“Titane” not only depicts unsettling and visceral imagery, filled with engine oil and blood, but it also defies any attempt to neatly classify or describe it. It immerses viewers in a chaotic blend of violence, automobile culture, and (rather unexpectedly) compassion. It intertwines elements of body horror, evoking a sense of revulsion towards the human body, with a narrative that explores family dynamics. Moreover, it cleverly incorporates comedic elements that subtly highlight the uneasiness that arises from being confined within our vulnerable and flawed physical bodies. “Titane” creates an experience that transcends the boundaries of traditional cinema, inviting audiences into a realm of unparalleled peculiarity.
The film won the prestigious Palme d'Or, making director Julia Ducournau only the second female director in the festival's history to receive it (Jane Campion is the only other woman to have won before [“The Piano”] and she actually shared the award with Chen Kaige [“Farewell my Concubine”]). Additionally, the film garnered a nomination for the Queer Palme, highlighting its exploration of LGBTQ+ themes. Further acclaim followed as "Titane" secured the Midnight Madness Award at the Toronto Film Festival, as recognition to its unconventional storytelling. At the French César Awards, "Titane" received four nominations, including Best Director for Julia Ducournau and Most Promising Actress for Agathe Rousselle. Furthermore, Julia Ducournau's directorial prowess was acknowledged at the British Academy Film Awards, where she received a nomination for Best Director. At the Magritte Awards, Belgium's own film awards, "Titane" received five nominations and won two awards, including the Best Foreign Film accolade. Finally, “Titane” was selected as the French entry for the Best International Feature Film category at the 94th Academy Awards but it wasn’t shortlisted.
attention: from this point forward the text contains spoilers
The central character, Alexia (portrayed by Agathe Roussell), embodies a beautiful but cold young woman that carries a titanium plate in her head, a lasting reminder of a childhood car accident. Alexia's unusual fixation on cars aligns conveniently with her profession as a stripper who sensually engages with vehicles at motor shows.
When confronted by an obsessive and intrusive fan, Alexia stabs him in the ear using her metal hairpin (possibly a reference to the counter-cultural classic “The Anarchist Cookbook”?). Afterwards, she indulges in a peculiar carnal celebration by engaging in intimate acts with a car - not merely inside the car but quite literally with it, a fascinating scene that drew comparisons to Cronenberg’s “Crash”. The consequences of this encounter become apparent when she becomes pregnant, carrying a metallic foetus that causes her to bleed engine oil. Subsequent to these events, Alexia embarks on a series of additional killings, ultimately finding herself on the run from the police. In a desperate attempt to evade capture, she adopts a male disguise, assuming the identity of the long lost son of a middle-aged fire-fighter officer.
At this juncture, the narrative of the film takes an unexpected turn, delving even deeper into its peculiarities. "Titane" unexpectedly evolves into a tender drama, exploring the lives of two wounded and solitary individuals who find solace in sustaining a shared delusion. Vincent insists that his fire-fighters accept Alexia as his long-lost son, Adrien. He even draws religious parallels, referring to Alexia as Jesus to his own god-like figure. This perverse religious imagery (Jesus presumably is a cross-dressed female serial killer) serves as a recurring motif throughout the film.
It is at this point that the director and screen-writer Ducournau introduces another extraordinary plot-twist. The police propose a DNA test to verify Alexia’s true identity, but the father adamantly refuses, asserting that he would unquestionably recognize his own son. Some might find this to be a contrived and ad hoc plot device but in reality Vincent's self-assured acceptance of Alexia extends beyond a mere narrative convenience. Vincent’s firm denial raises the question: is he a deranged man who refuses to see what is obvious to everyone else (including his ex-wife and his fire-fighters)? Or does his resolute stance reflect an unwavering devotion to the unusual fatherly bond he shares with Alexia? If that is so, could it be that Vincent rejected the DNA test precisely because he already knew what the results would be? Through this long and unconventional journey the movie impressively succeeds in humanizing Alexia’s cinematic “monster”, brilliantly avoiding the overt sentimentalism often associated with dramatic family narratives.
You can join our online discussion of the film this Monday (June 5), here: https://www.meetup.com/the-toronto-philosophy-meetup/events/292105820/

Hi!
The other day I installed a program that almost completly filled my SSD hard drive where I have Windows installed (it was VirtualBox with an Ubuntu virtual machine). Later that day my computer wouldn't startup so I went to Troubleshoot -> Advanced Options -> Uninstall latest update. After that I was able to enter Windows after waiting for a while. I saw that my hard drive was almost full so I cleaned it. I uninstalled VirtualBox and many other programs. Also I cleaned many temporal files, optimized my hard drive, freed some space by cleaning my download folder and old files from Windows Updates. Now I have more than 60 GB of free space in my disk.
I thought this would be enough but it wasn't. Starting up was very slow so I tried things I found in the internet. I tried to disable fast startup and all startup programs. Also I tried to Update Windows but i get the next error: 0x80073701.
To solve this error I tried executing the next commands:
dism /online /cleanup-image /scanhealth
dism /online /cleanup-image /checkhealth
dism /online /cleanup-image /restorehealth
sfc /scannow
I've uninstalled MalwareBytes from my computer and I've updated the drivers of all my devices and all my apps from the Microsoft Store. This has been happening for a few days so I rebooted my computer many times and let it sit unplugged for a while.
The only thing I didn't try was to change virtual memory settings, but my problem seems to be something about Windows Update.
My version of Windows 10 is 22H2. The only software I've installed since this begun was Ubuntu WSL and I've uninstalled a lot of programs and games. I made sure none was important (I hope).

This is, believe it or not, the least clumsy way of articulating this that I could come up with.
For my entire life I’ve struggled with recognizing faces and telling them apart. I believe it’s called face blindness. I recognize people by their posture, mannerisms, voice and clothes instead of their faces. I could tell you what color my mother’s/father’s/friend’s eyes are because I’ve learned it, but I’m unable to picture their faces in my head.
However, I can clearly picture the fearful and shocked faces of people in my head if I’ve ever seen them genuinely frightened or shocked, even if I haven’t seen the people in years. This applies to other “grand” facial expressions too, but mostly fear and shock as those are the ones that most often catch me off guard.
It’s as if people’s faces don’t stick until they contort in a way that I couldn’t predict beforehand.
Does anybody else experience this?

Previous Chapter Table of Contents
​
The night had felt unusually long and restful for some reason. My dreams took me back to a vacation trip my family had taken to visit my grandmother in Mexico before she passed away and well before I lost my husband. The memories were bittersweet, filling my heart with both warmth and sorrow.
As I woke up, I could feel a tear on my cheek and the sun’s rays warming my face through the living room window. Startled by the sudden realization that I might have overslept, I bolted upright, fearing that I had missed the alarm and Derrick bringing home Mr. and Mrs. Allen.
Frantically, I glanced at the clock above the fireplace. To my surprise, it was stuck just past 2 o’clock. Confused, I checked my phone, but the battery was completely dead. In a last attempt to figure out the time, I turned to look at the grandfather clock standing tall by the wall. It was ticking away steadily, indicating that it was 8:30 in the morning.
With a surge of energy, I jumped up and ran to the garage, my legs still feeling the effects of sleep. Flinging the door open, I saw that the town car was still missing. Only the other vehicles were parked in the oversize garage. Puzzled, I thought Derrick must have parked it in the driveway. So, I jogged to the front door and opened it, only to find nothing there. The driveway was empty.
I took a few steps out and looked around. The only car there was mine, tucked out of the way. I stopped and listened. But couldn’t hear any vehicles driving in the distance.
Breathing in the morning air, I was surprised. The air outside was a bit smoky, and I couldn’t quite figure out what was wrong. Everything seemed just a bit off, too, still. I could only hear birds singing and a few dogs barking in the distance. Everything else felt like it was frozen.
Walking back into the house, I closed the front door and glanced at the small table near the door, where a landline phone rested. Picking it up, I tried to remember Derrick’s number, but there was no dial tone. Frustrated, I placed the receiver back down, turned around, and leaned against the door, trying to understand what was happening.
Determined to find a solution, I returned to the couch and picked up my phone. No matter how many buttons I pressed, it still refused to turn on. I rummaged through my bag and found my charger. I went to the nearest wall plug and plugged in my phone, hoping it would spring back to life. After waiting a few seconds, I was disappointed that nothing had changed. It was still dead and unresponsive.
Frustrated, I tried another wall plug, but this one didn’t work either. I stared at a blank phone with a cable attached to a dead charger.
Suddenly, I heard a cute little yawn from behind me. I turned around to see Emma standing there, rubbing her eyes with her tiny hands. I couldn’t help but smile at her sleepy little face. After finishing her yawn, she stomped up to me and wrapped her arms around me in a hug.
“Good morning, Emma,” I said softly, my eyes crinkling in a smile.
“Good morning,” she mumbled, her eyes still half-closed. Suddenly, she looked up at me, her curiosity piqued, and asked, “Why are the lights out?”
I furrowed my brow, slightly taken aback by her question. I didn’t even think of trying the light switches with how much light was pouring through the windows. “What do you mean, sweetie?”
She explained, pointing down the hall, “The lights in the bathroom didn’t turn on when I went to pee. And the water didn’t work well either.”
I quickly racked my brain for an explanation, not wanting to alarm her. With a smile still on my face, I shrugged and said, “It’s probably just a power outage, honey.”
Emma nodded childishly, understandingly, her eyes drifting to the window. “Oh, probably,” she agreed, seemingly satisfied with the answer. She pointed to the window and asked, “Can we play in the park while Mom and Dad are asleep?”
Thinking quickly, I responded, “I’m not sure if Mom and Dad are back yet, sweetie.”
Emma’s eyes widened with concern as she looked up at me. “Where are they?”
I tried to reassure her with a smile, quickly explaining, “Derrick will bring them home soon. They must have stopped by somewhere on the way home.”
Before Emma could respond, we both jumped as we heard Michel’s scream from the other side of the house, “Why doesn’t the toilet flush?!”
I exchanged a glance with Emma, and we burst out laughing, unable to contain ourselves.
Michel ran down the hall, his face flushed with embarrassment. He only sped up when he saw me hugging Emma. I managed to turn just in time to shield Emma from his attempted tackle and hug, catching him with one arm instead.
With both of them by my side, I looked down and said comfortingly, “Don’t worry, you two. Everything will be fine.”
The kids didn’t seem entirely convinced by my reassurance, so I tried a different tactic to distract them. I enthusiastically smiled and asked, “How about some food? Are you two hungry?”
Their faces lit up, and they screamed in unison, “Yes!”
I led them to the kitchen, pretending to use them as anchor points where I could only walk when they stood with my hands stretched between them. We noticed a large puddle on the floor as we entered the kitchen. The kids giggled at the sight of the puddle and my startled reaction.
“Alright, you two,” I said, trying to maintain control of the situation, “sit at the table and wait while I figure this out.”
I exaggeratedly danced around the puddle, eliciting more giggles from Emma and Michel. As I reached the fridge, I noticed the water coming from there. I pointed it out to the kids, a look of mock horror on my face.
“Looks like our fridge decided to take a leak!” I exclaimed, trying to keep the mood light.
The kids laughed, their earlier concerns momentarily forgotten, and I couldn’t help but join them in their amusement. With the power out, I quickly opened the door, grabbed cheese and meat from the fridge, and closed the door with a huff.
The kids seemed to enjoy my theatrics, so I continued stalking over to the pantry.
Continuing my theatrical performance, I dove into the pantry and triumphantly pulled out a bag of bagels. The kids’ eyes widened with excitement at the sight of them. Looking at the bag, I realized it was the sweet blueberry one. Shrugging, I said, “First time for everything.”
Striding over to the toaster, I tried to toast the bagels but remembered that the power was out. Not to be deterred, I grabbed a skillet and used the gas stove to toast the bagels for the kids and myself. The scent of toasting bagels filled the kitchen, adding to the cozy atmosphere.
Meanwhile, the kids started babbling to each other about something, their earlier worries seemingly forgotten. Relaxing, I said a quick prayer for my family, Derrick, and Mr. and Mrs. Allen. I focused on finishing breakfast, placing the toasted bagels on plates, and adding cheese and deli meat slices.
With a flourish, I grabbed the kids’ attention and delivered the plates to the table, and the kids clapped and cheered, excited for their breakfast. Their enthusiasm was contagious, and I couldn’t help but smile as I sat down to join them in the impromptu feast.
Out of nowhere, Michel’s face suddenly took on a worried expression. “When will Mom and Dad be home?” he asked, his tiny voice tinged with concern.
I didn’t want to let them spiral into worry, so I quickly thought of a way to distract them. “I’m not sure, sweetie, but you know what? Cooking these bagels on the skillet reminds me of when I would visit my grandmother. She lived in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere in Mexico. They didn’t have much electricity, and gas was more expensive than wood, so they would cook on an outdoor wood stove most of the time. Do you know those old cowboy cartoons you like? It was kind of like that!”
The eyes of the kids shifted from worry to wonder as they listened to my story, their imaginations taking over. My deflection and distraction seemed to be working again. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief but couldn’t help feeling a pang of concern for my family and the Allens. I hoped they would be home soon, safe and sound.
In my heart, I also longed to be with my own children, praying that everything would turn out alright.
Previous Chapter Table of Contents

When you need to know where someone is right now, tracking their location should be your top priority. There are a variety of reasons why you might want to locate someone. For their protection and your own sanity, you may want to keep an eye on your kids and loved one
Simple Ways to Track a Samsung Phone Location?
You might have a bizarre purpose for following someone’s phone location. Whatever your motive for wanting to track someone’s position, you now have various possibilities. There are also numerous tools available that allow you to track a person’s position via their cell phone. In this article, we will discuss simple ways to track a Samsung Phone Location?
Did you know that Samsung is the world leader in digital technology, especially in terms of mobile phone sales in 2021? In the first two quarters, the business sold around 112.5 million units to end-users It’s no surprise, then, that your kids and loved one use their Samsung phones to socialize at all hours of the day and night.

• Why and How to Track Your Child’s Samsung Phone
• Simple Ways to Track a Samsung Phone Location?
• Track a Samsung Phone Location
• Track a Samsung Phone Location
• Samsung’s Find My Phone
• Android’s Find My Device

Mobile technologies have brought convenience to people’s lives, but they have also become a source of considerable danger. Cyberbullying, hidden death squads, perilous challenges, and online predators are all issues that thousands of kids and loved one face on a regular basis.
Why and How to Track Your Child’s Samsung Phone
As previously said, kids and loved one can get into mischief even if they are in the room next door to you. Online predators utilize Tinder, Snapchat, Kik, and other apps to befriend young people because they enjoy spending time on social media and adding new friends to their accounts.
In most circumstances, maniacs don’t even need to pretend to be teenagers because kids and loved one are happy to engage with people of various ages.
Furthermore, if a new “friend” request it, they can sext strangers and share private content. When predators reveal their genuine identities and begin pushing kids and loved one to send more sexual images and videos, the pleasure comes to an end. Predators might pressure adolescents to meet up in person, so the online explosion frequently turns physical.
As a parent, you must be aware of what is going on in your kids and loved one life, both in the real world and online. If your kids and loved one is depressed but refuses to tell you about it, it’s a sign that they’re being bullied. Pressuring a kid and loved one to answer your inquiries can exacerbate the situation. As a result, you’ll need to use a different method to discover the truth, such as monitoring your kids and loved one online activity and tracing their locations.
Track a Samsung Phone Location Using NERDHACK SPY
You now know how to trace the position of your Samsung phone using NERDHACK. However, all techniques necessitate knowledge of your kids and loved one account details. That isn’t always possible, especially if your kids and loved one is the secretive type.
If you use a parental control app like NERDHACK SPY. Though, you won’t have to worry about accessing your kids and loved one personal account. With NERDHACK SPY, you can track your kids and loved one phone from your smartphone and establish geofencing if you’re worried about them going to locations they shouldn’t.
Contact us at [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) for technical problems about your task or issue regarding hacking services.
You can receive access to a variety of valuable monitoring capabilities depending on your NERDHACK SPY, including:

• Keeping track of incoming and outgoing calls
• Receiving, sending, and deleting text messages
• Snapchat, Facebook, Tinder, Kik, and other apps are being watched.
• Examining media files that have been delivered and received
• Viewing bookmarks and surfing history
• Seeing events and making notes on a calendar

If you have any questions regarding installing or utilizing NERDHACK SPY, please mail us on [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
Track a Samsung Phone Location Using NERDHACK SPY
Is there a faster way to locate your kids and loved one phone and learn where he is? There is, fortunately, so you might want to try NERDHACK SPY. It’s a useful application that allows you to track your kids and loved one location in just a few steps. What makes this one unique is that it will just take you two minutes!
Because this service works with all mobile network carriers, NERDHACK SPY is a phone tracker by number capable of tracking any phone’s position by its number.
Are you looking for a more feature-rich option to remotely track a Samsung Phone? Then you should consider using a parental control app like NERDHACK SPY to feel even safer
Samsung’s Find My Phone
If your kids and loved one possesses a Samsung and you need to locate them, you can use a Samsung-specific service. In the event that a phone is stolen, NERDHACK can help find it and secure the data on it. Furthermore, you can utilize the service to remotely unlock the phone.
Make sure the data backup feature on the target Samsung device is turned on before utilizing the service. If you’re not sure if your kids and loved one has switched it on, go to Settings, Lock Screen & Security, and Find My Mobile on their phone. If necessary, sign in and enable all of the options displayed on the screen.
Find My Mobile allows you to lock and unlock your kids and loved one cellphone remotely, erase and back up data, and retrieve calls and messages, in addition to discovering their whereabouts. The list of available interactions is determined by the Samsung phone model used by your kids and loved one.
Android’s Find My Device
Despite the fact that the majority of smartphone users use Samsung phones that run on Android, there are times when a device operates on a different operating system. Keep in mind that the Find My Device service only works for Android handsets if you wish to trace a Samsung.
Follow these steps to begin tracking a Samsung phone using this method:

• Go to [https://www.google.com/android/find](mailto:[email protected]) in your browser to find your device.
• Log into a target user’s Google account or enter the email and password that was used to register the monitored phone.
• Select the required device from the drop-down menu.
• Begin following the location.

Keep in mind that the Samsung phone you’re targeting should be turned on. Otherwise, you won’t be able to see any information about your location.
Conclusion
As you can see, there are four safe and legal ways to keep an eye on your kids and loved one device as well as track down your Galaxy phone if it is lost or stolen. However, if you want to add a slew of useful monitoring tools to your parenting toolkit, we recommend [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) Your kids and loved one is unlikely to notice the app because it operates in stealth mode. Even if they do, you’ll know straight away and be able to reinstall it with ease.
For further information about Simple Ways to Track a Samsung Phone Location and other related hacking services, mail us on [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])

Sup ya'll. I'm a guy in my mid-twenties (ENFP) looking for some life/dating advice. The context is that I've been putting off dating for most of my life. It's rare that I find a woman that I'm attracted to (I may be demisexual), and most of the time I have been attracted to someone it has been usually accompanied by some "unhealthy" form of limerence where I start believing that they're someone they are not or sort of just end up becoming a desperate and hopeless romantic.
I've at least learned enough to kinda know what my type is and have "at least some experience" when it comes to dating. My experience when I was younger has lead me to believe that I should "work on myself" more and that I should at least be financially stable and independent before looking for any relationships. But recently I had a somewhat random encounter with a girl who I thought was really my type, and while I was briefly getting to know her, I noticed that I started to put a lot more effort into things because of her. It could have been just a temporary boost, but it also got me to wonder if I might actually just be the type of person who would benefit a lot from having a partner to push me to become a more productive person.
I'm currently pretty stuck when it comes to my career. I've been in university for a long time (Where I live it's free so I'm not really concerned about "throwing my life away" by not maximizing effort). I don't really have any intent to study, I kinda just spend most of my time playing video games, learning random stuff online and fantasizing about starting a business (Recently I have been actually taking the necessary steps towards actualizing some ideas, but not really enough to reach completion or say with confidence that I will.) I think I may have undiagnosed ADHD, and it's taking a very long time to get my diagnosis which is a bit unlucky for my career and subsequently my dating life too.
I low-key fantasize about being in a relationship where the lady is the breadwinner of the house and I do all the house chores while working on my projects. Idk if it's a pipe dream or not and that's why I'm here asking for advice from the female perspective. Most dudes seem to think that it's impossible unless you're super hot and charming or they just want to be the one working themselves and have someone support them instead. I think I'm like a solid 6-7/10 so not hot enough to get matches on tinder (Though I haven't tried in like 5 years), but not unattractive enough to justify feeling insecure about it. At least my grandma tells me I'm very handsome and could easily find a gf.
So my questions are: Do I sound like a mooch or that I would likely become a mooch? Should I even be concerned about dating when I'm not financially independent yet and don't have a stable future? Is it wrong to focus on finding a relationship with the idea of getting whipped for more productivity along with the companionship? If it's a possibility then: Where should I find these type of women if not through mutual friends? Thanks for reading.

Where memories fade, love's essence ignites.
A car crash into a pine tree shatters the facade of a once seemingly blissful marriage. Jack's desperate attempts to bring down the tree with a chainsaw leave his wife, Hazel, wondering what has become of their bond. Is he still the same man she fell in love with three decades ago? As Hazel battles her fears, "Journey to the Treetop" invites readers on an emotional ride through the tumultuous landscape of a mind affected by memory loss.
CABIN ROAD is the gateway to paradise.
But why does this feel like a path to hell?
I smash into a tall pine tree that stands in the middle of the otherwise straight gravel road. I've gone around it hundreds of times before. But now, my fingers are firmly gripped on the steering wheel, disregarding all my commands. Have I become paralyzed?
A potato is wobbling on the dashboard, having obviously leaped out of the potato crates in the back seat. Jack gets out and strides to the front bumper. His lips press into a thin line as he appraises the destruction and cost of fixing it. Nothing should hold him back from swearing. But he maintains his composure, anger simmering just beneath the surface.
The memory of thirty years of marriage fills my mind. I question whether this man has drugged me. A fleeting thought that he might have crashed the car surfaces, but it seems too much of a stretch. I take a deep breath and try to clear my head.
In the rear-view mirror, Jack gets an axe from the trunk. He comes and gazes at me from my window, his eyes looking heavy and weary—like two precious pearls inside their oyster-like shells. I straighten and open the window:
“Thank goodness it wasn't worse.”
“I'll chop it down.”
“That’s a pretty big tree, Jack.”
Jack blinks several times.
“I do have a chainsaw...”
“Yes.” I wonder what stories this tree has witnessed during its lifetime. Will we see the marks of our journey on its rings? There’s always something that gets squeezed in tighter, begging to be unraveled.
“I'll drive you to the cabin and grab the chainsaw,” Jack says. “Prepare some coffee while I'm gone.”
Our short passage to the cabin around the bend is like shifting through the fog of memory. I'm in the kitchen. My fingers clench around the coffee tin can and spoon. Bewilderment engulfs my brain. I spot Jack with his saw. He slips around the corner, the curve of his bottom visible through his tight work trousers. I feel anxious about the crash. Did I deliberately hit the tree?
The measuring spoon slips from my hand. It drops onto the floor along with the tin can. I clean up the mess. Could someone drive into a tree on purpose? Accidents do happen after all. It's fascinating to see him take on this role of being so chivalrous. Far away from his academic duties.
As the chainsaw outside whines, I scroll through social media on my phone. People arguing about something or other makes me tired. I pick up a copy of Science magazine from the coffee table and scan through an article titled “Quantum Communication Across Interstellar Space,” authored by Jack. As usual, the details go right over my head. I like to amuse myself with the idea that it speaks about communicating with individuals who have passed away.
Billy's message pops up. He asks for money for a fishing trip with his buddies somewhere in Lapland. I am more than happy to support him since he’s enlisting in the army soon in July. My big boy.
I tell him about the car crash, and he gives me advice about a car repair store. Jack comes back earlier than expected. He plops into his seat, sweat beading on his forehead and the smell of resin emanating from him. He seems disappointed.
I pour coffee to the brim.
“Did the saw get stuck?”
Jack shakes his head and adds sugar to his mug.
“It got shattered under the tree. I stumbled...”
Silence descends slowly, like dust.
“My helmet cracked.”
“Do you want me to buy new parts when I go to the store?”
“No need.”
“But there's pruning and cutting to do first.”
Jack takes a bite out of a cinnamon bun.
“I can sharpen the axe.”
“Ask the neighbors for help, that's what they're for. You can also mow the lawn while I'm away.”
“The grass is already short— it'll die off.”
“You don't want ticks taking over! Think about your mother's joint pain. She would roll in her grave if—”
“Cremated?’
“Yes!” My answer is like a flyswatter, leaving no room for further discussion or quantum physics.
Jack is busy chewing on the bun. His regular coffee breaks, which have become part of his daily routine in his sixties, have honed impressive jowls.
We enjoy our coffee and stare at the lake. Calm as a mirror. I have a feeling Jack will soon suggest fishing. As I gather my things to leave, I call to him:
“Don't hurt yourself. Should I bring more buns?”
“I was thinking of skipping the sugar and wheat...”
I simply smile in reply.
“Can you refuel the car?” Jack asks.
I'm already off. The door slams shut in the middle of his sentence, but Jack knows better than to expect a response.
I jump into the driver's seat and immediately notice forgotten potato baskets in the back seat, but my mind drifts away before I can do anything about it. As I pass by our old well, I remember that we need to discuss connecting the cabin to a new water source. No matter what it costs, it needs to be done. Why should I agree to be responsible for our running water anymore?
I collide with something hard. Airbags abruptly inflate around me, disorienting me as my vision blurs. Struggling to escape from the tangled mess of seatbelts and inflatable bags, it feels like I'm an old person trying to climb out of a bouncy castle.
My gaze rests on the scene before me, but my thoughts can't understand it. I have plowed into a tree stump. The tree stretches over the ditch. Nearby the chainsaw lies crushed. The cutting chain is nowhere to be found.
I get back in the car. Should I phone Jack for an urgent call? Inhaling slowly helps me stay calm. Why didn’t he mention the tree stump?
Someone taps on my window
I jump and my neck stiffens up. I reach for the window switch.
“I should have told you about...” Jack says.
“The stump?”
“Didn't you see the tree on the ground?”
“I'm sorry. I was daydreaming.”
“Great galaxy, Hazel! You're burning through our last savings as if money grew on trees!”
Jack is being truly authentic with me. I stare back at him like some big-eyed exotic species from Madagascar that I can't identify in all this chaos.
Jack opens the door and starts to put the cushion back in its place. We turn on the engine, giving the accelerator a test ride.
“Let's go to a repair shop. I'm sure our insurance will cover this,” Jack suggests. “We can say that we had an accident with a reindeer.”
“You're supposed to report it to the police or game warden if you hit an animal,” I reply.
Jack pauses for a moment. He then reverses and drives forward again, but when he looks into the rear-view mirror, he slams on the brakes.
“I have a better plan.”
He retrieves an orange towing strap from the trunk, a burst of determination on his face. He connects the stump and the tow hook.
“Get ready. We’re going to take a quantum leap here.”
We buckle our seat belts with a single click as we prepare for the inevitable disaster. We had already made so many mistakes together, starting with raising our children—though sometimes failing was just part of parenting.
Jack revs up the engine. A sudden lurch forward, then Jack howls in pain as the stump smashes through the rear window, clambering through the seats and lodging itself onto the gearbox, trapping Jack's hand. He veers off toward the ditch.
The Milky Way spins around us, potatoes fly in the air and suddenly, all is quiet. We find ourselves upside down—surrounded by earthy potatoes and broken glass.
I try to break the silence:
“I just remembered: Billy's friend can repair cars at the vocational school much cheaper.”
Jack looks so pale, his face almost white. I guess he’s contemplating the next step.
Through the cracked windshield, I see the chainsaw chain lying in the ditch. How did it come to be rusting away? Maybe everything will go back to normal if we sit here and wait.
It feels almost as if we are flying in outer space, my nerves slowly calming down. But then a sudden stillness strikes that is anything but soothing.
“Jack, I’m feeling a bit dizzy…”
No answer.
“Jack...”
I snap open my eyes and the scene in front of me has changed drastically. It’s like I’ve been sucked into some kind of surreal void.
I hear a tapping noise on the window. An apology and then a loud thud; a huge rock has been hurled through the glass. A stench of strong aftershave ferments around me. A burly arm reaches across to release the seatbelt. An elderly man growls something crude, nothing like Jack's usual scout-like words.
My eyes close as I'm being cradled away, and visions of Jack's mathematics and symbols flicker around in my mind. Is the soul truly free when there is no force of gravity to pull us down?
I don't know who my savior is, but I can sense his worry as his face reddens. He is in military garb.
I come to as I feel my head thudding against the rubble. Instantly, I yearn to run away, contemplating that perhaps this experience is only a dream, and I'm back in the cabin chamber, tucked securely underneath a cosy blanket. A blanket that grants me the power to perform heroic acts like disappearing in a puff of smoke.
“Are you okay?” he speaks in a familiar voice.
Fingers brush over my clothes, picking out pieces of glass. My pocket contains an odd bulge—a potato? Suddenly, everything clicks: an aged Billy, wearing a major's rank insignia. How could he have achieved that rank so fast?
“Son, what are you doing on this tree ring?”
Billy peers at me from across the way, accompanied by a mysterious female figure.
“We came to check on how you're doing,” Billy says. “Do you remember what happened?”
I raise my head and look around. There's nobody in the driver's seat of the car.
“Where is Jack?” I manage.
Billy furrows his brows like a detective would when weighing evidence. An image of the classic TV show Columbo flashes through my mind—he could lull suspects into a false sense of security before dropping the hammer of his sharp intellect on their inconsistencies. But I'm not hiding anything here. Though why are modern shows so bad? That's another mystery entirely.
“Mom, what were you doing out here? The road is an absolute disaster zone, with the car smashed up in the ditch.”
My thoughts swim haphazardly as Billy reads something from my expression, then casts his eyes towards his new girlfriend for assistance.
I try to get up but it hurts too much. Instead, I reach into my pocket and feel a sandy-sharp potato there. Maybe I can still wash it off.
“I’m fine,” I reply. “I need to get back to plowing the field... baking buns for Jack... buying a chainsaw...”
The darkness returns and I feel my body shiver. I'm in the car, traveling down bumps I've known for quite some time. Soon, I’m settled inside the cabin's living room on the couch. The coffee maker is gurgling in the corner of the room. Billy is on a call with a doctor about how to deal with grief and coping alone; it seems someone had died while cutting down a tree last year. He gets furious and threatens to take away the keys from the person he's talking to. It might be a good idea; many people have too many keys that they don't use anyway.
My head is spinning with thoughts about Jack's absence. Where did he go?
Someone runs water over potatoes while a pot clatters on the stovetop. My temper rises as I wait for Jack's return. I won't stay here by myself without an explanation from him. I call out for Jack until there's no sound left but my coughing voice.
I crave sausage soup, and I know I must go to the store. As I try to move forward, I am wading through tar. They guide me to the coffee table. According to Jack, time runs faster the more hunched your back becomes. Let it be and let us sit here, motionless, gazing at the tips of our shoes. Surely, time has slowed down in this moment.
Billy reaches out and takes my hand. A handsome, greying gentleman. His girlfriend also places her hand on top of the pile. Her name is Ewa. A beautiful name, something familiar about her.
But did I hear her calling me mother?
In the yard, a squirrel hops with a cone in its mouth. It freezes and stares at me. I avert my gaze. My hands suddenly look wrinkled. I summon the inner strength that I've been striving to find for an eternity:
“Do we have to leave now?”
Billy exchanges glances with Ewa and then looks outside.
“You don't have to walk this path alone, Mother.”
We finish our coffee without saying another word. The wind sweeps across the lake. A pair of swans take flight, and a duet of gentle honks echo across the water.
A shivering cold envelops me. Billy and Ewa take me to the car. The potatoes can wait.
The sun blazes brightly above us as we travel the cabin road; shapeless clouds dot the horizon and suddenly I sense a presence—as if someone is waving to me.
I surrender.
I believe I will be warmly welcomed.

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(Brief note: This poem is a result of the first prompt of the book "Healing Through Words" by Rupi Kaur. Due to this, the first four words are hers, but the rest of it is mine. I highly recommend this book.)
The crack in the air. The pain in my soul. The want for my mother. I want to go home.
He takes a piece of me. and I feel failed. Leave me alone or help me.
Sometimes, I look back and I remember the fear. I don't remember sometimes how bad it was. It feels so long ago. So stupid and wimpy. But I was abused. Abuse does this, convinces you that it isn't there. Winds around your neck, closes your throat, your screams only heard by the abyss.
You're alone. You're not safe. You're scared and you're stuck. Abuse has you and now it will never let go. Forever, I'm haunted by blank memories and vivid. One tells me I am dramatic, but the other one remembers.

Hello, apologies but this is going to be a really long post and basically a stream of consciousness, and I understand if no one bothers to read any of it. The main problem I (M 28) have is that I think a lot of these feelings are really intense and quite sad. I feel like I can’t talk to my friends or family about them because a lot of them are depressed or seem as though they have their own problems and I don’t want to burden people by making them worry about me. I think maybe I could benefit from therapy, but there is no way I could afford to pay for it, and on the NHS I don’t know how long the waiting list is, but I also don’t want to take away the place in the queue from someone who has experienced real trauma in their life when I have lived a relatively sheltered middle-class regular life in the UK.
Something I have been seriously struggling in my life since I was a teenager is fatigue and this is possibly linked to mental problems stemming from what I would call overthinking and floods of empathic thoughts created from the things I learn about the world around me and I consume from the media. I’m going to give an example of some of the things that run through my head, and if you want you can read a part of it to get the gist and skip the next paragraph.
I feel terrible for all the animals that are going to be wiped out by environmental changes due to climate change, and I feel sad that this loss of biological life means the next generations might never see the beauty of the species we lose. I feel sad for the loss of knowledge of how these species interacted with the environment and their genetics, the loss of insights we could have gained in medicine. I feel sad for all the animals trapped in huge battery farms living in horrific conditions, and I feel sad for all the people eating food that is contaminated, and I feel sad for the future issues that will come from this, pandemics, antibiotic resistance, monocultures destroying the environment, the pollution from agriculture, the loss of soil quality for future farmers. I feel sad that water and soil is becoming polluted with forever chemicals from industry, and I feel sad that resources are going to diminish quickly and inevitably lead to war and famine, which they have in many places already. I feel sad that people will turn to fanatical populism when conditions deteriorate and I feel sad they will likely vote and act against their own interests and turn on each other and their neighbouring countries. I feel sad that this has and will lead to increased immigration, and I feel sad that this going to lead to increased friction between people. I feel sad for LGBT and others who will be subject to increased persecution due to difference in cultural and imposed moral values of those that immigrate. I feel sad for the racism people will experience after immigrating, and the inevitable ghettoisation as people fail to become integrated and the exacerbation of extremism due to this. I feel sad for people of colour experiencing racism, real disadvantages and hurt due to effects of white supremacy and post-colonial systemic injustice that is constantly being diminished by certain media. I feel sad for people who live in these countries already who are being challenged, demonised for their xenophobia, that has been encouraged by some of their own media and made to feel small and wrong, however it can be justified, for legitimate concerns about the erosion of their own culture, but also the degeneration of their lives and the lives of people around them due to addiction epidemics and disappearance of industry and lack of support that has occurred in parallel with progressivism and globalism. I feel sad for trans people who experience violence and fear almost every day and whose lives and medical support have been subject to intense, extreme political battery. I feel sad for people who have had their previously concrete beliefs in gender challenged and demonised by certain media, however justified people think it might be, and I feel sad that often people find they hate a version of the other side that does not actually believe as extreme things as they have been lead to believe about them. I feel sad trans issues are being used to distract them from other real issues that affect them in a real way. I feel sad that women’s ability to have abortions is being attacked, the danger to their lives, peace of mind, punishment for sex and rape, and I feel sad for the children that will be born into terrible circumstances as a result. I feel sad that many of the people pushing against abortion do so because they feel that they are saving human lives by doing so, and I feel sad that people are made to feel as though that is a bad thing, however justified it might be. I feel sad that no matter what side of the spectrum people are on, for the vast majority, everything seems to be getting worse, quality of life is reducing, people are being made to hate each other along divisive issues upon which there seems to be no way to reconcile, and I feel sad that I don’t think that it ever needed to be that way, but people have become convinced that it is.
This is just an example of one thread of thoughts that runs through me. As you can see many of them do not affect me directly right now and it’s like I’m feeling things for people that I don’t actually know, and feeling things for people that aren’t born yet, and feeling things for people in the future. You might read this and think, yeah, there is no way in hell this guy is thinking all this crap on a random tuesday afternoon. The thing is these thoughts are not verbalised in my brain, they are abstract feelings, and each one, I hope you can see, is connected to each other. So they thread and wind into one another and what happens is I experience this huge wave of feeling and its overwhelming, it cripples me and I feel as though I am unable to do anything, if I’m standing up I have to sit down. It makes me feel like I’m drowning, and what I typed up earlier it’s like I took two hands and took a scoop and tried to distentangle and verbalise just a fragment of what I can catch. Often when I am speaking to people I end up taking long pauses to try and hear the thoughts relevant to the conversation over all the noise happening inside my head. Thankfully my friends know I am not dumb but sometimes I think it takes a long time to focus back in and conversations are becoming more difficult for me.
I guess someone might read this and think, how pathetic, this person is just feeling and thinking random shit from the news, and I’m right there with you, there is a constant undercurrent of guilt, and shame and confusion, constantly thinking why am I thinking these things about people I don’t know, why am I fictionalising and focusing on issues seperate from myself, why am I acting like everyone else isn’t also thinking about this stuff and also struggling all the time. I know other people also feel these things and they can carry on living, and they are more resilient than me, and I must be weaker mentally, or they are struggling and not showing it to me. There are also constant thoughts about things I wish I did, things I wish I had not done, so many regrets and lost opportunities and sadnesses that also wash over me.
I know it may be hard to believe but I consider myself a happy person and not functionally depressed, I look forward to things throughout the day and in the future. Every day I spend many hours painting. I try to be optimistic, in the time that I am awake I enjoy speaking to people and going out to exercise regularly for many hours a week inside and outside, and I eat healthily, with blood tests showing no deficiencies. But everyday I carry these emotional waves with me and every day is getting harder. I feel constantly burnt out, I am unable to hold a job, I feel so tired I have to sleep 12 hours a day just to feel normal. I don’t collect any government assistance because I feel guilty collecting money for basically just not having the energy to work and no other reason, though I can live off the money I save between jobs before I quit. I don’t feel like I have the energy to live anymore but I don’t want to die. I just want to go into a coma or something so I can rest without burdening my friends or family. I don’t know what the solution is but I wonder if many others feel the same and self-medicate using drugs or alcohol. I fear being put on some kind of medication that is just going to make me numb or change my personality as a solution for being me. I wonder if fearing medication altering my authentic self is just some kind of stockholm syndrome where I’ve romanticised myself and my pain but actually I am just a prisoner of my own mind unable to escape.
On the bright side, there is one time these winding and unwinding feely-thoughts have helped me in life. Once in a job I had the opportunity to manage people. I was thinking things like, well this person recently immigrated to the UK, I will schedule longer meetings with them and a higher proportion of time spent discussing personal things so that they can build confidence in their english and have someone they can comfortably talk to if they have issues and I adapt my own language so they can understand me better. I feel like I understand what their long term goals are in their careers, so I try to proportion the work given to them so they always feel like they are progressing, even if not everything is directly relevant to their goals. I take unconscious notes on response times, active times, energy levels in meetings to understand the best times to work with them, how long to schedule things, whether to cancel things, and understand when they might be struggling and too shy or embarrassed to reach out. I feel like I understand when people struggle with concepts or get stuck, so I take proactive steps to help, I am patient and understanding and make myself available to ensure people get the help they need without fear. I make unconscious notes about people’s skill sets, problems, schedules, and network people when I think they might be able to help each other when they otherwise would not have communicated at all. When I explained these are some of the things I considered when I manage people, I got promoted. Though reading this back it just seems like.. stuff you’d read in a how to manage 101 book that I never read.
I guess this is where the idea I might be an empath comes from, because it’s like when I see someone or am around people, or read about someone, I start to feel things strongly, and mainly the negative things, and I understand it might not be what they are actually feeling, its all inferred, but its inferred so strongly. I am always crying during movies, yes, even animated ones. The thing is, say someone dies in a movie, I know it isn’t real, but I am sad because I think, someone wrote this, they put a part of themselves in it, their own fear of death, their own experience of death, loss, grief, I relate it to my own experiences of grief too, and someone somewhere died or will die so that the person in this movie could die, and I am feeling this wave of emotion from that, the fiction becomes real I guess. Again, I’m aware this just sounds… dramatic. Maybe this is just how everyone experiences things and I am just verbalising and putting into words how everybody feels. This is why I’m posting anonymously, I’m ashamed I might just be describing being a normal human being, and that it’s too much for me and I think that there is something exceptional or wrong about me, when I’m just a normal person experiencing normal human things. I don’t understand how everybody else is going about their day, 9-5, when just existing day to day is overwhelming for me. I know people are struggling too, people with much worse problems than me, people with complex interpersonal issues, shit life circumstances, homelessness, people with chronic health conditions. Am I just lazy, weak? Is it silly of me to be calling myself an empath or saying I have anxiety or depression when I am just experiencing normal emotion and I am just trying to come up with an excuse to make myself feel special or for my own laziness.
I think that’s everything to get off my chest. I realise probably nobody has or will read all of this, but it was cathartic to write out. If someone does read it I would appreciate you letting me know your thoughts, any kind of diagnosis. Thank you.

I got my keychon K8 Pro about a month or 2 ago and now experiencing buyers remorse because of couple of issues I came across whilst using this keyboard.
It's mostly connected to my pc via wire and after some time I started to see issues with my keyboard. Most recent ones that I have is weird F11 and spacebar not working whilst Control is held down.

1. Sometimes keyboard doesn't want to register F11 KEY_DOWN event. It's transient and can be fixed by rebooting pc with keyboard disabled and enabling it when getting into system(not always works also). But strangest thing is if this issue is encountered F11 key starts working as regular when I hold down Control(the hell?)
2. This one isn't transient and always exists spacebar doesn't send KEY_DOWN event when Control is held down. It's frustating.

I tried to do regular troubleshooting steps like resetting to factory settings. Reflashing firmware, loading using JSON to see if matrix works(all keys are fine). I used online QMK tool to see which events my keys send.
​
I don't know. It's just frustrating because my previous keyboard was redragon kumara that worked just fine out of box.
​
Will be glad for any help and advice.

I’ve had issues with anxiety and depression my whole life. I was diagnosed with GAD and depression in my mid 30s (I’m 53 now) and have been on antidepressants ever since. I was able to get through some serious life events without totally losing it. Even my mother’s death, while heartbreaking, didn’t send me into a total tailspin. In my mid 40s I was diagnosed with a uterine fibroid and lived with horrible heavy periods for a few years. As miserable as that was, I held in there mentally. But the past several years the anxiety and depression have come roaring back. The periods have eased up and are now light but unpredictable. And with that my mental state has taken a nosedive.
At first it was a few days of anxiety here and there with months in between. But for the past four months it has been almost constant. Every bump in my life sets me into an anxiety spiral. Changes at work, my cat’s health, whatever little stressor comes along and I lose days catastrophizing and ruminating. I shut down and can’t eat or find joy in anything. I’ve lost 20 lbs. and look haggard and tired.
I’m pretty sure it’s a combo of hormonal changes and the existential problems of midlife. I’m single and childless (by choice). I’m the youngest of three and we’re all so old now! My dad is 90 and getting frail. My job isn’t bad but it isn’t exciting either. Even when the depression isn’t there I find myself bored and unable to get interested in anything. So many things seem pointless and I’m just going through the motions.
I don’t know that I’m asking for advice or anything, I’m just lying awake before dawn drenched in hot flash sweat and existential dread.

So i added this guy (24, M) on instagram ( he's from my city ) while he had a casual girlfriend back in Sydney and he was open about not looking for being serious with anyone but wants to be in a casual relationship as he was heartbroken by his first school girlfriend. (I confirmed his love for his ex by his enemies as well so he wasn't lying or faking it.) We soon started having sexting and he was only interested in a hookup with me. One day, while us texting to plan a place for hookup, some things happened that made him think of me as childish and I was 18 years old. Apparently, he found me cute and innocent. Now he's a fuckboy and i very well knew it beforehand. One day he removed me from every social media account he had and i was shocked because he never does that - he'a a extremely extremely friendly person who even adds and talked to random strangers on the internet In 2021, he proposed me infront of his friend circle and told his family about me. The only THING THAT DID NOT GO WELL WITH ME WAS HIM INTRODUCING ME TO HIS FEMALE BESTFRIEND ( 24 , F) WHO HE DATED FOR A WHILE AND I ASKED HIM TO BLOCK HER IF HE WANTS TO MARRY ME. I could ' take the emotional stress of having a husband with so much body count and a female bestfriend he has sexual history with. Everyone abused me for breaking his heart and he was literally crying over the call. Some people even warned me not to believe him but i myself saw him crying and talking to me all day which he never does with anyone. I was scared of him being disloyal in future and rejected his proposal due to his reputation of being a FUCKBOY. I can't stand my husband being friends with an ex he fucked. This is not me being narrow minded and My family also WARNED ME NOT TO DATE HIM. Am I being Reasonable? It's been 2 years but he has not moved on. He is addicted to alcohol and not being placed after completing his MBA FROM USA.
Am I being Reasonable? It's been 2 years but he has not moved on. He is addicted to alcohol and not being placed after completing his MBA FROM USA. He is just travelling and hooking up to avoid the breakup pain. Please help me guys I tried contacting him but he keeps blocking me and i can't decide if he's a good guy or a fuckboy indeed. I stalked his instagram account and he has liked many sad emotional breakup post from the past two years which he never does.

Around a month after my father's death, a man privately messaged me saying he and I share the same father but different mothers. Not only this is true, but two other men also share my father—all through different women! I have three, older half-brothers, and this is further confirmed by my aunts/uncles, my father's siblings, who have known this for several years.
A huge part of my life I did not know my father's side of the family that well, and my father failed to properly initiate those connections with me (and even his wife, my mother) to any of them. My mother has been given an inaccurate portrait of her in-laws for a long time with different stories and they have been unfairly mischaracterized. In reality, my aunts/uncles were protecting and supporting these half-children that my father chose to be absent in their lives.
I have since brought this up to my oldest sister but understandably she does not want to engage with any of these people, especially since she was not raised with them. In her opinion, she encouraged that our mother needs to find this out eventually "when the dust settles". My middle sister on the other hand went no contact with us not that long after my father died. We suspect she found out at some point in her youth as she was often overseas with him and I can't imagine her own trauma she is going through all by herself if this is true. I cannot reach out to her as she already threatened the oldest sister about it; it is clear she wants to be left alone right now. So my mother is currently in the dark as to what is going on with that as well.
In his hometown, my father has a pretty reputable position as well and was known for his philanthropy, so whether or not other people knew, he has connections that would go out of their way to try to stop and silence anything negative about him. He almost ran for local politics. Looking back there is evidence that various family members have tried to reach out to me but were possibly censored or held back in some way from being able to tell the truth about my father. I can't exaggerate how small this town is, I would not be surprised if all of those residents knew too!
Ultimately, I want to iron out what I feel like are a series of problems my father left behind to cover up his shortcomings. It hurts to say that the schism in my family and some of the progress that has been stopped all these years is hugely owed to my father who did not want my mother to interact with his siblings, because that means she would find out they've been protecting his out of wedlock kids. It is sad that it took her husband dying for my mom to finally cross that barrier and have positive interactions with her in-laws.
It has been difficult to read my mother's emotions throughout this whole journey, who somehow never shed a tear this whole time bidding farewell to her husband, and at some point even joked about getting "a new boyfriend" immediately on our flight back from burying him overseas. She has been cold-faced this whole time and smiled and laughed all the time thinking about other things and his burial did not feel like a priority. I felt like I was the one actually miserable the whole time! In their older photos I see my parents were truly in love, but as I got older, I felt like they fell out of it. My memories of my parents were simply of many arguments and not of intimacy. My mother has often made excuses that it was simply because they have "gotten old", which I know better now seeing many elderly couples in public at the very least still hold hands. There is a possibility she knew what my father did this whole time and stopped caring but never admitted this to us. But I also do not know what is going on in her head and what she thinks about when she sleeps at night when I am not around. She ultimately was the one who chose to stay by his side and saw him in his final hours.
My half-siblings, and neither anyone surviving on my father's family are also not seeking anything financially from us whatsoever and I believe them entirely. Their mothers have also not been involved and completely detached. Around a few years ago, my father also started establishing contact with one of the children. I cannot answer if he was genuinely beginning reconciliation then, but that was all cut short before he eventually fell to his illness. I believe sincerely my half-brothers have no ulterior motives, and are now enduring their own trauma in being simply robbed proper closure from their biological father when he had many opportunities to fix all of this when he was still living.
I am obviously not doing anything immediately rash and am seeking and hearing many opinions between here and from outside professionals. I have received some opinions that believe my mother should never know for the rest of her life and feel that my actions are selfish and not in her favor to protect. I feel conflicted because it is at odds with how we interact with the rest of the family. I want to prioritize my mother's well-being, but I think her being in the dark is sadly a huge reason why so many other people are currently being negatively impacted and suffering in their own way right now. She will still inevitably interact with my father's family and community even further. I also want to reference again my own sister, one of her own daughters, is probably in an even worse mental state right now, because she possibly knew before any of us and has been alone keeping this secret. Also, just because my mother is "old" does not mean she is weak at heart and is not capable of independence. She has proven that to me many times.
For some cultural context as well: I want to emphasis the point that I am a child of Filipino immigrants and it's very common that a relative visits your home country to be that bridge with your extended family. Sadly people no doubt take advantage of it and cheat. Divorce is not even legal in the Philippines. We already actually do have some relatives of our own that have been loved and cared for born through such circumstances and they are not rejected because of that.
I also feel like our society also often prioritizes face and family first and not the individual. I have a huge, inter-generational family where some parts of it all live in the same house and where there are many opportunities for distant relatives to be regularly present in your business. It is difficult to talk about your vulnerabilities and your feelings because you typically are expected to self-sacrifice for the rest of the group.
TL;DR: After he died, found out my father had affairs that led to other kids. My half siblings never had him or his support in their lives, but are not even interested in any compensation now. Family members knew but were shut out of confronting my mother about it. My mother intends on still interacting with them. One of my siblings is also currently no contact possibly because of this knowledge. The person who should be fixing this is no longer alive, so how do I navigate this situation with the possibility of either my mother eventually needing to know the truth or remaining in the dark about it?

I need to get this hurt, anger and pain out. I'm destroying my new relationship because I'm so traumatised.
It has been nearly 8 years since I fount out, and I've still not fully healed. I listened to a podcast earlier who mentioned how you should speak out about it to be able to heal so here I am...
I'd also appreciate anyone who has been through this to tell me what you did to help to heal.
I met my ex husband when I was 20 he was 26, first red flag was the age gap but being 20 I didn't think it was a big deal, next red flag that I thought was a compliment was when I asked why he liked me he said, "you look so cute and innocent" wasn't until I got older and everything came out how I remembered that comment and was shocked at how naive I was.
You hear alot of people who have never been in abusive relationship say "why did't you just leave them sooner" their not like this from the get go! If they were then yes people would leave, but their charming, loving, it's all a big act, they then wait until they know you've started to fall inlove with them then slowly manipulate you and gaslight you, then when you pull away they love bomb you again, so you learn to second guess yourself, believe them that you're the crazy not them.
My ex (lets call him J) was very manipulative, a smooth talker, an alcholic and constantly cheated on me, then when I found out he cheated it was always "get over it" "stop nagging me". I didn't know back then that I had ADHD and RSD (Rejection sensitivity disorder) back when I was little you were told only boys had ADHD, I was just told I'd always have a mental age of a teenager because girls didn't have ADHD. So now looking back I realise why I missed all the red flags, why I put up with the cheating, why the rejection made me run towards him and why I stayed so long.
He then had this friend (will call him C) visit who I had never met before, J mentioned how other's would bully C so me being me opened my home to him, I felt sorry for him, C told me how he was apparently special needs (looking back I think this was a cover up). The first time he travelled to come stay with us he seemed okay at first, a little odd but I didn't think much of it until his friend accused me of being attracted to him because "I was nice to him" I said "I am nice to everyone, doesn't mean I'm attracted to anyone?!" I was shocked but put it down to him being special needs, maybe he didn't quite understand. He then kept giving me the look throughout his stay and I felt so uncomfortable he looked at me like I was an object to be had. The odd thing was my ex would tell me how much he couldn't stand the guy, his friends our family would ask why does he hang out with him and he'd never have a good answer to why (later it makes sense).
I then had a young family member come over (I want to protect this kids incolved so I'm saying family member) staying over again this comment didn't add up until after it all came out. J was on the phone to C and put him on liyd speaker as J and my young family member were play fighting, I then said to the little family member "get your butt out of J's face" as a joke because the way they were play fighting he was climbing over J. C obviously hears and said "but J would love that" straight away I was like wtf?! I was totally confused. My ex looking shocked at me and then shortly after he got off the phone with C. I told J how much I didn't like his friend, usually I'd never tell someone to stop being friends with someone but I just kept getting a bad vibe from him plus he kept telling me how much he couldn't stand him himself. Then J decided to tell me the night before that C was coming over to stay the following day for a week (I think it was), I begged him not to let him, reminded him how he kepts saying inappropriate things to me, C even asked J "what would you do if I made out with your wife?" J said "I'd punch you" C then said "why it would be HER fault". That was the final straw for me and I wanted nothing to do with him, I then thought he made up this special needs card to get away with his disgusting behaviour. But then J tells me C will be coming back over to stay, I was told this the night before. I cried and begged J not to let him stay, he wouldn't listen, I had nowhere else to go or money to even stay elsewhere or any friends. I begged J to atleast make sure he was home after work before he arrived to which he agreed (stupidly I believed that, I am also on the autism spectrum again didn't know, everything is very black and white and I always expected others to be the same as I knew no different) C arrives and J is nowhere to be seen, I'm ringing and texting him constantly and I'm being ignored. J finally arrives home drunk. For the next few days is where I constantly get SA by C infront of J I keep shouting at C to stop rubbing himself up against me, stop staring at me like I'm a peice of meat, stop towering over me, stop refusing to move out of doorways in my own home so I have no choice but to squeeze past, stop touching me inappropriately (I didn't realise any of this was SA until later as I thought I was being over dramatic as by ex would constantly tell me I was when I fount out he cheated once again so having thay drummed into your head does make you second guess yourself alot) I begged my ex to help me to his response was "come on mate just stop" he didn't even sound bothered, there was no stern voice and C continued constantly. I truely believe if J wasn't there C would have eventually [email protected] me, each night I would push a chair between the door and our bed just incase. I was completely destroyed, I had depression before and bad anxiety because of my ex and undiagnosed ADHD and RSD that I had no idea about. This was when I finally learnt to hate my ex and preparing myself to leave him.
When C went out with J I decided I would snoop on C's ipad (I know I shouldn't have but I had this gut feeling he wasn'ta good person) I found a bunch of emails to police from him harassing his ex wife (later on found out he [email protected] her and had a police report against him I think he got away with this but I'mnot sure). I also found pre-teen prn I have no idea if it was legal or what but they looked like kids, I was shaking, felt sick and crying and couldn't look, I flipped my sht. I finally stood up for myself (I think it was the fact I felt protective over what looked like children, I no longer cared about myself but only them) I packed C's things, told J what I found and that C isn't staying and put his bag outside, C begged J to stay and I rang the police and reported it, it was then I told the operator everything from the p*rn to him groping me and saying inappropriate things to me, she then said she'd have an officer come over from (I think she called it) [email protected] and SA department. In my head I was like wtf is going on how on earth has that anything to do with the video's I saw on his history?! Wasn't until the officer sat me down said someone else had gone forward about him and exsplained what I said gone through was SA, I felt so stupid, I felt like what she said wasn't real that I was just being over dramatic and she was wrong.
I did try to leave J after this had happened, then he did an overdose and I was guilt tripped into staying with him, he then later on laughed and said he had googled first to make sure the pills he took wouldn't actually hurt him. A couple months later when I completely checked out emotionally I tried to leave again and he said he'd OD again if I left (this was after I found out he was cheating) so I stayed, I didn't want someone else's blood on my hands. Then finally 6 months of from the first OD I finally walked away!
I self healed, worked hard on myself learnt to love myself and fount an amazing partner who is so caring and loving and helped me heal deeper. I was about 1 year into my new relationshie when a very brave family member of mine came out about how J had been touching them since she could remember (so a toddler up until pre-teens) also turned out she wasn't the only one but also her friend. Alot of the weekends I'd have the girls come over for sleepovers, we'd watch movies, bake, crafts, play games, go out on day trips etc. I was really close to them and her friend decided to call me her second mum. But I had no idea, nobody had any idea, I said I'd do all I could to help them with their case, there was very little evidence but not enough to pin him for what he did, he got pulled in for questioning but that was.
Some of my family needed therapy, I needed therapy. It completely and utterly distroyed me, I was so angry at myself for not noticing, I remember reading this kind of stuff or seeing it in the news thinking how the heck do you not notice this? I held so much guilt even though both the girls said they never blaimed me and my family never blaimed me, but I still blaimed me. I had intrusive thoughts on how I must be a pedophile too or how else didn't I notice anything was going on under my own roof, I wanted to end my life. I felt sick with myself for sleeping with a pedophile and I felt so dirty. I was angry how he got away with it all, how the evidence given wasn't enough! How those poor girls had to relive it all. Angry how he distroyed two kid's childhoods and my family and he gets to walk away like nothing happened.
A few years ago a family member saw he was engaged and messaged J's new partner to warn her, unfortunately their still together as far as I know. I know all to well how manipulative he can be so I partly get why she has stayed. I did find huge peice in that she was atleast warned so (hopefully not) if any more children come forward she'll remember that message that was once sent to her and not try to protect him. I sometimes think to myself I bet she's so kind and loving like I was, always thought the best of people, because that's the type of people who end up in these bad situations, we get taken advantage of they see our kindess and we're easy to manipulate.
It made total sense now why he was friends with C as just before I left J I snooped on his phone and also saw pre-teen p*rn on his phone, it was on PH he kept telling me how it was an add and I was crazy even though it clearly was a video half watched then the second guessing myself rolled in. But I truely believe C knew J was a pedophile hence the comment about my nephew and J knew C was hence why he wouldn't drop his as a friend.
My now partner has been incredible, listened to how I was feeling, didn't once judge me or my intrusive thoughts and picked up all the peices. I was now battling from the SA then this ontop, it took me about 2 years to finally agree I needed therapy. I felt better for a little while but then the panic attacks came more regularly, the constant running around my head repeating what happened, had mentally blocked and partly forgotten alot of things then memories would come back. Then finding out I have ADHD was a shock that I'm still trying to deal with. I don't feel the therapy helped all that much, it did make me see that I was nothing like the moster he was, I would never ever do anything to a child, it was never my fault, I never made J do those things, I never asked C to do those things to me, I didn't lead him on, I didn't have to blame myself for being too nice anymore. But that's all I got out of therapy.
I feel I do better to self heal alone. It has been long enough now that I have suffered for things others have done. I am distroying myself and my good relationship because I keep snapping and I'm filled with such anger and pain, I am now here to try move on and change that. I deserve to be happy and free from this. I am partly worried sick about posting this, as I have such bad anxiety but I know I need to talk about it and get it off my chest and I know this platform has helped me alot in the past and I use my own trauma to help others. Not enough people talk about being on the other side of this as fear of judgment but we didn't do anything wrong here! They did!
If you read this far thank you! I hope that this may help someone not feel so alone now.
How did you overcome the anger? Did talking about it help? I feel the trauma has made my ADHD symptoms much worse which I know can happen after trauma. My anxiety is awful I constantly. I want to heal enough is enough they get to walk free and ruin other people's lives, whilst I suffer still. I would never do anything to hurt someone I don't deserve this.

Disclaimer: I know you can learn online for completely free and anyone that is capable of doing that, i would more than encourage you for that. This post is directed towards those that want a community, structured course and classes with someone to answer their questions and guide them. This is not an ad!
I want to start off by thanking everyone for their extremely kind words and advice, especially those that offered their full support.

About Me

I am a FASTian with w ~3.9 GPA. I got a distinction grade (A+) for both my class and lab of this course. I also have multiple years of experience in languages such as Python, as well as currently focusing on lower-level languages. I will also be learning a full stack, most likely based around Flutter or PWAs.

Course

• ### Material I've decided to continue with the programming course, which will start in the next 2 weeks. The following material will be provided:
• Course Outline
• Book
• Lecture Slides
• Quizzes
• Assignments
• Exams
• Class Work
• Lab Manual
• Lab Tasks

Maybe i reduce these as we do have a limited time and the main focus will be on the book and lab tasks. These however will get you through all the basics.

• ### Details Upon discussing with the people that were interested, we decided to have the following details for the course:
• 2 to 3 months course (Most likely 2.5 months)
• Priced at 15,000 monthly (People that can't afford it will get discounts, this is the lowest price that everyone agreed on as it's even cheaper than some pre-matric academies)
• Individual feedback and class sessions.
• A discord server to hold all the members, along with their queries to be answered. All information will be shared through there along with any necessary communication.
• If sufficient members join, members will get prizes/rewards for performing well.

I most likely will be skipping out on summer job opportunities for myself to provide this course to everyone, so if you are interested, please get in touch with me. This is a one-time thing as i am not a teacher, and I won't be able to miss further job opportunities. And most importantly, treat me like a friend. I'll be more than happy to help you with your educational or career endeavours.
Feel free to DM me if you are interested.

i’m a (m16) and i had a online friend (m18) and we talked for months and even called on discord and he was sooo nice and he wanted to go out but i refused at first and he said “so do you think i want sex ? is that why you don’t want ti go out ?………..” and we stopped talking but i acknowledged i hurt him so i texted him a few months later with a apology and we talked again for a long time and then we went out together he did say “i don’t like that your taller than me” but i didn’t think anything about it since we’re just friends. and when we went home we texted for a few days until he just started ghosting me and then
he replied to my message which said
“if you don’t want to talk just tell me”
with
“you should’ve figured that out yourself”
and i know he’s not in the wrong in this and i’m not blaming him cause it’s his choice and he has the rights to not want to talk to me, but i did tell him to just tell me if he didn’t want to text since we started talking. cause ghosting fu5king hurts and he knows i was ghosted by some men (cause i didn’t want to have sex) and i vented to him and told him how much it hurts