Cry of alarm crossword clue

Cryptic Crosswords

2010.03.02 21:10 9jack9 Cryptic Crosswords

A subreddit for cryptic (UK style) crosswords.

2023.03.20 23:39 CloudTricky I am a 22m and my mother 41f is a drug abuser

She’s been in rehab on 4 separate occasions. however, she’s really only completed one of the rehabs. Her abuse has gotten worse in the last decade, it went from pills in the beginning. To now heroin, meth and even fentanyl. I have caught her passed out, high as f#%* with the pipe/tinfoil in hand on the couch. Every time I see it, I am just always at such a loss of words, I can’t speak. I don’t even like holding a conversation with her because of her ongoing addiction, I have been around it so long that now I’m just sick of it and don’t care to acknowledge her when she’s on it. I’ve talked it out with my brother and we just don’t know how to make her stop, she will lie to our face and refuse help. The worst part is that I’m sure my younger brother knows something just isn’t right with her, he doesn’t know what drugs are but even he can tell something is off with our mother. Our whole family has been on her case for the last decade but she just always goes back to drugs. It’s gotten to the point where it makes me feel like a failure of a son, I almost cry when I see her frozen upright with tin foil in hand. I just wanna grab it and smack some sense into her but even then she’ll fail to realize what’s wrong. Due to some conflicts, I’m not as close with her anymore and her ongoing drug abuse adds to that, but I love her with all my heart and wish to see her clean for good..
submitted by CloudTricky to AddictionAdvice [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:39 JediMindGamez LN Foreshadowing List (Spoilers)

During my last read through I decided to make a list of all the foreshadowing I noticed (some are pretty weak in my opinion but I still noted it. I also made notes of some anime references I liked (I'm sure I missed a lot).
The chapters and page numbers are from the bookwalker app on at iphone 12 mini at 100% zoom. If there's enough interest, I'll continue this through the end of the series and update it as new volumes come out. If you're using this for a youtube video, etc. please say thanks, give me a shoutout, or something.

Volume 1
Chapter 2 pg 50
Lilia before being hired as a maid: “She had several stories up her sleeve to use as bargaining chips if she needed to.
Chapter 4 pg 128
Rudeus talking about Paul: “He sounded like the main character from a pretty rapey adult dating sim, boundless virility and all.
Chapter 6: pg 194
Talking about Roxy: “if it weren’t for our age difference, I’d want to marry her.”
Chapter 10: pg 399
Leaning his elbows on the table, Paul shot me a sharp look that brought to mind a certain spectacled commander.
Volume 2
Chapter 3: pg 150
Talking with Ghislaine and Eris about different types of teachers: “She had a goal.”
Chapter 6: pg 279
Roxy’s description of Migurd race in her Demon tongue textbook: People of the Migurd race tend to like sweet things.
Volume 3
Chapter 8: pg 259
If this lady’s still alive somewhere, I’d love to meet her… (talking about Kishirika Kishirisu).
Chapter 10: pg 381
Horseface was starting down at Roxy’s pendant, now dangling prominently around Ruijerd’s neck.
Chapter 14: pg 549
“The use of teleportation circles was forbidden in the aftermath of the Second Great Human-Demon War. Some may remain intact, but using them would likely be difficult.”
Chapter 14: pg 569
“My name is Rodriguez! I am the third student of Auber the Peacock Blade, pupil of the great North God Kalman!”
Chapter 14: pg 575
“If we turned that whole story into a book and got it published somehow, maybe we actually could rehabilitate the image of the Superd to some degree.”
Extra Chapter pg 582
…and finally a place where only white flowers bloomed - the Lily Garden. (Slyphies hair turning white).
Volume 4
Chapter 2: pg 72
“By ‘demon eyes,’ do you mean eyes that can see a person’s lifeline? A line that, if cut, will kill the person with absolute certainty?”
“How horrific! What in the world is that power?! I don’t have anything as terrifying as that!”
Oh well, it’s not like I had plans to target some vampire…
Side story: Missed Connections: pg 175
The youth would discover one of his friends had died, and Roxy would comfort him. That would be their first night together.
Chapter 6: The Beastfolk Children: pg 258
Aah! You can’t, little puppy! I have a wife and husband…!
Chapter 7: Free Apartment: pg 295
Geese. Let’s see, I felt like I’d heard that name before….”Hm? Rudeus…I’ve heard that name before.”
Chapter 7: Free Apartment: page 297
…but I’ve got no interest in men unless they look like women, too.
Chapter 7: Free Apartment: page 298
Geese explained. “Ahh, well, one of my acquaintances from a long time ago was a Doldia, so I came on the off chance I might meet her.”
Chapter 10: The Holy Sword Highway: page 416
(talking about Gesse). He had a charming face, and he wasn’t a bad guy, either. Still, ever since the incident with Gallus, I had the lingering sense that there was something darker behind all of that.
Chapter 10: The Holy Sword Highway: page 423
At the same time, I feared the possible negative impact that much mana could have on the body.
Chapter 10: The Holy Sword Highway: page 431
It was unclear if the cooking had anything to do with what happened after, but the woman did get with the man and the two later married.
Volume 5
Chapter 2: Paul’s Story pg 92
Paul after being teleported figuring out what's happening…It wasn’t really my fault I stepped on it, since our monkey of a scout should have spotted the thing beforehand…
Chapter 4: Reunited pg 179
Gesse Talking to Paul about Rudy’s journey back from Demon Continent about the Seven Great Powers
Paul: “Still, I felt like Rudy really did have the raw talent to make it on that list someday. And I didn’t think that was just my parental pride talking.”
Chapter 4: Reunited pg 202
It was a specific kind of sweet jelly that was very popular with young adventurers lately, having earned a mention in a recent popular ballad about a youthful magician’s adventures.
Chapter 6: One Week in Millishion pg 291
Rudy talking about his figures: they had quality enough to earn the admiration of a certain beastfolk Sword King and a prince in some foreign country, after all.
Chapter 6: One Week in Millishion pg 322
Paul talking about Elinalise: Yeah, the last thing I wanted was to end up as that woman’s father-in-law.
Extra Chapter 1: Dragon Meat, Nanahoshi Style pg 455
Also, what did “Nanahoshi” mean? The term was totally new to me, though it sounded almost…Japanese.
Extra Chapter 2: The Death of Ariel pg 522
As a direct result, Pilemon Notos Greyrat, the foremost member of the Ariel faction, was compelled to make a painful choice that left him in something of a predicament…but that’s a story for another time.
Volume 6
Chapter 3: The Shirone Kingdom pg 72
Rudeus internal monologue when talking to the Man-God - “Hopefully, even if there were unpleasant surprises lying in store for me, they wouldn’t involve such things as serious injury or the death of someone close to me.
Chapter 6: A Speedy Resolution pg 214
Farewell with Zanoba - “All right, Mawstwer. Stay safe! I don’t know where I’ll be shipped off to, but I have a feeling I’ll eventually run into you again!”
Chapter 8: An Adult pg 257
Talking to Rujerd, chapter before meeting Orsted - For some reason, I had a bad feeling about this. This felt an awful lot like the kinds of final conversations characters on TV had before they got killed off.
Volume 7
Chapter 3: Quagmire Rudeus pg 139
At the entrance of the Galgau Ruins: “Still, there’s a chance another party’s still inside.”
Chapter 4: The Forest at Night pg 249
Rudeus after healing a girl during the snow clearing job, “Perhaps something good would come from making a name for myself among those kids.”
Chapter 4: The Forest at Night pg 258
These were a higher ranked sort called the Icefall Treant. I had yet to encounter one.
Epilogue: pg 425
Random adventures talking about Rudeus - “Yeah. Just by having that one guy in their ranks, a group of twenty took down a Red Wyrm Straggler.”
Volume 8
Chapter 2: Entrance Exam pg 109
After all, the first person to introduce themselves was the victor! His mouth kept opening and closing but finally, he managed, “I’m Fitz. A pleasure”.
Chapter 2: Entrance Exam pg 113
That brought back memories: I’d once used an instrument just like that.”
Chapter 3: First Day of School pg 164
“Rudy - um, I mean, Rudeus, was it? What are you doing here?”
Side Story: Sylphiette (part 1) pg 215
It would be devastating to meet someone I liked and be mistaken for a man.
Side Story: Sylphiette (part 1) pg 228
He’d probably keep skirt-chasing even after he got married to someone.
Chapter 6: An Unreachable Power (part 2) pg 319
“Juli…ette, hehe, that’s a good name.” Master Fitz laughed merrily, as if he found something about the name amusing.
Epilogue: pg 423
Elinalise talking to Rudeus, “But they’re all girls. Not surprising, I guess, you are Paul’s son.”
Volume 9
Chapter 4: The Impervious Fiance (part 2) pg 167
After the mating season Rinia and Pursean: “You’re the man, Boss! Thanks again, mew. We’ll give you somethin’ for the trouble soon!”
Chapter 6: The White Mask (part 2) pg 229
“But if magic was really such a fundamental part of this world, wouldn’t lacking it cause you…some sort of problems?”
Chapter 7: A Day at the University of Magic pg 266
Incidentally, the only Divine-tier Detoxification spell I’d heard of was one that cured a strange and terrible illness called Petrification Syndrome.
Chapter 7: A Day at the University of Magic pg 281
Talking about Nanahoshi’s sleeping chambers - Why was she sleeping next to her food? What if it attracted mice or roaches?
Chapter 10: Rain in the Forest (part 2) pg 433
Seeing Fitz/Slyphies face for the first time: I thought I saw a resemblance to her fellow elf, Elinalise…but somehow, her face was more approachable and endearing.
Side Story: Sylphiette (Part 0) pg 511
Fitz seeing Rudy for the first time right before his entrance exam: She was an elf, from the looks of things. Something about her kind of reminded me of my dad.
Volume 10
Chapter 1: Backing pg 18
They were lined up around me and applauding, for some reason. True, it was a special occasion, but it was still kind of embarrassing. Almost like the last episode of a certain TV anime series.
Chapter 2: Things to Prepare Before Marriage (Part 1) pg 51
Something with a garden and room for a big dog might be best…
Chapter 2: Things to Prepare Before Marriage (Part 1) pg 60
There wasn’t much dust, so the real estate agency must…
Chapter 3: Things to Prepare Before Marriage (Part 2) pg 93
A moving doll, Come to think of it, there were other inanimate objects in this world that moved, like armor.
Chapter 4: Dramatic pg 126
“This is a nice basement area. The way it’s built, you’ll hardly ever get mice comin’ in.”
Chapter 11: Three Heads are Better Than One pg 337
It was as if the strings that were holding her up had been cut. (Overlord Reference???)
Volume 11
Chapter 3: The Boss and His Flunkies pg 118
I’d still step in to help Norm if she ever needed me. Hell, I’d be on her professors like a helicopter parent if i had to.
Chapter 6: Life with the Greyrat Sisters pg 227
And up here, you didn’t have any nasty multi-legged visitors scuttling into your house to nibble at your food either.
Chapter 8: Farewells pg 316
I might end up losing something. Like one of my hands, maybe…or one of my parents.
Volume 12
Chapter 1: Arrival pg 44
But Talhand was completely unaffected. I was the only one who couldn’t resist.
Chapter 8: The Guardian of the Teleportation Labyrinth pg 275
Elinalise joined in. “I know of one other person who was once like Zenith is now, and they’re still alive.”
Chapter 11: Looking Ahead pg 341
“What’s that? Sure talkin’ like you know a lot on the matter, Elinalise".
Chapter 16: Before his Grave pg 517
But in this world, Sylphie was understanding. As long as I loved them equally, I could have two or three wives.
Chapter 16: Before his Grave pg 531
“Apparently Sylphie thinks I’m going to take another wife after this…”
Volume 13
Chapter 1: Roxy’s New Job pg 51
Talking about the Zaliff Gauntlet: …Or a hand that turned into a magic cannon on demand?
Chapter 1: Roxy’s New Job pg 72
We found Nanahoshi looking somewhat the worse for wear. She might have caught a cold or something since she was coughing like crazy.
Chapter 6: A Water King is Born pg 276
It might be nice to come out of the city to fish on a sunny day…
Chapter 11: Graduation Day pg 525
Talking about Rinia: I wasn’t feeling too reassured. I had this gut feeling she was going to blunder along with a bunch of half-assed ideas and land herself in deep trouble.
Volume 14
Chapter 1: Floating Fortress pg 50
As we passed through the gate, white particles suddenly started falling from Sylphie’s body as she walked ahead of me. In fact, those same particles were falling from my body as well.
Chapter 2: An audience with Perguis pg 69
Your mana closely resembles that of Laplace. If you were determined to resist me…
Chapter 2: An audience with Perguis pg 75
The mana flows through them as a result transforms them. They all lose their memories, without exception, and in return, their body is infused with a mysterious power.
Volume 15
Chapter 13: Explanations pg 505
Anyway…his (Orsted) story was coherent enough, but something about it felt a little off somehow.
Volume 16
Chapter 1: The First Mission pg 30
For instance, we could persuade the princess to focus more on magical research or strengthening the military.
Chapter 1: The First Mission pg 47
“There’s nothing to worry about,” Orsted assured me. “Even if we fail, there is always next time.”
Chapter 5: Working Together pg 176
“Oh, truly? In that case, perhaps I should have said hello to him. He was intimidating enough from afar that it made my legs tremble. If I heard his voice up close, I might wet myself.”
Chapter 9: Before Traveling to Asura Kingdom pg 389
Or, more precisely, he seemed to think he could always try again if the first attempt failed.
Chapter 9: Before Traveling to Asura Kingdom pg 469
My concern with her was whether or not she would settle down and behave while pregnant.
Volume 17
Chapter 4: Ariel’s Choice pg 128
Presumably, I wasn’t escorting her to the toilet. Some people might get off on having others watch them do their business, but I didn't see any reason why she’d pick me for that role.
Volume 18
Chapter 2: The Borrowed Cat pg 88
“Lara sure doesn’t cry much and she doesn’t smile either. It kind of worries me,” Sylphie mumbled… I didn’t see the big issue, personally. I mean look at her, she looks super conceited. You could tell by her face that she was gonna be a hotshot someday. No doubt about it.
Volume 19
Chapter 2: Bad Omens pg 69
Lara was supposed to be some sort of messiah,...but maybe she’d been born with special powers of some kind.
Chapter 11: Aftermath pg 448
He was recounting a story about one of the Man-God’s previous disciples…”The Demon King of the Biegoya Region, Badigadi.”
Volume 20
Chapter 5 pg 291
I wasn’t sure why, exactly, but Lara had taken a liking to Zenith. She would often sit on Zenith’s lap and look up at her face. If you ignored the silence, you might mistake it for a touching scene of a grandchild bonding with her grandmother.
Chapter 6 pg 331
Cliff, “Worry not, I’ll pray to Saint MIllis that your future child will get along well with mine.”
Chapter 7 pg 374
The acquaintance who’d appeared so suddenly had disappeared just as quickly. I had to wonder if our reunion was, in fact, a coincidence. It didn’t matter. I was happy to see an old friend and shake some nerves off (Geese).
Chapter 8 pg 411
If Norm told me that she wanted to marry and needed my help finding someone, then I’d gladly set her up on a blind date.
Volume 21
Chapter 7: What is Owed pg 293
(While the blessed child is narrating Zenith’s memories), Lara really likes me. You know she was talking from the moment she was born! “Lately, she climbs up on my knees and we sit in the sun with Leo and talk.
Chapter 8: The Traitor Gets Away pg 341
“I won’t go on at length about it, as promised, but I worry about her future,” Claire said.
“Aisha was incredible and clever…
“I wonder…” Claire said, sounding unconvinced. “I cannot shake the feeling that she’ll make some mistake she can’t come back from.”
submitted by JediMindGamez to sixfacedworld [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:38 Ok-Quarter8656 help please

This is a very long story. I’m going to try to make it as short as I can. At the time he was 25 and I was 23 - his first relationship.
Basically, started dating him in 2019. I was unhealed from a past relationship so I came at him pretty hard in the start of us about his lengthy past of women, and I was insecure. I can admit that I was toxic Forsure with the questions and anger etc. I can admit that. I was mentally not there. Off my meds. Going through bad depression. But this is when I started seeing his anger. We would get into arguments and I’d say something and he’d start smashing and breaking my stuff then he would cry when I’d say get out.
Anyways- I changed how I was and was back to my normal self back on my medication… A few months later. I found that he had message a girl on Snapchat that he had prior hooked up with. He said he only msg her once for “ attention “ when we were in a bad place. I told him this is cheating to me. Next: He ended up getting drunk another night and calling a bunch of random girls. So - obviously he hurt me and my trust was extremely damaged. He would blame the anger he had towards me for how I treated him those months I wasn’t doing good… he said I would put him down and made him feel like nothing. he said multiple times that I made him have a fear of me and a fear of being honest with me. It was just a cycle. At this point. There was no physical cheating… there had been multiple lies always and he would stick to the stories when I knew he was lying. For example : he had his phone on do not disturb. And I knew it was on purpose. He repeatedly for hours would tell me it was a accident that he clicked the DND moon thing and I overthink etc. I’d cry whenever he’d lie because lying hurts me the most. It makes me have doubt and think there’s more… he also would go out every weekend to bars with his boys , never would tell me where he’s going then the entire night he’d just ignore me because I would ruin his night and ask questions… all his friends would always say I was “ crazy” because I’d be spam messaging my bf when he was out because he literally would ignore me… okay now- Fast forward to January 2022. My dad passed away suddenly. And my world was crushed. Like crushed. Him & my dad were actually very close. He had lied about something two weeks prior to my dads passing so I was still so upset with him and the obviously a mess over loosing my father. So I pushed him away and whenever I would see him- I’d cry and breakdown or question him because he was sketchy with his phone and I had a gut feeling and because he was going out still etc. whenever I’d say things like my dad dies and you go to the bar? He’d say well I offer to see you but you push me away. So I felt it was my fault. Anyways, trying to make this as short as I can. We weren’t In A good place. We were fighting a lot and he would insult me when we would argue and he had so much anger towards me from the past.. hed also always get mad and say I should trust him blah blah. May 2022 - I had a gut feeling he was with this girl that he used to be friends with and I knew about. They have hooked up in the past before me and I really didn’t want him hanging out with her because of their past. So he told me he had cut her off months before… I walk into this bar and he’s kissing this girl. It broke my literal heart. He came outside and he told a whole story how I was right she wanted him and I was right that she’s insane and he swears he ran into her at the bar and she came onto him and he made a drunk mistake etc…. I ended it. He then started msging me saying nothing was going on between them. She was still blocke and “ he ran into her”. I ended up reaching out to her and she told me they had been seeing eachother since April… that they hung out as friends in august months prior but then in April they kissed and started going on dates… and he told her we broke up and I’m his insane ex.
He denied it to me and I blocked him and didn’t speak to him all of June July august. I tried to move on and heal. It destroyed me, the one girl he knew would hurt me. Basically fast forward. September he shows up at my place. Crying. Loosing his mind. Emailing me essays. Telling me he’ll do anything. He started therapy and he admitted all the issues he had about partying and not communicating and how wrong he was and he wasn’t himself and lost himself with all the arguing etc and lost sight of what he had and he basically was going off how he cannot live without me. Fast forward. He’s been saying this now for months. He’s still emailing me everyday trying to fight for me. He hasn’t went to a bar since he came back. He says he’s in therapy and etc. but I did catch him in a lie about what he did this summer when he was single. It’s been a cycle. I have only seen him twice to talk. He begs to see me daily but I just can’t deal with it yet. There’s so many things that I’m unsure of or I feel I won’t ever know 100%…. He says he takes full responsibility and I was the best thing and did everything for him. And my dad did too… he basically keeps saying how much he’s changed and trying to show me by not dating anyone and when he tried to this summer he would think of me and couldn’t take it anymore. He’s saying he’s waiting for me and won’t give up etc. he never got me gifts or anything when together. Now he’s leaving gifts and stuff outside my door and trying to ask me to go on trips w him. He’s doing the stuff I always wanted and tried to get from him for years. I’m completely stuck what to do. I don’t even know how I feel. Part of me feels like I’m blind that he’s a good guy who made bad mistakes and no one will ever fight for me or care for me as much as he does. The other part of me is like I don’t even want to still love him cuz i feel like I know it’s best to start fresh w someone else someday. But I don’t want any regrets or I don’t want him to be with someone else and it’s too late. I’m just completely lost at this point. It keeps me up at night. Certain things I blame myself if I pushed him and any guy would be pushed to that point - but There’s so many things he’s done. I’m so lost. I hate that I literally went through hell and basically taught him so much at the expense of my health but now he’s better and “ changed” for someone else.. how is that fair. The one thing I will say- even in emails when he’s angry he’ll use capitals and say “ stfu” or “ awww”
But then when he’s calm he’s so different and sounds changed and mature.
Please help me. I’ve never been so lost in my life. Truly haven’t. Is this my fault? Is he going to be this amazing guy he’s showing me now to someone else? He's obsessed with me in every way like physically mentally. He only wants to " get off" to me. Which is something important to me. Idk if I'll ever find this with anyone else??? :/ is this a rare connection
Oh also to add - his friends & family we’re not nice to me at all. I guess cuz of they thought were toxic and I’m insane… just a lot I felt really alone and shitty about myself.
submitted by Ok-Quarter8656 to relationships_advice [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:38 Hyena_Jester A month ago I was drugged without my consent (long post)...

TL;DR: Dad gave me edible without my knowledge/consent, I had a really bad trip, now I don't know how to deal with it.
Hey, not sure if this is the best place to post this. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for exactly - to vent? To know if someone had a similar experience? I don't know.
Last month I was staying at my dad's house. One night, I was sitting in the living room while he and his wife were in the kitchen nearby. I wasn't paying any attention to them; I was playing a video game on my dad's laptop. I had headphones on, with one ear uncovered because I was also watching The Simpsons. So I didn't know what they were talking about.
My dad came up to me and held out what seemed to be this gummy candy. I don't remember if I asked what it was; whether I did or not, he was just like "Try it." Now, the thing about my dad is that this sort of thing isn't unusual; I'm used to him making me try weird foods and such. So, perhaps foolishly, I ate it without really questioning it (it tasted vile). It was only after I had already swallowed it that he told me it was an edible.
Now, another thing about him is that a lot of times he likes to mess with me. Once, when I was a teenager, for example, he gave me a drink and told me it had alcohol when it really didn't. So I wasn't sure if he was lying or not. I knew he and his wife sometimes took edibles, I just...didn't know they had any at the time. I had never done drugs before, and I don't think I would have eaten it if I had known.
After that, he and his wife went to bed. About an hour or so passed, then it began kicking in. I started feeling dizzy, and I got kind of scared, so I went into their bedroom and I asked my dad if it really was an edible. He said "No." This was a lie, but obviously I didn't know it at the time.
I decided the best thing to do was try to get some sleep. There was only one bedroom, so I had been sleeping on a mattress in the corner. So I was lying there, crying because I had no idea if what I was feeling was because I was high or if it was all in my head.
My dad's wife was also high, and she started talking to me. I started laughing, things got kind of funny...I started talking about all of my interests (much to my dad's annoyance, as he was trying to sleep), and I said some really embarrassing things (I later found out he had recorded at least most of what I said...well, yelled, 'cause apparently when I'm high I get really loud). I have selective mutism, so I tend to have a lot of trouble talking if I'm not really comfortable (it's gotten better over the years, but my dad is convinced that I don't actually have it or something)...
Anyway, at some point, I fell asleep and had a horrible nightmare. It's hard to describe, but it involved me forgetting life, my interests, the people I knew and the world around me...I dreamt that my dad knew I was going to forget it all, and I remember the fear I felt in the nightmare. Just that feeling of..."Why? Why would he do this to me?" I tried to recall faces - mine, my dad's, a musician I have a crush on (yeah, weird, I know)...and everything was warped, grotesque. Everything became a black void (you know that scene in Spongebob where Squidward's in that "Alone" place? Kind of like that, except black instead of white). I began thinking that maybe I had died, or was dying, and that this horrible void was the afterlife.
I woke up sobbing and screaming "Oh God!"/"Oh Lord!" over and over (and also yelling at my dad "How could you do this to me!?" and "I will never forgive you!") He and his wife got me up from the mattress and had me drink some water. Everything during this part and afterwards felt like a dream that I was trying to wake up from.
My dad made me some oatmeal and put on some songs by one of my favorite artists (American Murder Song). In my disoriented state, I remember thinking that the first song he put on was familiar, and that if I could just hang on to that familiar feeling everything would hopefully be okay. I vaguely remember singing along to the songs.
After I ate he put on one of my favorite movies (Repo! The Genetic Opera) and left me in the living room. I remember it being on, but it felt almost like I was half asleep or something throughout. I was just anxious and confused, and I was trying to focus on the movie but I kept...I don't know, it was like going in and out of consciousness or something. There's a scene towards the end of the movie where the main character falls unconscious and I remember vaguely wondering if perhaps I was actually her (I'm a guy, not that it mattered to my drugged self) and that I would wake up and the movie would be reality.
Apparently, I also sang along to the whole move, but I don't remember this (my dad came into the room to check on me at some point and he said I seemed to be having a great time, but I know I really wasn't). I do remember, however, that at some point I threw up all over myself. After the movie, I told my dad I threw up and he was mad that I was too disoriented to clean it up myself. By this point, about six hours had passed since I had taken the edible. I remember being so confused I asked him what day it was. After that, I went back to sleep.
The next day, my dad told me that it really was an I did feel somewhat relieved that it was actually a drug that was making me feel that way. But for about three days afterward I still felt the affects of it...and for about a week or so I kept experience derealization.
My dad's reason for giving me the edible...he said he thought it would make me talk more...which it did, but it was humiliating. Apparently, he and his wife had talked about what was in it before he gave me the edible, but (as my cousin pointed out to me) it's strange to just assume that I'd be paying attention to a conversation that I wasn't even part of, even if I was in the room. So he apparently thought I knew what it was...
I wasn't able to go home immediately (he lives in another state so he had to buy a plane ticket and all that), but when I eventually did I told my mom what happened. She's furious at my dad, though neither of us have spoken to him about it. I talked to my therapist about it recently, but her reaction seemed...dismissive (like, she thought it was cool that it made me talk about my interests, but again...I had no consent).
So here I am, exactly a month after it happened...I still experience derealization if I think about it (parts of the nightmare I mentioned I literally only remembered last night...). I just...I don't know how I'm going to get over this. I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to, for example, watch "Repo!" again...just recently I listened to one of the songs my dad had put on and it gave me a weird feeling in my stomach. I'm trying to decide whether or not to cut ties with my dad...(this isn't the first time I've thought about it, to be honest, but I'm seriously considering it now). I just know now that thinking about that nightmare still terrifies me...
submitted by Hyena_Jester to Anxiety [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:38 Electronic_Wolf_6173 I need help

Before I begin I just want to say, I love my mom, and my family, I would like to believe they love me too, or at least like me.
I'm a 16 year old girl, also Puerto Rican if that helps anything, and I live with my mom, my sperm donor isn't in the picture by law since he sexually abused me for 4 years, which is why I live with my mom now.
Before I moved back in with her, I lived in a homeless shelter for teens for a month and a couple days, I was trying to get away from my sperm donor, and my mother, my sperm donor had me believing that my mother was abusive and I believed him.
A few hours before I was sent back to live with my mom, my cps worker and my case manager sat me down and told me that they scheduled a family meeting with my mom behind my back because they knew I had a new phone after my mom took my old one and they were afraid I was going to run.
They assured me that in this family meeting I was going to be able to talk about any worries I had and discuss whatever I needed to with my mom, the entire meeting I probably got two things in and they kept cutting me off and letting my mom talk so I eventually gave up and just said I was in the wrong, and went home with my mom.
As soon as I got home, my little brother, "Ray", saw me and asked "What are you doing in this house?", and I told him "Because I can" and he responded with "After all the stress you put this house through?".
That night my mom told me that she was all I had at the end of the day and a few days later after I was done taking the garbage out, Ray said "Don't think you can bring your little boyfriend over here", I got upset and told him to mind his own business, I wasn't planning on bringing the guy I was dating at the time to the house, then Ray said "You're lucky I don't beat you up for what you did to mom", I told him he doesn't know the full story.
I called my mom on the verge of tears and told her what Ray said, all she told him when she got home was "You don't have kids so you can't say stuff like that", he ended up apologizing later, but started criticizing everything little thing I did.
Before we moved houses, I was the only one helping my mom with my baby sister, I was feeding her, bathing her, clothing her, all while cleaning the whole house to, I was doing everyone's chores, and my mother knew to, but I didn't get any type of recognition, I got paid once by her but didn't even get to use my money because she had to.
Anytime I went to the bathroom with my phone, she would assume I was doing things I wasn't supposed to, and would say "I'm gonna start checking that phone", she didn't pay for this phone.
When we moved, I had to share a room, I had no privacy, I was getting called useless by both my older and little brother, I would watch my mom walk away and laugh when they said that, when my sister caught me in my room crying about it, she told my mom and my mom told my brothers not to joke around like that because they know I'm "sensitive".
I opened to my mom and told her that I wanted to hurt myself but I never told her because I see how stressed she is and I didn't want to be a burden, she told me that I wasn't a burden, I was her child and that of course she's going to be stressed, she's a mother, she also told me not to tell anyone else about how I felt, I tried to end my life that night but sister caught me.
I got a boyfriend, now my ex, and I was on FaceTime with him showing him a dress I was going to wear for Thanksgiving, she came in the room asking for something and asked what I was doing, after I told her she said "Don't show him everything" while giving me a look.
I couldn't wear a full face of makeup, which was literally just lipliner, lip gloss, mascara, eyeliner, and a little bit of foundation to cover up my acne, without her telling me I looked too grown, she let my oldest brother make comments about me and my makeup, after I got them two to be on good terms again, she just started going along with anything he said, even if it hurt my feelings.
I'm still helping her raise her child, she loses her temper with my baby sister fairly quickly and it's not fair to my baby sister since she's on the spectrum, there are some things she just doesn't understand, and on top of that, she's only 3, my mom is constantly saying how she knows it isn't my baby sisters fault and that she's just a baby, but then is so quick to yell, or send her away, or make her cry for being a CHILD, especially one with autism.
I can't be on my phone with anyone for too long before she's telling me to get off of it, or she'll tell me to do something and if I'm on the phone with someone she'll just say "they can wait", she doesn't even let me explain to them that I'm gonna be busy for a bit.
She doesn't help me mentally either, she's aware of the abuse I went through with my sperm donor, and she's angry, but doesn't listen when I try to talk about it, I only left his care in June, only a couple of months ago, and she, again, let's everyone tell me I'm lazy, I'm useless, I don't do anything around the house, but fails to inform them that whenever she wants to vent, I'm there, whenever she's having a panic attack, I'm the first one she calls, I used to sit in her room and let her cry and yell to me about a guy she was dating when I was only 11.
Back when I lived with my sperm donor, she used to cut me off for months at a time, wouldn't talk to me over the smallest things like a video I posted of myself wearing makeup she bought me, and a sweater and I had fully zipped, or my grades slipping, instead of asking me what's wrong and why they're slipping, she told me if I didn't get them right she was going to beat me.
Now me and my mom have our great moments where we can sit, laugh and joke, if I want to talk about some drama with her I can, but it's only that, she doesn't make me feel comfortable enough to go to her about what I actually struggle with mentally, I can't and don't talk to her about my trauma.
The only time she told me she loved me since I've lived with her recently was on valentines day, she doesn't make me feel like she does though, she doesn't even defend me.
I want to leave, I want to be on my own but, it's hard, I'm only 16, I'm in my junior year of high school, I can't handle being here, I'm refusing to move in with my grandmother because it'll only be worse. On top of that, my mother is Christian, she likes girls now but when she goes back to church she doesn't like girls anymore, she subtly tries to force church on me, I don't believe in God.
I don't know what to do, how to feel, I want to leave and be independent, but how? And if I can't, how do I even cope?
submitted by Electronic_Wolf_6173 to venting [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:37 TomzLGBTQ Please help me understand what I have

I'm a 20 year old gay guy from Italy and I think I'm a complete and total wreck.
I struggle immensely with making friends. I'm way too incompetent for someone my age who already spent 5 years with a therapist talking exactly about these issues. I feel like whatever conversation I think of starting will inevitably be uninteresting or annoying to the acquaintances I'm trying to turn into friends, so I mostly go by offering ungodly amounts of favours to them, like driving for 1 hour (I actually did this) in the traffic of Firenze Rifredi to get a couple of papers that one of them forgot at their apartment back to my university campus. I feel like no one will ever find my quirky passions interesting and that I must be subservient to people in order for them to like me.
It doesn't help that I feel like I'm forcing myself to think about others. I often think only about myself and have little regard for others. I often forget birthdays, I find it EXTREMELY difficult to remember things that my friends and family members tell me about themselves. I have no idea how to reassure and help a friend that feels like shit other than (again) doing them favours like bringing them water, buying them food, getting them medicines or anything that might help relieve someone of their troubles. And the thing is, I suffer tremendously from this. I WANT TO CARE ABOUT OTHERS the same way they might care about me, but I can't bring myself to do it.
I also hate eye contact. I feel like my heart sinks into a hole every time I look at someone's eyes for longer than 1.5 seconds and mostly talk to people (except for my sister) by looking at the surroundings. Which is also why I communicate best with people on WhatsApp and other chat apps like Telegram or Instagram's DMs. Which is also where I talk to most of the gay guys I ever knew.
And here we come to the elephant in the room. I'm gay, which is not great if you live in Italy but there are worse places and we squeak by. The thing is, I have had one semi-relationship with a guy in my life, which ended more than a year ago, and since then I have been suffering immensely from being single. Despite the amount of people on telegram groups that tell me I have a nice body and dick, I still feel incredibly ugly and undesirable and that restricts my capability of actually making moves with guys I already know to be gay, because they look better than me. I also think I'm being too hasty when it comes to wanting a relationship, because although I know that they take weeks, maybe even months to get started, I immediately jump in and assume that the other person is as interested in me as I am with them. I also propose meetings and actually seeing ourselves face to face, but then cancel last minute because I'm scared it will go wrong.
I also cry a lot. Usually in bathrooms at my university or more rarely when I'm home alone. I don't think I'm depressed because there are still many days in which I feel temporarily happy and calm, and just enjoy pretty moments, but the crying has gotten more frequent and it's often before starting lessons at my university. [I know it looks like I hate my university (I study product design), but I actually love it, and I remember every time I get to think about a project and create things out of nothing just by using my mind and a pencil.] I have no idea what causes the crying. I've often blamed it on the negative news I see on social media, but it's not quite it. They shouldn't make me so miserable and make me cry so often.
I also can't start new routines and I tend to forget most simple tasks I have to do throughout the day.
But I'm also smart. I know SO MANY random facts and know how so many of the things in our world work, from cars and engines to political institutions and geopolitical situations, from molecules and cells to stars and galaxies, from planes to the general history of ancient Rome. On things that I'm interested on I am extremely talented and know so many things. Things that I cannot use to make people be interested in me and actually want them to be friends with me.
I have no idea how to fix myself and I don't think I can keep going like this. I want friends. I want a boyfriend. I want people to care about me and I want to care about people. But I feel worthless and pathetic and ugly and can't stop crying and please help me
submitted by TomzLGBTQ to socialskills [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:37 perilsoflife i (18f) am feeling lost in my relationship with my boyfriend (18m).

i have always been codependent, for as long as i can remember. my parents were not affectionate at all due to their traumatic childhoods/non-affectionate parents. i haven’t spent more than 3 months single since i was “old enough” to date. it has definitely instilled the idea that being alone is dangerous in my mind. i also have a past history of being sexually abused, not by my current boyfriend though. this abuse combined with covid lockdown pretty shortly afterward left me ravaged with major depressive disorder and anxiety. we have been together for 2 years, and he has gotten better at adapting with my mental stability. we broke up for about a day last year because he got a CNC shop job and felt that between his new job, his family, and his friends, i was the portion that overfilled his plate. this is all relevant, i promise.
due to the abuse prior to our relationship, i have had issues with initiation on his part and mine. being wanted sexually makes me feel extremely uncomfortable depending on the day. a simple question from him has led to my uncontrollable sobbing and apologizing over not wanting to have sex. he has never forced me, but often ends up disappointed and unfulfilled which makes me feel worse. this has been an issue throughout the duration of our relationship. we have sex maybe 4 times a month, due to that and our schedules.
lately, he admitted to me that his parents are putting the pressure on to get a trade job again (he ended up quitting the machine shop job) and he feels like he only has so long to do “dumb teenager stuff” with his friends. they will hang out weekly to drink, go to parties, stay at hotels, etc. i asked him to at the very least let me know when they make it back home or wherever at the end of the night. he doesn’t. and those weekly hangouts have replaced any time we have to see each other. i have expressed this concern and seen no change, but i still get all of the im sorries and i love you’s.
i have been giving him rides to/from school every day for the past year and a half, only recently have i gotten a break because his friend takes him some mornings.
when we talk, it is mostly texting. we live a couple of blocks away from each other. i feel like i lead all of our conversations now, and he forgets to even ask how i am doing most days.
in person, everything feels normal and happy, but all of this is making me feel so alone. i had a dream about cheating on him this morning. i cried for three hours and i still don’t know what to do. we have discussed all of these things individually, but nothing has changed. when it does change, the behavior always comes back. i feel so stuck, the depression has made me self isolate so much that he is my only friend left. my only support.
i don’t know if i needed to vent or get advice, any words are appreciated.
submitted by perilsoflife to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:37 throwawaywoopsie Potential pneumothorax or just stress and paranoia?

18F, in the UK.
So, basically I have had a smoking habit for the past year or so - and now I am experiencing slight difficulty in taking a full breath and occasional chest pains. I have had these symptoms for the past few days, but I didn’t really take much heed to them because I thought it was just anxiety because I have been really stressed lately, or perhaps it’s because I tried quitting smoking which does make your chest tighter.
But I looked into it and learnt that it could potentially be small pneumothorax (collapsed lung) - and now I am quite anxious. It is late at night and I am absolutely terrified to tell my parents (I am 18, so I still live with them). I have currently ceased smoking because I don’t want to exacerbate it. The pain isn’t dire or constant enough to take medication for it, nor is my breath so severely affected that I struggle to go about my daily tasks- infact, if I do not think about it, I hardly notice it.
But, I do not know what to do. I read online that small pneumothoraxes can indeed heal by themselves in 1-2 weeks time but I am not entirely certain. I am terrified of going to the doctor, especially because if I did do so, I would want to do so without my parents knowing, and that is hard to do because I would have to take a day off school - and my school is very strict about these things.
Please, reddit, give me some advice. I just want to to know whether I am overreacting or not because the NHS is under strain and I don’t want to go in over a false alarm and waste valuable time and resources - plus, I’m not sure if there are any other avenues I could go down.
submitted by throwawaywoopsie to AskDocs [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:37 nachonaco My job is destroying me.

I work in automotive parts manufacturing. We make car parts and deliver them to the car manufacturer just down the road from us.
I have been there six months.
I used to love it. Great pay for the area, last two weeks of December off (and a week in mid-January). I was hired at the very tail end of September and went through two weeks of training.
Then, around November, they started announcing changes they were making to the plant - we would have to work faster and harder. This caused several people on my shift to quit and we had trouble filling the vacancies.
I had a verbal confrontation with a coworker after I was tired of her putting parts down on my hands (I was an inspector for her line) because she hated the job and would constantly complain. I told her off and she said she was going to get me fired.
Obviously, I was not fired. I was instead moved to an area that I am unable to do easily because of my height (4'9"). I can do the job, but not as quickly as they need it done by. But still, I've been in that position since February 5th or so. I'm unable to move the storage mods like everyone else who can just reach in and pull them. I have to walk around to the back of the conveyor, in the forklift lane, and push them.
Which takes longer to do than, you know, just pulling.
I've mostly gotten used to it now and can generally keep up, but sometimes the person picking up the parts I'm making comes and brings me a new case to fill every 5 minutes (supposed to be every 15 but it's usually closer to twelve). Since I don't have it done, I have to put her behind in her work. They sent me home on an unexcused absence two days in a row a month ago because I was "refusing" to work - I didn't want to get written up for what I COULDN'T do. (I did, eventually, get written up for performance)
I've asked for accommodations according to my height, but was never formally diagnosed with dwarfism (everything's proportionate, I'm just short, but apparently that still counts). My boss even told me "I don't think you're doing as much as you could, I think you're taller than you think you are". Until I get accommodations, which my PCP isn't willing to sign for because she's 'not qualified to diagnose dwarfism', I am stuck in this position. I know my rights according to the ADAAA and have an appointment in May to speak with the EEOC. I have also been yelled at by my manager for not going fast enough when I am literally going as fast as I possibly can.
It's anywhere from a 40-50 minute drive from my house to my work, so I'm gone for 10 or 11 hours out of the day, and then I sleep for nine or ten hours because my job is so exhausting. I pretty much go straight to bed after I get home (I might eat or surf the web a little but that's it), and then I wake up crying because it's time to do the same thing again.
I have no hobbies anymore. I can't tell you the last time I spoke to another human being face-to-face where the subject wasn't work or unimportant small talk. I live alone except for my pets. I barely eat because I just don't have time to, and when I do eat it's usually a pack of Pop Tarts from home or a couple of bags of chips from the vending machine at work.
I want to quit my job so badly, but I have a trip in July that I planned before things went south, and I still want to go.
submitted by nachonaco to antiwork [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:36 TextKiller48 My nuclear family was made up of 4/5ths narcissists. Now I’m recovering.

This may not stay up long, but because I married a narc I still had no clue I was the scapegoat. Not until I married one and had three children would I learn of the cause of years of woe.
Now I do weekly therapy and cut all my vices, they just slowed me down. Went no contact because it was unhealthy to continually get smeared by them.
This is a hard week, my youngest 25, moved out after I co-signed her car loan after getting her out of a bad situation. We’re no contact since she stopped payments four months ago. My n-sister has my daughter’s current address but refuses to give it to me.
The bank says if I can locate the car they’ll retrieve it as a repo. Confronting my sister, I told her since she chooses to contribute to my daughter’s delinquency, enabling her.
Meanwhile my n daughter is Bragg on social media how many guys she slept with this year, and not caring about responsibility for her (our) loan. I’m just sick about this, and also upset that it took so long to see. Thank you for reading. There’s a ton of other details, but I’d rather keep this post simple.
submitted by TextKiller48 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:36 Coffee_01 Steam VR versus alternative?

I recently got a valve and have been using it in DCS. I am on the journey of figuring all this stuff out in terms of balancing its performance. It is a bit tricky, and frankly, I have no clue what Im doing other than reading stuff on the internet and trying it out. Does the Index have support on something like OpenVR? Is the performance drag on Steam VR really that big of a deal?
submitted by Coffee_01 to ValveIndex [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:36 kirsxc Best budget (ish) TV for gaming/ films?

Thinking of spending around £300-600 for a new tv, not a clue about which brand is best. Initially thought Samsung again as my old one was decent. But would like a better opinion! UK Based
submitted by kirsxc to 4kTV [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:36 Jealous_Demand Is this Avoidant Attachment or something else? Lost feelings for partner and struggling with constant anxiety

Okay so there's a lot for me to go through here, and I have to apologise as it is hard for me to explain things as it's hard for me to even understand what's going on in my brain!
I've been with my partner now coming up to 2 years in May, wonderful healthy relationship where there are no issues whatsoever, I'll preface this by saying I have struggled with mental health on and off throughout my life, mainly being anxiety so I have been on Fluoxetine (anti depressants) for the last 2 years, this has been great for me and has helped me to regulate my emotions and feelings quite well and to what I believe has helped my relationship with my partner to flourish and I have felt genuinely happy.
Anyway, cutting to now... Since the very (very) start of the year, just after new years... (obviously) I noticed a lot of anxiety... although it may of been creeping in a few weeks before, It was as though now I felt it full blast, and my inner voice kept telling me that my boyfriend was interested in someone else, and I was then getting strong feelings of them cheating although there was no indication of this, I think on new years eve I had noticed my boyfriend getting on well with his mates and watching one of his friends who is a girl sing (he's a musician and i know the following sounds daft, believe me) so the next day I kept getting intrusive thoughts of that moment and feeling very sensitive around it, as I'm quite insecure and never sing and I know my boyfriend would love it if I came out my shell more in that way (although he's always telling me how perfect I am) It kept going through my mind that he should be with someone like that...
fast forward a few days, I'm still feeling VERY on edge and feel incredibly anxious when my boyfriend isn't really showing me that much affection, or is in his room for long periods of time... I get very panicky and can't seem to calm myself until I go upstairs to see what he's up to, if he's just sat there on his phone with his door shut I assume that he's not wanting to be with me (even though I think having our own space is healthy and have never had an issue with it before) after seeing him just sat there I'll get incredibly upset and more anxious and feel very emotional, may even start crying and it's difficult to stop, I suddenly view my boyfriend very differently?
I'll also mention now that I was never like this at any other point of our relationship, I just started feeling this intense anxiety since new years, also I'll mention that I'm a very sensitive person and feel as though I pick up on other peoples emotions very easily and that I do that a lot with my boyfriend if he is feeling down about himself etc, I also feel these emotions.
As the days went on I stopped getting these anxious feelings when he wasn't always around, but still felt bad anxiety and feeling depression creeping in, as the days progressed I noticed myself becoming more sensitive to things and even hyperaware? (think that's the word) which would cause more anxiety for me, my boyfriend may say something and I would take it in a negative way and feel offended by it and it would cause a lot of hurt and then anxiety is even worse... I would have a lot of moments of just emotional outbursts of crying and finding it difficult to stop just feeling very overwhelmed and so uncomfortable in how i'm feeling, even gagging from what felt like stress and not being able to eat (I'm feeling this pretty much everyday)
the past month and a bit I've been having internal thoughts such as "I don't love you" and other horrible things directed at my boyfriend which cause me so much anxiety and even more stress as I try to convince myself they are just thoughts and not real, having suddenly no feelings towards him? getting irritated at little things but still feeling intensely sad over the thought of him with someone else, this person is perfect in my eyes and I love all the things about them that are considered imperfections, where have my feelings gone? It's been over a month and I'm scared they won't return because I know this relationship when I'm not feeling this way, is so good for me and has been the best thing for my life.
I'll quickly mention that I'm 23 now and had a relationship when I was 14 that brought a lot of the very same feelings up but this happened very early on in the relationship (a month or so) with much breaking up and getting back together due to my anxiety and depression.
I'm sorry for the essay but it's really hard to fit everything in, but this is just the summary of it...
Please can I get real responses with this, I really want to make this relationship work and stop this anxiety and emotional stress and be able to feel these feelings again for my partner... I'd hate to think that it's over now.
submitted by Jealous_Demand to AnxiousAttachment [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:36 EqualRecognition7196 He ran away, I can’t think straight.

My 2 year old cat managed to slip out my apartment at night while I was asleep. My guess is that he slipped out the main door when my parents came home to check in on me but I was sleeping. Realised he is missing around 3 am. It’s 4 AM now and I’m back home after exhaustive search. I can hear the dogs barking outside and only hope that my boy is safe. There are so many emotions I’m feeling right now, but guilt the most. My heart is mourning his loss and I feel bad that it has given up already.
Sharing this here coz as his brother and I cry here, hoping him well, this community is perhaps the only people who might understand what I am going through. My parents are going to feel very guilty too, and I need to forgive them coz they loved him SO much. This cat has a history of running away so I don’t blame them entirely. I should’ve been awake to ensure both my cats are in and went back to sleeping. Wouldn’t have hurt as much as it does now. With each passing minute, the chances of him being safe come down. I failed him.
This hurts so much.
submitted by EqualRecognition7196 to cats [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:35 Afraid_Diet_6120 Can emotional flashbacks cause you to have delusions?

I haven't been diagnosed with CPTSD, but I am certain that something is going on with me and I find this sub very relatable. Maybe delusion isn't the right word, but from my research it seems like CPTSD flashbacks are more insidious than the single-event PTSD version that are talked about. I've been struggling a lot with instability. For a while I was worried I had BPD, but I don't think that's the case. It's kind of annoying how descriptions of symptoms are so unspecified, like "fear of abandonment", or "lack of a steady sense of self", because what does that mean? But I'm fairly sure that's not what I'm experiencing. The thing that made me suspect BPD as a possibility were the shifts that occur in how I view myself and the others around me, the frequency at which they happen, how they conflict each other, and my inability to discern which one is reality. I think my struggle is becoming convinced people are out to get me or that I am unsafe. And I wonder if I was mistaking emotional flashbacks with mood swings/splitting.
I do have a history of abuse. I think I've recalled more of it recently than I have in a long time. It wasn't too long ago either. My mom and I left when I was 14 and I'm 19 now. Recently, I've been very concerned that I'm being emotionally abused at home. Now I'm doubting it. I feel guilty, but also relieved. Her and her boyfriend, who I have lived with since, were pretty shit to me for a while. I was neglected and I still don't have life skills like knowing how to drive. My mom had a drinking problem and I used to cry every night because I thought she was going to die. But things changed. They aren't like that anymore, and I truly think I have forgiven them. There's like an accountability culture around trauma, but escaping abuse really isn't that cut and dry. My mom was suffering like I was and the way she treated me wasn't okay but I don't think I want to cut her off like I did my dad. I love her. I used to hate her boyfriend, but I like him now. But I've been looking into childhood trauma recently, and it seems like it started out with me having one goal, but it turned into "I'm being abused I need to escape I'm in danger" without me realizing it. I wonder if that was an emotional flashback creeping in. It would make sense, because maybe I got triggered by the resurfacing events without realizing it.
This is actually posing a huge problem for me right now because clearly CPTSD is affecting my life in a way that needs to be addressed, but I don't feel like I'm able to accurately gauge who is and isn't safe to talk to. I'm 19 and in my fifth year of high school. Graduation is going to be by the skin of my teeth and I don't have a plan after that. I'm constantly worried about getting kicked out and becoming homeless. I want to tell my mom(I live with her and her boyfriend) about this, I want to open up, I do, because they know something is wrong as well, but if it's going to blow up in my face I don't want to make that mistake. They get mad that I'm irresponsible but truly don't understand what I'm struggling with. All the advice is "if you feel unsure about trusting them, you can't", but for me...that's not necessarily true.
I just want answers. I'm smart, kind, creative, and I want to do good, meaningful things with my life, I want to be good to the people who are IN my life, I want to be reliable and trustworthy because I am, but I can't when I change directions like this all the time. People look at me as a deadbeat, entitled loser and I am WELL aware, but I know that's not true. That I actually am confident of. But people don't trust me or want to connect with me. I don't blame them because I know how it looks. But I don't know how to fix this. Sometimes I really do feel like a bad person.
submitted by Afraid_Diet_6120 to CPTSD [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:35 daenel Real ghosts debate: let's talk about it.

A very common comment on this sub is: "This is not a ghost, this is a real person". Now my question is: what should be a real Ghost appearance? Do Ghost appears like orb? Dark Shadows? Shiny silhouettes? Real and organic people? Smoke? All of them? And what it the reason of this? And above all, what has to be considered considered as a "consistent clue" of some supernatural happening?
I think that we have to find a common point of view until we want to have a productive debate on the stuff that is shared over here or we are going to have a sub full of "nothing ever happens".
submitted by daenel to Ghosts [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:34 Mental_Mausoleum I can't stop feeling used by her

I've had no-one for so long. I've lived without even the most basic emotional intimacy for practically all of my life. She was the first person who nearly made me feel accepted.
Yet the more I think about it, and maybe I've been thinking about it too much, I can't escape the notion that I was always a little disposable to her. Now maybe she didn't even realise that herself, but I cannot get past the sense that she was always just trying to distract herself from an already broken heart, instinctively knowing on some level that this thing with me wasn't necessarily going anywhere. And then once she had healed, she dropped me like it was nothing because she was never in as deep as I was.
No-one else has ever made me cry. No-one else has made me taste what being human feels like as she did. It hurts so much. To live in total silence, then briefly hear the faint song, imagining that it's coming closer and closer, only for it to be totally snuffed out without warning. As if there was never anything there in the first place.
submitted by Mental_Mausoleum to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:34 NightZin How do I actually find out what "part" of programming is for me?

I do have knowledge about front-end and I've even learned React for a while in the past. Unfortunately I couldn't find a job.
Earlier this month I was offered an internship in some gamedev company, but they want to me write some game in PhaserJS. I thought I can do it considering they've gave me a link to the tutorial from the official site, but their game is a complete oposite of what was made in the tutorial. I did manage to understand the "structure" of Phaser, but honestly I have no clue how to actually do anything in it and if it's (the whole internship) worth it, considering their web page doesn't state anything about there being any projects their work on in Phaser.
I know I can code, I can think logically and break down problems to smaller steps. The thing I can't figure out is what type of programming is for me. I feel like whenever I program in order to finally start a career or something like that, I lose all the drive after a short while and it just gets frustrating... Maybe I should program stuff for fun, but I can't come up with ideas (not that there's much you can do with front-end).
I had an idea that maybe I could try Python, but I'm not sure what I could do with it. Or maybe learn C# and program video games in Unity, since I already draw pixel art.
submitted by NightZin to learnprogramming [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:34 Negative_Current_124 Not a clue on how Mint does calculations of expenses versus income ...

I have been a free user of Mint since before Intuit acquired it and I have spent many years trying to figure out the algorithm Mint uses to determine expenses versus income. I give up! I logged in today (something I rarely do) and it told me that I spent $12K less this month (to date) than last month. We have spent less, mainly because we had to purchase a dishwasher last month, but it is hardly a $12K dishwasher. It is utter insanity! It's almost as if they use random numbers in their calculations. I would love it if anyone, and I mean anyone, could shed some light on how Intuit calculates pluses and minuses.
submitted by Negative_Current_124 to mintuit [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:34 Peter100000 Seriously, what have you done!?

I just wanted to make ANOTHER post on the subject. WG ruining another fun game mode that was perfectly fine last year. The consumables are super childish and require ZERO skill. How can a mini sonar zap you from across the map. It makes NO SENSE.
Last year you needed to use you aim to shoot guns & launch torpedos (there was a reload time). WHY the f would you change the whole mechanics? There’s a reason people say « if it ain’t broke don’t fix it ». There was no reason for you to change these things. WHY? Not to mention the god awful steering! Sometimes it’s quicker to backup that make a correct turn.
I’m not crying because I’m losing here, i’m ranting because they managed to suck out all of the fun this game mode was. And I’ve had it up to here with this pattern. It’s the same thing that happened for the halloween even. A half-thought reskin of the year before that. (BTW that mode was in 2 parts. You 1st had to escort Transilvania through an entire map loaded with enemy catapults before spawning through the gate that leads to map where Rasputin shows up).
Who left that you are unable to produce ZERO new stuff & even worse, mess up the rare good modes you had?! Like where’s the Stellar Clash remake then? Or Rust’n’Rumble? You’re gonna mess these up too? Where are those?
What have you done?!
submitted by Peter100000 to WoWs_Legends [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:32 jolietjakeblues5 WIBTA for calling 911 on my upstairs neighbor for beating his dog?

I (38NB) live in a place with very thin walls. At least twice a month, I can hear my upstairs neighbor beat his dog. The dog yowls and cries out in pain. I'm almost certain the dog is kept locked up for a good portion of the day (I work from home and can hear it howling). Today it happened again and it sounded like he beat the dog pretty severely.
My partner thinks we should wait to report him until we are closer to the end of our lease for our own safety. "If this guy treats his dog like that, who knows how he'll treat us?" Is my partner's logic. Another friend said we don't truly know what's going on upstairs and it may not be as bad as we think it is. My friend also thinks I'd be TA for calling 911 instead of animal control or non-emergency. But after today and hearing what I did, my heart is just breaking for that dog. I think the dog is a pit bull mix and someone else I spoke to mentioned that if the dog is taken out of the home, it'll likely be euthanized anyways. I want to call 911 the next time I hear him beat his dog so they can catch him in the act. WIBTA if I called 911?
submitted by jolietjakeblues5 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

2023.03.20 23:32 wildstrawbrries I keep telling myself I’m fine on my own until I move but I’m just so lonely

I live in the Midwest and I’m in my first year of college. I lost my best friend before my senior year of high school, so ever since then it’s been incredibly difficult for me to commit to making friends. I have friendly acquaintances and I really like my roommate, but I don’t actively hang out with anyone. I do homework, watch movies and get stoned most of the time.
Next year after I finish up my second year in the spring, I’m planning to work in the summer then move to Orlando so I can move in with my boyfriend and his roommates, we’ve had this plan for a while now. Because I’m eventually moving, I’ve been telling myself that I’ll be fine if I don’t make any friends for the next two years, that I’ll be in good company eventually. But I can’t contain it anymore. I don’t wanna say I’m miserable, but I’m just sad and bored most of the time. I crave someone to talk to and I find myself having crying fits a lot. It gets so lonely and it’s times like these where I just really want a hug.
I miss my best friend really bad. I hate that it’s been almost over two years but ever since then it’s like I’ve lost trust in any potential friend. He wasn’t the best guy and I’m better off without him in my life because of what he did, so I know better than to reach out to him and see how he’s doing, but I miss the good times we had together. That, or I just miss the feeling of having a best friend.
My boyfriend is also my best friend of course, and I’ll always love calling him and talking to him, but he has a best friend who he isn’t dating. I don’t have that. I want a best friend who I can invite to my dorm and hang out with. I just want someone here, next to me, who can listen to me and who I can listen to. I want that platonic connection again. I get so worried about draining my boyfriend because he’s the only person I can go to for venting, and if I went to him every time I needed to vent I’d be going to him almost everyday.
I don’t know. It gets so stressful here and I hate being so sad all the time. I’ve never wanted a hug so bad. I’ve been having so much stuff concerning my home life happen too with my sister falling and needing surgery and now my grandma needing it too. There’s just so much at once and I want a shoulder to cry on. Everything hurts so bad and I’m struggling so much, I’m trying to hold out until Orlando but sometimes I just want to give up and give in. I’m so tired
submitted by wildstrawbrries to depression [link] [comments]