire.”
Arolan looked down at her for a moment before chuckling. “You are the only one to speak to me so brashly Tailon, your strong soul is why I indulge you so willingly, now, let us return to the enterprise before we are left on this barren rock for the rest of the war.”
Hopping into the air the twin engines that were a part of Arolan’s body burst into life sending a warm gust of air across the land as he shot into the air leaving Tailon behind for her to walk over to a transport truck the other snippers were clambering into.
2023.05.30 23:05 AlfaMilsimRecruiting [A3] [RECRUITING] Alfa Special Projects Group EST ENG 18+ SOF SOAR
![[A3] [RECRUITING] Alfa Special Projects Group EST ENG 18+ SOF SOAR](https://preview.redd.it/ld2k42dir23b1.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=93bc7b40c7e3dd90d68f54ec68cc4592d9ec9a76 "[A3] [RECRUITING] Alfa Special Projects Group EST ENG 18+ SOF SOAR") | We are currently conducting interviews for rotary pilots and starting our next deployment. If interested in becoming part of the unit please inquire within for more info. submitted by AlfaMilsimRecruiting to FindAUnit [link] [comments] - Weekly Ops at 2000EST on Tuesday - Persistent side ops and Liberation Campaign on off nights - In house personalized gear after deployment tab is earned - Continued education courses such as MFF, CLS, HAT, DM, ED, ARC, and others. - Community driven and dedication to evolving the unit to improve each cycle If you fluently speak english, are 18 years or older, own a legal copy of Arma 3, and can commit to playing arma with a unit every tuesday night at 2000, I invite you to join our discord and inquire further: https://discord.gg/4MXQM57nYN We are also spinning up a training cycle and looking to slot qualified candidates to fill the following slots: 2x Assaulters 1x CLS 1x Rotary Pilot |
2023.05.30 23:04 HercHuntsdirty My (24F) Girlfriend Ended 6 Year Relationship With Me (26M) - I Don’t Understand (Advice/Guidance Needed)
I (26M) was recently broken up with by my (24F) girlfriend of 6 years right after opening up to her about how I had been struggling a lot mentally recently. That's not necessarily the cause, but it happens to be a terrible coincidence.
Backstory to the unfortunate mental struggles:
About 10 weeks ago I had a very long night out and woke up extremely hungover. My brother met up with me that night in our parents car and ended up staying with us for a few drinks, so evidently he left the car.
Of course, I woke up and had a boatload of caffeine so I was already on edge a little bit. My brother was still asleep, so my mom asked me if I could quickly drive my dad to the car so he could take it home. No problem, I hopped in my car and drove there with my dad.
On the way home, completely unprovoked and no anxiety prior, I had an insane panic attack. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. I think I’ve only had one panic attack in my life, and for some reason it left me with a very small amount of social anxiety. During this attack, my hands and feet were completely numb and sweating. At first, I had literally no idea what was going on - I thought it was a legitimate health issue. I ended up taking a bit to drive home, but I made it.
Since then, I've just had heightened anxiety. I've had one other panic attack in the past and I eventually got over the lingering anxiety, so I knew it wasn't permanent.
Mental Health Backstory on her end:
To preface this, we both have anxiety/depression in our genetics unfortunately. In fact, her mom spent some time in the hospital when they were young because of how bad it got.
She also apparently had a ton of anxiety from work recently (she's a nurse, I'm in tech).
On my mothers side of the family, my mom, grandma and great grandma have struggled with anxiety their entire lives, some of them taking antidepressants.
Not fun genes for either of us to have, but we persevered!
Our Relationship:
This is what has been getting to me, our relationship was very healthy. We argued probably 2-3 times per year, we spent the majority of days together - as we lived only a 5 minute drive apart. We were both fully a part of each other's families. All of the normal relationship stuff, we were completely engulfed in it. We had also been looking at engagement rings for a bit and ALWAYS talked about our life together.
When I was about 19 before we were together, I used to drunkenly talk about her all of the time to my friends saying "if she ever gets out of the relationship with her boyfriend (at that time) she's the one I'm going for". When I was graduating high school, I went into her class on yearbook day, grabbed her yearbook and wrote my number in it. Long story short, she ended up single and within a month of that happening, we were together.
The "problems" we had over the years that were semi-recurring:
I didn't suggest enough of our plans. I explained to her a number of times that I'd happily go anywhere, I just don't tend to suggest ideas because sometimes she wanted to, other times she didn't. I've lived by the motto "happy wife, happy life" in that relationship, so I tended to go along with whatever she suggested.
We didn't take enough pictures together. I don't really like being in too many pictures and that bothered her.
We didn't travel together enough. This goes back to the anxiety, I hate flying and haven't done it in almost a decade. However, I have an appointment with my doctor in early July where I'm requesting some "emergencies only" anxiety medication to use for that exact scenario. Note - she went on a number of trips over the years with her closest friends. Furthermore, we had done weekend getaways via car together but those apparently don't count. To add, her friends are hopping on planes at least once per month to go somewhere, I think comparison became the thief of joy here.
I didn't tell her I loved her enough or hug her enough. This one is hard for me because I felt like I definitely told her I loved her a lot. She used to occasionally say "do you even love me", semi-joking but also serious, and I always told her of course I did and even though I may not say it a number of times a day, of course I do. I also did a TON of things for her to show how much I cared (ie. she very rarely had to make a lunch for work, I cooked for her almost every day and we don't even live together) The hugging thing is a bit different, as she's always been extremely affectionate and I never really have been. I truly think it comes down to how I was raised, affection just wasn't a huge part of my childhood. (note, that's not a problem for me or anything, I had incredible family/parents, it just wasn't as prominent as it was in her childhood)
I cared a lot about money and how we could set ourselves up to move out. She had taken 5 trips (two of them by train, three by plane) with her friends in the past year and after the 5th one I asked if she planned on slowing down so she could focus on tackling her student debt and so we could start saving to move out, have a wedding etc. Specifically, I wanted us to be in the position where we weren't renting a home, ESPECIALLY given how much money we were making combined. This part kind of confused me because she was the first one to suggest moving out, but when it came time to adjusting the lifestyle to prepare for it, she didn't like the idea. But, I did use it as a crutch for my anxiety to get out of things sometimes and I did open up to her about that. As an example though, I still went with her to the Gucci store and helped her pick out a very expensive purse to celebrate getting her first real nursing job after graduating. I don't feel that I cared about money (especially given the stage we were in in our lives) more than any of my buddies with girlfriends. I wanted us to be set up well for the coming stages of our lives; they were fast approaching. Furthermore, her friends are catching a plane every weekend and are living with their parents but pay cheque to pay cheque with no prospects of ever leaving unless it's renting
The Situation:
About 7-ish weeks ago, a few weeks after my panic attack, my girlfriend was very adamant that we needed to book a trip together. She said we hadn't been on a "real" trip during our relationship (by real, she means getting on a plane). We were sitting down in her bed on my laptop looking at destinations and flights, but I was incredibly anxious about the whole thing. As we were about to book, I broke down and was fully vulnerable to her for one of the first times in the 6 year relationship. I said that I just don't see myself getting onto a plane right now without some kind of medication to calm me down. On top of that, it would stress me out financially a bit, as I'm a full-time masters student and working full time. Plus, it was during my one-week semester break, so I honestly just wanted to relax.
From that day on, our relationship started going downhill. She said she felt extremely disappointed by the whole situation and she couldn't shake the feeling. We then started only hanging out maybe once per week and it was very bland when we did. A couple weeks after that incident, I slept over at her house and I could tell she was genuinely just not happy at that time.
Brief backstory - despite being 26, my mom still gives me a ton of flack if I sleep at her house. It was rare that I got away with it. But, I did it that night anyway because she always asked me to sleep over but I rarely wanted to have to deal with my mom. I thought it would help show her I'm really trying to get better. She also invited me over the following evening and I obviously went.
After that day, I don't think we saw each other for about 2 weeks. I texted her on a Friday evening and said I just don't feel like she wants to be with me anymore. She picked me up so we could talk, and explained that she felt very disappointed about how we were so close to booking the trip and ended up not doing it. She said she needed a break and I was fine with it, I understood where she was coming from.
During this time, I started seeing a therapist. I found one online who was one of the highest rated in my province and was also extremely experienced in marital/pre-marital counselling so I could tell her about the relationship issues I was having along with my anxiety.
Fast forward about 2 more weeks (last weekend) she texted me saying she was ready to talk and picked me up. She said it's probably best if we just end the relationship for the time being. She explained that she felt she had been disappointed a few times over the years and was bottling a lot of things up. She said she needed time to "find herself again" and didn't know if we would get back together at all in the future or not. Then, we sat there talking in her car for another 30 minutes like things were normal so it really threw me off.
I ended up texting her the next day and asked if I could pick her up because I was confused from the night prior since we talked so normally after the breakup conversation. We ended up talking again, sharing some tears and what not, but I kind of understood why she felt she needed to be alone for a bit, even though she didn't know if we would get back together or not. She said that people do this all of the time and sometimes they come back stronger, but if it was meant to be then we'll get back together. I also told her about how much help I'm getting and how I'm setting a goal to take a vacation when I finish my masters in November. She was noticeably happy and asked a lot about how I was talking to my therapist about improving as a person and a (what I thought was soon to be) fiancé. She asked for all of the details about what we talked about in regards to our relationship and was very happy that I was putting that much effort in.
A couple days ago is when she deleted are photos together, but it came right after she posted an Instagram story while out with a friend who has no stability whatsoever. This friend has been on and off with the same guy (who treats her terribly) for as long as we were together. Not to mention, she sleeps around a ton. I can't help but feel like some of this breakup is being influenced by her friends (specifically this one) wanting her to be single like they are out of jealousy or something. Or, they want her to be flying somewhere once a month with them with no plans for the future. My girlfriend has cried to me in the past because she had been brought to places she didn't want to be because her friend wanted to go for a guy. That friend has also been binge drinking several times weekly for years. The following night, her two friends posted a story of her incredibly drunk in the back of a car with her feet out of the window I'm sure in hopes that I would see it. We're grown ass adults, I can't help but feel like that's just not a cool thing to do to your friend in general? I don't care how drunk you are, in fact I expected her to have a night out with her friends and let loose but posting someone else like that is just insanely stupid to me! To put the icing on the cake, one of my long time buddies from high school decided to go for one of her friends and I gave him substantial warnings about her. Within a year, that relationship was completely over with and she was on to the next.
Neither of us were ever the type one to have one-night stands or get around, so I'm not concerned about anything like that during the breakup. If it happens it happens, but I won't be sleeping with anyone until I've put in all of my effort to saving everything we've built. She's only ever been with me and her ex, while I've had a handful more partners before her - but I've experienced enough in my 26 years to know that there was is only one woman for me.
After all of this, I still couldn't shake the feeling that I felt I was being abandoned during the one time in my entire life I've opened up to anyone and really wanted some support. I'm also just having a hard time processing why it happened and how I can salvage it.
I've texted her once per week since the breaks & breakup happened just telling her that I loved her and wished we were going to XYZ events coming up. I also always say in the message that "You don't have to respond or even read it, I just want you to know". I'm having a hard time deciding if I should continue giving her that weekly text or not, but I really do want her to know how much I care and thought we were a dream team.
I just can't help but feel like we had "problems" that were very fixable and were very minor compared to 99% of couples. Her two best friends have had 5+ boyfriends each in the time that we were together and countless one-night stands. Every time they would break up, I'd hear a story from my girlfriend about how terribly they were treated by these guys and we talked about how lucky we are to have each other. There was no forms of jealousy or self-consciousness between us either, neither of us were bothered when we went out alone with our respective friend groups. I also never for a second worried when she travelled with her friends that she'd cheat or something.
This wraps in with why I can't process the breakup. Aside from the few things we argued about here and there (few times a year) it was an incredibly healthy relationship. I had a great relationship with her friends (despite some of the things I've said about them above) and would often times opt to go out drinking with her group over my group of buddies. I acknowledged my shortcomings as a boyfriend (ie. the affection) with my therapist and she's giving me some help with it. Am I crazy for thinking 1. that I can fix what's happened and 2. Part of this breakup might just be her wanting to see how much I actually care?
Anyway, I might add to this if I remember more important points. I just needed to get some of this off my chest. If you've made it this far into my story, thanks for reading!
TL;DR - Our relationship was very healthy, we never argued, the breakup came essentially because I wasn’t ready to travel despite the fact that I’m actively getting help
submitted by HercHuntsdirty to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Backstory to the unfortunate mental struggles:
About 10 weeks ago I had a very long night out and woke up extremely hungover. My brother met up with me that night in our parents car and ended up staying with us for a few drinks, so evidently he left the car.
Of course, I woke up and had a boatload of caffeine so I was already on edge a little bit. My brother was still asleep, so my mom asked me if I could quickly drive my dad to the car so he could take it home. No problem, I hopped in my car and drove there with my dad.
On the way home, completely unprovoked and no anxiety prior, I had an insane panic attack. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. I think I’ve only had one panic attack in my life, and for some reason it left me with a very small amount of social anxiety. During this attack, my hands and feet were completely numb and sweating. At first, I had literally no idea what was going on - I thought it was a legitimate health issue. I ended up taking a bit to drive home, but I made it.
Since then, I've just had heightened anxiety. I've had one other panic attack in the past and I eventually got over the lingering anxiety, so I knew it wasn't permanent.
Mental Health Backstory on her end:
To preface this, we both have anxiety/depression in our genetics unfortunately. In fact, her mom spent some time in the hospital when they were young because of how bad it got.
She also apparently had a ton of anxiety from work recently (she's a nurse, I'm in tech).
On my mothers side of the family, my mom, grandma and great grandma have struggled with anxiety their entire lives, some of them taking antidepressants.
Not fun genes for either of us to have, but we persevered!
Our Relationship:
This is what has been getting to me, our relationship was very healthy. We argued probably 2-3 times per year, we spent the majority of days together - as we lived only a 5 minute drive apart. We were both fully a part of each other's families. All of the normal relationship stuff, we were completely engulfed in it. We had also been looking at engagement rings for a bit and ALWAYS talked about our life together.
When I was about 19 before we were together, I used to drunkenly talk about her all of the time to my friends saying "if she ever gets out of the relationship with her boyfriend (at that time) she's the one I'm going for". When I was graduating high school, I went into her class on yearbook day, grabbed her yearbook and wrote my number in it. Long story short, she ended up single and within a month of that happening, we were together.
The "problems" we had over the years that were semi-recurring:
I didn't suggest enough of our plans. I explained to her a number of times that I'd happily go anywhere, I just don't tend to suggest ideas because sometimes she wanted to, other times she didn't. I've lived by the motto "happy wife, happy life" in that relationship, so I tended to go along with whatever she suggested.
We didn't take enough pictures together. I don't really like being in too many pictures and that bothered her.
We didn't travel together enough. This goes back to the anxiety, I hate flying and haven't done it in almost a decade. However, I have an appointment with my doctor in early July where I'm requesting some "emergencies only" anxiety medication to use for that exact scenario. Note - she went on a number of trips over the years with her closest friends. Furthermore, we had done weekend getaways via car together but those apparently don't count. To add, her friends are hopping on planes at least once per month to go somewhere, I think comparison became the thief of joy here.
I didn't tell her I loved her enough or hug her enough. This one is hard for me because I felt like I definitely told her I loved her a lot. She used to occasionally say "do you even love me", semi-joking but also serious, and I always told her of course I did and even though I may not say it a number of times a day, of course I do. I also did a TON of things for her to show how much I cared (ie. she very rarely had to make a lunch for work, I cooked for her almost every day and we don't even live together) The hugging thing is a bit different, as she's always been extremely affectionate and I never really have been. I truly think it comes down to how I was raised, affection just wasn't a huge part of my childhood. (note, that's not a problem for me or anything, I had incredible family/parents, it just wasn't as prominent as it was in her childhood)
I cared a lot about money and how we could set ourselves up to move out. She had taken 5 trips (two of them by train, three by plane) with her friends in the past year and after the 5th one I asked if she planned on slowing down so she could focus on tackling her student debt and so we could start saving to move out, have a wedding etc. Specifically, I wanted us to be in the position where we weren't renting a home, ESPECIALLY given how much money we were making combined. This part kind of confused me because she was the first one to suggest moving out, but when it came time to adjusting the lifestyle to prepare for it, she didn't like the idea. But, I did use it as a crutch for my anxiety to get out of things sometimes and I did open up to her about that. As an example though, I still went with her to the Gucci store and helped her pick out a very expensive purse to celebrate getting her first real nursing job after graduating. I don't feel that I cared about money (especially given the stage we were in in our lives) more than any of my buddies with girlfriends. I wanted us to be set up well for the coming stages of our lives; they were fast approaching. Furthermore, her friends are catching a plane every weekend and are living with their parents but pay cheque to pay cheque with no prospects of ever leaving unless it's renting
The Situation:
About 7-ish weeks ago, a few weeks after my panic attack, my girlfriend was very adamant that we needed to book a trip together. She said we hadn't been on a "real" trip during our relationship (by real, she means getting on a plane). We were sitting down in her bed on my laptop looking at destinations and flights, but I was incredibly anxious about the whole thing. As we were about to book, I broke down and was fully vulnerable to her for one of the first times in the 6 year relationship. I said that I just don't see myself getting onto a plane right now without some kind of medication to calm me down. On top of that, it would stress me out financially a bit, as I'm a full-time masters student and working full time. Plus, it was during my one-week semester break, so I honestly just wanted to relax.
From that day on, our relationship started going downhill. She said she felt extremely disappointed by the whole situation and she couldn't shake the feeling. We then started only hanging out maybe once per week and it was very bland when we did. A couple weeks after that incident, I slept over at her house and I could tell she was genuinely just not happy at that time.
Brief backstory - despite being 26, my mom still gives me a ton of flack if I sleep at her house. It was rare that I got away with it. But, I did it that night anyway because she always asked me to sleep over but I rarely wanted to have to deal with my mom. I thought it would help show her I'm really trying to get better. She also invited me over the following evening and I obviously went.
After that day, I don't think we saw each other for about 2 weeks. I texted her on a Friday evening and said I just don't feel like she wants to be with me anymore. She picked me up so we could talk, and explained that she felt very disappointed about how we were so close to booking the trip and ended up not doing it. She said she needed a break and I was fine with it, I understood where she was coming from.
During this time, I started seeing a therapist. I found one online who was one of the highest rated in my province and was also extremely experienced in marital/pre-marital counselling so I could tell her about the relationship issues I was having along with my anxiety.
Fast forward about 2 more weeks (last weekend) she texted me saying she was ready to talk and picked me up. She said it's probably best if we just end the relationship for the time being. She explained that she felt she had been disappointed a few times over the years and was bottling a lot of things up. She said she needed time to "find herself again" and didn't know if we would get back together at all in the future or not. Then, we sat there talking in her car for another 30 minutes like things were normal so it really threw me off.
I ended up texting her the next day and asked if I could pick her up because I was confused from the night prior since we talked so normally after the breakup conversation. We ended up talking again, sharing some tears and what not, but I kind of understood why she felt she needed to be alone for a bit, even though she didn't know if we would get back together or not. She said that people do this all of the time and sometimes they come back stronger, but if it was meant to be then we'll get back together. I also told her about how much help I'm getting and how I'm setting a goal to take a vacation when I finish my masters in November. She was noticeably happy and asked a lot about how I was talking to my therapist about improving as a person and a (what I thought was soon to be) fiancé. She asked for all of the details about what we talked about in regards to our relationship and was very happy that I was putting that much effort in.
A couple days ago is when she deleted are photos together, but it came right after she posted an Instagram story while out with a friend who has no stability whatsoever. This friend has been on and off with the same guy (who treats her terribly) for as long as we were together. Not to mention, she sleeps around a ton. I can't help but feel like some of this breakup is being influenced by her friends (specifically this one) wanting her to be single like they are out of jealousy or something. Or, they want her to be flying somewhere once a month with them with no plans for the future. My girlfriend has cried to me in the past because she had been brought to places she didn't want to be because her friend wanted to go for a guy. That friend has also been binge drinking several times weekly for years. The following night, her two friends posted a story of her incredibly drunk in the back of a car with her feet out of the window I'm sure in hopes that I would see it. We're grown ass adults, I can't help but feel like that's just not a cool thing to do to your friend in general? I don't care how drunk you are, in fact I expected her to have a night out with her friends and let loose but posting someone else like that is just insanely stupid to me! To put the icing on the cake, one of my long time buddies from high school decided to go for one of her friends and I gave him substantial warnings about her. Within a year, that relationship was completely over with and she was on to the next.
Neither of us were ever the type one to have one-night stands or get around, so I'm not concerned about anything like that during the breakup. If it happens it happens, but I won't be sleeping with anyone until I've put in all of my effort to saving everything we've built. She's only ever been with me and her ex, while I've had a handful more partners before her - but I've experienced enough in my 26 years to know that there was is only one woman for me.
After all of this, I still couldn't shake the feeling that I felt I was being abandoned during the one time in my entire life I've opened up to anyone and really wanted some support. I'm also just having a hard time processing why it happened and how I can salvage it.
I've texted her once per week since the breaks & breakup happened just telling her that I loved her and wished we were going to XYZ events coming up. I also always say in the message that "You don't have to respond or even read it, I just want you to know". I'm having a hard time deciding if I should continue giving her that weekly text or not, but I really do want her to know how much I care and thought we were a dream team.
I just can't help but feel like we had "problems" that were very fixable and were very minor compared to 99% of couples. Her two best friends have had 5+ boyfriends each in the time that we were together and countless one-night stands. Every time they would break up, I'd hear a story from my girlfriend about how terribly they were treated by these guys and we talked about how lucky we are to have each other. There was no forms of jealousy or self-consciousness between us either, neither of us were bothered when we went out alone with our respective friend groups. I also never for a second worried when she travelled with her friends that she'd cheat or something.
This wraps in with why I can't process the breakup. Aside from the few things we argued about here and there (few times a year) it was an incredibly healthy relationship. I had a great relationship with her friends (despite some of the things I've said about them above) and would often times opt to go out drinking with her group over my group of buddies. I acknowledged my shortcomings as a boyfriend (ie. the affection) with my therapist and she's giving me some help with it. Am I crazy for thinking 1. that I can fix what's happened and 2. Part of this breakup might just be her wanting to see how much I actually care?
Anyway, I might add to this if I remember more important points. I just needed to get some of this off my chest. If you've made it this far into my story, thanks for reading!
TL;DR - Our relationship was very healthy, we never argued, the breakup came essentially because I wasn’t ready to travel despite the fact that I’m actively getting help
2023.05.30 23:04 girl_from_the_crypt Stuck on earth and looking for a job: I sat in a shopping cart for most of this...
Nettie Peterson has known me at my best and at my worst, and after everything that's happened lately, I think I can finally say the same. I'm admittedly not very good at comforting her, though. I haven't had much practice, is all. Historically speaking, she's always been the one to take care of me. My introduction to earth was a confusing, horrifying time for me, and she had dealt with all of it. She'd handled every panic attack, brought me back from every low. When I woke up one night to a drilling pain in my stomach and blood soaking my panties, she managed to keep me calm while explaining that this would now happen every month.
What I'm saying is that the woman is insanely skilled.
Me, not so much. After we had gotten out of the cave, I tried to provide emotional support by petting her hair and talking soothingly. Seeing as I was also distressed, she was doing the same to me, so we were basically sitting on the beach holding each other. To the outside observer, we must have looked rather strange. I was relieved to finally get back to her house. We sat down in front of the TV and ate cupcakes. We have a special system for eating cupcakes. I peel off the frosting and give her rest. It's messy and I have to keep hand wipes nearby everytime, but it's how we do it. We both eat cupcakes whole when we're by ourselves, so it doesn't make much sense either, but when we share, it's always like this.
Once I was sure she was alright, I left her to go off to bed while I made my way back to the hotel, bracing myself for what I expected to be an extremely uncomfortable conversation.
The lobby was dim and quiet. The large, bright ceiling lights had been turned off with only a couple floor lamps illuminating the hall. I walked past the unmanned reception desk and up the stairs, then rapped my knuckles against the door to Frankie's room. After a couple seconds, he opened up. Upon meeting my gaze, he let out a soft gasp, but it wasn't followed by a smile this time. He made way for me to step inside, wordlessly, and I entered without breaking the silence. I sat down on the sofa where he joined me after placing a glass of coconut water in front of me.
For a beat, we both stared at the drink. I didn't take it.
"What you did felt really off earlier," I began. "You were trying to embarrass Nettie. If you were testing your boundaries, if you were trying to see how I'd react, you got your answer. Don't ever make me choose between you two. You'll lose."
"Yes," he said quietly.
"If you don't get along with Nettie, that's one thing. You don't need to. But she was needling you and you made a real effort to be cruel." I paused. "You act so strange sometimes. All bossy and cagey."
"Yes," he repeated, briefly falling silent as he worked away on his gum in slow, contemplative motions. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I did it. I wanted to unsettle her. It's not that I don't like her, she's fine, but at that moment, I simply loathed her. I couldn't tell you why. But I wish I'd kept quiet. I feel gross for spouting off like that."
"Then… why?"
"I don't know! There's this weird feeling, it comes over me and makes me remember stuff that's in the past… Then I get caught up and confused. I run my mouth, but I don't want to make you upset. I swear I won't do it again. I'll rein myself in."
"Will you? This doesn't seem right." I took a deep breath. "Frankie, I have no idea what you are. Even though you know everything about me."
"Not everything," he argued. "You never said a thing about what life was like where you're from. Or who you were before. Yes, that's not what this is about, but I'm just speaking technically."
"You shouldn't have to rely on technicalities to make a point."
"No. Look, I keep wondering what I'm even doing here. I like you a lot. But I haven't thought this through and by now, I'm scared to."
"Stop talking in riddles," I implored him.
He huffed out a chuckle. "I'd have to stop thinking in them first." Before he could add anything else, his phone started vibrating on the TV table. "Oh, dammit," he muttered. Shooting me an uncertain gaze, he reached out for it, his hand hovering above the screen. "Can I?"
"Sure." I let go of a long breath, snatched up the glass and leaned back in my seat as Frankie answered the call. I pick up on a woman's voice talking on the other end.
He kept glancing over at me almost sheepishly as he mumbled words of affirmation into the phone. "Yes… Yeah, I remember… Well, it's not a good time, but I'll do it. Bye." Dropping the device into his lap, he gave me a twist of the mouth. "That was Mae-Lynn. She works at—"
"The diner with you," I cut him off. "I do take note of the other staff there, for your information." I took a sip of my water. "Occasionally."
"I promised to do some shopping for her. She's come down with the flu. Store's closing soon, though, so I'll have to go now."
"Well, that's convenient."
"I was going to ask you to come along."
I agreed. Having lost track of the conversation, the drive was a grim, quiet affair. Frankie took us to one of the more expensive stores in the area, saying that he wanted to treat Mae-Lynn.
"Take a cart," I ordered, and once he had acquired one, I had him hold it still while I climbed inside. He regarded me with a bemused expression but refrained from commenting as he began to roll me down the aisles.
Grocery shopping at night is something else. Eighties music was playing over the radio at a low volume, but the otherwise quiet space made it sound decidedly louder. There was almost the hint of an echo. Safe for two of three singular, tired-looking individuals, Frankie and I were the only people in the store. I had nestled against the back of the cart, my head tipped back to watch Fran's face from below as his eyes roamed the shelves. Occasionally, he'd stop to check the list Mae-Lynn had texted him on his phone.
"If you want anything, speak up," he told me.
"I'm out of cereal," I said, just as we passed the respective aisle. He turned the cart back around, let me pick out a carton of cornflakes and took up walking again. After five minutes of stoically regarding him from my mobile vantage point, I piped up again. "Go back. Wrong ones."
"Well, which ones do you want? I'll get them, it's faster than pushing this thing around."
I shook my head. "No, no, I have to look at them. Go back."
He shook his head to himself but obediently maneuvered the cart back to the shelf with the breakfast items. I took my time picking out a different box, then settled back down.
"Happy?" Fran asked.
"Delighted."
After fifteen minutes, we were getting close to finishing Mae-Lynn's list. Frankie was starting to move towards the cash register, only for me to tug on his arm. "Turn back," I told him, holding up the box. "I don't want them after all. I need different ones."
He stifled a groan. "Sure, Sunshine." I let him roll me all the way back to the cereal aisle where I studied the colorful boxes intensely. "Nevermind," I said, turning back to him. "Let's go."
He started making his way over to the register again when I cleared my throat. "Actually, I think I might have another look."
"Are you kidding me?" he squeaked, only for me to hold his gaze with a smile. "You are," he choked out. "I oughta send you rolling right into that stack of cans."
"You wouldn't dare."
"Is that a challenge?" He glanced about himself, finding that we were alone. Then, he pushed the cart, and it swerved, sliding across the shiny floor. The thrill of the launch washed over me and I started laughing. He lunged for it, grabbing it just in time to prevent the collision.
"Do it again!" I demanded.
He indulged me, sending me swerving and spinning a couple more times. Eventually, he took a running start and pushed me down a long, empty aisle at a breakneck speed. The giggles died in my throat when, seemingly out of thin air, someone appeared at the end of the aisle. My jaw dropped and I reflexively gripped the sides of the cart to protect myself from the impending crash, but the person simply reached out and caught the cart by its edges. Within the blink of an eye, they had managed to steady it. My vehicle had come to a standstill. It all happened incredibly fast, and for a moment, I found myself unable to react. One of the other person's hands had come to rest over mine in the process. Still at a loss for words, I raised my head to meet their gaze.
Those eyes.
My heart, already thundering in my chest, dropped entirely into my stomach. There were pupils filling the void in that formerly uninterrupted pale vastness this time, but I recognized them either way. Seeing them sit in an actual face instead of behind a nondescript black mask was strange, but there was not a doubt in my mind. It was them.
The cultist had jarringly pleasant features that struck me as neither overtly feminine nor masculine. Their tawny skin had an almost bronze sheen to it and short locks of platinum blond hair stuck to their smooth forehead, slick with the same sweat that formed stains beneath the armpits of their light gray t-shirt.
It was like time stood still. The interaction could not have been longer than two seconds in total, but it felt like a full hour. From me staring at our linked hands, to locking eyes with them, to the cold, raw realization, it seemed to me as though forty minutes or more had gone by, followed by another twenty when I watched the crude smile forming on their lips. Their fingers clamped down on my own, and before I knew it, it had happened.
The lights in the store had changed color, taking on a dimmer, sickly green tint. The shelves around us had emptied and the gentle, melodic hum of the radio had been replaced by a deep, droning buzz of static. I was still sitting in the shopping cart, and the cultist was still leaning over me, but their expression had morphed into one of shocked disbelief. Seeing fear on the face of the person who'd stabbed me might have been a great satisfaction to me in any other situation, but right then and there, I was equally as terrified.
I had switched dimensions and was now alone with my attempted murderer.
The thought took a while to sink in, but the clearer it became, the more I felt the need to scream. And yet, not a sound left my lips. My own saliva had turned sour, filling my mouth with an acidic taste. Dread pooled in the pit of my stomach like icy, chilled water and tears were stringing the corners of my eyes. I blinked them away in a hurry, redirecting my gaze at the cultist. They were staring past me in a daze, taking in our changed surroundings before fixing me with a sharp glare.
"Seriously?"
"What?" The word somehow slipped past the lump in my throat.
The cultist made a sweeping gesture at our surroundings. "Where are we? What the hell is this? You don't even have your dimension hopping under control? Not gonna lie, I had higher expectations of you."
"What?" I repeated eloquently.
"You just switched dimensions on my ass. And seeing as you literally crashed into me, I don't think you planned on doing that."
"I didn't," I confirmed.
"That's what I'm talking about."
"You know about dimensions?"
The cultist palmed their face, emitting a deep, low groan. "Clearly."
I scrambled back in the cart, trying to bring some distance between the two of us. I bared my teeth at them, both rows elongating and curving outward. At least I was getting the hang of my physical transformation. "If you come any closer, I'll rip your hand off," I hissed, spittle flying out between my fangs.
"I believe you," they replied, narrowing their eyes at me. "I'm not gonna hurt you."
"That's hard for me to believe."
"Yes, sure. I did and I would again, but not here. Not now. You understand?" they asked pointedly, their voice cutting like a razor blade.
"I'm not sure I do."
"Well, without you, I won't get out of here, and I've stuff to do on the other side." They stepped behind the cart and grabbed onto the handle.
I hastily twisted around to face them. "You know about the finer details of dimension hopping but you can't do it yourself?"
They let out a soft sigh as they began pushing the cart, with me inside, down the empty aisle. "I managed to do it once. Just once. Never again. It's not a great surprise to me that you should be able to switch to the other sides, but I'd thought you'd be able to control it. I think I have your number. I'm pretty sure I know what you are, and we have more in common than you could have probably guessed. That boy you were with on the other hand… I won't lie, he freaks me out. He's got the strangest face and he didn't react to my eyes at all."
"What are you?" I queried, quick to steer him away from the topic of Frankie Preston even though I didn't really expect an honest answer. "How'd you do that the other night? Your… your eye thing?"
"That unsettled you, didn't it? It's not anything I do per se." They shrugged leisurely. "I could just as well ask you where you're hiding your tentacles."
"So you're not human. I didn't think you were," I stated. "What's your business with the Collective? What are you after? Are any of you normal people?"
"As far as I know, I'm the only one who's not." They steered the cart around the corner with a swift, forcible yank and I bumped painfully against the side of the cart. Stifling a yelp, I kept my face straight, looking over the shelves as we passed them. I noticed that some of them weren't entirely empty—there were a couple jars, cans and bags of various goods standing scattered throughout. They looked almost lonely. The cultist, registering my wandering gaze, stopped and grabbed a random plastic jar that looked like it could be containing peanut butter or something of the sort. The label was faded and partially peeled off. They inspected it from all sides before thrusting it into my hands. "Here, open it," they commanded.
"I certainly won't," I replied, a mix of rage and apprehension bubbling in my chest.
"Aren't you curious?"
"No. But if you are, go on and open it yourself."
They grunted, grabbing the jar and unscrewing the red lid. They dropped it to the floor where it bounced off once and rolled away into the darkness. Peering in, their expression remained unchanged. "Nothing. Look." They held it out to me and sure enough, it was empty. I let them hand it to me, intrigue winning me over as I started examining the small container. It was completely unremarkable. I reached two of my fingers inside only for the digits to suddenly be stricken with a searing pain. It flashed through my bones like lightning and I cried out, withdrawing my hand. Suddenly, the floor seemed to quiver. The lights in the store flickered, seeming startlingly bright for a split second only to turn dimly green once more. The cultist let out an involuntary shriek, staggering back before managing to steady themself as everything went back to its former solid state.
"What the fuck was that?" they wheezed.
"An earthquake?" I suggested, not quite knowing what else to say. My pulse was thrumming in my ears, hard enough to split my head in half. It took me a minute to regain a relative state of calm.
"An earthquake? In another dimension? You're messing with me."
"I don't know! Maybe it was… maybe I was nearly jumping back, I have no idea." I shook my head, ignoring the throbbing pain shooting through my temples. "I don't have it all figured out yet, but it's an emotional response. Whenever my flight instinct gets triggered, these dimension switches happen. It was the jar. The jar is painful inside."
"What do you mean?" they asked, eagerly reaching for the jar and sticking their pinky finger into it. They pulled it back out with a howl, letting the jar drop to the floor. "What the hell is up with this place?"
"How would I know?" I argued hotly.
"Yeah, well. Anyways." All of a sudden, their hand was in my hair, tugging on my braid. They yanked my head to the side, and before I could break out my tentacles or try to snap my jaws at them, I could feel their hot breath on my nape. A scream died in my throat, equal parts painful and shocked. My eyes burned, my vision swimming when the cultist dragged their teeth across my skin, leaving a trail of warm saliva. And then, fast and without mercy, they bit down.
The lights turned bright white. The static buzzing that had been hanging in the stale air changed to the familiar eighties music tunes. Squinting into the sudden brightness, the colors of the countless types of packaged products filling the shelves almost seemed to be screaming at me.
We were back.
The cultist disentangled themself, quickly stepping away from me. I looked up, still dazed, to see why. Frankie Preston had come up behind us, snatching the cart away from the other person and pulling it out of their reach. I immediately scrambled up to wrap my arms around him. "That's them," I breathed. "From the Collective."
"I know," he said tonelessly. His eyes, trained on the blonde, spelled murder. "You should get out of here," he added, addressing them. "The shelves here are rickety, they might fall on you."
The cultist's expression was a frozen mix of suppressed uncertainty and confusion. Still, they held the server's gaze. "You should maybe not… do anything stupid," they uttered, their voice almost equally as flat as his.
"I'm all about stupid."
"Then I guess I ought to leave. See you guys soon. It was a pleasure." They threw us a smile that was faker than Frankie's when he waited tables before marching off, leaving the two of us alone in the aisle.
"Are you alright?" Fran asked, running a hand over my mussed braid. "What happened? I'm so… one minute you were here and the next…"
"We switched dimensions."
"I pieced that together. You weren't gone for long… just a couple minutes." He nervously twisted his wet bubble gum around the tip of his finger, drawing nervous strings.
"Were you worried?"
"Out of my mind," he said in a low voice, not meeting my gaze. "I mean, I knew you'd be okay on your own, I wasn't saying that—"
"I wasn't. I'm not," I interrupted him. "I got out alright, sure I did, but I'm not okay right now." I swallowed. My throat was bone dry. "I need to call Mary Markov. She should hear about this."
Frankie nodded along. "Do you want me to do it for you? I'm certain I can give her an accurate description."
I declined and sat back in the cart. Per my request, Fran brought me home after we'd paid for everything. I needed some time alone to relax and pretend everything was normal. I cleaned my room and then looked through job listings, which I admittedly haven't done in a little while. When I couldn't find any other way to procrastinate, I made the call to Mary Markov, which went about as well as could be expected. She wants to see me tomorrow, though. I wish she'd told me about what. For a newsreader, she's really not very forward with her information.
X
1
2: deadbeat roommate
3: creepy crush
4: relocation
5: beach concert
6: First date
7: Temp work
8: roommate talk
9: a dismal worldview
10: warehouse
11: staircase
12: explanation
13: hurt
14: hospital
15: ocean
16: diner
17: government work
18: something in the caves
submitted by girl_from_the_crypt to nosleep [link] [comments]
What I'm saying is that the woman is insanely skilled.
Me, not so much. After we had gotten out of the cave, I tried to provide emotional support by petting her hair and talking soothingly. Seeing as I was also distressed, she was doing the same to me, so we were basically sitting on the beach holding each other. To the outside observer, we must have looked rather strange. I was relieved to finally get back to her house. We sat down in front of the TV and ate cupcakes. We have a special system for eating cupcakes. I peel off the frosting and give her rest. It's messy and I have to keep hand wipes nearby everytime, but it's how we do it. We both eat cupcakes whole when we're by ourselves, so it doesn't make much sense either, but when we share, it's always like this.
Once I was sure she was alright, I left her to go off to bed while I made my way back to the hotel, bracing myself for what I expected to be an extremely uncomfortable conversation.
The lobby was dim and quiet. The large, bright ceiling lights had been turned off with only a couple floor lamps illuminating the hall. I walked past the unmanned reception desk and up the stairs, then rapped my knuckles against the door to Frankie's room. After a couple seconds, he opened up. Upon meeting my gaze, he let out a soft gasp, but it wasn't followed by a smile this time. He made way for me to step inside, wordlessly, and I entered without breaking the silence. I sat down on the sofa where he joined me after placing a glass of coconut water in front of me.
For a beat, we both stared at the drink. I didn't take it.
"What you did felt really off earlier," I began. "You were trying to embarrass Nettie. If you were testing your boundaries, if you were trying to see how I'd react, you got your answer. Don't ever make me choose between you two. You'll lose."
"Yes," he said quietly.
"If you don't get along with Nettie, that's one thing. You don't need to. But she was needling you and you made a real effort to be cruel." I paused. "You act so strange sometimes. All bossy and cagey."
"Yes," he repeated, briefly falling silent as he worked away on his gum in slow, contemplative motions. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I did it. I wanted to unsettle her. It's not that I don't like her, she's fine, but at that moment, I simply loathed her. I couldn't tell you why. But I wish I'd kept quiet. I feel gross for spouting off like that."
"Then… why?"
"I don't know! There's this weird feeling, it comes over me and makes me remember stuff that's in the past… Then I get caught up and confused. I run my mouth, but I don't want to make you upset. I swear I won't do it again. I'll rein myself in."
"Will you? This doesn't seem right." I took a deep breath. "Frankie, I have no idea what you are. Even though you know everything about me."
"Not everything," he argued. "You never said a thing about what life was like where you're from. Or who you were before. Yes, that's not what this is about, but I'm just speaking technically."
"You shouldn't have to rely on technicalities to make a point."
"No. Look, I keep wondering what I'm even doing here. I like you a lot. But I haven't thought this through and by now, I'm scared to."
"Stop talking in riddles," I implored him.
He huffed out a chuckle. "I'd have to stop thinking in them first." Before he could add anything else, his phone started vibrating on the TV table. "Oh, dammit," he muttered. Shooting me an uncertain gaze, he reached out for it, his hand hovering above the screen. "Can I?"
"Sure." I let go of a long breath, snatched up the glass and leaned back in my seat as Frankie answered the call. I pick up on a woman's voice talking on the other end.
He kept glancing over at me almost sheepishly as he mumbled words of affirmation into the phone. "Yes… Yeah, I remember… Well, it's not a good time, but I'll do it. Bye." Dropping the device into his lap, he gave me a twist of the mouth. "That was Mae-Lynn. She works at—"
"The diner with you," I cut him off. "I do take note of the other staff there, for your information." I took a sip of my water. "Occasionally."
"I promised to do some shopping for her. She's come down with the flu. Store's closing soon, though, so I'll have to go now."
"Well, that's convenient."
"I was going to ask you to come along."
I agreed. Having lost track of the conversation, the drive was a grim, quiet affair. Frankie took us to one of the more expensive stores in the area, saying that he wanted to treat Mae-Lynn.
"Take a cart," I ordered, and once he had acquired one, I had him hold it still while I climbed inside. He regarded me with a bemused expression but refrained from commenting as he began to roll me down the aisles.
Grocery shopping at night is something else. Eighties music was playing over the radio at a low volume, but the otherwise quiet space made it sound decidedly louder. There was almost the hint of an echo. Safe for two of three singular, tired-looking individuals, Frankie and I were the only people in the store. I had nestled against the back of the cart, my head tipped back to watch Fran's face from below as his eyes roamed the shelves. Occasionally, he'd stop to check the list Mae-Lynn had texted him on his phone.
"If you want anything, speak up," he told me.
"I'm out of cereal," I said, just as we passed the respective aisle. He turned the cart back around, let me pick out a carton of cornflakes and took up walking again. After five minutes of stoically regarding him from my mobile vantage point, I piped up again. "Go back. Wrong ones."
"Well, which ones do you want? I'll get them, it's faster than pushing this thing around."
I shook my head. "No, no, I have to look at them. Go back."
He shook his head to himself but obediently maneuvered the cart back to the shelf with the breakfast items. I took my time picking out a different box, then settled back down.
"Happy?" Fran asked.
"Delighted."
After fifteen minutes, we were getting close to finishing Mae-Lynn's list. Frankie was starting to move towards the cash register, only for me to tug on his arm. "Turn back," I told him, holding up the box. "I don't want them after all. I need different ones."
He stifled a groan. "Sure, Sunshine." I let him roll me all the way back to the cereal aisle where I studied the colorful boxes intensely. "Nevermind," I said, turning back to him. "Let's go."
He started making his way over to the register again when I cleared my throat. "Actually, I think I might have another look."
"Are you kidding me?" he squeaked, only for me to hold his gaze with a smile. "You are," he choked out. "I oughta send you rolling right into that stack of cans."
"You wouldn't dare."
"Is that a challenge?" He glanced about himself, finding that we were alone. Then, he pushed the cart, and it swerved, sliding across the shiny floor. The thrill of the launch washed over me and I started laughing. He lunged for it, grabbing it just in time to prevent the collision.
"Do it again!" I demanded.
He indulged me, sending me swerving and spinning a couple more times. Eventually, he took a running start and pushed me down a long, empty aisle at a breakneck speed. The giggles died in my throat when, seemingly out of thin air, someone appeared at the end of the aisle. My jaw dropped and I reflexively gripped the sides of the cart to protect myself from the impending crash, but the person simply reached out and caught the cart by its edges. Within the blink of an eye, they had managed to steady it. My vehicle had come to a standstill. It all happened incredibly fast, and for a moment, I found myself unable to react. One of the other person's hands had come to rest over mine in the process. Still at a loss for words, I raised my head to meet their gaze.
Those eyes.
My heart, already thundering in my chest, dropped entirely into my stomach. There were pupils filling the void in that formerly uninterrupted pale vastness this time, but I recognized them either way. Seeing them sit in an actual face instead of behind a nondescript black mask was strange, but there was not a doubt in my mind. It was them.
The cultist had jarringly pleasant features that struck me as neither overtly feminine nor masculine. Their tawny skin had an almost bronze sheen to it and short locks of platinum blond hair stuck to their smooth forehead, slick with the same sweat that formed stains beneath the armpits of their light gray t-shirt.
It was like time stood still. The interaction could not have been longer than two seconds in total, but it felt like a full hour. From me staring at our linked hands, to locking eyes with them, to the cold, raw realization, it seemed to me as though forty minutes or more had gone by, followed by another twenty when I watched the crude smile forming on their lips. Their fingers clamped down on my own, and before I knew it, it had happened.
The lights in the store had changed color, taking on a dimmer, sickly green tint. The shelves around us had emptied and the gentle, melodic hum of the radio had been replaced by a deep, droning buzz of static. I was still sitting in the shopping cart, and the cultist was still leaning over me, but their expression had morphed into one of shocked disbelief. Seeing fear on the face of the person who'd stabbed me might have been a great satisfaction to me in any other situation, but right then and there, I was equally as terrified.
I had switched dimensions and was now alone with my attempted murderer.
The thought took a while to sink in, but the clearer it became, the more I felt the need to scream. And yet, not a sound left my lips. My own saliva had turned sour, filling my mouth with an acidic taste. Dread pooled in the pit of my stomach like icy, chilled water and tears were stringing the corners of my eyes. I blinked them away in a hurry, redirecting my gaze at the cultist. They were staring past me in a daze, taking in our changed surroundings before fixing me with a sharp glare.
"Seriously?"
"What?" The word somehow slipped past the lump in my throat.
The cultist made a sweeping gesture at our surroundings. "Where are we? What the hell is this? You don't even have your dimension hopping under control? Not gonna lie, I had higher expectations of you."
"What?" I repeated eloquently.
"You just switched dimensions on my ass. And seeing as you literally crashed into me, I don't think you planned on doing that."
"I didn't," I confirmed.
"That's what I'm talking about."
"You know about dimensions?"
The cultist palmed their face, emitting a deep, low groan. "Clearly."
I scrambled back in the cart, trying to bring some distance between the two of us. I bared my teeth at them, both rows elongating and curving outward. At least I was getting the hang of my physical transformation. "If you come any closer, I'll rip your hand off," I hissed, spittle flying out between my fangs.
"I believe you," they replied, narrowing their eyes at me. "I'm not gonna hurt you."
"That's hard for me to believe."
"Yes, sure. I did and I would again, but not here. Not now. You understand?" they asked pointedly, their voice cutting like a razor blade.
"I'm not sure I do."
"Well, without you, I won't get out of here, and I've stuff to do on the other side." They stepped behind the cart and grabbed onto the handle.
I hastily twisted around to face them. "You know about the finer details of dimension hopping but you can't do it yourself?"
They let out a soft sigh as they began pushing the cart, with me inside, down the empty aisle. "I managed to do it once. Just once. Never again. It's not a great surprise to me that you should be able to switch to the other sides, but I'd thought you'd be able to control it. I think I have your number. I'm pretty sure I know what you are, and we have more in common than you could have probably guessed. That boy you were with on the other hand… I won't lie, he freaks me out. He's got the strangest face and he didn't react to my eyes at all."
"What are you?" I queried, quick to steer him away from the topic of Frankie Preston even though I didn't really expect an honest answer. "How'd you do that the other night? Your… your eye thing?"
"That unsettled you, didn't it? It's not anything I do per se." They shrugged leisurely. "I could just as well ask you where you're hiding your tentacles."
"So you're not human. I didn't think you were," I stated. "What's your business with the Collective? What are you after? Are any of you normal people?"
"As far as I know, I'm the only one who's not." They steered the cart around the corner with a swift, forcible yank and I bumped painfully against the side of the cart. Stifling a yelp, I kept my face straight, looking over the shelves as we passed them. I noticed that some of them weren't entirely empty—there were a couple jars, cans and bags of various goods standing scattered throughout. They looked almost lonely. The cultist, registering my wandering gaze, stopped and grabbed a random plastic jar that looked like it could be containing peanut butter or something of the sort. The label was faded and partially peeled off. They inspected it from all sides before thrusting it into my hands. "Here, open it," they commanded.
"I certainly won't," I replied, a mix of rage and apprehension bubbling in my chest.
"Aren't you curious?"
"No. But if you are, go on and open it yourself."
They grunted, grabbing the jar and unscrewing the red lid. They dropped it to the floor where it bounced off once and rolled away into the darkness. Peering in, their expression remained unchanged. "Nothing. Look." They held it out to me and sure enough, it was empty. I let them hand it to me, intrigue winning me over as I started examining the small container. It was completely unremarkable. I reached two of my fingers inside only for the digits to suddenly be stricken with a searing pain. It flashed through my bones like lightning and I cried out, withdrawing my hand. Suddenly, the floor seemed to quiver. The lights in the store flickered, seeming startlingly bright for a split second only to turn dimly green once more. The cultist let out an involuntary shriek, staggering back before managing to steady themself as everything went back to its former solid state.
"What the fuck was that?" they wheezed.
"An earthquake?" I suggested, not quite knowing what else to say. My pulse was thrumming in my ears, hard enough to split my head in half. It took me a minute to regain a relative state of calm.
"An earthquake? In another dimension? You're messing with me."
"I don't know! Maybe it was… maybe I was nearly jumping back, I have no idea." I shook my head, ignoring the throbbing pain shooting through my temples. "I don't have it all figured out yet, but it's an emotional response. Whenever my flight instinct gets triggered, these dimension switches happen. It was the jar. The jar is painful inside."
"What do you mean?" they asked, eagerly reaching for the jar and sticking their pinky finger into it. They pulled it back out with a howl, letting the jar drop to the floor. "What the hell is up with this place?"
"How would I know?" I argued hotly.
"Yeah, well. Anyways." All of a sudden, their hand was in my hair, tugging on my braid. They yanked my head to the side, and before I could break out my tentacles or try to snap my jaws at them, I could feel their hot breath on my nape. A scream died in my throat, equal parts painful and shocked. My eyes burned, my vision swimming when the cultist dragged their teeth across my skin, leaving a trail of warm saliva. And then, fast and without mercy, they bit down.
The lights turned bright white. The static buzzing that had been hanging in the stale air changed to the familiar eighties music tunes. Squinting into the sudden brightness, the colors of the countless types of packaged products filling the shelves almost seemed to be screaming at me.
We were back.
The cultist disentangled themself, quickly stepping away from me. I looked up, still dazed, to see why. Frankie Preston had come up behind us, snatching the cart away from the other person and pulling it out of their reach. I immediately scrambled up to wrap my arms around him. "That's them," I breathed. "From the Collective."
"I know," he said tonelessly. His eyes, trained on the blonde, spelled murder. "You should get out of here," he added, addressing them. "The shelves here are rickety, they might fall on you."
The cultist's expression was a frozen mix of suppressed uncertainty and confusion. Still, they held the server's gaze. "You should maybe not… do anything stupid," they uttered, their voice almost equally as flat as his.
"I'm all about stupid."
"Then I guess I ought to leave. See you guys soon. It was a pleasure." They threw us a smile that was faker than Frankie's when he waited tables before marching off, leaving the two of us alone in the aisle.
"Are you alright?" Fran asked, running a hand over my mussed braid. "What happened? I'm so… one minute you were here and the next…"
"We switched dimensions."
"I pieced that together. You weren't gone for long… just a couple minutes." He nervously twisted his wet bubble gum around the tip of his finger, drawing nervous strings.
"Were you worried?"
"Out of my mind," he said in a low voice, not meeting my gaze. "I mean, I knew you'd be okay on your own, I wasn't saying that—"
"I wasn't. I'm not," I interrupted him. "I got out alright, sure I did, but I'm not okay right now." I swallowed. My throat was bone dry. "I need to call Mary Markov. She should hear about this."
Frankie nodded along. "Do you want me to do it for you? I'm certain I can give her an accurate description."
I declined and sat back in the cart. Per my request, Fran brought me home after we'd paid for everything. I needed some time alone to relax and pretend everything was normal. I cleaned my room and then looked through job listings, which I admittedly haven't done in a little while. When I couldn't find any other way to procrastinate, I made the call to Mary Markov, which went about as well as could be expected. She wants to see me tomorrow, though. I wish she'd told me about what. For a newsreader, she's really not very forward with her information.
X
1
2: deadbeat roommate
3: creepy crush
4: relocation
5: beach concert
6: First date
7: Temp work
8: roommate talk
9: a dismal worldview
10: warehouse
11: staircase
12: explanation
13: hurt
14: hospital
15: ocean
16: diner
17: government work
18: something in the caves
2023.05.30 23:02 Unusual-Flower-8721 More “Adult” Version of Me Comes Out During Times of Extreme Stress
As the title says, and what I’m currently experiencing right now, during times of intense stress or anxiety a more adult and logical thinking side of me comes out and I begin to talk out loud to myself in a very parent or therapist like manner. This side of me feels like someone else, almost like a split personality, but part of me still holds the belief that it’s just me being my own parent/guardian…
Anyone else ever have this happen to them..? Thanks Reddit~
submitted by Unusual-Flower-8721 to aspergers [link] [comments]
Anyone else ever have this happen to them..? Thanks Reddit~
2023.05.30 23:00 AutoModerator What are the benefits and side effects of Ashwagandha?
What is ashwagandha?
The ashwagandha plant is one of the most powerful herbs. Various parts of the ashwagandha plant are used for medicinal purposes, with ashwagandha extract mainly being used in supplements. Ashwagandha is an adaptogen, a natural agent that reportedly helps the body cope with stress. As a result, it’s believed to be effective at helping reduce levels of the stress hormone, cortisol. It may also therefore potentially help with anxiety and depression too.
What does ashwagandha do?
Reduces Stress and Anxiety
Ashwagandha is known to help reduce stress and anxiety. One way it does this is by reducing levels of cortisol, a hormone that is released in response to stress. Additionally, ashwagandha has been shown to improve mood and cognitive function, both of which can be negatively affected by stress.
Enhances Cognitive Function
Ashwagandha has also been shown to improve cognitive function. One study showed that it improved memory and reaction time in healthy adults. Another study found that it improved task performance in people with ADHD. Additionally, ashwagandha may help prevent age-related cognitive decline.
Boosts Energy Levels
Ashwagandha has been shown to boost energy levels. One study showed that it increased stamina and reduced fatigue in people with chronic fatigue syndrome. Additionally, ashwagandha may help improve exercise performance.
Additionally, ashwagandha may also help improve sleep quality and reduce inflammation. These effects can all contribute to enhanced energy levels.
Regulates Blood Sugar Levels
Ashwagandha has been shown to help regulate blood sugar levels. One study showed that it improved insulin sensitivity in people with type II diabetes. Additionally, ashwagandha may help reduce fasting blood sugar levels and improve symptoms of diabetes.
Additionally, ashwagandha may also help lower cholesterol levels and protect against heart disease. These effects can also contribute to improved blood sugar control.
Lowers Blood Pressure
Ashwagandha has been shown to help lower blood pressure. One study showed that it improved blood pressure in people with hypertension. Additionally, ashwagandha may help reduce stress and anxiety, both of which can contribute to high blood pressure.
Is ashwagandha safe?
Ashwagandha is generally considered safe for most people. However, it can cause side effects such as stomach upset, diarrhea, and vomiting in some people. If you're pregnant or breastfeeding, it's best to avoid ashwagandha.
What happens when you take ashwagandha daily?
As a sleep aid, ashwagandha may help people get to sleep faster and stay asleep for longer. It is also used to promote male potency. Ashwagandha has a variety of health benefits, including reduced blood sugar levels, inflammation, mood, memory, stress and anxiety relief, as well as an increase in muscle strength and fertility. Depending on your requirements, dosages vary from 250 to 500 mg per day for at least one month.
When it comes to stress relief, ashwagandha may be as effective as some prescription medications. A 2010 study found that the herb was just as effective as lorazepam (Ativan) in reducing stress and anxiety. click the link below to learn more about abhwagandha, and its real health benefits.
CLICK HERE
submitted by AutoModerator to healthiswealth7 [link] [comments]
What is ashwagandha?
The ashwagandha plant is one of the most powerful herbs. Various parts of the ashwagandha plant are used for medicinal purposes, with ashwagandha extract mainly being used in supplements. Ashwagandha is an adaptogen, a natural agent that reportedly helps the body cope with stress. As a result, it’s believed to be effective at helping reduce levels of the stress hormone, cortisol. It may also therefore potentially help with anxiety and depression too.
What does ashwagandha do?
Reduces Stress and Anxiety
Ashwagandha is known to help reduce stress and anxiety. One way it does this is by reducing levels of cortisol, a hormone that is released in response to stress. Additionally, ashwagandha has been shown to improve mood and cognitive function, both of which can be negatively affected by stress.
Enhances Cognitive Function
Ashwagandha has also been shown to improve cognitive function. One study showed that it improved memory and reaction time in healthy adults. Another study found that it improved task performance in people with ADHD. Additionally, ashwagandha may help prevent age-related cognitive decline.
Boosts Energy Levels
Ashwagandha has been shown to boost energy levels. One study showed that it increased stamina and reduced fatigue in people with chronic fatigue syndrome. Additionally, ashwagandha may help improve exercise performance.
Additionally, ashwagandha may also help improve sleep quality and reduce inflammation. These effects can all contribute to enhanced energy levels.
Regulates Blood Sugar Levels
Ashwagandha has been shown to help regulate blood sugar levels. One study showed that it improved insulin sensitivity in people with type II diabetes. Additionally, ashwagandha may help reduce fasting blood sugar levels and improve symptoms of diabetes.
Additionally, ashwagandha may also help lower cholesterol levels and protect against heart disease. These effects can also contribute to improved blood sugar control.
Lowers Blood Pressure
Ashwagandha has been shown to help lower blood pressure. One study showed that it improved blood pressure in people with hypertension. Additionally, ashwagandha may help reduce stress and anxiety, both of which can contribute to high blood pressure.
Is ashwagandha safe?
Ashwagandha is generally considered safe for most people. However, it can cause side effects such as stomach upset, diarrhea, and vomiting in some people. If you're pregnant or breastfeeding, it's best to avoid ashwagandha.
What happens when you take ashwagandha daily?
As a sleep aid, ashwagandha may help people get to sleep faster and stay asleep for longer. It is also used to promote male potency. Ashwagandha has a variety of health benefits, including reduced blood sugar levels, inflammation, mood, memory, stress and anxiety relief, as well as an increase in muscle strength and fertility. Depending on your requirements, dosages vary from 250 to 500 mg per day for at least one month.
When it comes to stress relief, ashwagandha may be as effective as some prescription medications. A 2010 study found that the herb was just as effective as lorazepam (Ativan) in reducing stress and anxiety. click the link below to learn more about abhwagandha, and its real health benefits.
CLICK HERE
2023.05.30 23:00 Princess__Kylie Talla Lowther, Lady of Lowton
Discord Username: DrGoose53#5737
Character Name and House: Talla Lowther
Age: 29
Appearance: Talla Lowther
Gift: Gossiper
Skills: Courtly (e), Deceiver, Shipwright, Scholar
Talent(s): Cyvasse, Hairdressing, Dancing
Starting Title(s): Lady of Lowton
Starting Location: feast
Family Tree: Family Tree
Alternate Characters: Santolhal Lowther
Character Name and House: Santolhal Lowther
Age: 22
Appearance: Santolhal
Gift: Admiral
Skills: Sailing (e), Cautious / Maimed (leg)
Talent(s): Fishing, Drinking, Ropework
Starting Title(s): Lord of Lowton
Starting Location: feast
Family Tree: Family Tree
Talla Lowther
Talla Lowther was born in 178 AC to Robert and Meredyth Redwyne. For years, Talla was the only child between the Redwyne heir and his wife, and so relished in the unending swarming of attention and spoiling. She served, what seemed like, as a lightning rod of everyone’s adoration and focus. Both parents doted on her and spoiled her, and even her grandfather, the stern and proud Lord Bertrand, would make her fall into fits of giggles as he told her tales of what her future will hold for her.
Her first tragedy in life would come early, soon after she turned four, Meredyth had passed away rapidly and without much warning. At such a young age, Talla was rightfully devastated about the loss, but Robert had done well in keeping Talla’s spirits up as well as possible and providing her every luxury and source of happiness money could buy. For the next year and a half, Robert and Talla were as close as a daughter and father could be. Despite losing her mother, Talla’s life and eccentric personality had rebounded rapidly and she had proven herself to be quite the brilliant child. No matter the subject, Talla would be easily able to grasp whatever her maesters and tutors had placed before her, and, much to Bertrand’s delight, had found herself a natural in all mannerisms a “true” lady of court would need to perfect to survive the politics of nobility. Every so often, she’d hear the whispers from those commonfolk around her or her father and grandfather of what quality of man she’d end up giving her hand to.
But for reasons she had constantly failed to understand, the once supportive and loving Robert had begun to slowly and consistently distance himself from his eldest daughter. No longer would Talla enjoy Robert’s company nearly constantly, hours a day would turn into passing promises for another time, to simple remarks together as they came in random contact with each other. Before long, the only time she spoke to her father were awkward moments together when they still shared dinners together. It was during these awkward times she learned of Delena, the woman who would come to be her new step-mother.
Her first half-sibling would be born shortly after, and she’d be forced to bitterly watch as all of the attention and spoiling that she’d come to enjoy focused solely on Robert's new family. As confused and hurt and frustrated as she was, Talla fell in love with her new siblings, all of which came in almost a rapid succession. She was particularly close to Ryam, her eldest half-brother, the new heir to House Redwyne as Bertrand passed away.
Despite her efforts to win back Robert’s affections and love that she’d sorely grown to miss over the years, their relationship dwindled to nothing more than nearly constant bickering and arguments. Talla would spend as much time as possible away from home, worried this next fight would be the one to push Robert to punish her by marrying her off to some low house or disgusting man now that he had other daughters to pawn off for his gain. Though she cherished her time with her half-siblings, Talla tried to find happiness outside of Ryamsport, traveling to and fro between the various towns and settlements of the Arbor. It was in these travels that she would meet the Lowther family, and in particular, Santolhal . The young Santolhal had been pushed into Lordship of his house with the recent death of his father. Talla had seen the Lowthers before, mostly involved with her family’s fleet, but this was the first time she truly spent time around them outside of family business.
By 202 AC, Talla quickly found herself infatuated with Santolhal. Strong, handsome, and caring, Santolhal had won over her heart nearly instantly, and Talla no longer cared to travel anywhere without Santolhal at her side. In 203 AC, Talla risked bringing Santolhal with her back to Ryamsport with her to ask her father to take the Lowther’s hand in marriage. She expected an argument with Robert, with the winter ravaging the Arbor no doubt giving an extra massive burden to Robert’s worries, but Talla did not expect the gravity in which he would push back against her betrothal with Santolhal.
Hidden behind closed doors, the two of them screamed and cursed each other in arguments that spanned days, and by the time she’d left Ryamsport, Talla and Robert’s relationship would be permanently and irreparably destroyed. Talla would find herself no longer welcome within Ryamsport and separated from her half-siblings she loved so dearly, but it was worth the pain, in her mind, as she traveled back to Lowton with Santolhal and a promised marriage.
Talla was now Lady Lowther of Lowton and for the first time in over a decade she felt happy. Barely two months into her marriage and new life, a letter bearing a tragedy would arrive in Lowton. Robert Redwyne had succumbed to the winter that had been decimating the Arbor much more harshly than ever before. The man she’d loved with all of her heart, and then hated for reasons she could never explain, was dead. She would never get the closure and reconciliation that she did not realize she needed so badly. Robert’s death crippled Talla much harder than she’d come to expect, and she was near inconsolable by anyone for some months after until Ryam himself rode out to Lowton in the swarming snow to personally welcome her back into the family she missed so dearly.
From then on, Talla’s life would come to stabilize itself again. In 204 AC, her first son, Sarrolhal, was born, and with Santolhal at her side as always, the three would enjoy frequent trips between Lowton and Ryamsport.
Santolhal Lowther
Santolhal Lowther was born in 185 AC to Zalhal and Floris Lowther. House Lowther’s situation could be considered unique among Westerosi, as Zalhal was born and raised in the Summer Islands before meeting Floris, the last living member of the Lowther family, and settling down on the Arbor. Zalhal worked as a contracted privateer who helped hunt Stepstone pirates alongside Westerosi kingdoms from time to time before marrying Floris and taking the Lowther name as his own.
For such an action, the Lowthers, already a small family that had suffered greatly over the years and slowly dwindled to near extinction, faced public disdain and scrutiny for some time. As the years passed and Zalhal proved himself capable of accepting the Seven and the Andal way of life, Santolhal and his siblings only faced minimal discrimination from only the most hard headed of people.
Zalhal was an elderly man by the time Santolhal was born and treated his children more as soldiers to train than children to love. Besides any affection they would receive from Floris, Santolhal and his siblings would have an incredibly strict and controlling father until his death in 199 AC. Zalhal would often serve in the Redwyne navy, with Santolhal behind him from the time his son could handle the waves. Santolhal felt peacefully at home on the ships his father brought him upon, and would rarely be allowed to be spared from taking part in any job the crewmen had to do. Though he hated his father for it at the time, he’d come to realize the harsh treatment is what helped him become the renowned sailor he is today.
Floris passed away when he was young, and his father would follow suit a decade later, leaving the young fourteen year old boy the new Lord of Lowton. Santolhal shirked from his new lordly duties, leaving the matters of the state to the councilmen and women his parents left behind. He’d much rather spend his days out on the sea instead of remaining cooped within stuffy keeps and manors, a mindset he holds close even now.
In 202 AC, he met Talla Redwyne in his home city and the two would click together instantly. Talla was the source of affection and love that he’d been lacking since a baby, while he gave her the validation she craved. Despite the winter, the two went to Ryamsport for Talla to speak to her father, but more importantly for Santolhal, to meet her half-siblings. Seeing the way Talla interacted with them contrasted dramatically with the way his family was, for as much as they loved each other, himself, his brother, and his sister struggled showing affection towards each other.
After the disastrous meeting in Ryamsport, Talla and Santolhal married, and a year later his son was born. That same year, however, Santolhal fell from rigging high atop a mast during a storm, having refused to order those beneath him to do a task he himself would not do. Though he was rushed back to Lowton, the maester could not fully fix his wound and he would forever be stuck with a painful limp in his right leg.
NPCs
Janal Lowther: Brother. Skill: Architect
Tosa Lowther: Sister. Skill: Footwork
submitted by Princess__Kylie to FieldOfFire [link] [comments]
Character Name and House: Talla Lowther
Age: 29
Appearance: Talla Lowther
Gift: Gossiper
Skills: Courtly (e), Deceiver, Shipwright, Scholar
Talent(s): Cyvasse, Hairdressing, Dancing
Starting Title(s): Lady of Lowton
Starting Location: feast
Family Tree: Family Tree
Alternate Characters: Santolhal Lowther
Age: 22
Appearance: Santolhal
Gift: Admiral
Skills: Sailing (e), Cautious / Maimed (leg)
Talent(s): Fishing, Drinking, Ropework
Starting Title(s): Lord of Lowton
Starting Location: feast
Family Tree: Family Tree
Talla Lowther was born in 178 AC to Robert and Meredyth Redwyne. For years, Talla was the only child between the Redwyne heir and his wife, and so relished in the unending swarming of attention and spoiling. She served, what seemed like, as a lightning rod of everyone’s adoration and focus. Both parents doted on her and spoiled her, and even her grandfather, the stern and proud Lord Bertrand, would make her fall into fits of giggles as he told her tales of what her future will hold for her.
Her first tragedy in life would come early, soon after she turned four, Meredyth had passed away rapidly and without much warning. At such a young age, Talla was rightfully devastated about the loss, but Robert had done well in keeping Talla’s spirits up as well as possible and providing her every luxury and source of happiness money could buy. For the next year and a half, Robert and Talla were as close as a daughter and father could be. Despite losing her mother, Talla’s life and eccentric personality had rebounded rapidly and she had proven herself to be quite the brilliant child. No matter the subject, Talla would be easily able to grasp whatever her maesters and tutors had placed before her, and, much to Bertrand’s delight, had found herself a natural in all mannerisms a “true” lady of court would need to perfect to survive the politics of nobility. Every so often, she’d hear the whispers from those commonfolk around her or her father and grandfather of what quality of man she’d end up giving her hand to.
But for reasons she had constantly failed to understand, the once supportive and loving Robert had begun to slowly and consistently distance himself from his eldest daughter. No longer would Talla enjoy Robert’s company nearly constantly, hours a day would turn into passing promises for another time, to simple remarks together as they came in random contact with each other. Before long, the only time she spoke to her father were awkward moments together when they still shared dinners together. It was during these awkward times she learned of Delena, the woman who would come to be her new step-mother.
Her first half-sibling would be born shortly after, and she’d be forced to bitterly watch as all of the attention and spoiling that she’d come to enjoy focused solely on Robert's new family. As confused and hurt and frustrated as she was, Talla fell in love with her new siblings, all of which came in almost a rapid succession. She was particularly close to Ryam, her eldest half-brother, the new heir to House Redwyne as Bertrand passed away.
Despite her efforts to win back Robert’s affections and love that she’d sorely grown to miss over the years, their relationship dwindled to nothing more than nearly constant bickering and arguments. Talla would spend as much time as possible away from home, worried this next fight would be the one to push Robert to punish her by marrying her off to some low house or disgusting man now that he had other daughters to pawn off for his gain. Though she cherished her time with her half-siblings, Talla tried to find happiness outside of Ryamsport, traveling to and fro between the various towns and settlements of the Arbor. It was in these travels that she would meet the Lowther family, and in particular, Santolhal . The young Santolhal had been pushed into Lordship of his house with the recent death of his father. Talla had seen the Lowthers before, mostly involved with her family’s fleet, but this was the first time she truly spent time around them outside of family business.
By 202 AC, Talla quickly found herself infatuated with Santolhal. Strong, handsome, and caring, Santolhal had won over her heart nearly instantly, and Talla no longer cared to travel anywhere without Santolhal at her side. In 203 AC, Talla risked bringing Santolhal with her back to Ryamsport with her to ask her father to take the Lowther’s hand in marriage. She expected an argument with Robert, with the winter ravaging the Arbor no doubt giving an extra massive burden to Robert’s worries, but Talla did not expect the gravity in which he would push back against her betrothal with Santolhal.
Hidden behind closed doors, the two of them screamed and cursed each other in arguments that spanned days, and by the time she’d left Ryamsport, Talla and Robert’s relationship would be permanently and irreparably destroyed. Talla would find herself no longer welcome within Ryamsport and separated from her half-siblings she loved so dearly, but it was worth the pain, in her mind, as she traveled back to Lowton with Santolhal and a promised marriage.
Talla was now Lady Lowther of Lowton and for the first time in over a decade she felt happy. Barely two months into her marriage and new life, a letter bearing a tragedy would arrive in Lowton. Robert Redwyne had succumbed to the winter that had been decimating the Arbor much more harshly than ever before. The man she’d loved with all of her heart, and then hated for reasons she could never explain, was dead. She would never get the closure and reconciliation that she did not realize she needed so badly. Robert’s death crippled Talla much harder than she’d come to expect, and she was near inconsolable by anyone for some months after until Ryam himself rode out to Lowton in the swarming snow to personally welcome her back into the family she missed so dearly.
From then on, Talla’s life would come to stabilize itself again. In 204 AC, her first son, Sarrolhal, was born, and with Santolhal at her side as always, the three would enjoy frequent trips between Lowton and Ryamsport.
Santolhal Lowther was born in 185 AC to Zalhal and Floris Lowther. House Lowther’s situation could be considered unique among Westerosi, as Zalhal was born and raised in the Summer Islands before meeting Floris, the last living member of the Lowther family, and settling down on the Arbor. Zalhal worked as a contracted privateer who helped hunt Stepstone pirates alongside Westerosi kingdoms from time to time before marrying Floris and taking the Lowther name as his own.
For such an action, the Lowthers, already a small family that had suffered greatly over the years and slowly dwindled to near extinction, faced public disdain and scrutiny for some time. As the years passed and Zalhal proved himself capable of accepting the Seven and the Andal way of life, Santolhal and his siblings only faced minimal discrimination from only the most hard headed of people.
Zalhal was an elderly man by the time Santolhal was born and treated his children more as soldiers to train than children to love. Besides any affection they would receive from Floris, Santolhal and his siblings would have an incredibly strict and controlling father until his death in 199 AC. Zalhal would often serve in the Redwyne navy, with Santolhal behind him from the time his son could handle the waves. Santolhal felt peacefully at home on the ships his father brought him upon, and would rarely be allowed to be spared from taking part in any job the crewmen had to do. Though he hated his father for it at the time, he’d come to realize the harsh treatment is what helped him become the renowned sailor he is today.
Floris passed away when he was young, and his father would follow suit a decade later, leaving the young fourteen year old boy the new Lord of Lowton. Santolhal shirked from his new lordly duties, leaving the matters of the state to the councilmen and women his parents left behind. He’d much rather spend his days out on the sea instead of remaining cooped within stuffy keeps and manors, a mindset he holds close even now.
In 202 AC, he met Talla Redwyne in his home city and the two would click together instantly. Talla was the source of affection and love that he’d been lacking since a baby, while he gave her the validation she craved. Despite the winter, the two went to Ryamsport for Talla to speak to her father, but more importantly for Santolhal, to meet her half-siblings. Seeing the way Talla interacted with them contrasted dramatically with the way his family was, for as much as they loved each other, himself, his brother, and his sister struggled showing affection towards each other.
After the disastrous meeting in Ryamsport, Talla and Santolhal married, and a year later his son was born. That same year, however, Santolhal fell from rigging high atop a mast during a storm, having refused to order those beneath him to do a task he himself would not do. Though he was rushed back to Lowton, the maester could not fully fix his wound and he would forever be stuck with a painful limp in his right leg.
Janal Lowther: Brother. Skill: Architect
Tosa Lowther: Sister. Skill: Footwork
2023.05.30 22:57 caroudella How do I (23F) encourage my partner (27m) to pursue his goals instead of playing video games?
I’ll try to keep this simple, my partner (27m) and I (23F) have been dating for 2.5yrs now. Our relationship is great and we have a lot of fun together.
Several years ago he inherited a modest trust fund. He’s great with his money management and has made some good investments/has lived modestly.
Before covid, he had a great job but like a lot of other people, he was laid off because working from home wasn’t an option.
So here’s my question, a big part of what he wants to use his money for is attending grad school. He has been talking about it forever but struggles to commit. Meanwhile, my career has grown leaps and bounds (I legitimately make double what I did when we first started dating). In addition, I absolutely love my job and am very passionate about it. We live together and split all expenses 50/50, but he spends most of his time throughout the day playing video games (like 10+hrs a day). I get it, I like to play games myself to decompress but this has been his life since we started dating. He has a few other hobbies but his focus is so strongly tied to his next virtual achievement.
He is comfortable financially for now, but he doesn’t have the type of money to live off of for the rest of his life. I love him, but how do I approach this in a truly loving and thoughtful way? He gets sensitive about the subject, but on my side of things, I work 40-55hrs a week and it can be a little frustrating for me when his life looks like that of a retiree.
When we’ve discussed these things in the past he gets motivated for a few days or even a couple weeks but ultimately loses motivation.
I’d love to hear some thoughts and opinions on how to navigate this!
submitted by caroudella to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Several years ago he inherited a modest trust fund. He’s great with his money management and has made some good investments/has lived modestly.
Before covid, he had a great job but like a lot of other people, he was laid off because working from home wasn’t an option.
So here’s my question, a big part of what he wants to use his money for is attending grad school. He has been talking about it forever but struggles to commit. Meanwhile, my career has grown leaps and bounds (I legitimately make double what I did when we first started dating). In addition, I absolutely love my job and am very passionate about it. We live together and split all expenses 50/50, but he spends most of his time throughout the day playing video games (like 10+hrs a day). I get it, I like to play games myself to decompress but this has been his life since we started dating. He has a few other hobbies but his focus is so strongly tied to his next virtual achievement.
He is comfortable financially for now, but he doesn’t have the type of money to live off of for the rest of his life. I love him, but how do I approach this in a truly loving and thoughtful way? He gets sensitive about the subject, but on my side of things, I work 40-55hrs a week and it can be a little frustrating for me when his life looks like that of a retiree.
When we’ve discussed these things in the past he gets motivated for a few days or even a couple weeks but ultimately loses motivation.
I’d love to hear some thoughts and opinions on how to navigate this!
2023.05.30 22:56 Nordic18 Part time positions in EC group
Hello!
I’m currently a mid level EC. I’m currently full time but would be interested in transitioning to a position that would be 2-3 days/week. I have a side hustle (general term for anonymity) that I enjoy much more and would like to split my time between the two jobs. I could leave the PS all together (which is an option I’m considering) but wanted to see if there were alternative.
My question is: are part time EC positions common? If so, how would I go about finding them?
Also if not in EC category, is it possible to switch classifications?
Thank you!
submitted by Nordic18 to CanadaPublicServants [link] [comments]
I’m currently a mid level EC. I’m currently full time but would be interested in transitioning to a position that would be 2-3 days/week. I have a side hustle (general term for anonymity) that I enjoy much more and would like to split my time between the two jobs. I could leave the PS all together (which is an option I’m considering) but wanted to see if there were alternative.
My question is: are part time EC positions common? If so, how would I go about finding them?
Also if not in EC category, is it possible to switch classifications?
Thank you!
2023.05.30 22:55 Plugs_the_dog Coping when you're a junior doing a senior job? (At least for the next 2 weeks)
So, I think folks have seen my post before, but I'm in a position where I am a junior who's only been doing this for 8 months, arguably 6 at most since I've been doing proper pr work. I have zero previous experience with pr, I don't think the part time social media management job I did for a small company counted either.
Except I'm doing actual work, for actual high end clients with major media. I'm writing and sending press releases, I'm inviting journalists to events then managing them on site, I'm phoning journalists, I'm writing up background info for journalists on clients, I'm organising photoshoots, I'm managing media lists, I'm booking hotels and catering - everything my boss doesn't have time for basically. And there's only me and him in this pr agency, and he's overworked as heck so barely has time to explain things.
In short, my mentor took me under his wing then proceeded to teach me to fly - in the same manner a guillemot chick learns. I get tossed off the cliff to see if I can fly, and okay, after hitting the ground a few times I'm getting better. Also how to fly is also not very well explained at times before I'm chucked off the cliff either. And sure, I'm meeting the big name news birds, some who are valuable contacts but...
...I'm also getting stressed to the point I've lost weight and sleep.
My plan is after the current project is to quit, go into a pr internship/actual junior position or work in house for a small company doing combined psocial media.
So this post is both a vent and also asking for advice on how the hell I cope with this for the next two weeks? I do have another job lined up he sort of knows about, but not that I quit working with him for it, as the plan was to do that part time on the side. (Until my workload reached working on weekends past 6pm at times.)
I can't quit immediately because I need my mentor to check my CV and give me a good reference that isn't 'left me high and dry during a major project.'
submitted by Plugs_the_dog to PublicRelations [link] [comments]
Except I'm doing actual work, for actual high end clients with major media. I'm writing and sending press releases, I'm inviting journalists to events then managing them on site, I'm phoning journalists, I'm writing up background info for journalists on clients, I'm organising photoshoots, I'm managing media lists, I'm booking hotels and catering - everything my boss doesn't have time for basically. And there's only me and him in this pr agency, and he's overworked as heck so barely has time to explain things.
In short, my mentor took me under his wing then proceeded to teach me to fly - in the same manner a guillemot chick learns. I get tossed off the cliff to see if I can fly, and okay, after hitting the ground a few times I'm getting better. Also how to fly is also not very well explained at times before I'm chucked off the cliff either. And sure, I'm meeting the big name news birds, some who are valuable contacts but...
...I'm also getting stressed to the point I've lost weight and sleep.
My plan is after the current project is to quit, go into a pr internship/actual junior position or work in house for a small company doing combined psocial media.
So this post is both a vent and also asking for advice on how the hell I cope with this for the next two weeks? I do have another job lined up he sort of knows about, but not that I quit working with him for it, as the plan was to do that part time on the side. (Until my workload reached working on weekends past 6pm at times.)
I can't quit immediately because I need my mentor to check my CV and give me a good reference that isn't 'left me high and dry during a major project.'
2023.05.30 22:54 Some_Personality8379 In stories where characters have the same superpowers, just in different forms. Would add an unique dynamic to most superhero stories.
Fire Force and Deadman Wonderland are the obligatory Worm/HxH comment of this idea. At first I was like how the hell are you going to have a power system just based off blood or fire. Then I watch these stories, and see all sorts of creative powers being used under one type of powers. Powers like blood sheild, blood fist, and on the Fire Force side. We have fire powers based on strength and sound.
There seems to be endless possibilities here. Despite the fact the writers are only working with one power here. Now apply that idea to other superpowers. In a way this kinda go against the nature of superhero stories. Characters usually have unique powers. So giving most of the characters the same powers might seem odd.
But on the good side with the pros. I feel like this add more depth to superpowers. And make classic/generic powers more complex and layered. In fiction it's common for superpowers to just be basic gimmicks for the character personalities, and nothing else. For example, the fire guy just do fire, the speeder just run fast, the super strength guy just smash hard, and this still goes on with the other powers too.
But in mainstream superhero stories, we do see this idea of characters having different versions of the same powers sometimes. The Flash is a good example of this. Sure most of the good guy speedsters seem to have identical powers for the most part. But the Reversed Flash has a whole different type of speed from the Flash. And IIRC, even Zoom powers/speed differ from both the Flash and Reverse Flash.
There are more example of this idea in mainstream superhero stories. The X-Men is popular for giving character different types of psychic powers. The Eternals have different ways of using their cosmic powers. Over the years abilities have varied between different types of Spider people. I.E. Miles Morales having powers like electricity and invisibility. Even the gamma monsters like Hulk can still varied in powers. IIRC Red Hulk did had fire based powers.
And then you have the Green Lanterns with the creative ways they used their rings. And there is also Wizards like Dr. Strange, who can have broad magical powers. But I don't know if tech users and magic users would count here, when it comes to this idea of characters having different versions of the same powers.
But again I feel like this idea has endless possibilities. Can imagine the powers you can make just super soldiers like Captain America alone.
In conclusion, I think this idea should be explored more and expand more in superhero stories.
submitted by Some_Personality8379 to CharacterRant [link] [comments]
There seems to be endless possibilities here. Despite the fact the writers are only working with one power here. Now apply that idea to other superpowers. In a way this kinda go against the nature of superhero stories. Characters usually have unique powers. So giving most of the characters the same powers might seem odd.
But on the good side with the pros. I feel like this add more depth to superpowers. And make classic/generic powers more complex and layered. In fiction it's common for superpowers to just be basic gimmicks for the character personalities, and nothing else. For example, the fire guy just do fire, the speeder just run fast, the super strength guy just smash hard, and this still goes on with the other powers too.
But in mainstream superhero stories, we do see this idea of characters having different versions of the same powers sometimes. The Flash is a good example of this. Sure most of the good guy speedsters seem to have identical powers for the most part. But the Reversed Flash has a whole different type of speed from the Flash. And IIRC, even Zoom powers/speed differ from both the Flash and Reverse Flash.
There are more example of this idea in mainstream superhero stories. The X-Men is popular for giving character different types of psychic powers. The Eternals have different ways of using their cosmic powers. Over the years abilities have varied between different types of Spider people. I.E. Miles Morales having powers like electricity and invisibility. Even the gamma monsters like Hulk can still varied in powers. IIRC Red Hulk did had fire based powers.
And then you have the Green Lanterns with the creative ways they used their rings. And there is also Wizards like Dr. Strange, who can have broad magical powers. But I don't know if tech users and magic users would count here, when it comes to this idea of characters having different versions of the same powers.
But again I feel like this idea has endless possibilities. Can imagine the powers you can make just super soldiers like Captain America alone.
In conclusion, I think this idea should be explored more and expand more in superhero stories.
2023.05.30 22:54 aswab509 This is a long shot but can anyone help me identify what car model this is from
 | Woke up today and noticed someone smashed my left side mirror and this cover was left behind on my front yard. There’s a part number in written on it saying “849LH” submitted by aswab509 to whatisthiscar [link] [comments] |
2023.05.30 22:52 LucidFir Was this a ripoff? $700 CAD AC inspection, low and high side valve replacement and AC refill. Ford freestyle 2007
 | submitted by LucidFir to AskMechanics [link] [comments] |